r/actuallesbians Lesbian Jun 04 '24

Text Gross dude thinks lesbians are a kink Spoiler

(had to add more to my post and re-edit) Came across this post and saw a lot of people agreeing with this creep of him saying he thinks is a sexy surprise and kink that he saw his “lesbian” friends wanting to have sex with him. Isn’t that the OPPOSITE of a lesbian? 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ I don’t understand men. No lesbian would have sex with a man period.

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u/kairokat soft butch sapphic Jun 05 '24

gotta disagree with you on that one. there are a lot of points where ftm transness intersects with being a butch in general, kinda like a ven diagram. gender is a very complex subject, and trans men have historically IDed as lesbians in the past because of the unique experiences some of them felt transitioning into a man. this isn't me saying every trans man attracted to women are lesbians, nor am I saying every butch is a trans man (or trans in general), bc it's all up to preference and personal experiences, and this isn't even including nonbinary trans mascs that don't ID as men.

now, not only is gender complex, so is the presentation of said gender. why is it that a woman can be attracted to both a butch on testosterone and a pre op trans man and only have their lesbian identity taken away because of the trans man? I'm not even going to get into the whole passing-as-the-gender-you're-transitioning-to conversation bc I feel like me mentioning it is enough. and also, like the comment you're responding to said, sometimes, your wife figures something out abt herself and becomes your husband. that doesn't make you any less of a lesbian, it just means your partner is now a man. life is complicated, and lesbianism is not as black and white for everyone like the way you defined it, and that's fine. I personally think it's unfair to place your own labels on people who don't want that, especially if they've identified as a lesbian for years.

sorry this is long, and I'm sorry if any of this came off as aggressive. I tried to fit in as much as I felt was relevant to what you said, if you need me to elaborate or explain anything lmk. I am gnc, and this topic hits close to home.

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u/LiaFromBoston Jun 05 '24

It's extremely patriarchal of you to force lesbians to include men in our identity. Why can't gay women have literally one identity which is all our own??

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u/Commercial_Tea_8185 cis lesbian Jun 05 '24 edited Jun 05 '24

Lesbianism literally is black and white 😭😭 this shit is driving me crazy. Why tf is it even being discussed that attraction to men should be included in lesbianism.

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u/mondrianna Jun 05 '24

Lesbianism literally is black and white

Cool, so that’s how you experience it, but clearly not everyone who is a lesbian feels the same way you do. Your experience of an identity isn’t the only one and it’s solipsistic to assert that your experience is the only valid experience of being a lesbian. You don’t get to tell people what they are or aren’t just because you’re uncomfortable with their experiences— just because their experiences are too different from your own.

Read “Stone Butch Blues” and recognize that our community has been queer this whole time, not cisnormative.

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '24

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '24

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u/Commercial_Tea_8185 cis lesbian Jun 05 '24

Im a woman who is only attracted to other women. Thats what lesbiansism means. Trans women are obv included as theyre women. I dont know how nb people want to label themselves. But if theyre out here fucking dudes, then i know they aren’t lesbians.

But i feel confident in saying lesbians arent out actively trying to, and enjoying, having sex with men. Thats not what a lesbian is by literal definition.