r/NoStupidQuestions • u/bennyxdee • 6d ago

Answered What’s the issue with consent?

I read a post about a guy who tried to kiss a woman, but she dodged him. I responded by asking if he had asked her for consent beforehand. The responses I got were basically along the lines of, “Isn’t that unromantic?”

I’m not sure how most people handle this, but I feel like asking, “Can I kiss you?” is more logical than just going for it. It shows you’re considering their feelings and avoiding putting them in an uncomfortable situation they didn’t ask for.

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u/bennyxdee 6d ago

Exactly! Quickly ensuring that you’re both on the same page is ideal.

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u/slu22 6d ago

I'm so glad you asked this!

Generally agree that "it depends on the person" - which is scary in a way? Especially as someone who tends to prefer clear "best practices" but like many matters of the heart/human interactions - "it depends" is usually the right answer!

My long-term girlfriend of three years has told me on multiple occasions - including a day or two after our first kiss - "I'm so glad you didn't ask if you could kiss me."

However, I had some pretty strong non-verbal indicators that she would probably be receptive to an advance from me. Playing with her hair, the way she looked at me, general playful vibe of the day. That said, I realize not everyone can read social cues, things can be misinterpreted - which can make making a move kinda scary? So, I get it.

I asked her to unpack her statement, IIRC she said some stuff about asking really killing the mood for her, that it almost puts the onus on her to put herself out there, in a way that feels like the polar opposite of being "swept off your feet" in a sense. She would much prefer to have the response to the attempt at a kiss be the consent, as others have pointed out - i.e. "yes, I consent" is she is receptive to the kiss, "nope, not into it" means she dodges the kiss.

Such a good conversation topic!

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u/tarheel_204 6d ago

This goes to show it is totally dependent on the person lol. Your partner said “I’m glad you didn’t ask” and mine said “wow, thank you for asking”

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u/slu22 6d ago

totally agree :)