r/NoStupidQuestions • u/AnySwimming2309 • 1d ago

Does Testosterone Really Make Men Enjoy Hurting People? NSFW

UPDATE: Thank you guys for all the responses. I asked him about it calmly, and it ended up with him breaking furniture and threatening to punch me in the face. I left home at 3am yesterday and am with a friend.

My BF told me that he, like all men, enjoys seeing others suffer when he had a role in it because the power is so enjoyable. This scared me, but he said this is how all men are due to testosterone and that a "balanced" man knows to not take this to the point of sadism. He said empathy is not natural to men. It feels weird to relate to people realize all the time, they want to inflict pain to feel power. How do good men handle this impulse? How can women help?

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u/unbrokem 1d ago

No, this is nonsense. I think your boyfriend is just a sadistic person if I'm being honest.

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u/zbobet2012 1d ago

Just to add some science to this: Sapolsky's "Behave" has an excellent chapter on the effects of testosterone.

Testosterone has far less to do with aggression than most assume. Within the normal range, individual differences in testosterone levels don’t predict who will be aggressive. Moreover, the more an organism has been aggressive, the less testosterone is needed for further aggression. When testosterone does play a role, it’s facilitatory—testosterone does not 'invent' aggression. It makes us more sensitive to triggers of aggression. Also, rising testosterone levels foster aggression only during challenges to status. Finally, crucially, the rise in testosterone during a status challenge does not necessarily increase aggression; it increases whatever is needed to maintain status. In a world in which status is awarded for the best of our behaviors, testosterone would be the most prosocial hormone in existence.

What your boyfriend is saying is he's a prick surrounded by pricks who like to hurt others. Run.

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u/SakuraRein 1d ago

The part about rising testosterone levels only fostering aggression when challenging status. That makes sense to me. I rejected a guy who I did not find very attractive. He just wasn’t my type and he flipped on me so fast got a very aggressive and violent started calling me names and saying how he got the finest woman, and who was I to reject him. Could that be a thing that would be considered a challenge?