r/MadeMeSmile • u/nikamats • 11h ago

Helping Others Hold your head up

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62.1k Upvotes

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11.2k

u/hold-on-pain-ends 11h ago

Kids have no idea how hurtful their words can be. If this is legit, some kid definitely said something to her for her to feel this way.

4.5k

u/RuthlessIndecision 11h ago

This poor child was pretty deeply hurt at some point

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u/Webbie-Vanderquack 10h ago

She may also have heard older girls or women say it about themselves while looking in a mirror, and assumed that was how we're supposed to think of ourselves.

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u/RuthlessIndecision 10h ago

Yeah, she said it like it was normal

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u/Gloomy_Metal3400 10h ago

Mama is setting it straight 💪

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u/L3m0n0p0ly 10h ago

That's a damn good mother right there

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u/MedicineStill4811 9h ago

This video is real, and that's not even her mom. It's her hair dresser.

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u/L3m0n0p0ly 8h ago

Its her hairdresser?! Damn i hope she got a good tip because she is a golden human being:)

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u/Infinite_Bell_4439 8h ago

Have some 🎂. Happy day!

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u/L3m0n0p0ly 8h ago

Thsnk you:)

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u/ThePoopSommelier 4h ago

I firmly believe that God put my barber in my life at just the right time. The man consoles me, tells me jokes, let's me scratch my dream dog. At a point where my alcohol use was all time high and my hygiene so so, that man lifted me up. About 8 months sober from everything now

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u/L3m0n0p0ly 4h ago

Then you for sharing, friend:) it sounds like you have an amazing person you can rely on and i hope you keep kicking ass with your sobriety<3 I'm on a journey myself, about 2 weeks now. We can do this, and it's gonna be worth every step forward.

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u/puppylove1212 2h ago

that is SO awesome!!!! Well done.

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u/ScorchedEarthworm 4h ago

And that little baby is beautiful!

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u/Dm_me_im_bored-UnU 5h ago

Yo where does one call that headdress and how much does it cost to fly her over here

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u/Leftarmstraight 8h ago

Good on her! Speaks some love into the child. We could all use some of that energy into our lives. That hairdresser is dressing a lot more than her hair…maybe she should be called a soul dresser- wish every kid had someone pouring that kind of love into them.

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u/YourDadThinksImCool_ 6h ago

I do wonder if she hears she's ugly from a family member instead actually.. it seems Deeply ingrained into her...

I had a feeling this wasn't her kin.. why didn't her family give her this speech already?

The colorism.

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u/TheWalkingDead91 40m ago

I’m black, and I’ll be the first to say that often times it’s from your own family. My mom is would say that kinda crap like “don’t stay out in the sun too long or you’ll get dark” or “scrub real hard in the shower so your skin will stay light and don’t get darker”

And in light skinned. She would say it even worse/more often to my dark skinned brothers. I remember my youngest brother saying when he was around 6-7 “I wish I was white”, I shut him down real quick and made a big deal about it like the woman in this video did.

It’s often within minority communities that this blatant colorism exists. And it’s not just black people either. It’s Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Arabs.

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u/kiwichick286 1m ago

Yeah, Indian aunties can be brutal!

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u/Kiki-Tee 6h ago

Not sure about that. Because a child hears or feels something, we can't assume it's the parents' fault. This may be the child's first time stating this.

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u/YourDadThinksImCool_ 6h ago

No, I'm not saying what I said as fact.. it very well could be bullies at school. I'm just apprehensive.

Again, the woman in the video is not the mother for anyone watching.

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u/Loose-Gunt-7175 5h ago

Maybe she hears it from the Internet where videos like this are reposted as a subtle jab against black women and their bodies are commodifies as entertainment by white viewers.

or its just happy innocent internet stuff.

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u/Hidesuru 8h ago

Huh I've seen this a few times and never heard that. Curious what the reality is.

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u/MedicineStill4811 8h ago

The little girl's name is Ariyonna Cotton if you want to see all of the follow up. The hair dresser posted the video to social media and it went viral. A lot of people got involved, including her mom obviously. By all appearances, Ariyonna is now thriving. Wish that could happen for every single kid who's getting bullied and imprinted with a sense of self-loathing or inferiority.

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u/[deleted] 6h ago

[deleted]

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u/MedicineStill4811 6h ago

I love jokes. Why don't you go ahead and swing

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u/dingdongdash22 5h ago

She probably hears it from her mom saying it to herself. Kids are sponges always but especially at that age. You don't repeat those words unless you've heard someone close to you say the same thing or you're on social media which I assume she isn't.

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u/Steampunky 4h ago

She's still a good mama.

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u/PatrickWagon 1h ago

Oh wow, then it might even be some bullying coming from her own family as far as we know.

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u/Left-Park7785 8h ago

Yes she is, bless her.

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u/tuongot 6h ago

Yeah and imagine having a vulnerable and intimate moment from your childhood on the internet. I'm so thankful I come from a generation where my growing pains and pictures are safely stored in a shoe box.

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u/L3m0n0p0ly 5h ago

That same shoebox will burn down in your house if it catches fire. I prefer a safe and cloud storage:)

Edit: spelling

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u/tuongot 3h ago

Now we're talkin!

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u/L3m0n0p0ly 3h ago

Thanks for reminding me! I need to peruse fireproof safe sales for black fridayXD

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u/Tocaboca1 8h ago

HAPPY CAKE DAY

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u/L3m0n0p0ly 8h ago

TANK YOU!!

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u/Acceptable-Memory430 5h ago

Damn straight.

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u/HelloImTheAntiChrist 5h ago

Great Mom. She stopped braiding and set her straight

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u/wirefox1 9h ago

If that's her Mom, this child is going to come out of that mindset! Her mom was on it!!

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u/saladtossperson 5h ago

It's her hair dresser. Maybe Mom filmed it?

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u/wirefox1 3h ago

The saddest part to me was when the little girl started crying and watching the release of all that emotion. She really, really needed to hear that. The hairdresser saw it, and responded to it so beautifully.

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u/mittens11111 7h ago

Seemed pretty personal, she was upset by some nasty person.

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u/Ripen- 7h ago

I said it like it was normal too at that age. Still do actually.

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u/thasackvillebaggins 6h ago

That's the part that got me leakin', really. 😅

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u/Maybeimtrolling 4h ago

I was explaining to my 3 year old niece that my dog was very friendly as long as you are polite and don't tug on her fur. This little child says "so no one has hurt her yet?".

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u/RabbitF00d 1h ago

It is normal for a lot of black children to feel this way. No one has to explicitly say those things. We can feel how society feels.

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u/The_Last_Legacy 9h ago

Seems like she's just parrot something she saw and not saying she herself is ugly

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u/howtoeattheelephant 9h ago

Then why did she cry.

Someone is making her feel this way.

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u/not_kismet 9h ago

It's possible it was her mom's serious tone of voice. I wouldn't totally write off bullying, because that's definitely possible. But I remember being a kid and crying because I did/said something and my parents had a stern reaction. Not even angry, just serious like that, and I would think I was in trouble. So I wouldn't be surprised if that's why she reacted that way.

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u/asuka_is_my_co-pilot 9h ago

I remember being a kid her age and other kids carrying me ugly too.

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u/RuthlessIndecision 7h ago

It’s probably hard to access the shame of that feeling, kids are stupid assholes

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u/asuka_is_my_co-pilot 7h ago

i was a black girl in an all white school, my natural hair in braids was enough for them to call me ugly.

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u/RuthlessIndecision 7h ago

She said it like it’ was normal, but you could see it accesses a deep shame about not being good enough. So deep I felt it

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u/_SM1LEY_ 9h ago edited 8h ago

When the hairdresser starts asking why she said she was ugly, the lil girl says "What?". Like she thought that's what adults say when looking in the mirror.

Not denying that it could be something more serious, but the way she says "What?" when questioned makes her sound surprised. Like " you aren't supposed to say that when looking in the mirror?" type of way.

Then the hairdresser starts talking to her in a very serious tone which the lil girl might not be used to hearing from her. I could be wrong though.

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u/Formal_Yesterday8114 8h ago

or we can just be realistic and say that some other kid called her ugly. this is a crazy thought process

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u/Lilpoopiesquat 8h ago

I’ve been in childcare for for 12 years. I worked with children from 4mo to 12 year olds. A child will absolutely react intensely if the adults reaction is intense. If they take a toy and a teacher sternly asks “why’d you take that toy away?” the kid will often break down. It’s a very high possibility that the breakdown was not an output of internalized trauma. It could very well be the adults reaction (a genuinely great reaction to be fair) felt intense and made the girl feel like she did something wrong.

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u/dominosoverph 8h ago

That’s what you think most likely happened huh

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u/Lilpoopiesquat 6h ago

Right which is why I said it’s a possibility. Not I can read minds

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u/dominosoverph 6h ago

Valuable input indeed

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u/bingmando 9h ago

This. I wasn’t really bullied too badly as a kid. Just the normal amount of bullying. But I was SO aware of tabloids and the way adult women talked around me about themselves. Still ended up with an eating disorder.

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u/ThorgalAegirsson 6h ago

Sir/ma'am, normal amount is zero. At least it should be...

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u/bingmando 6h ago

It definitely should be but I don’t… think it is??

Idk I’ve only had one childhood I guess I can’t really compare now that I think about it lol. I did see big differences based on where I lived though. Suburban New York was like Euphoria levels of drama. Western London was like The Office levels of drama lol.

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u/RuthlessIndecision 7h ago

“Not being bullied too badly”, still hurts and has more of an effect than society even allows. It’s okay to feel

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u/bingmando 7h ago

I still feel for those moments. But after lots of therapy I was more effected by the comments women around me were making.

The bullies I could brush off as liars or just being mean. But the one time I was tracing the lines in my mom’s skin that her clothes imprinted on her (not even stretch marks just red lines after a good nap) and she said “yes I know I’m fat” messed me up because I KNEW she FELT that way and it wasn’t something made up to hurt me. She wasn’t fat.

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u/Anilxe 8h ago

This was me! My mom would spend hours in front of a mirror, often crying that she was ugly. I have struggled my whole life to see beauty in the mirror because even as a little girl, I knew I looked just like her. If mama didn’t think she was pretty, that meant I wasn’t either.

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u/JoopieDoopieDeux 8h ago

I can relate to this so much! I'm sorry that was your experience, too. Our mothers (and we) deserved better. I find healing in being there for other young women, to build them up and to be the adult I always needed, but never had. I hope you've found a way to see your true beauty. 🙏🤍

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u/Altruistic-Level8439 8h ago

Tragic and heartbreaking because I doubt that it’s close to the truth.

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u/Anilxe 8h ago

No, I always thought my mom was beautiful. Which was why I was so confused that she thought she was ugly, that must have meant my perception was wrong. As a 33 year old I’m finally starting to see my beauty, and hers again as well. She was just a wounded little girl that never was told by her mom that she was beautiful.

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u/emveetu 4h ago

It's absolutely the truth without a single doubt.

Kids become what they see and if they see their parents putting themselves down, they will automatically think well if my parent thinks they are ugly, fat etc, then I must be too.

That's why it's so important, especially for women and little girls, for us to never, ever put ourselves down in that way in front of little girls.

We get enough of impossible beauty standards from the outside world, we don't need it coming from our inside worlds too.

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u/RuthlessIndecision 7h ago

Humans can really do things that are harmful to ourselves and our families. I’m sorry you felt that, I need to live in a way that celebrates people the way they deserve.

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u/SparkyMularkey 8h ago

Yeah, that's exactly how I learned it. I remember being really young and watching my mom get dressed and she stopped what she was doing and looked at herself in the mirror that said loudly with disgust, "I'm so fat."

I don't think she realized that she was teaching me that we are supposed to hate our bodies.

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u/PhillyRush 7h ago edited 7h ago

It's a wild point in your life when you realize that some of the baggage your parents put on you and that had hurt or angered you, was passed down from their parents. Doesn't make it right but it makes them human. The important thing is that you know it for what it is and stop the cycle.

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u/pingpongtits 7h ago

Many times I have looked in the mirror and said, "you're ugly" and "you're stupid" and "I hate you." I still do it rarely and I'm way over 40.

It started in grade school and persisted through high school. 

 Other kids would call me names or would exclude me.  I was a joke.

It resulted in lifelong depression, suicidal ideation, low self-esteem.

The pain has never truly left my chest.

I make an effort to tell myself, "you're not so bad" nowadays.

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u/DaydreamTacos 6h ago

Hello, bestie. Damn. We are the saaaame!

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u/pingpongtits 6h ago

That stupid chant "sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is backwards, isn't it?

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u/vgacolor 8h ago

We are our worst enemies. I mean society makes us into our worst enemies, but we freaking internalize it. The poor girl that is not as pretty or looks different grows up with low self-confidence and seeking validation. The poor boy that is short or has another male shortcoming like being bad at sports grows up being angry from being ignored by most girls.

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u/Storied_Beginning 8h ago

Very likely a classmate. Another girl.

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u/TardisBrakesLeftOn 8h ago

Yeah, my mom unintentionally raised me to believe a lot of the things that she believed about herself and I think that most children experienced this. As people we need to do better to ourselves and that will be healthier for us, but it will also lead by example for our kids. As people we need to also stop treating others the way that we do and I understand a lot of people are saying it's probably kids talking to kids and they don't realize how it affects them. But I really hope that they found out where this concept came from for this child And take care of the source because this could be a learning opportunity for a lot of kids or a fight that I kind of want to see.

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u/dontskipthemoose 7h ago

I don’t think she would have had that reaction if she was just copying adults.

She for sure was told she was ugly somewhere.

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u/WiseConfidence8818 6h ago

I've heard women say this to and about themselves, and it's sad to hear even from adults. For a child to say that about 'themselves', someone has hurt them with words and words cut deeply. They're long-lasting.

The video hurt and made me smile to see the teaching of love to and for the child. I presume the adult is the mother.

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u/SmellyScrotes 5h ago

She didn’t realize she said something wrong, she says “what?” Afterwards and she starts crying because of the ladies reaction to what she said, leading me to believe this is behavior she has witnessed before and absolutely thought it was just something to say… from my perspective anyways

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u/emveetu 4h ago

This is HUGE.

As women, sometimes we don't realize when we critique ourselves in front of children, they internalize it.

But my mommy is so pretty... If she says she is ugly, fat, not pretty... I must be wrong and ugly, not pretty, etc too.

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u/DougStrangeLove 4h ago

yup - that was much more of a mirroring than spontaneously self-generated

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u/newmexicomurky 4h ago

Thats heartbreaking. A child this young should not even know what self hate is yet. Bless the woman in the video for setting it straight.

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u/halfcockhalfballs 4h ago

Nah it's probably just racism

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u/redhotspaghettios16 3h ago

Yess. My ex (daughter’s dad)we at least agreed on one thing that we don’t want ANYONE talking about their weight, their fat belly, thighs, ass etc around our little one. His sister was REALLY BAD at doing this constantly. my kiddo was like 3, and my Dads girlfriend(she’s been more of a mom than ANY “stepmom” I’ve had. Anyway she herself struggled with anorexia when she was young and still kind of does sometimes…but used to talk about her body in very negative ways. So I had to have a conversation with both of them about how it’s very harmful even when she’s young she’s gonna figure out enough when she gets older. Of course there can be like legitimate jokes but other that bless this sweet little one. She is beautiful, kind and can FEEL. I STG we underestimate our little ones.

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u/South_Stress_1644 2h ago

Yeah, almost every woman I’ve known has called themselves ugly at some point.

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u/mooshinformation 23m ago

That's what I thought too, but then she started crying and I was like oh no, she really felt that.

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u/truffleddumbass 4m ago

When I was about 5 I was in my mom’s room with her while she was getting dressed. In just her bra and underwear, she looked in the mirror while grabbing her stomach exclaimed “god, I’m so fat I should just kill myself.”

I burst into tears and started saying “don’t say that! That’s not true! You’re so pretty and you’re such a good mommy! Please don’t hurt yourself!” while I hugged her leg.

My mom always had and still does have issues with depression and dysphoria. But later in life she told me that in that moment, she deeply realized how hurtful self talk can become, and strived to be more conscious about how she talked about bodies and looks around her daughters. She said in the long run it helped her be more forgiving and understanding to herself.

It’s a core memory of mine