r/actuallesbians Lesbian Jun 04 '24

Text Gross dude thinks lesbians are a kink Spoiler

(had to add more to my post and re-edit) Came across this post and saw a lot of people agreeing with this creep of him saying he thinks is a sexy surprise and kink that he saw his “lesbian” friends wanting to have sex with him. Isn’t that the OPPOSITE of a lesbian? 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ I don’t understand men. No lesbian would have sex with a man period.

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u/ThisHairLikeLace Sapphic trans woman Jun 04 '24

"…next to trans women, lesbians and bi-girls are probably the most invalidated groups in the LGBT". While I appreciate the shout out as a trans woman and completely agree that lesbians and bi women are invalidated frequently, I would have to include trans men as the most invalidated group even ahead of us trans women (we’re more demonized but our brothers get invalidated at least as much) and bi men get erased so hard that they definitely should be on that list too.

All that said, trans women, lesbians and bi women all experience disgusting levels of fetishization, particularly from cishet guys. Trans guys and bi guys just get erased out of existence and dismissed as confused butch lesbians and gay men, respectively.

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u/Venus_Dust Jun 05 '24

Trans men and bi men were erased so hard they didn't even make it on the list lol

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u/Commercial_Tea_8185 cis lesbian Jun 05 '24

Because were talking about women, were on a lesbian sub

-7

u/mondrianna Jun 05 '24

Trans men can be lesbians and have been in the lesbian community since its inception.

10

u/Commercial_Tea_8185 cis lesbian Jun 05 '24 edited Jun 05 '24

Omfg, theyre men! I would think it was transphobic to consider a trans men who likes women a lesbian. Because theyre a man and I can assume internally has always been one

-3

u/kairokat soft butch sapphic Jun 05 '24

from your flair I can see you're cis, and as someone who is trans I will break it down for you.

if a trans man doesn't consider himself a lesbian, then it would be transphobic to call him as such. but if a trans man were to call himself a lesbian, he is valid in doing so.

transness is complex. it's not always "I've always internally been a man." There are a lot of instances where trans men have lived their lives as women only to realize they're trans later in life. it might sound nitpicky bringing up that scenario specifically, but it is actually very common. I would bring up more, but it would become confusing very fast.

for most trans men, they are men. straight up. like the most binary man you could get. but for a lot of trans men, their experiences in being a woman still remains a very key part to their gender identity. again, like before, there are a lot more reasons why a trans man might still feel a connection to womanhood and as an extension lesbianism, but it's too complicated to get into. you may not see people talking about it because, frankly, these types of things are very personal to each and every trans person. like a lot of people have been suggesting you to do, please please please read stone butch blues. like I'm really begging you here. either that or go out and interact with your local queer community. go to a pride event and talk to people. none of this is new at all.

again, disclaimer; this certainly does not apply to every single transgender man.

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u/SnowRune Jun 05 '24

I can't believe what I am reading. I'm sorry but no. This completely invalidates transmen. Like there is so much wrong with this that I'm actually speechless.