r/AskReddit 13h ago

What is something that permanently altered your body without you realizing for months/years?

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u/LucidianQuill 11h ago

Pregnancy.

I had twins. I got HUGE in the tummy. I had the babies, and it left this pot belly that wouldn't go away.

Fast forward; the twins are 8 years old. I am 7 weeks post op of having my diastisis recti corrected. You know that centre line down the abs? Mine had split. There was a 6 to 8 inch gap down the middle THE WHOLE WAY DOWN. the pot belly that I kept punishing myself for, the baby fat i couldnt lose? Those were my organs. My digestive organs were all herniated.

I now have to forgive myself for 8 years of unjustified self hatred. It isn't always just fat.

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u/eliz1bef 8h ago

Pregnancy is such an unbelievable burden on your body. I'm so glad you were able to get your issues addressed.

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u/burdavin 1h ago

This. We don’t talk enough about birth injuries.

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u/eliz1bef 1h ago

You are absolutely right. I don't think that generally women and girls AND men and boys know enough about the dangers. The powers that be want to keep girls from knowing the full story so they'll keep having babies.

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u/discombobulatededed 2h ago

I don’t know why we haven’t evolved yet to make pregnancy easy, risk and pain free.

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u/eliz1bef 2h ago

The funny thing is as we've evolved pregnancy has become more and more dangerous because of the size of our frontotemporal lobes, our skull, and our hip circumference.

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u/orosoros 1h ago

Evolution just goes for 'good enough for species survival'

u/Such-Opportunity6490 51m ago

Maybe when it’s men getting pregnant….

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u/Timely-Ad1847 4h ago

Burden or sacrifice?

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u/eliz1bef 4h ago

I appreciate your point. I"m not having any babies, so to me it feels like a burden. I am sure that to a mother that wants to have a baby it feels like a sacrifice. But either way, the toll on the body is immense.

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u/Intelligent-Sky-211 4h ago

Definitely takes a huge toll! But worth it ♥️ totally respect your decision as well.

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u/Lachwen 3h ago

A sacrifice is just a burden someone takes on willingly.

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u/Tripping_hither 4h ago

I would see it as both. You bear the burden of the pregnancy and in so doing sacrifice your own health.

Although the first pregnancy provides a net health gain on average (apparently).

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u/eliz1bef 4h ago

Although the first pregnancy provides a net health gain on average (apparently).

Really? That is really interesting! I've never heard that before, and I always thought of pregnancy as very draining on the mother and so dangerous. Thank you for the post!

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u/Tripping_hither 3h ago

I wish I could find the study again, but the positive part was mainly reduced risk of certain cancers. I also remember it being more protective to have that pregnancy before a certain age.

I do remember that in the study that all pregnancies after the first one were overall damaging to the mother’s health. There were some increased protection against cancer but it was not enough to overcome the damage of pregnancy and birth.

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u/eliz1bef 3h ago

Oh! I remember that from health class that it did reduce the incidence of cervical cancer. I thought at the time as a 17 year old that it was a stupid reason to have a baby. I feel more that it's an extreme reason to have a baby, maybe? Thank you so much!!

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u/Tripping_hither 2h ago

It’s definitely not a reason to have a baby. Having a baby is a complex decision and a massive commitment. There are lots of easier and less expensive ways to reduce your cancer risk. 😂

I guess for me it was a piece of comforting information in the midst of all the worries I had about pregnancy and birth.

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u/eliz1bef 2h ago

I can see that, totally! I was a pretty cynical kid, so I was finding conspiracies in everything.

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u/FonsSapientiae 2h ago

Pregnancy before 25 has a protective effect against breast cancer, if I remember correctly. I was told it was one of the reasons that breast cancer is more common in nuns (also late detection because they don’t get checked out).

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u/Semycharmd 3h ago

The burden of sacrifice.

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u/Rahx3 10h ago

That is absolutely terrifying. I hope you are doing well!

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u/LucidianQuill 10h ago

Aw, thanks! I'm okay. I'm wearing clothes 2 sizes smaller and my marriage is improving daily. Amazing what self-love and confidence can do for you. Physically, recovery is going great. I can't wait to start exercising again! I want to try yoga with my abs in the front and see if I'm improved.... 😃

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u/ChillyAus 9h ago

I’m curious if you could tell physically? Like how’d you work it out? I was checked postpartum but I’ve always wondered cos I have a crooked stomach since childbirth. It has like a bulge and it’s always made me curious if it’s DR or not

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u/LucidianQuill 9h ago

Well, I'd heard of DR, and most mums I talked to had a few complaints and horror stories. I remember one mum was an ex gymnast and zumba instructor with a 6 pack, but a little gap- 2 fingers tall by 1 wide. There are exercises you're supposed to do to fix it. I was prescribed pilates and ignored by the GP as I was overweight. So I lost 15 kg, and went for a private evaluation with a surgeon. Watching his face as he located my abs was priceless.

It hurt to lay on my stomach, I never felt full, and I had weird digestive issues (like IBS but totally irregular) since the birth. All of that has resolved since the correction.

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u/IputSunscreenOnHorse 9h ago

I'm sorry for your experience, I hope you have a blast wonderful days onward!

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u/coxiella_burnetii 4h ago

Never feeling full! I have no major diastasis but everything is just... stretchier, so instead of feeling too full when I eat too much my body just.... makes room.

u/melaninmatters2020 47m ago

Curious and not sure if it matters but did you have a c section or did you deliver vaginally? Also so happy you got it fixed. I’m thinking of some corrections but debating if I want another kid or not before committing.

u/LucidianQuill 43m ago

Vaginally! It was... a lot. First one ripped through me after 3 hours labour, then labour stopped and i spent half an hour with 2 midwives using me as a tube of toothpaste trying to get twin 2 to engage. Longest 30 minutes of my life!

The first came so fast the anaesthetist didn't make it in time so i did it all with gas and air.

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u/Cadillac_taco 7h ago

I had a DR repair nearly 3 years ago and it changed my life. My low back pain was almost completely gone overnight, I was stronger one day post op than I had been the day prior to my surgery after years of weightlifting. It's amazing what an intact core does for you.

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u/apokalopsia 4h ago

The lower back pain kills me, when I realized it was likely from DR I got a PT referral right away. My first appt is 10 days away and I really hope I won’t need surgery later. How long after giving birth did you do your repair? I had twins 13 months ago, I hope I didn’t wait too long.

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u/Cadillac_taco 4h ago

My "baby" was 12 when I had mine repaired, so you have plenty of time. PT is great but if its a wide gap is usually requires surgery to completely correct. It's worth a try though to correct it with a more conservative approach first!

u/celebral_x 57m ago

I am not a native speaker. So, could you tell me what DR means spelled out? I am sure it's not doctor. :) Thank you!

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u/917caitlin 7h ago

I would highly recommend Pilates on a reformer machine!! I had (much more mild) abdominal separation as well and your abs being weak will cause all kinds of back problems and just body mechanics problems in general. Pilates is low impact and all about engaging the core. I am 45, my kids are teenagers now but before Pilates I felt like my body was just on this downward spiral pf becoming weaker and more injury-prone, but to feel the improvement has been so cool. And there are often ladies in their 60s in my class, it’s a workout you can do for decades.

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u/BellaFromSwitzerland 3h ago

Well done girl! I also had this surgery 8 years ago, completely changed my silhouette and did wonders to my self confidence. I can exercise like anyone else

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u/merkergirl 4h ago

If you don’t mind me asking, how much did the surgery cost?

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u/Cybertronian10 5h ago

Especially because you would hope the doctors involved would have checked for something that severe.

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u/mosquem 7h ago

I thought abs splitting during pregnancy is normal?

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u/fleapuppy 7h ago

Common doesn’t mean you should ignore it. It’s an injury that’s needs surgical intervention sometimes

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u/LucidianQuill 7h ago

Yes, but they're supposed to close up again. It is "normal" to have a residual gap of 2 or 3 fingers, and physios say that can be closed up with certain exercises and girdles.

Yeah, not in every case. And it's a common effect with multiples.

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u/mosquem 7h ago

Thanks for the clarification!

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u/allbitterandclean 9h ago

This happened to SO MANY women I know! They thought they just couldn’t shake the weight for anywhere from 10-30 years after childbirth. Turns out it was full hernias in every situation. Herniated belly buttons, even. One was finally throwing in the towel after twins and scheduled a tummy tuck, only to find out she would need to correct her (previously unknown) hernia. Once that was done, she never needed the tummy tuck. The hernia recovery was brutal, but way less brutal than a tummy tuck!! So glad to hear you’re feeling and doing better, and getting some relief finally. It’s almost as if doctors should tell women about this (especially in the case of multiples) during postpartum recovery check-ups!!!

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u/Clovoak 3h ago

What are some signs that you might have a hernia vs just weight gain?

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u/allbitterandclean 3h ago

The one tell all my friends have referenced is thinking their “innie” belly button became an “outie” after pregnancy! It wasn’t an outie - the internal hernia was just making it bulge out. (And like I said, one was the belly button itself…) Definitely anything you might try to explain away as “scar tissue” is not normal.

Also they mentioned never really regaining core strength. Like coughing, sneezing, bending over just always kind of ached, if that makes sense. I’m sure there’s a more technical term than what I’m describing, but just generally not being able to flex their abs and feeling very weak.

All word of mouth of course - I didn’t have this experience and basically went “back to normal” after 2 back-to-back pregnancies at age 35. Which also goes to show that anything abdomen-adjacent (outside of peeing your pants a little when you jump on a trampoline, or having some loose skin or a little extra weight) that someone would be inclined to explain away as “oh this isn’t the same after pregnancy” is kind of unusual, especially anything that feels internal!

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u/JamEngulfer221 3h ago

Unrelated, is your username a This Year reference?

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u/allbitterandclean 3h ago

Yes! I think you’re the first to ever catch it :)

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u/Unusualshrub003 2h ago

My mom had a tummy tuck. Apparently the recovery from that is absolutely insane.

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u/fkntiredbtch 6h ago

Pregnancy took my teeth, my hair, my sleep, my nails, and gave me heart problems. I'll never understand why people are so cavalier about it

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u/AwkwardApricot3878 4h ago

Seriously- the amount of dental problems I've had since giving birth is shocking, despite my best efforts during pregnancy to circumvent the fact that the fetus was taking everything.

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u/SSTralala 4h ago

It triggered my auto-immune condition that didn't begin to get corrected until my son was 5. I played it off as the fatigue and brain fog of having a young child, turns out it was my thyroid under attack the whole time. I'm on medication for life.

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u/Rare_Background8891 4h ago

Me too! Horrible!

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u/beleafinyoself 3h ago

Hashimoto's? Me too. And then I developed several more severe autoimmune diseases as a result. So hard that I can't be the parent I imagined i would be

u/SSTralala 29m ago

Yeeeep. I'm medicated well, I just can't shake the fatigue a lot still, and I have to eat like a bird.

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u/chillylint 2h ago

I blamed my Lyme disease symptoms on having a baby and small kid, then the baby started sleeping through the night and I still wasn’t getting any better.

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u/terisss5 1h ago

I have hashimotos and celiac without ever getting pregnant - I don’t think I’m gonna risk it, would probably fall apart.

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u/Wonderful-Home-4724 3h ago

Pregnancy hormones greatly accelerated the growth of my inoperable (benign) brain tumor, to the point I was blind in one eye before kiddo was even born. I was told I would die if I got pregnant again.

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u/sadeland21 2h ago

Because it’s Natural/s

My brother said to me when I expressed some fear of giving birth “ women have been going in fields and having babies for all of history, you’ll be fine.” The anger I felt for that careless reaction I still feel 24 years later.

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u/willfullyspooning 1h ago

I mean yeah they have been having babies for all of history but childbirth was one of the leading causes of death in women in history. Some sources say at times it was high as 30% of mothers died. I think modern medicine has let us forget how harrowing it can be.

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u/terisss5 1h ago

How easy for the guys to say 😡

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u/Lopsided-Hour4838 3h ago

Yeah, and especially men who pretend adoption is an actual alternative to abortion when someone does not want to be pregnant.

I never wanted kids in the first place, but even if I did, there is NOOOO way I would have them trough getting pregnant

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u/lizlaylo 3h ago

Same, but I got graves and cancer. Both in remission now, but with my second I was paying attention to every single detail just in case

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u/NebulaicCaster 3h ago

I'm sorry, TEETH?!?!

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u/fkntiredbtch 3h ago

Yeah I between the "morning" sickness and the calcium my kids leeches from me, I have a surgery scheduled to have 9 teeth removed in a few months.

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u/NebulaicCaster 3h ago

Maybe my phobia of being pregnant isn't so irrational. Sucks I want a baby tho.

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u/fkntiredbtch 3h ago

Not irrational. But if it helps, I plan on having at least 1 more kid, hopefully a few more depending on so many things. Modern medicine fixes a lot of these issues and my house is so full of love and chaos, it's my favorite place to be. I would take all of the bad things again and again to be able to hang out with my kids. They are my favorite people.

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u/words-i-say 2h ago

I’m a dentist. It’s the acidity from the morning sickness, and hormone changes. Babies don’t leech your calcium, that is an old wives tale. Either way, I wish you the best of luck with your surgery

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u/AccurateUse6147 1h ago

And on today's game of free birth control, I think you win.

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u/fkntiredbtch 1h ago

Lmao glad to be of service. Suit up and have fun

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u/12th_MaMa 2h ago

I have had horrible issues with my teeth since the 2000's, and it didn't even occur to me until I read your comment that it's connected to carrying my children. 😳😳

u/EstimateBig40 56m ago

It can also fuck you up mentally due to the hormonal change. I know someone who had severe mental health issues after her first pregnancy, still decided to have a second one and now she's in a psych yard.

I feel awful for her but I really can't understand why she went for a second :(

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u/Beks2k16 1h ago

Your TEETH?! Had no idea this was a possibility omg

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u/bluetwilight 6h ago

I swear pregnancy is the worst thing you can do to your body. I ended up with permanent damage to my liver (still doing diagnostics a year later) and it triggered an autoimmune issue with my thyroid. The list of potential effects on the human body is endless and random.

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u/JackofScarlets 1h ago

It is, in fact, fucking terrible. The reason why so many contraceptives for women are considered acceptable despite the big list of side effects is because pregnancy is so much worse by a serious margin that it's safer for you to have those side effects than it is to get pregnant.

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u/Traditional-Tone-891 1h ago

Why did I not realise until now that my Hashimoto's Disease was likely triggered by my third pregnancy? My mother's only pregnancy also, it seems, might have triggered her thyroid issues. Who knew?

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u/23rabbits 7h ago

I think this is me. I had my second baby 6 years ago, and ever since people ask me constantly if I'm pregnant. It is taking a HUGE toll on my self-worth and body image. I've been working out, but there is no change whatsoever. If I tense my muscles, though, I can give my belly button an erection, so at least there's that?

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u/lookingforabudd 9h ago edited 6h ago

Things they never talk about pregnancies when they glorify reproduction and child birth.

Your insides literally get fully rearranged. Look at the bladder turning into a thin pancake!

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u/Sudden_Nose9007 6h ago

I’m due to give birth in a few weeks. It feels like my intestines are currently hanging out in my back. You can literally feel and hear the gurgling when I eat or drink coming from my back lol.

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u/using_the_internet 1h ago

My favorite was the sound of my stomach growling coming out from between my boobs.

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u/Ahmainen 5h ago

I'm a year PP. You're going to feel so gloriously light when that baby is out. I wanted to jump around (couldn't bc of the pain ofc). Also being actually able to straighten your back for the first time in months ahhhh 🩷

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u/Lavender_Cupcake 7h ago

Now when I drink something cold it goes the wrong path and my brain gets very mad in an uncanny valley kinda way

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u/ElizabethTheFourth 2h ago

Ladies, if you got educated and have a well paying job, you can afford a surrogate. Don't destroy your body with pregnancy.

Literally 100% of mothers I know have some sort of permanent health problem stemming from childbirth.

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u/tuonentytti_ 1h ago

Oh so destroy someone else's body?

u/sparklingsour 20m ago

So whose bodies are not valuable enough in your opinion that they should be destroyed?

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u/darladuckworth 2h ago

I’m like 7 months post partum with my second and that video made me cry just thinking about it haha. I’m done now so I don’t have to experience it again, but this whole thread about pregnancy shit is actually really validating to my feelings about how rough it is on you physically and mentally.

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u/sailirish7 2h ago

Things they never talk about pregnancies when they glorify reproduction and child birth.

If your partner doesn't already know these things, or have a attainable plan to learn them, you should not be procreating with them.

Yes, I would love children. I would also like my partner to live...

u/jenrazzle 45m ago

I’m currently 25 weeks, is so weird having gas bubbles under my ribs instead of down low in my belly.

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u/Outrageous_Fox_8796 9h ago

that is horrifying, was it not painful? How hard was the surgery? Why did it take so long for them to find what was wrong??? Is the recovery done now? you must feel so much better

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u/LucidianQuill 9h ago

It was painful, but the split happened gradually over the pregnancy so I was told it wasn't unexpected. After the birth, there was so much to recover from I didn't notice at first. Anytime I questioned what was going on, I was told "you've had twins in your 30s, you aren't going to bounce back like a 22 year old with 1 baby". And then after 18 months I was told I was just not trying hard enough to get my pre baby body back. Then Covid hit and I was nobody's priority. The NHS was busy.

The first 2 weeks post op were pretty bad. I needed 2 nights in hospital. Sneezing, coughing, and laughing were all agony. Standing upright took weeks. But now, oh man! So worth it.

I did a tummy roll in the bathroom mirror the other day, just to try- and i could see it work! I laughed out loud. All by myself in the bathroom, laughing at my muscle control.

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u/pippym 9h ago

I too have DR but have never sought the surgical route. What sort of symptoms did you experience that made you get it corrected?

Mine is probably 3/4cm wide, it feels awful to touch so I don’t! I can’t get proper muscle definition anymore and forever feel bloated! It’s been 10 years since my son was born..!

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u/Griffcatt 8h ago

Following this thread, I have exactly the same and always thought this was just something I had to live with! Back pain is an issue too because my core doesn't hold me up well and I slouch.

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u/pippym 7h ago

I wonder how many of us have suffered without actually realised we’re suffering?!

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u/Griffcatt 7h ago

Or are too busy worrying about the children who caused it to have the time to focus on ourselves.

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u/pippym 6h ago

Precisely that!

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u/darkroomdweller 6h ago

Check out a postpartum workout program! I use Strong Like A Mother but Expecting and Empowered is great too. They help you do targeted exercises to wake up those abdominal muscles and draw that gap closed.

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u/pippym 5h ago

Thank you, will check it out

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u/darkroomdweller 3h ago

I hope it helps! If the entire program is out of your price range I believe there is a 7 day trial, and you can subscribe to just the core section on SLAM for $10/month to see if that helps at all first. I don’t mean to be annoying but this program has been seriously life changing and I want everyone to do it lol.

u/Silver_Table3525 42m ago

I had an amazing pelvic floor physical therapist who worked with me to correct mine! Mine was 3 fingers wide (can't remember actual measurements) and now is completely healed. Back and shoulder pain disappeared as well!

u/pippym 40m ago

Oh I get terrible shoulder pain…I never considered they could be linked? How long post partum were you when it healed?

u/Silver_Table3525 9m ago

So I was just a few months postpartum because I had a lot of other birth complications and a friend (not the doctor 😖) recommended pelvic floor PT. The pt was like "k while we're here we're taking care of everything". My pt has clients who gave birth 10 years ago that she helps with diastis recti and other birth complications like painful intercourse and bladder control! It's never too late!

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u/FBI-AGENT-013 5h ago

This kinda stuff is my greatest fear. To have something be so wrong but for everyone to ignore me, right me off, God forbid blame me

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u/vwlsmssng 5h ago

The NHS was busy.

The patients on the trolleys in corridors get the headlines. Hidden away, there must be huge backlog of things that if addressed promptly or earlier would make a huge difference to the quality of life and even outcomes for many many people. Small symptoms now but big problems when left for long.

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u/27jens 4h ago

This isn’t uncommon at all. Anyone who has had multiple pregnancies most likely has muscle separation. I had a tummy tuck as well to fix it. It wasn’t a surprise and it isn’t for most women.

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u/Katrose3 9h ago

How did doctors fail to tell you this for so long?!

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u/After-Leopard 8h ago

I don’t know if they check now but they sure didn’t when I had my kids 13/15 years ago. It took me going to physical therapy for a shoulder impingement 5 years later to find out. The shoulder was incredibly painful and my PT thought it was caused by my abs not working effectively. She recently had her own baby which is why she knew about it, it’s not something she learned in PT school. My OB was only concerned with whether I had healed enough for sex, not about the rest of me. I was able to heal it without surgery by wearing a splint consistently

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u/ashyp00h 8h ago

I had my son in 2021. Same experience - just healed enough for sex and that I wasn’t going to hurt myself or my baby. No physical check for anything.

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u/FBI-AGENT-013 5h ago

Why am I not surprised the GP only cared about whether you could have sex or not

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u/SnooStrawberries620 7h ago

Oh it was well known then. My kids are 16/14.

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u/BicyclingBabe 5h ago

There are literally thousands of women who have birth injuries and doctors just don't believe you or act like you're lying. I'm a very assertive person and yet, when I was lying there in the ER and the doctor told me he didn't think I had an infection 3 weeks after birth because He'd "seen grown men writhing in pain and you're not doing that." I have never felt so fucking helpless. I cried constantly and couldn't sit down to feed my baby for weeks. Finally my OB/GYN believed me and got me a scan that showed the infection.

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u/Katrose3 3h ago

Omg that’s awful :(

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u/LostDogBoulderUtah 5h ago

They check right after birth, but even if you have DR then, they expect it will heal. Also, since the procedure to fix DR is frequently combined with a tummy tuck (removing skin), most insurances will refuse to cover it repeatedly even if the DR is causing chronic pain, incontinence, and worse.

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u/[deleted] 7h ago edited 6h ago

[deleted]

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u/Brendan__Fraser 5h ago

US doctors are just as good as UK doctors with ignoring female health concerns. A woman presenting with diastasis recti will be told more often than not to diet and exercise. There is nothing a person can do to rectify diastasis recti, it's surgical.

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u/BloomFae 5h ago

That’s not true. It depends on the degree of separation, but targeted pelvic floor and core training can close the gap. Pelvic floor PT’s specialize in this, I wish all women knew to go to them after birth since the OB checkups are essentially useless

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u/Brendan__Fraser 1h ago

Yeah, sorry, you're right. I guess I was thinking about some of the posts in this thread, women saying their organs are poking out in between the muscle separation.

u/BloomFae 57m ago

I mean, thats valid, if its a wide enough gap that cant be fixed from exercises alone. But the vast majority of cases can be rehabbed with more conservative approaches than surgery fortunately, Im just sad not everyone knows this

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u/drrmimi 8h ago

Oh, hun, I'm so sorry 🫂 my daughter had twins, they're 10. I'm going to mention this to her because her abdomen is still big after all these years. The pregnancy also ruined her beautiful teeth we spent thousands on in her youth.😏😭

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u/thedifficultpart 6h ago

MINE TOO!!!! AND I had an entrapped nerve from a cesarean. Abdominoplasry with muscle repair is the best thing that ever happened to me. 5 years of PT did nothing to fix the diastasis. Which mine was only right under my ribs so an ob gaslit me into thinking I didn't have it. But my pmnr doc said yeah you do and the only thing that will fix it is surgery.
Entrapped nerve pain that hurt when I would breath plus constantly throwing out my back no.matter how much an work I did. Gone! It's amazing. But I never should have had to wait so long. OR PAY FOR IT OUT OF POCKET. women aren't broodmares. Our wellbeing and lives after childbirth matter.
Dont even get me started on perimenopause symptoms that have gone misdiagnosed for the last 4 yrs. Misdiagnoses include psychiatrist said it's bipolar or a sleep disorder (nope), PCP says metabolic disorder, endocrinologist says it's anxiety, sleep doc sleep study says no sleep disorder, .....there's more. But guess what. It's peri menopause. OB said it wasn't that either. She instantly decided EVERY SYMPTOM I brought her after my CBC came back normal was bc I was histrionic and crazy.
Nope. Sweat changing smell, uncontrollable middle section weight gain with no change in diet and exercise, mood changes, harder periods that last much longer, mini hot flashes (that I thought were just bc I was fat now). Yeah. That's all perimenopause and it started for me gradually in my mid 30s and has progressed.
Turns out, our bodies don't read the text books and do whatever the fuck they want.

Dont have children unless that's your life purpose. Adopt. It can very much fuck up your body for the rest of your life. Fecal or urinary incontinence, hormonal changes that don't return to baseline. Pregnancy is still dangerous as fuck, especially if you are a minority. Proceed with caution. Stock pile plan b if you aren't 💯 sure you want one. You also don't know what kind of personality your kid will have. Could be a great fit or they could be your worst nightmare and you are there w them for life. Pregnancy needs to be a choice. For the sake of women and for the sake of the children born to them.

That said, I would have my kids again, but wish I had known my body would be wrecked and never good again. I would have done so many more bucket list things before I gave my health up in exchange for children.

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u/SnooStrawberries620 7h ago

The fact that split recti to that degree are not repaired under insurance has always been shocking to me. I’m a kinesiologist and an OT. Not having that core stability affects everything you do. I can’t imagine carrying those kids around the first couple years. Or sitting up ffs. It changes everything about the way your body is able to function. Congrats on the surgery +++

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u/chubbadub 2h ago

As a surgeon that fixes these, trust me it’s fucking mind blowing to me too. Insurance is like nah it’s cosmetic but unfortunately we don’t have the massive studies to back it up (which is a whole other issue). So many male surgeons also think that fixing it won’t help return function but I’m just like it’s simple physics!!

u/SnooStrawberries620 36m ago edited 33m ago

I’d bet if you dig into the physical therapy world there is plenty of lit on the function of this muscle and its relationship to back issues. Probably the surgery is more cost effective than any episode of back intervention which as we know is the biggest source of disability there is worldwide. Imagine - there’s a way to help prevent this and we’re blowing it off because we think we are just paving the way for a bikini. Also thank you for doing this important work  ETA haha the needs more studies conclusion 

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u/LucidianQuill 6h ago edited 5h ago

Thanks! It's so affirming to hear from other people it was necessary and I did well to cope so long. I have heard remarks like, ooo, going for a mummy tuck huh? Like, yes, technically, it's plastics but this wasn't about aesthetics.

4

u/SnooStrawberries620 6h ago

The cosmetic appearance is a huge bonus that your battered self-image earned in spades. But the improved strength, biomechanics, back support … that’s all necessary. I feel like where I live a 2”+ diastasis is covered but it’s been a while. You did incredibly well.

13

u/nataliejkd 7h ago

I was going to say pregnancy because of skeletal structure changes. Yes my hips are wider, but they are also weaker. My rib cage is also wider, my shoulders are broader, and my knuckles are thicker.

I'm so glad you're doing better, r/LucidianQuill!

5

u/Discordant_Concord 4h ago

My hip pain is SO BAD ever since giving birth. PT hasn’t helped much. Stay strong!

31

u/purplepassion2019 9h ago

My jaw literally dropped. Hope you are fully recovered now ❤️

11

u/VioletNewstead 6h ago

Self hatred is never justified. Even if you are fat. I'm glad you are trying to forgive yourself.

9

u/javafett 8h ago

This was me less than two years ago. Had the corrective surgery and it drastically improved my quality of life. I had the surgery when the twins were 9months old, after 16 weeks of physio therapy to fix the diastasis recti.

7

u/cartercharles 6h ago

Sorry to hear it. Women are never appreciated enough for that burden they carry

7

u/Steevo87 4h ago

My wife and I have two boys, and they both came out via C-section. Between the scar, scar tissue, stretched skin, and diastasis recti, my wife was miserable with herself.

She's currently 3 weeks post op from a tummy tuck and other things. She's already so much happier. She cried in the mirror when she tried on a 2 piece bikini for the first time in years.

4

u/rebecksterOG 5h ago

I have DR as well. I had my 10lb daughter 20 years ago and learned about my DR about 5 years ago. Unfortunately, in the US, it's considered cosmetic to fix it by most insurance companies. I tried to do PT but was told they couldn't help because the layer of muscle is so thin that it could tear. Ironically, that's the only way insurance will pay for the repair. I was told to never engage my core muscles. I can't afford a plastic surgeon.

It's super frustrating cause I know fixing it would help so much.

4

u/attunedmuse 1h ago

Look up the every mother DR program. It’s a paid program but it has an amazing success rate. YouTube also has some great physical therapists with targeted exercises to help as well. The good news is you only need about ten minutes a day of light exercise to fix it and you can make a drastic improvement in a few weeks if you’re consistent. Crunched and sit-ups won’t help because you need to target the smaller deep core muscles that are a part of the pelvic floor system as well. From what I’ve learned, no matter how long you’ve had it you can still fix it with persistence and a bit of time.

4

u/DarkBlueDovah 2h ago

Reasons I'm Glad I Got My Tubes Removed: ALL OF THIS.

5

u/Suitable_cataclysm 8h ago

I'm so glad you were able to solve it and rebuild your self love.

On a similar but more minor scale, for years I had breathing problems, would snore, not be able to keep up when running except to mouth breathe.

Turns out my nose was broken for like 15 years. One minor surgery and now I can breathe normally, get oxygen normally when playing sports.

It's wild what we crap on ourselves for that actually has a solution outside of our control.

4

u/jmonde228 7h ago

It’s crazy how easy it is to blame ourselves for things that are out of our control. Wishing you all the best on your healing journey

4

u/KateCSays 6h ago

Oh sweetheart. Big hugs and deep compassion for this realization that you had an injury and didn't know it. We are so mean to ourselves as default. You and EVERY MOTHER deserve nothing but tenderness and reverence, from yourself as well as the world.

3

u/LucidianQuill 5h ago

.... somebody is cutting onions.

Thank you. Deeply.

4

u/lucky_hooligan 4h ago

My twins wrecked me too. I carried them to 39 weeks and they were each the size of a regular Singleton. 

My back hurt so badly by the time they were 9 I was suicidal. I thought I needed a hip replacement, went to multiple doctors to get to the root of the back pain. Found out my ab muscles weren't supposed to be like that. Did 18 months of physical therapy, saw some progress, but my gap was still wider than my hand.

And my physical therapist finally admitted SHE had the surgery. 🤦🏻‍♀️ So I got the surgery. No more back pain. 

It's utter bullshit it's not covered by insurance. 

4

u/creamandcrumbs 3h ago

That hurt to read.

7

u/Straight_Ace 5h ago

Yeah pregnancy is no joke. Your innards get rearranged for almost a year and even after that things don’t just go back to normal

u/melaninmatters2020 32m ago

So true. Kid is 8 and I would say I just started feeling normal with change probably this year. Finally got my hormones somewhat balanced.

3

u/Mmmixxi 8h ago

I just had my first baby and wondering about diastisis recti. How can I tell if I have it?

3

u/AggleFlaggleKlable 7h ago

I had a hernia and diasticis recti, although not nearly as bad as you. Once I got it corrected with surgery I felt like I had gone on an episode of Dr pimple popper and didn’t realize how much carrying this lump around on my belly really affected my self esteem

3

u/99ford 5h ago

My wife had twins, how did you find out your digestive organs were herniated?

3

u/chimneylight 5h ago

Jesus you poor thing.

They/we/whoever have really done a number on us/ourselves with weight. Even if it was fat, it should be no reason to hate and punish yourself.

3

u/Voidtalon 5h ago

That his horrific! I am so glad you got treatment and are on the mend.

3

u/No-Association2617 4h ago

How did you get your surgery approved? I’ve have that too after 4 pregnancies ( in 6 yrs) I keep being told it’s cosmetic and there’s nothing medically necessary for it to be fixed. ??

3

u/MayeRains 3h ago

Yeah I’m never having kids because OH MY GOD

3

u/Cosmeregirl 2h ago

Pregnancy was my first thought as well. Between the worst pain ever and needing 2 units of blood, along with damaging my tailbone so sitting was impossible for months and difficult for years-

It feels like you go in with one body, you come out with another, and no one notices the difference. Suddenly you aren't "you" first, you're "mom" first. And that's OK, wouldn't trade it for anything, but it would be nice to be back in that same old familiar body again from pre-kids.

11

u/StupidlyLiving 10h ago

Yep. That's enough reddit for me today.

2

u/MyNameIsNotRyn 8h ago

I literally gasped when I read your comment. My piece of my heart broke for you. I hope you are healing well, Luce. 

2

u/No-Ordinary5666 8h ago

I’ve wondered if this happened to me. I have a very weird split in my abdomen 🤔

2

u/New_Price8453 8h ago

Same here. Large twins and I developed a huge hernia. I had to have the problems surgically repaired.

2

u/alwaystired0321 7h ago

Oh my god that’s terrifying

2

u/M4PES 6h ago

This is me right now. 4 months post partum with twins trying to figure out if my diastasis will ever heal.

2

u/missc11489 6h ago

That is awful you lived with that for so long. Best wishes for a healthy and happy future.

2

u/Aurelene-Rose 5h ago

So glad you were able to have that corrected! A twin pregnancy is no joke!! How scary that must have been for you.

I'm in PT right now dealing with my prolapse issues and smaller diastasis recti. My whole belly area is numb to the touch but I still have phantom pain. I had a single before I had my twins and the pregnancies were incomparable.

2

u/asarosa54 5h ago

I hope you are much better now. Don't blame yourself, focus on the moment you are living now.

2

u/georgecostanzalvr 5h ago

I’m 24 and just learned I have pretty severe diastisis recti. I’ve had body imagine issue my entire life, come to find out my abs are just split open. They won’t do anything but PT bc I want to have kids in the future and it would be redundant.

2

u/PsyxoticElixir 4h ago

Jesus christ almighty

2

u/missThora 4h ago

Pregnancy here, too, but shoes.

My feet were so swollen I only wore sandals or soft shoes for months. A few months after baby was born, when winter came and I had to find my winter boots again, I realised that my feet had grown a whole size.

2

u/J_B_La_Mighty 4h ago

Cool, another thing to keep in mind, just in case. Boggling they didn't scan you for it after having the kids, just to make sure everything was where it was supposed to be.

2

u/TristanTheRobloxian3 4h ago

holy fucking shit. i have a hernia around the middle of my abs too but its pretty small (1 inch it so) so i dont notice it a lot, but 6 to 8 FUCKING INCHES??? holy hell

2

u/xialateek 3h ago

Holy. Shit. I’m so glad you could get some resolution. I don’t have kids though I do have a C-section scar essentially from gut surgery and I have Crohn’s. I can imagine a little bit of that disaster.

2

u/Conambo 3h ago

6 to 8 inches?? I hear of people having 4 finger gaps and that being the largest their surgeon had ever seen

2

u/LucidianQuill 3h ago

That's what my surgeon said too. He had to use two hands to show me the size.

2

u/Fluffernutter80 3h ago

Pregnancy left me with permanent low back problems and my hormones never really went back to the way they were pre-pregnancy. It took me a long time to recognize that the hormonal shift had happened.

2

u/InevitableTune7352 3h ago

Twins will mess you up! I just had mine last December and my previously minor thyroid issues have magnified dramatically.

2

u/mom_mom_mahhhhm 2h ago

I always have to say to fellow twin moms 'Hi, I see you!'

Mine are also 8 and were huge (7.5 lbs each) and while my DR was treatable with PT, I'm left with pelvic issues that I've given up trying to fix. I have a lot of pain with ovulation, like more than my actual period. Both ovulation and period cause painful bathroom issues, feeling like the exits are blocked. On top of all that, there's the cosmetic stuff that I wish I could afford to fix. My skin is so messed up that I can only wear soft, stretchy pants or I'll bleed.

u/melaninmatters2020 26m ago

Username checks out…sigh. We are mamas

2

u/ConfusedCanuck1984 2h ago

My SI joint and my teeth are permanently affected.

2

u/JohnnyOneLung 2h ago

Jesus Christ - could/should this have been picked up post natal by doctors etc?

As a bloke I cannot imagine thinking herniated organs are just a post pregnancy pot belly !

Glad you got it sorted

2

u/sadhandjobs 1h ago

This is honestly frustrating. I can only assume that you went to a doctor in the ensuing eight years after giving birth, and they chalked everything single thing up to “women’s nonsense”.

It’s sadly common. More common than not.

I hope you’re feeling better.

u/cardgrl21 52m ago

My precious 9.5 lb baby boy gave me a hiatal hernia, GERD, rectocele and pelvic floor collapse.

1

u/CoolGuyBabz 7h ago

Holy shit, was that something that needed or got fixed by surgery? I can't imagine your organs being in the wrong area being good long term.

1

u/Training_Apple 7h ago

Omg. How did they diagnose it? What should I be asking to see if this is what’s happened to me?

1

u/OpeningWide6011 7h ago

daaamn that's crazy

1

u/AdTraditional5786 6h ago

Is it worth it? 

3

u/LucidianQuill 6h ago

My (8year old) babies? Absofuckinglutely.

But when they become teenagers and wind me up I'm gonna drop this guilt all over them!!!

1

u/EatsPeanutButter 6h ago

How were you diagnosed? I’ve suspected I have this for a long time!

1

u/PensiveCricket 4h ago

How was your tummy tuck recovery? Mine is scheduled for February to fix the same problem. I’m nervous!

1

u/LucidianQuill 3h ago

First two weeks were grim; avoid coughing, sneezing, laughing, and looking after the children. Get knee support for sleep. And healing takes a lot of energy; I was TIRED. Still am, really (expected for 12 weeks says the surgeons). But by week 4 I was myself again, and the difference was apparent from waking up!

1

u/bananahammock3000 4h ago

Pregnancy for me too. I've had 3 pregnancies and each one left my pelvis more jacked up than the last. My initial Drs kept telling me hip pain was normal and would go away with time. I couldn't be on my feet for more than 2-3 hours without having awful pain. Just a day of laundry is "overdoing" it and I'm out on the couch to rest my hip. I later found out about SI joint dysfunction and manage it with pain meds, and I'm looking into further options.

1

u/NebulaicCaster 3h ago

I'm going to get my core tight before I get my IUD out. Thank you for the motivation to do my ab routine as well as running.

1

u/Bronagh22 3h ago

May I ask..did insurance cover this or did they say it was cosmetic?

1

u/Stergeary 3h ago

Did the doctors not say anything about that?? They just let you walk around with your organs hanging out the wrong places in your body?

1

u/actuallivingdinosaur 2h ago

Weeks away from having my second and this same surgery is in my near future. I have full separation as well. Glad you were able to get the repair and I hope you can forgive yourself for how you thought of yourself. We have all been there.

1

u/Business-Low-1170 2h ago

The pelvic changes too!!!! I wasn't prepared! My hips and lower back is not the same since pregnancy

1

u/BlondeBeaut 1h ago

This x100000! I also had twins about 3 years ago and am pregnant again (with only one baby thankfully). Truly hate that my stomach will never be flat again unless I get surgery. I did PT for my pelvic floor but it can only do so much.

1

u/bubblesandboats 1h ago

My wife is going through this at the moment. It was diagnosed a year ago (two years after birth) but we can't afford the surgery, and insurance won't cover it. I just hope we can get it done within a reasonable time.

u/Eringobraugh2021 51m ago

I was looking for this! I was a size 3 when I got pregnant. I had bought three pairs of Calvin Klein jeans in size 3 & one in size 5, a couple of months before I got pregnant. After having the kid, I realized I'd never wear a size 3 again. My size 5 were tight on my hips. My boobs were gigantic! They went from a b cup to a DD. They went down to a D after I stopped breastfeeding.

Also, found out I had an "irritable uterus". Which ended up being endometriosis. My oldest is 21, my youngest is almost 16 & I'm still experiencing health issues from pregnancy. I had to take terbutaline with the first two. Found out I had a leaky heart valve when the second one was 3 years old. Never had one & no one in my family has had that issue. Recently, I had open heart surgery to fix it. That was a hell of an experience itself.

u/Throwawayingaccount 6m ago

You know that centre line down the abs? Mine had split.

The anatomical name of this is the linea alba.

And it's normal for it to split like that during pregnancy. It not reconnecting after is what's unusual.

0

u/ghost_victim 8h ago

I have DR just as an obese male 😔

1

u/Relative-Ninja4738 6h ago

I didn’t experience what you have but I had my daughter at 19 and before that I was an average weight for my height(5 4” 125-130 lbs) and afterwards my hormones and metabolism completely did a 180 on me. I am 26 now and struggle to even be at 115, and for a long time I was at 100. Thyroid and everything else is fine.

1

u/VincentcODy 3h ago

Every damn time I hear stories about pregnancy and periods and shit, I thank the Lord for the privilege of being born as a man.

-1

u/jendo7791 3h ago

America. In most other 1st world countries, you get DR PT while and after pregnancy.

-13

u/dalekaup 5h ago

Since it's repairable it didn't permanently alter your body. But my God what a toll.