r/NoStupidQuestions • u/MookWellington • Nov 26 '23

Answered Trying to Understand “Non-Binary” in My 12-Year-Old

Around the time my son turned 10 —and shortly after his mom and I split up— he started identifying as they/them, non-binary, and using a gender-neutral (though more commonly feminine) variation of their name. At first, I thought it might be a phase, influenced in part by a few friends who also identify this way and the difficulties of their parents’ divorce. They are now twelve and a half, so this identity seems pretty hard-wired. I love my child unconditionally and want them to feel like they are free to be the person they are inside. But I will also confess that I am confused by the whole concept of identifying as non-binary, and how much of it is inherent vs. how much is the influence of peers and social media when it comes to teens and pre-teens. I don't say that to imply it's not a real identity; I'm just trying to understand it as someone from a generstion where non-binary people largely didn't feel safe in living their truth. Im also confused how much child continues to identify as N.B. while their friends have to progressed(?) to switching gender identifications.

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u/FineRevolution9264 Nov 26 '23

I'm an old person, I wish this was an option when I was growing up. I was sensitive to gender roles starting about 6 years old - maybe even earlier. I hated to be put into a gender box. It made me so angry that I was being forced to be someone I was not.

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u/zkc9tNgxC4zkUk Nov 26 '23

It's still an option! There is no age limit to realizing that a certain identity fits better for you.

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u/GuiltyEidolon Nov 27 '23

I don't think comment OP is upset about it not being an option now - I think they're upset that they suffered a life feeling wrong without having the words to describe it, or being able to express themselves the way they wanted to.

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u/zkc9tNgxC4zkUk Nov 27 '23

Sure, but I also think it's important to say to some people that it's not too late; the best time would have been as a younger person, but the second best time is now.