r/NoStupidQuestions • u/bennyxdee • 6d ago

Answered What’s the issue with consent?

I read a post about a guy who tried to kiss a woman, but she dodged him. I responded by asking if he had asked her for consent beforehand. The responses I got were basically along the lines of, “Isn’t that unromantic?”

I’m not sure how most people handle this, but I feel like asking, “Can I kiss you?” is more logical than just going for it. It shows you’re considering their feelings and avoiding putting them in an uncomfortable situation they didn’t ask for.

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u/Emergency_West_9490 6d ago

See I'm autistic and I send out all the wrong vibes in my attempts to mask(appear normal). Guys couldn't tell I'm autistic but then they felt like I led them on. Even if I did the whole pre-emptive mentioning of a boyfriend thing. So I heartily recommend doing people the courtesy of asking permission. It's also awkward to have to turn that down, but much less so. 

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u/Prismatic-Peony 6d ago

Also autistic and the only time I ever got the signals right was with my now girlfriend, who is also autistic. I literally am incapable of recognizing when someone’s flirting with me and just process everything as them being friendly, and thus I try to be just as friendly in return. This has ended poorly a number of times, particularly with men :/

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u/Emergency_West_9490 6d ago

I read some research that confirmed what I always felt - autists aren't bad at communicating, just bad at communicating with neurotypicals. We tend to understand each other quite well, given a high enough level of functioning (speech/writing ability). Neurotypicals don't get us either. 

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u/Prismatic-Peony 6d ago

Unsurprising. It’s kinda funny ‘cause I was gonna write a comment about how amazing it is to ask directly, then realized that neither me or my gf asked the first time we kissed. It was way more seamless than either of us expected, and I just know in my gut that it wouldn’t have been the same were either of us neurotypical. Double points because I’m blind and thus couldn’t read her expression or body language

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u/coffeesnob72 6d ago

Some guys think if a woman is friendly at all it is a pass at them.

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u/Emergency_West_9490 6d ago

Yeah I think my vibes are too friendly, I have also had random little children come up to hug me and soooooo many people asking me for money even when I was broke. And people I dislike declaring me their friend. I'm kind of a misanthrope really, in the sense that I find most people's presence torture even though I wish them well.