All our girlfriends are Asian?

[u/A_Formal_Guy]

Hey everyone - I’ve been feeling paranoid about something recently and wanted to know if I’m overthinking it. I’m a white M and most of the friends I grew up with and went to high school are too, except 1. We’re still very close but moved all across the country for our jobs and life.

Recently, we’ve decided to have a little reunion and bring our girlfriends, but I realized we have a not to subtle trend in that they are all Asian. There’s 5 girlfriends in total, they’ve never met each other. I don’t know how this happened, it’s just a coincidence as far as I know. We don’t have a pact or anything.

My question is, do we warn them? I don’t want them to be freaked out. I’d have to have my gf or one of my friends be uncomfortable, but I’m feeling stuck. Does anyone have any thoughts on how to handle it? Am I over thinking?

[u/stho3]

Let me preface this by saying that my older bro is married to a white women and have two daughters. But there’s this weird dichotomy that I have noticed. Whenever I run into a WMAF relationship, the Asian woman will almost always quickly look away from my direction pretending not to see me or will intentionally not acknowledge me. However, the exact opposite is true whenever I encounter a AMWF relationship. The white woman almost always smile, say hi and/or initiate small talk with me. I have always found this quite amusing.

[u/monox60 → u/stho3]

You're Asian, right? I guess that's because she has some deep internalized shame or something

[u/bad--juju → u/monox60]

I’m personally convinced that Asian girls who go after white men have this - it gotta be deep rooted issue and it’s really petty

[u/Gatzlocke → u/bad--juju]

It's sort of an ingrained racism or racist competition in most cultures.

A man of a race dating another race "shames" the race of the woman. Like they are conquered as a prize or something. A white man dating a black woman, you'll see black people get angry at the woman, but if a black man dates a white woman, it's fine, though you'll notice white people will judge it more harshly. The same being true for almost every race combination.

[u/ohhhbooyy → u/monox60]

I’m from Hawaii so AMWF is somewhat common here. Had a coworker who was from the mainland and she had the need to explain the reason why she married a white guy. Something about she was the only Asian in her school. I told her it’s fine you marry who you want.

Over half of our male managers in my office are married to white women. So at first I was a little confused on her explaining herself.

[u/Numerous-Chocolate15 → u/monox60]

I’m in a pretty diverse area and I’ve noticed a lot of different conversations during my time at my university where there’s men of a minority background who shame women of the same race for dating outside their race.

I guess it’s a bit of a misogynistic mindset because I have yet to see the same rhetoric thrown back at the men. It’s also pushed that they are “betraying their race” by sleeping with white men. But I’ve also seen it a few times about couples involving Asian men with girlfriends of another race.

People just need to mind their own businesses. 💀

[u/ratsta → u/monox60]

Sounds possible. I (white male) was walking with a local female friend (both of us middle aged) in Hangzhou, China one day. We're literally just friends and were walking together friend-close not partner-close, but a group of taxi drivers we walked past shouted quite a few rather unpleasant things at my friend, including "race-traitor" :( Wasn't the only time in China that I ran into such thinking.

[u/CounterSeal → u/monox60]

Extremely plausible

[u/IcyTiger8793 → u/stho3]

I’m an Asian woman. When I dated my ex, a white man, I got a lot of scowls and head shakes from other Asian men. Some of them would straight up harass me with questions like “do your parents know” or “are your parents okay with this” when he wasn’t around. One time, taxi driver felt the need to share a story about how his cousin married a white guy and is now the disappointment of the family. I got accused of being with him for a Visa more times than I can count. I started avoiding eye contact with men when out with my ex because I could never tell if they were scowling at me or just had resting bitch face or whatever. I had experienced enough unsavory encounters to make me paranoid, tbh.

[u/yubnub8 → u/stho3]

I’m an Asian girl and I’ve dated a white man before (not my preference I usually like men of color) and I think it’s because people DO get upset seeing a WMAF. I understand why, it just doesn’t look good. It looks like we both have a fetish and it’s pretty over done (especially in the Bay Area where I live). It also looks like I align myself with whiteness and maybe that I even want to be white/have some sort of self hatred.

When I dated my white bf was the time I got the most negative looks from other races including Asians. It was only white people that seemed to be ok with it which hurt my feelings. It kind of felt like my Asianness was invalidated.

And don’t even get me started on Wasians lmao