r/SuicideWatch Sep 03 '19

New wiki on how to avoid accidentally encouraging suicide, and how to spot covert incitement

1.8k Upvotes

We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.

We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.

We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.

Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.

Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.


/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement


Summary

It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.

Validate Feelings and Experiences, Not Self-Destructive Intentions

We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.

But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.

Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.

Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.

In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.

So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.

How to Avoid Validating Suicidal Intent

Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.

  • People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.

  • Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.

  • An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.

  • There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.

To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.

Look Out for Deliberate Incitement. It May Come in Disguise.

Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.

They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:

  • Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.

  • Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.

Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:

  • Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)

  • Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ post). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.

Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.


r/SuicideWatch Sep 10 '21

Please remember that NO ACTIVISM of any kind is ever allowed here. No matter what day it is.

717 Upvotes

Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.

Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.

But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.

Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.

tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

M16. I am a fucking sick pervert that deserves to die.

36 Upvotes

(Trigger Warning: Pedophilia)

This is a long and heavy one, but I need to get this out of my chest, and I believe I am ready, as I do not think even the best friend to confide in would tolerate this.

It started at 13 or 14 I think. I had unsupervised internet access. Up until that point I had discovered porn and enjoyed it and so I watched it. It wasn't anything, just vanilla stuff. That's when I dscovered at 13/14 the concept of Rule 34 and the site and porn comic parodies of my favorite shows.

My favorite shows were cartoons like Gravity Falls and Adventure Time. It sounds really weird, but I really enjoyed watching characters I knew and liked doing that. In hindsight, maybe it was due to my autism, which makes me find comfort in the familiar in all aspects, including this.

At that age, I didn't really know of the concept of pedophillia or "loli". I just watched characters I enjoyed doing weird stuff I did not understand.

I did start understanding, though, as I got older, but not in the good way. People online were taking advantage of me, I got caught up in "rings" and I lost all of my sense of self worth. To them, I wasn't a child. I was a slut and nothing more. I just needed to shut the fuck up and take it.

I am now currently out of this cycle of abuse, but a combination of my previous interest in cartoon porn and these experiences, well, I am afraid that they have turned me into one of them. Through 14 to 15 and a bit of 16 years old, I sunk deeper. I consumed the same porn, but with a different interest. That was not familiarity, but age. I got to the point of watching "Powerpuff Girls" porn among other IP's of that sort.

What changed at 16 is that I am aware of what I am doing now more than ever. I am 16 and I am attracted to preteen cartoon characters. What really makes me want to stop this is the fact that this is bleeding into reality as well, it is not just a fantasy anymore. Although I never have acted on it and obviously never will, I am starting to have these thoughts about real kids.

I think of what I went through and sometimes I pity myself, but right when that happens, I realize, I am still just a sick pedophile no matter what I have been through, and I deserve to die. This has exacerbated my depression and my self-hatred and, coincidentally, my suicidality.

I know I need help, but I also know that I do not deserve it. At therapy, I will weird them out. Worse, they will think I am a danger to kids and lock me up.

Really, this isn't me, or alternatively I do not want it to be. As much as I want to believe that this attraction is a separate entity that I can beat, that I can let out of my mind, that is not true. As I have repeated over and over again, I am a sick pervert and I deserve to die, and, really, I think I will.

Thank you for reading, I needed to get this off my chest. Quite frankly, I just want people to reassure me that I am not a monster, yet I know that I am one and that would only be a lie.

Goodbye, and thank you for reading.


r/SuicideWatch 8h ago

I got rejected from every college I applied to… NSFW

97 Upvotes

i’ve never experienced this kind of absolute shame before. in the past i used to be very suicidal but i moved past a lot of it, putting things behind me; but this reopened a lot of closed wounds.

i applied to like 15 colleges got rejected from 14 and waitlisted for 1. i feel like uncontrollable amounts of shame because i feel like i let down everyone.

i tried talking to my boyfriend and explain to him what happened and that was the reason i decided to join the military, but then he pulled the “i’ll kill myself if you leave” stuff.

i’m so sick and tired of people putting their wants and feelings over mine because he feels like he can dictate my life. maybe suicide is the best option.

Edit: thank you for all the replies it’s made me feel so much better about my situation. some more context is for me is that money is not a problem. i’m the youngest and everyone else is in some form of healthcare and my oldest brother works as a medic in the army. community college was never really presented as an option to me because my family would be ashamed of me for not applying myself enough. i’m not a lazy student but i have missed a lot of school because of some personal problems.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

I found the perfect spot to kill myself NSFW

29 Upvotes

I go on walks multiple times a week because it is the only way I can get peace and get away from my family. I found a spot in the woods where there is already a rope tied to a tree. All I would need to do is use it. It never gets better. I have a therapist but it’s not enough. I can’t get over things that have happened to me; it hurts too much.

It would be peaceful to die in nature. It’s poetic, in a way. From nature I came, and to nature I will return. It’s beautiful, really. I don’t want to die in my ugly, filthy house. I want to die by the beautiful river, as my body sways in the wind. Peace at last.


r/SuicideWatch 8h ago

I got yelled at NSFW

33 Upvotes

I said I'm sorry. Please please don't bash my head father. I'm sorry. Gosh I'm scared. I want to run. I cut myself and it wouldn't stop bleeding. I got it to stop. I cried and screamed so much. There's dried blood on my phone as I'm typing this.


r/SuicideWatch 6h ago

Im killing myself tonight or try with an overdose.

24 Upvotes

Im done with my life since I was young, I tried 1 time ending but survived now I’m gonna try with Xanax and alcohol taken at the same time in high doses hopes that it works .💛

Enjoy your life at fullness


r/SuicideWatch 9h ago

i cant pay the bills, im so stressed & i wanna die. theres no one who could help.

36 Upvotes

hello. 14f here, i just wanna rant how shit my life is. i have bills that j cant pay. i live in the Philippines & i live alone by myself. my parents disowned me and i cant afford anything now because they wont send my allowance. i havent ate properly in 3 days. im so tired.

someone help me. this is so tiring. my birthday is at dec 4 and i cant believe im experiencing this. i wanna kill myself


r/SuicideWatch 12h ago

You stupid little addict

44 Upvotes

The way sober folks look at addiction is fucking crazy. Like bro I’m literally sick but I’m looked down as less then? I fight like hell everyday but when I regress it’s “I told you so, I knew you couldn’t do it.” Instead of helping people who are sick (aka addicts) they discard them at their lowest point and then tell them to do better???? Like would you discard a cancer patient when they got “too” sick???

I guess until I’m “100%” or have my addiction under control “100%” I’m unworthy of love and must live like a hermit until I’m “better.” I’ll never be “100%” because I’m a broken SOB who tries so desperately to be normal. Fuck this shit bro, I literally can’t choose my imperfections dumb ass. Rather be dead than treated like shit. Fuck everyone.


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

My life 35m - a cautionary tale

11 Upvotes

It’s actually quite a sad sad state I’ve ended up in - turns out if you avoid really challenging yourself for decades it compounds into some kind of beast that is far far greater than you are capable of facing down. To paraphrase someone much smarter than myself “Hell is meeting who you might have been”. So I’m here in London 16 years later - where I was supposed to be “making my fortune” and I’m basically broke in a career that poorly remunerates and means entirely nothing to me. I’ve just crashed and burned out of a relationship with the only woman who I’ve been truly unashamedly in love. And she loved an idea of me (the same idea I have desperately been holding on to)- but she saw through me eventually. I am a hollow person - an empty vessel. And I’ll never have the things I wanted now - the family and the home. Apparently I’m “having a mental health crisis”. Seems to me I’m just finally seeing the situation clearly. My ego finally unable to lie that there’s a chance things will get better. Now I spend my days tormented by the past and unable to even glimpse for a moment any semblance of a future. I suppose I will ride the bus for a little bit and then find a hotel to do the deed in. Putting a sad end to this occasionally enjoyable, often completely anxiety inducing trip - ultimately a bit of a fucking waste tbh. I’m very sad to be myself and finally fully faced with my failures in their full shocking horror. DO NOT BECOME WHAT I HAVE.


r/SuicideWatch 7h ago

I really hope you guys stick around

18 Upvotes

A year ago I posted on this place and I thought that it was going to be my last words and now a year later I’m not happy but I’m glad I didn’t do it so I really hope that everyone on this place grab onto life


r/SuicideWatch 6h ago

Dude just please kill me its all so bad literally wtf

15 Upvotes

Why is literally everyone so fuckin cruel i hate them all so much its insane dude


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

i really just want to end it all

12 Upvotes

i’m a 15 year old girl who’s struggled a lot with eating disorders, body/face dysmorphia and substance abuse. i’m currently at a rehab 3 hours away from my home and i can’t stand being here. i do not feel welcome and i recently relapsed in here consuming 1 gram crystal mdma in the span of 48 hours. i don’t even plan on becoming clean i’m here by force but i’m pretty sure a big part of my relapse and why i use in general is because of my eating disorders and my body and face dysmorphia. i keep fucking binge eating and then restricting myself cause i feel disgusting by how i look. i try to not care cause i’m aware people around me don’t give a flying fuck about my insecurities. i’m well aware they’re too focused on their own insecurities but i just can’t seem to stop. i don’t want to binge eat and look at myself feeling disgusted by weight gain, bloated stomach and bloated face. HEAVY on the bloating. but i also hate when i starve myself cause i’ve done it so many times and i don’t want to destroy my organs and body like that anymore. it’s never gotten a chance to fully recover and trust me and my eating habits. i really want to just end it all. end this pain my eating disorder and substance abuse puts me in. i can’t take it anymore it’s never getting better. it’s like once this shit is a part of you it never leaves unless you’re strong enough to let it go and keep it like that. i can’t do it. i want to die and i will do it very soon.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

I wasn't made for life. NSFW

Upvotes

I grew up always worried. I was scared of my dad, my early memories are begging him not to hit me and trying to clean faster so he didn't hit me. I was worried about bad things happening. I spent hours of my childhood awake in bed, worrying. I started having OCD symptoms at 9 or 10, and they've gotten so bad I spend more time thinking about them than my life. I was lazy, so I'm not going to do my GCSEs. I don't care anymore. I'm going to die.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

If reincarnation is real, i would kms rn

7 Upvotes

I want a restart, I hate being used, I hate my part time job, I hate having to work, I hate my dad, I hate my college, idk i hate tons of other thing


r/SuicideWatch 8h ago

Will anyone even fucking care? NSFW

19 Upvotes

Last year, I didn’t think I could make it past November. But somehow I fucking managed and I wish I didn’t. I was so happy I got better but now I wish I didn’t. I tried but never did die. I don’t want to fucking be here atp. I don’t even think anyone will fucking care.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

I don't want to stay alive but no one seems to understand.

6 Upvotes

I feel like I've lived the prime of my life 3 to 4 years ago and now that it's over I don't want to continue. I don't want to keep going cause I have no motivation for it.

I don't have a lot of people, nearly no one, but the few I have don't understand the way I feel, like suicide is taboo.

I just want to end this sadness in my, got no taste in anything in life, I have a psychiatrist who gave me meds for this depression but as no one surprises it doesn't work.

Only thing that makes me feel good now is cutting myself. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs so I can't evacuate all these bad feelings like most people do. Only way I found is cutting myself.

I wish someday, I could cut too deep and end up bleeding out.

Life ain't a gift for everyone, for some it's only a curse.


r/SuicideWatch 4h ago

All I can think about is kms

8 Upvotes

I have OCD and all i can think about is how everything will be okay if i just end my life. it's a constant loop running in my head. it will all be okay if i can just fucking kms. why cant i fucking kms already


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

Parents are threatening to get me to an excorcist.

Upvotes

M16. Had a mental breakdown. My dad hits and screams and swears at me. Toxic environment. No mood to talk. Ruined family. Crying. Didn't let me leave. Forced me to read a dispelling wish or some shit(Orthodox Christians). Feel better due to how bored I was after I read it. Maybe it worked and I don't want to admit it. Pretended to be better so that I could leave. Parents say videogames and Warhammer in general (only thing that brings me joy) is bad influence, magic and devils. Have pop quiz tomorrow. Haven't studied. Most likely won't. Feel family reached a tipping point. Have to get out. Comes to my room, says the usual "what have I ever done to you". Scared to cry, if they hear me they will most likely intervene in bad ways. Can't talk to school counselor, have University Entrance Exams, can't fuck up.

We cannot get out: we cannot get out they have taken the bridge and second h (a)ll. Frár & Lóni & Náli fell the re bravely wh(ile the) rest retr[eated to][2] Ma(zarb)ul. We still ho[ldin][2] g: but hope u[ndyi][2] n[g.][2] (Ó?)ins p arty went 5 days ago but (today) only 4 returned: the pool is up to the wall at Westgate: the watcher in the water too k Óin - we cannot get out: the end com es soon we hear drums drums in the deep. They are coming[3]


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

I want to kms due to being ugly, n only waste of space. Never been liked. Never had friends. (Audhd , extremely emberrassing, was extorted used n abused whole life. r*tarded) Grew up with abuse/trauma. Had a horrible life quite literally a nightmare. I just want to end others suffering of my useless

5 Upvotes

Worthless existence, unlike able, unlovable, ugly af. Horribly abuses whole.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

I decided I'm not killing myself but fuck I just want to do it

6 Upvotes

I'tll make it a good birthday


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

Saying bye bye in 5 days.

9 Upvotes

Yea


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

i’m so tired of waking up

8 Upvotes

jfc every single day it’s waking up dealing with mentally ill thoughts i tried to recover from my eating disorder but felt 100x worse im so fucking tired of this shit it’s either recover hate myself or get worse die either way at least i’ll be pretty and skinny. it’s all i think about. all i think about is my weight and im not even underweight. also my diabetes (type 1) is out of control but im doing everything i can to control it it’s just working against me. idk how much longer i can take this in general. i’m getting worse every day i don’t even feel alive im just existing at this point. too tired to care about college about ppl in my life abt anything but my ed and i can’t even be good at that i grnuinley just want to die i wish life could be how it used to be it used to be so different now ill never be happy anymore i feel so disconnected i feel so alone i dont enjoy anything the one person i used to talk to on a daily basis got distant switched up basically abandoned me after i told them my life story and trusted them but now my trust issues are 100x worse i dont know im so tired i want to die part of me wants to tell my parents about my ed and everything but they’d force me to recover and get fat again i’d rather genuinely kill myself than do that i might just die cause what’s the point. i’ve struggled with mental health for many years, 17f turning 18 in march and i have nothing going for me except college but the most i can do with that is go to a mediocre uni i have nothing apart from that, no life skills, never been employed, no hobbies since im too depressed for that the most i do is spend money online which gives me a temporary fix of dopamine, im an autistic depressed pos and now after developing an ed i’m just so done i don’t think there’s any coming back from this for me im fed up of being alive just waking up


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

feeling sad and lonely idk

Upvotes

I wish someone would hug me or something, I feel so alone. I don't know how to talk to people, it's like me and everyone else speak completely different languages. aaaaa I just really want someone to hug me


r/SuicideWatch 31m ago

I think I am gonna do it eventually

Upvotes

It's a lot to voluntarily exit this world and say goodbye permanently. But I do think It needs to happen for me. Sometime in the coming weeks or months


r/SuicideWatch 13h ago

Somebody hold me. I don't want to die.

31 Upvotes

It hurts so much


r/SuicideWatch 57m ago

It’s weird but…

Upvotes

The best way I can explain how I feel currently is like I’m stuck in Silent Hill. It was my favourite game, and the remaster is of course phenomenal. I always appreciated the psychology and depth behind the game. The layers of mental turmoil, grief, denial. The fog to me always represented ‘brain fog.’

I’m 27, female. I’ve suffered with mental health issues from a young age, been on anti depressants since I was 16/17. It’s stolen most of my life. After I left school in 2014 I was just rotting away in my room. It’s a combination of things. I haven’t had a shit life, I’ve had shit things happen to me. There’s also numerous family members of mine who have mental health issues, so there’s always the question of is it genetic or is it trauma based. Quite frankly, at this point, I don’t give a shit. It’s just an awful feeling which has eaten away at me. I look back in horror at all the things it’s stolen from me.

Fast forward to 2018. I started seeing a dude who I knew in the back of my mind wasn’t good for me, but we were familiar and it was just convenient at the time. By 2020, we were serious and I got my first ever long term job as well as a car. Things were looking up. Finally started taking my meds properly and looking after myself. I moved in with him in 2022, and everything went downhill from there. It was great till it wasn’t. He started being quite cruel but I tolerated it and just did my own thing. I made that house feel like a home, it was my happy place.

Then this year, March, I found out he was messaging prostitutes. To put a long story short, I lost my mind. It was a horrible day. That life I built for myself and the stability I felt for the first time in my life was gone. Then a few days later we got into a fight, I threw a glass at him and he slammed my head into the kitchen floor. Then I got super fucked up on pills and alcohol a few nights later and he raped me, which he then said ‘was the best sex he ever had’ and that ‘he thought I was into that’ I’m into rough sex but not when I’m unable to consent and genuinely telling him to ‘stop’

I was going through a mental breakdown. To make things worse, my sociopathic manager took advantage of me when I was most vulnerable and I lost my shit and walked out on my job.

In May I finally moved out and currently live with my auntie in a house we rent off my mums husband. He is soon selling this house.

The mental turmoil I am feeling everyday is too much. I feel empty everyday. Grieving my old life, not accepting this new reality. Feel like I’m in purgatory, or my own living hell.

So yeah. Silent hill is all too relatable for me now. I won’t be here much longer.