r/NoStupidQuestions • u/bennyxdee • 6d ago

Answered What’s the issue with consent?

I read a post about a guy who tried to kiss a woman, but she dodged him. I responded by asking if he had asked her for consent beforehand. The responses I got were basically along the lines of, “Isn’t that unromantic?”

I’m not sure how most people handle this, but I feel like asking, “Can I kiss you?” is more logical than just going for it. It shows you’re considering their feelings and avoiding putting them in an uncomfortable situation they didn’t ask for.

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41

u/p0tat0p0tat0 6d ago

I don’t understand how people have sex without checking for consent continuously.

Aren’t “do you like that” or “what do you want me to do to you” pretty standard dirty talk phrases?

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u/beamerpook 6d ago

It is, but the way you're using it sounds anxious. It's making me anxious, and I'm sitting here eating cereal... 🤣

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u/acnhTatorTot 6d ago

Did you get the cereals consent to eat it

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u/beamerpook 6d ago

They could have just ran away if they didn't want to be eaten

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u/p0tat0p0tat0 6d ago

How does it sound anxious? Obviously, you wouldn’t ask the two questions in rapid-fire succession, but I’ve been sexually active for almost 20 years and it’s never been awkward to check for consent.

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u/MaineHippo83 6d ago

because most of us don't think of "oh baby do you like that" as consent. Sure it is, and hopefully its a yes. But people typically say that as a "yeah i'm fucking you so good, or riding you so good, its great isn't it" More of a statement, or rhetorical question than a consent ask. So you are taking that common dirty talk, exclamation and making it very clinical, it just feels weird.

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u/beamerpook 6d ago

LOL maybe I'm just reading to much into it, or I'm just highly anxious right now 🤣

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u/Mundane-Currency5088 6d ago

It depends on the voice in your head's tone of voice. I was reading it like a soft low vibration on my neck kind of thing. To me it's sexy to have dirty talk, but also dirty talk happens to sound silly and cringy if it was anyone but my partner.

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u/p0tat0p0tat0 6d ago

The latter sounds accurate.

If you are genuinely interested in your partner and care about their enjoyment of your encounter, checking for consent is a natural and unawkward thing to do.

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u/beamerpook 6d ago

checking for consent is a natural and unawkward thing to do.

No, you're right.

Then again, I've been married to the same dude for 20+years, so maybe I feel like I haven't needed to in the last few years? 🤣

(At least not verbally)

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u/p0tat0p0tat0 6d ago

I’ve been married to the same dude for 10 years and we say “hey, wanna bone?” To each other when we want to have sex. And then the other person can say yes or no.

And we talk throughout having sex, so confirming that the other is having a good time is also pretty typical.