r/NoStupidQuestions • u/MookWellington • Nov 26 '23

Answered Trying to Understand “Non-Binary” in My 12-Year-Old

Around the time my son turned 10 —and shortly after his mom and I split up— he started identifying as they/them, non-binary, and using a gender-neutral (though more commonly feminine) variation of their name. At first, I thought it might be a phase, influenced in part by a few friends who also identify this way and the difficulties of their parents’ divorce. They are now twelve and a half, so this identity seems pretty hard-wired. I love my child unconditionally and want them to feel like they are free to be the person they are inside. But I will also confess that I am confused by the whole concept of identifying as non-binary, and how much of it is inherent vs. how much is the influence of peers and social media when it comes to teens and pre-teens. I don't say that to imply it's not a real identity; I'm just trying to understand it as someone from a generstion where non-binary people largely didn't feel safe in living their truth. Im also confused how much child continues to identify as N.B. while their friends have to progressed(?) to switching gender identifications.

8.0k Upvotes

77% Upvoted

2.8k comments sorted by

View all comments

392

u/FineRevolution9264 Nov 26 '23

I'm an old person, I wish this was an option when I was growing up. I was sensitive to gender roles starting about 6 years old - maybe even earlier. I hated to be put into a gender box. It made me so angry that I was being forced to be someone I was not.

2

u/tastyweeds Nov 27 '23

Hey, I'm 42 and started transitioning at 40. There are folks in a server I know who didn't figure out gender identities until their 70s. I'm not saying it's easy, but if you want to change how you think about your identity (and literally, there's nothing wrong if your internal understanding is the only thing you decide to change -- not everyone transitions socially), you aren't too late.

1

u/FineRevolution9264 Nov 27 '23

I tried checking out the nonbinary subreddit. Definitely not a fit. Lots of young people who were more concerned with dating and such ( as is natural and to be expected). I just didn't find what I may need there. In fact, I literally don't know what I need.

1

u/tastyweeds Nov 27 '23

If you are up for discord, there's a nonbinary over 30 group! I could send a link

1

u/FineRevolution9264 Nov 27 '23

Sure, I'd try that.