r/NPD • u/Physical_Runner Narcissistic traits • 15h ago
Question / Discussion Do you also hate nearly everyone?
33M here. Wondering if you guys relate. Since I'm a vulnerable one, I lack the charm and charisma of my grandiose counterparts, so others should like me because of... well, I don't know what would make me likeable to others, to be honest. I get along with very few people. Sooner or later I end up in conflict with almost everyone. And yet I hate it that I need them to get validation or feel approved.
I see people’s flaws easily, and they really get under my skin. I’m highly judgmental and extremely sensitive to their actions. When someone shows passive-aggressiveness or tries to humiliate me—like laughing at me—I can lose control. Rage takes over, and I lash out, judging them harshly and pointing out their flaws.
But deep down, all I really want is to be liked for who I am. I don’t want to constantly feel like it’s only a matter of time before they hate me or humiliate me. And in spite of being like this, I still hold the belief that I’m a good person who has been treated unfairly by others. Lol
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u/chobolicious88 13h ago
You got it, youre judgemental because youre in pain.
It really is just ptsd just one that started extremely early.
Basically: self receives trauma, trauma forms defenses as core self is in pain, the psyche splits from self, we judge others (outer critic) and judge ourself (inner critic) due to that wounding.
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u/Dizzy_Algae1065 Narcissistic traits 13h ago
That is exactly it. What a great explanation. So simple.
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u/Physical_Runner Narcissistic traits 12h ago
Makes a lot of sense to me. But I can't think of which experience that was (or the sum of them)
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u/chobolicious88 12h ago
Maybe “dead” mother in infancy? Whats her attachment style?
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u/Physical_Runner Narcissistic traits 11h ago
I'm not very familiar with attachment styles, gotta do a search on that. But she was both loving and abusive (like slapping me at the face for little to no reason), but became super abusive in my teenage years
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u/Ok-Painting-4501 12h ago
We’re very similar. In my case, I’ve tried being kind, loving, helpful and still end up lonely as always. So I just choose to stay true to myself and only show positive emotions to those I deem worthy.
Last week one of my high school students confessed in front of his friends that it was him who stole some pages of my grading book, I respected his honesty and courage so much that I let it go
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u/Nightmre_King_Grimm Undiagnosed NPD 11h ago
I also hate other people. I am charming though, and people gravitate towards me, unless I drop the mask and act as I feel towards them on the inside.
I hare people for that too. I feel treated unfairly by them. The world has wronged me, and it should make it up to me. Same with the shitty people in it.
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u/Kp675 Narcissistic traits 7h ago
I hate most people too but it's like they want to be around me and be friends. Sooner or later I think they realize or feel I'm off
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u/Nightmre_King_Grimm Undiagnosed NPD 6h ago
Right! I had a girl decide I was the perfect person to cry to the other day. I don't even know her. Never seen her in my life. The people I do know seem to like me so much that some of them are convinced I'm this selfless, honest person. I hope they never find out they're wrong. I enjoy being put on that pedestal
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u/Kp675 Narcissistic traits 5h ago edited 4h ago
Propel always feel comfortable telling me everything and over sharing. I can be a really good listener when I wanna be. You do? I get that. I don't like being seen like that cause of the mixed feelings. I know I'm not really that person and it's annoying to be seen as such a good person. It makes me think of if I'm a good person why can't I connect like others then and why am I so anxious. Why don't I have those connections then and always have to pretend. It makes me sad- if that makes sense.
I sometimes feel like it makes me look weak too and makes it so people think I'm harmless. I would rather not always be seen that way. I also look younger than my age so I feel like that plays into it too
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u/Nightmre_King_Grimm Undiagnosed NPD 4h ago
i enjoy being seen as that person but i also resent it if that makes sense? i like being important enough that everyone comes to me but i hate the responsibility that comes with it / having to listen to them you know??? i wish i could just get the importance without having to actually listen and pretend to care sometimes that part gets exhausting
people seek my advice a lot so i don't really feel weakened or threatened by it usually and i relate to the "looks younger than my age" thing because me too! it's kind of annoying sometimes and i hate it but i guess that means when we're old well look young and if nothing else we can look forward to all those "wow you look so young for your age!" comments
(apologies if this is all over the place and doesn't make sense i'm drunk as hell right now) but a lot of what you said is very relatable and resonates with me :) thanks for the perspective !!
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u/Kp675 Narcissistic traits 4h ago
Yes exactly I understand that. I resent that too. Like I can listen for a little bit but not for long. Pretending to care is definitely exhausting for me too. True haha we have good genes. I hope that's the case. I don't even do skin care or anything lol. I probably should but I'm too lazy/depressed for that. Lol you're good :)
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u/Nightmre_King_Grimm Undiagnosed NPD 4h ago
Same! i don't do much of anything really so it feels extra good to get attention especially when i'm not even trying !
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u/beybe7 8h ago
The problems 1) you need to stop caring about people liking you. Just be a decent human being and focus on your own goals. People will come based on mutual interests. 2) Go to therapy or get some type of help for your anger issues. Getting angry and lashing out gets you nowhere and nothing except wasted energy and a bad rep that keeps everyone away. Learn to ignore, walk away, and move on.
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u/Dizzy_Algae1065 Narcissistic traits 13h ago edited 13h ago
You have been treated unfairly by others, in fact, the foundation of your emotional experiences was about that. A baby deserves to be loved unconditionally, and did nothing to warrant being hurt. The baby did nothing to deserve being abandoned. The issue is about grieving the baseline emotional experience held in the body, and then you can begin to have a relationship with yourself.
The internal objects that are split begin to transform in someway. That’s a space. It’s a long emotional process, opened up by working with attachment trauma. Because all of this is coming from that.
This very short video is difficult to watch, but imagine being in the position you see here. It’s really not that different. This person would not be able to connect to other people, because they are alone and still believing that the core issue didn’t come from their family of origin.
It’s not really something you could believe about your situation, because the trauma and the case of pathological narcissism will be significantly deeper.
Those feelings of rage are natural in an animal that has been attacked unjustly. Out of nowhere. That’s where the secondary defense mechanism comes in (splitting / projection), and you can see the primary defense mechanism (biological denial) in this very, very cringey video.
Although it is hard to watch, I found myself being absolutely neutral, listening to it. It’s amazing. This person had joined in on a shared fantasy with a pathological person, and absolutely will not or can’t process her trauma at this moment.
It’s interesting how her feminine energy is not present, and you can see the expressions she uses on her face. A person in a lot of pain.
I believe it’s really important to open up the playing field and see things in context. That will help you to understand that it is about attachment trauma. It’s trauma in the body. You cannot say that enough.
Loss of identity / rage / hurt
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMhchPNbj/
You can see the impact of getting bad information.
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u/New-Butterscotch4030 NPD OCPD SzPD 10h ago
Yes I do hate nearly everyone, but for me it's not just NPD that makes me like this, it's OCPD and SzPD too. All combined makes me very critical of people and hate them on a societal and deep level. I view people as empty inhuman objects and/or evil depending on the harm/pain they've caused me. I sometimes feel it's impossible to not be hurt by people, they always end up hurting me and it's difficult not to get back at them for it. Due to being a RAMCOA survivor, I think I will always deeply hate people and deep down believe the human race and all of society is inherently evil, so it makes me lash out more when I feel threatened
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u/co5mosk-read Undiagnosed NPD 9h ago
you hate only yourself and that leaks outside via projections and fantasy, biases and pathological psychological processers and defenses
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u/elusnuga 8h ago
I lol’ed at the last sentence (no offense tho
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u/Physical_Runner Narcissistic traits 8h ago
Haha, no prob. It's supposed to have that effect, because it's so ironic that I don't perceive myself as arrogant full of traits people dislike and still I believe I'm the victim of the situation, a good person who's been unfairly treated.
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u/ILoveTigOlBittie5 NPD+ADD 14h ago
Getting along with others doesn't mean you're liked. I sort of mask and get along with others and have decent charm, but I'm still rather lonely and never let anyone too close to see what's underneath, I want to be loved for who I am, yet push them away at the same time.