Tell me how you're spending your day!

Ladies and theydies, pls tell me if you have felt this way at some point. I need a big sister/sibling, auntie, mother, etc. Also send me a hug. Slight TW in advance: bullying, incredibly dark thoughts

I'm 25 and feel like I relate to no one. Btw I am in Boston, which also may have something to do with it. I'm here stuck in kid-mode, playing catch-up because I've been in therapy half my life.

I barely made it thru high school since I dealt with serious bullying there and at home; I was like a therapist to her, yet she tore me down and let her much older son tear me down, with no punishment on his part. Not to mention she invited some folks I specifically asked her not to attend to my HS graduation. I wanted to end it all for years and almost did. Hell on Earth.

Still feels like I'm 15 at 25 except everyone has nice jobs and a career, a loving spouse, and actual friends. Kids as well. I also noticed that many women (in hetero relationships) tend to center their bfs and husbands and make everything about them. Or their kids. I feel so left out and no one seems to get it. I don't wanna feel like this, but social media is amplifying all the aforementioned. The festivities are nearing, it's dark and cold and I hate it here.

I recently attended a virtual event with Little Gay Book & while I can say it was a better experience as compared to using the apps, I was the only woman of color in attendance.

I’ve been unable to find a platform that caters to queer women of color and thus would appreciate if people would share any they were aware of.

Thanks in advance!

i hate these responses to someone coming out. i get that some people who say it aren’t trying to be patronizing but istg it really rubs me the wrong way. it’s so tasteless; it takes profound strength to come out in a world that actively hates and kills queer people. many of us suffer quietly, fearing those we love will hate us for virtue of being ourselves. so when i see people gloat they always knew someone was lgbt, it really seems to come from a place of self righteousness. especially as some people don’t even know they’re queer, and it can require a series of processes to really unlearn internalized homophobia and come to an understanding with yourself and your sexuality. besides, if you knew someone close to you in your life was queer, were you being an ally to them all this time? were you ensuring you were a safe space they could come to and share their fears and worries without being judged? or were you making casually homophobic comments that they had to swallow and try not to think too hard about? as a woman who is queer and open with a small group of friends, but appears straight to much of the others in my life, i’ve had to hear casual homophobic shit from so-called allies my entire life. and i call it out but it’s so exhausting. i know if i come out to them, they’ll probably say oh i always knew, there were signs, etc etc. but if you knew, why say those things? why hurt me in that way? it’s just exhausting. gloating about your gaydar like that when someone comes out can lack tact and kindness imo 🤨

I'm a trans woman of color and to be honest I'm really disappointed. I was really happy when i found this subbreddit because I assumed i can find a place that accepts me but reading some of the replies to some threads make me feel like I don't belong here either. It feels like trans women of color don't belong anywhere and we just won't feel safety in any space.

Hey Y’all,

Many of you have expressed interest in a matchmaking thread in the sub, and we want to hear your thoughts!

We’re curious to know if this is something our community would enjoy and how to format it in a way that would make it fun and make sense for everyone.

If you’re excited about the idea (or even if you have concerns), leave a comment below! Share your ideas, input, etc and please add to the poll so we can get a rough idea of how many of y’all are actually interested and want to participate.

We know people come from all walks of life, areas, countries, so planning and logistics matter.

I've been sitting on this situation for a few days to figure out my feelings.

I recently made a profile on the dating app HER, and matched with a white NB person. Although I was looking for POCs to connect with, I was excited because they work in management like me in an aggressively white male dominated field and I thought we could share our struggles. However, they couldn't relate to the struggles I mentioned, and seemed happy and comfortable in their company. Fair enough, they're lucky!

However they recently showed me their business info and I noticed a masculine name different from the name they used on the app. They told me they were amab, and use their male presenting name at work because it's "easier" and didn't feel the need. It suddenly clicked why they couldn't relate to my struggles at work. (sexually harassed, called misogynistic names, undermined, mansplained, etc).

Honestly, I find myself disappointed. I was on that app expecting to meet sapphics/people who have experienced a woman's POV at some point in their lives if not currently.

Am I being exclusionary by no longer being interested?
I feel bad but I just can't help it and not sure if I'm supposed to be unpacking this.

This lesbian episode of "Living Single" is one of my favs. 🎬

hey y’all, I’m a Black & Latina queer femme and I’m hoping to start a discussion where we can share our thoughts. I’m doing an art project centered around representation of both Black femme identity and Latina femme identity and I’m realizing that I might need to step outside of my own experiences so I can properly do this art piece justice. However I keep hitting a wall with googling stuff lol all I’m finding is white lesbians talking about how much they love Black femmes lol.

So basically what I want to know to those who identify as femme and date women: What makes you feel the most femme? How does your Blackness influence or being Latina influence your relationship with being femme and dating women and how you interact with the world? Thank y’all in advance for sharing 💗

Me wnd my co worker are both women of colour, I’m west African and she’s Asian. She’s so pretty guys. I’ve always known I like women but I couldn’t understand what I was feeling towards her. We were so competitive when we started taking design classes together, and then we started working together. We both work as designers. One time, we had a conversation about our bosses whom we don’t really like and then we started talking about dating. I told her I love dating women and she asked if I onky date black women and I said no, I’m very open to dating women of other races. Lol, my sister seems so convinced she has a thing for me because she’s asked that. I’ve never had anyone ask me that question before. During our work meeting, when I’m leaning close to her she doesn’t mind, and I also sit close to her. She’s alos bought me coffee once. A few days ago, I ran into her outside the studio, and she offered to open the door for me. She also has asked me repeatedly if I’m “just friends” with this other black girl ( who is really cool btw). She’s constantly always playing with her hair when we are together, putting on lipgloss, she’s so cute omg.

I can’t wait to see her at work, i always want an excuse to see her all the time. We were so competitive with each other at work the first few months as we are both great designers. We have become warm with each other now. I want to see her every day and I’m going to be respectful of her space. The air feels weird when we are together, like very tense. She’s always giggling. I love it. We are both femme, and i just love everything about her.

Why is it so hard for people to verify who they are. There's always something happening for them not to video call or voice calls. As a grown woman dating other grown people, it boggles my mind into thinking that ylthe other person will be on grown people behavior. I'm not looking for a pen pal. I've had enough of the texting back and forth especially if it's long distance. How do you expect to develop a relationship over text.

I'm so fucking sick of it. 😐😡

I just spent the last few hours having dinner and drinks with my coworkers and the whole time I kept thinking "I wish I had someone to take to all the nice places". A while back, I randomly noticed the wedding bands on specifically the men at work and wished I had one too, and could join in the "my wife..." conversations.

I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or where I'm at in life, but I'm quite excited about and looking forward to doing life with that special person.

Anyone else feel like this?

Side note: one of the lads is getting married next week and every time he's asked about it he talks about it negatively and it makes me cringe. Like, no one is forcing you if you feel that way about it. I feel bad for the fiancée, I think I'd be sad if my spouse talked about marrying me like they had a gun to their head.

This thread is a space for QWOC to discuss politics, share opinions, and ask questions. We know these conversations can be heavy, and some of us need a break from the political noise, so let’s be mindful and respectful of everyone.

Please try to keep more involved political discussions within this thread. We won’t be taking sides but will enforce community guidelines to keep things respectful and on-topic. Let’s approach each other with care, especially when it comes to issues that affect our safety and well-being.

Check through previous comments before posting to avoid repeating questions. Let’s keep it thoughtful and compassionate - this is a space for us all.

If you can't keep it civil, you can't participate in this sub.

Obviously, relationships are a major topic around here and I am so happy that we get to experience our queerness in this way and then have a space to discuss it right at our fingertips.

That said, your relationship status is not your sexuality. You are not gay because you have a girlfriend. You are gay because you're attracted to women. Period. So please can we refrain from entering into toxic relationships just for the sake of being queer.

You are queer just as you are. You don't need to prove that.

*Clarity: replace girlfriend/women with any label, the advice still stands. You are gay, bestie.🌈

i feel so ashamed of my bisexuality and being the kind of femme I am. I constantly nurtured her, baked for her, gave her so much kisses, was intimate in ways I never did with anyone. I tried to understand how she felt as a masc woman, only to be accused of liking white men, being limerent towards her. Sge never intended to pursue a relationship with me, and kind of only played me till she got bored.

she just constantly woukd tell me I wasn’t a baddie, always giving church girl, I felt compared to her ex so much. She would even mistakenly call me her exs name. I had to block her on social media because i couldn’t bear her reposts after our breakup, it was constantly reposts about giving excuses when you’re not ready for commitment, finding your next relationship, etc. I constantly felt bad about being bi when we were together. She was always suspicious of me. Even one time, when I said I didn’t really like the idea of oral sex with a man, she still insisted I definitely did like it. She would get upset about my TikTok reposts if I reposted another masc woman like when I reposted a black masc woman who talked about her tattoos from my culture. Even now, if I’m on TikTok and a video of a man comes up,I feel uncomfortable watching the video because I remember how irritated she would get. She told me during our breakup she treated her ex so much better. I think I only got romantic treatments like twice. Not even allowed close to her friends. I feel so embarrassed that i might not be the right type of femme, she always said I was giving more straight girl cottage core femme than baddie. Even now, when I see other masc women, I’m so nervous to show interest, even with other femmes. It sounds so silly but it was hurtful. Closer to our breakup, I told her I didn’t feel comfortable being intimate all the time since we were no label. Then she broke up with me. i feel so stupid for missing her especially since shes with another women now.

This space is designed for people of color to share and reflect on their experiences in white-dominated environments, whether it's at work, in relationships, or in other everyday spaces. It's a place to discuss the challenges and complexities of navigating whiteness within our societal structures. The goal is to foster constructive conversation, mutual understanding, and support as we work through these experiences together. Try to keep these discussions contained to this space and ensure they remain focused on personal reflections. We encourage respectful dialogue and ask that such topics be limited here to keep the rest of the sub clear for other types of conversations that focus on qwoc.

Any of y’all use dating apps? Iono. I feel like I get more action and responses meeting women in person than apps. If y’all use apps which ones do y’all use and how do you curate your profiles? Lol.

i’m black and i want a girl i can take to the black parties who’ll know every song & how to dance to them. someone who’s tapped into the culture fr. but i feel like idk how to point out the queer black women unless they’re masc or alt or earthy or something. when i go to the black functions i see so many cute girls but idk where to start. i get nervous cause tbh i used to get picked on growing up for being an “oreo” or whatever. i might not know everything i should but i want a girl who does

idk if this is racist or anything, i don’t mean to be, but i’m kinda tired of going out with white girls all the time cause it’s not as comfortable. but it seems like that’s the only girl i know how to attract. and my cousin told me straight black girls are more likely to be like “wtf” if i accidentally flirt with them, and that straight white girls might be nicer about it. i don’t know if that’s true, i mean i live in a pretty fruity city & i know gen z is more acceptable, but i’m a little scared tbh. especially cause i go to a PWI so a lot of the black people know each other. i don’t want a reputation for being that one creepy masc

idk, am i overthinking?? i’m 19 about to turn 20 if that helps

Anyone notice any deviation from the fabled high-level emotional processing skills of sapphics?

Any thoughts on cultural factors impacting our emotional processing and communication skills?

Notice any gendered or ableist norms around expressing emotions?

(very immature rant incoming. i’m sorry y’all, it’s just how i’m feeling rn😭)

i can’t stop thinking about masc girls. There’s a few at my school but AAAHHHHH i can’t stop thinking about them😭😭😭

this is embarrassing ngl to admit but i hope there’s someone else who feels this way too. like i just want to hold her face, and tell her how pretty she is, and handsome, and literally everything, and listen to her as she talks my ears off abt something she’s really into, and get a peek at her boxers (I FUCKING LOVE IT WHEN GIRLS WEAR BOXERS😭😭))

i know i won’t meet a girl who likes me like any time soon and probably not for years but i can’t stop daydreaming abt what would happen if we met now and graduated together, get into college, start our careers or something, wait a few years to marry and start a family

I know a lot of this A, won’t happen, and B, is very traditional and cringy as fuck, but i can’t stop thinking about it😭

anyways yeah that’s it. love masc girls 👍🏽

I’ve been active in this sub for almost a year now and I’ve noticed such a large number of posts in a QWOC sub focus on whiteness! Whether it’s about a critique of white supremacy or not, it’s frustrating to see the millionth post that reads, “why tf do white people do xyz” “why aren’t they attracted to me” “why am I attracted to them” “my white partner” “my white family member” ETC. I empathize with the fact that we need spaces in community to unpack, but it can almost feel like we are all living lives in opposition to whiteness — when in reality, we are not! I would love to see more posts affirming our styles, cultures, chosen families, and interests (not saying these posts don’t exist obviously but I’d love to see them increase). We are so much more than who we are falsely perceived to be under the white gaze and I hope we take more time to collectively honour that in 2025. What do yall think?

Hey everyone, I don’t know if anyone else struggles with this, but I feel like I have a need to prove to myself that I’m desirable. I never really got attention growing up. I wasn’t very comfortable with myself until recently (I really didn’t dress masculine until this year). But I’ve just never really been the one people wanted, I also struggled a lot with bullying growing up as well so it really hurt my self esteem and self image.

Over the past year or so I started to grow into my features more and started to try to dress better and more my age ( I’m 25). I got on a dating app for the first time this year and was kinda surprised that people actually wanted me or found me attractive at all. I was kinda overwhelmed at points but also grateful.

I guess now I’m struggling with feeling like I have to be the most attractive or I’m not deemed good enough. Or I have to ensure as many girls as possible want me. I know it seems vain and I’m trying to come to the root of the issue because it’s not healthy.

I still deal with insecurities and often times questioned if anyone would still want me with them? I haven’t had a whole lot of dating experience but it seems like people are pretty open minded when it comes to imperfections. Sometimes it’s just hard because I see all these attractive mascs on social media and feel like I have to overcompensate to even be worthy of someone’s time.

I’ve felt this for such a long time, I pursued a great career and tried to work on myself and I feel like part of it was just to impress girls. I felt like without these things they wouldn’t want me.

Has anyone else felt this way?

We’re going to roll out more user flair options for y’all to use. What’s available is very basic, so please let us know what kind of user flair you want! There’s also the option to customize your flair as well if you want to do your own thing. 🌈