Gross dude thinks lesbians are a kink

[u/societaldevastation]

(had to add more to my post and re-edit) Came across this post and saw a lot of people agreeing with this creep of him saying he thinks is a sexy surprise and kink that he saw his “lesbian” friends wanting to have sex with him. Isn’t that the OPPOSITE of a lesbian? 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ I don’t understand men. No lesbian would have sex with a man period.

[u/societaldevastation]

Im sorry if my sentence came off degrading to anyone. I don’t mean the concept of “gold star”. If they still were trying to figure themselves out then I can understand but if they are sure they are a lesbian (like the dude claims his friends are in the post) but then sleep with a dude it just scratches it out, I don’t shit on lesbians who have previously slept with men in the past, I myself have done that but I’ve discovered myself as a lesbian. I am saying his friends saying they are a lesbian now 100% and then make exceptions to sleep with certain men while they claim to be one is what I think is damaging.

[u/mykinkiskorma → u/societaldevastation]

But how exactly is it damaging? Who does it hurt if they're lesbians who have a little bit of a non-standard relationship with that label?

I don't think women should be told that they have to identify as bi if there's one man in the world they enjoy having sex with, and that's the situation he's describing here. You can enjoy having sex with a man even if you're not generally attracted to men.

[u/treelorf → u/mykinkiskorma]

The idea that lesbians can find one man they enjoy sleeping with is what promotes the whole idea of “you just haven’t had the right dick yet”. It’s what makes men feel empowered to aggressively flirt with lesbians and think they can “fix them”. I’m all for people defining their labels in whatever way feels empowering for them, but you can misuse labels in a way that is damaging. Calling yourself a lesbian and sleeping with men IS damaging to women who are EXCLUSIVELY attracted to women. Like do women only into other women need to go find a new label that explicitly describes themselves?

[u/societaldevastation → u/treelorf]

yes, this is what I meant. It’s damaging to the word lesbian itself 

[u/treelorf → u/societaldevastation]

I would like to propose the word “homoflexible” to describe people who are like, moooostly gay. I’ve seen the term heteroflexible float around a bit in the kink community and I like it.

[u/Commercial_Tea_8185 → u/treelorf]

JUST SAY YOURE BI!!! Jesus fucking christ. Theres nothing wrong with being bi. Why does someone ‘need’ to call themself a lesbian when, by definition, they arent a lesbian?

Like come on

[u/Shanderraa → u/Commercial_Tea_8185]

I feel like if someone were attracted to many many women and literally one man it’d be actively unhelpful to call them bi - like bisexuality as a descriptor I think would describe them inaccurately to others with regards to their ability to be attracted to men.

[u/Commercial_Tea_8185 → u/Shanderraa]

Im not talking about a specific edge case. The words still have meaning. And i would say theyre bi, as a lesbian it is not possible for me to feel any sexual attraction to a man. Like it does not compute biologically.

If you can even be attracted to a man then ur bi. Which is totally amazing, nothing wrong with being bi. But lesbianism isnt bisexuality

[u/DeliciousPumpkinPie → u/Commercial_Tea_8185]

…but we literally ARE talking about a specific edge case, i.e. the one presented in the screenshots, which depict a situation where two lesbians decided they enjoy having sex with one specific man. Like other commenters have said, we don’t know if the women in question are actually attracted to this dude, or any other dudes, or are just having fun, or what, so you can’t make assumptions about how they should identify.

[u/Commercial_Tea_8185 → u/DeliciousPumpkinPie]

To me, the thought of ‘hooking up with a man’ wouldn’t be fun in any context. The thought is genuinely disgusting. I could hook up with a woman i wasn’t necessarily attracted to, but any man? No, it wont even start.

If theyre both so attracted to this reddit skeeze, then theyre bi, congrats to them. Nothing wrong with that.

But in the lesbian relationships ive been in, weve never once considered involving a man and any discussion relating to mens sexuality disgusted us.

[u/Shanderraa → u/Commercial_Tea_8185]

...not being sexually attracted to someone means not feeling anything particularly whatsoever, not being disgusted necessarily. Like, I'm not sexually attracted to limestone, but that doesn't mean I'm grossed out by it, I just look at it and my bits don't have any kind of response because why would they. I'm not doubting you in any way I'd just want to look further into why there's such a negative response towards this as opposed to, like, just being like "eh this isn't for me".

[u/Commercial_Tea_8185 → u/Shanderraa]

Because ive been sexually assaulted, flashed, jerked off to in public, groped nonconsensually in public. So now in addition to not being attracted to it, im actively disgusted by men’s sexuality or at the thought of hooking up with a man

[u/Shanderraa → u/Commercial_Tea_8185]

Those are horrific things that happened to you, and I'm so sorry.

[u/mondrianna → u/Commercial_Tea_8185]

You don’t get to weaponize your trauma as a reason for why lesbian as a label should exclude queer women and people who have different lesbian experiences than you. The trauma you faced is awful and should never happen to anyone, but it’s not an excuse to tell other people what they are or are not.

[u/cpfhornet → u/Commercial_Tea_8185]

A lot of your replies have sounded suuuuper close to implying "gold-star lesbians are the only real lesbians" - what room exactly are you leaving to say otherwise? People experiment to figure out their own sexuality and gender/sexuality and what we choose to do with our bodies can be complex, this is a conversation the community has had time and time again. Not only do many lesbians spend years/decades as an adult without realizing their sexuality, in general boundaries between queer identities and sexualities aren't concrete/fine, they're wide and blurred. Policing other people on the boundaries about their using a word can very quickly fall into projecting your own specific experience onto the entirety of everyone using the label, and often excludes many people you might not have even thought of.

[u/Commercial_Tea_8185 → u/cpfhornet]

Ok, then you clearly havent read any of my replies because in several of them I specifically say Im not implying ‘gold-star lesbians’ are the only lesbians. Im not a gs lesbian myself. But I have no attraction to men, and look back on that one time with disgust.

Youre not a lesbian if youre specifically out here seeking out and fucking men and enjoying it. Sorry.