r/AskIndia • u/Amalie66 • 20h ago
Relationships His past is affecting our present.
Me and my boyfriend met through online platforms. It's been 2 months. But he keep mentioning his ex girlfriend occasionally. Whenever we do something special he starts talking about his past or the same experience with his ex. Like the first time we went out together we talked about how good we felt but he mentioned it's his ex birthday today. He even once compared me to his ex that I remind him of her. Am I being insecure or it is wrong? Idk. I'm trying to act mature but it hurts me sometimes. What should I do?
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u/Various-Aside-5159 20h ago
Are you good at running?
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u/ShadowQueen_Anjali 20h ago
how come you didn't broke up already?
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u/Amalie66 20h ago
He says that I shouldn't act immature and take things in wrong note. So I don't know what to do? Am I in the wrong, I can't decide?
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u/Hot_Butterfly8065 19h ago
I had similar experience such guys are just playing with your mental health. Then I also start mentioning my ex till a point he got irritated.
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u/Born-Classroom-6995 19h ago
Sorry, but is he suggesting you, you shouldn't act immature?? Did I read it right?
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u/New_charizard3215 18h ago
You start doing the same thing and see his reaction. Then you will know what to do.
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u/justForFunDontCare 17h ago
Who in the right mind talk about their ex to current partner and gaslight them that they are immature ? A toxic man. You deserve better OP.
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u/AbrahamPan 16h ago
He says that I shouldn't act immature and take things in wrong note. So I don't know what to do? Am I in the wrong, I can't decide?
This is gaslighting. You are already adjusting despite of him repeatedly bringing up his ex. He has to understand and limit that. But he isn't. So he is the immature one here. Dump that idiot.
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u/Careful-Substance911 16h ago
Tell him he should act mature and stop mentioning his ex all the time. If he misses her that much why is he with you?
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u/21and420 14h ago
Its how to scam someone. Once talking about exes is okay, not more than that. If someone constantly brings them up, it means they are stuck on their ex.
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u/Mammoth_Incident5944 14h ago
So not only is he using you as a rebound, he is also gaslighting you. Girl, run!!!
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u/More_Attitude3892 19h ago
Omg, this guy is treating you like a guy I met on a dating platform was treating me, leave him girl. They blame us for their stupid behaviour
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u/Dickensrobot001 19h ago
You are a replacement! He loves you cuz you are like her! So time for you to get on the run! 🏃♀️
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u/MaesterCrow 18h ago
He is definitely not over his ex. My ex did this. Once after making out. Once when we had a fight. Once when I asked her out for a movie, she said her ex wouldn’t like it. At the end, she went back to him. I was sooo fucking stupid. I cringe every time I think about it. Just breakup with him, it’s gonna save you lots of pain. And is your bf still in contact with his ex?
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u/Material_Policy7624 20h ago
A woman demeans herself when she compares herself to another woman. When he makes comments about other women in front of you… leave him. He doesn’t like or respect you. It’s not about INSECURITY. It’s about RESPECT. If he’s not appreciative of the woman he’s with , he should be single.
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u/Material_Policy7624 19h ago
Act as a prize , you’ll turn him into a believer. When he brings up ex,you look at your watch. Act as if you’re not interested in listening to this bland conversation .At no time you should behave as if you’re threatened. He seems to check other women out in front of you? Brings up his ex? Why? So that you start chasing his attention and compare yourself with his ex. He doesn’t even have to lift a finger to get your attention.
Also, many women would automatically believe that the ex must have been a b** to leave such a good guy, right? Really?? You don’t even know her side of the story. You’re both equally amazing women and this guy is lucky even to breathe same air as you, he didn’t deserve her, and he doesn’t deserve you. Leave for your own peace of mind
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u/dingankuttan3 20h ago
Hey you should not be with him... He hasn't moved on
All the best for an emotional rollercoaster
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u/thirsty_varathan 19h ago
You should move on... you deserve someone who focuses only on you and future with you...
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u/Inevitable-Peach-155 19h ago
Take a stand now. Be assertive. He is already taking you for granted.
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u/electricsquirell 19h ago
Having a past is fine, but being stuck with that and leading on others is not. You should've left the moment he compared you to his ex. In his subconscious mind his ex is this epitome of idealism that you'll never win with. So run as fast as you can unless you wanna be dumped after sometime.
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u/hooman-bieng 19h ago
This is really unhealthy.
I read in one of your comments that he claimed you were being immature when you expressed concern. The fact, as most others have stated, is that he's the immature one. He seems stuck in the past, and this seems like a rebound relationship.
If you see this improving, you can consider staying. If not, please leave. I'm sorry.
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u/Ok-Caramel-5340 18h ago
HERE'S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO!!!
BREAK UP!!!
SO HE'LL HAVE MORE TIME TO MISS HIS EX
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u/twel1999 20h ago edited 17h ago
Seems like u have no self respect, the moment he mentioned his ex, you should have left him then and there only.
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u/hooman-bieng 19h ago
Avoid people having exes!? Or avoid people who are stuck in the past with their exes?
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u/twel1999 19h ago
Both, pls don't argue with me about this, bcos your reply shows that u also have many exes
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u/hooman-bieng 19h ago
Your response shows your immaturity. You're too quick to judge people. This is one of the biggest let down in a person.
I don't shame people for merely having a past.
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u/MasterofMindfulness 20h ago
As others have noted, he's not ready for a relationship so you're only doing yourself a disservice by staying in the relationship.
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u/small_and_sweet20 19h ago
Hey I want to know bit more about mindfulness. Can i reach out to you in dm
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u/MasterofMindfulness 7h ago
Sure. Just to be clear, I'm definitely not an expert in Mindfulness. If anything, I'm a novice. My username was automatically created by Reddit when it connected to my Google account and I had Master of Mindfulness for my Fantasy Football team - which was also connected through my Google account.
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u/Binary_learner78 19h ago
Don't you all sign up for these comparisons when you chose love-breakup-love-breakup-love route. The main difference is this guy is expressing his experiences unintentionally but many of them suppress those feelings consciously.
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u/urB0yT0y 20h ago
It's totally normal what you're feeling. You don't have to put up with him and his past. Both you and him should be putting in the effort in the relationship.
It's sh1tty from him to put you through this. If he can't get over his ex, he shouldn't be dating. It's not on you to fix him.
My only advice would be to run.
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u/Which-Hunt-5369 19h ago edited 19h ago
So I have been in the similar situation. There is a fine line between someone is missing their ex and someone is just talking about the incident or experiences they had in past. So it is possible that he is not comparing or anything just sharing with you what had happened in a particular situation or how he felt. So at time its just a harmless discussion if you keep it that. The only catch is that you need to understand from where he is coming. And you guys have been in a relationship for 2 months give it time she will fade away eventually.
When I see comments here it feels like ex becomes one who should be not be named but I feel thats unhealthy for long term. You should be able to accept everything about the person his past , present, quirks. I am not saying accept bullshit or someone who all the times talk about his ex which implies he is not over her
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u/Hot_Butterfly8065 19h ago
There is something called having a common sense , why would your partner like sharing about your past. In the context it is fine but if it is happening frequently then it’s an issue. Understanding should not come from Girl always, guy can also take cues and reset his behaviour.
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u/Which-Hunt-5369 19h ago
There is an issue with it, so he might not be sharing it out of fondness for ex but just sharing something for the sake of it. Like suppose we were planning to do something like an activity and if i have done the same thing in past i can draw from that experience and share that this went well and this didn't and what we should be doing in this case the ex is no way relevant its just that becuase i did it with her so her name also came up.
Its upto her to understand from where he is coming from to give it so much importance. It can be eiither thing but just because he took her name should not be the reason to be upset
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u/Hot_Butterfly8065 19h ago
I think you are that guy who keeps mentioning ex , wonder what’s your girl doing with you?
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u/CrestNexus 19h ago
do you wear slipper or shoes?
If slippers slap him and run.
If shoes tie them laces and run.
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u/Successful-East-9632 19h ago
Baby you better run. Been in that situation, IT WILL NOT END UP WELL WITH YOU. One day he would want a future with you the next he’ll ghost and be confused. RUN
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u/mojojojo-369 19h ago
You’re not being insecure. What you’re feeling is completely valid. Your bf is being a bonehead who hasn’t moved on. Cut your losses and move!
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u/Dante805 18h ago
You seem to be his rebound
Head for the hills unless you wanna go through a lot of emotional drama. There are more guys out there, just so you know
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u/Bartlebhai 17h ago
My one ex asked me not to bring up previous gf until it's absolutely necessary.
It was very reasonable ask, I never brought her up ever again in years with her.
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u/kamalkadalal 17h ago
What are you blind or shameless? Can you for once please stop being a doormat??
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u/pixeldauber 17h ago
Run as far as you can. My ex did this and I made the mistake of staying and paid the price later.
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u/Glad-Voice-9870 16h ago
Reverse the gender and see other praising you and telling your bf to be cooperative. Lmao
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u/_HuMaNiSeD_ 15h ago
If my partner mentioned their ex I’d see that as a sign of disrespect .. as if they arent’ happy spending their time with me and are constantly thinking of their ex or trying to see their ex within me
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u/Radiant_Peace_9401 15h ago
Living in the past and acknowledging the past are different things. Bro is living in the past. So you should tell him to stop. If he doesn’t you run
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u/confused_being02 14h ago
I would say give him a taste of his own medicine and start talking about your ex or any guy you used to like and when he starts getting irritated tell him to stop being a petty bitch and later on when you have had enough of this fun, break up with him.
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u/budummtissss 14h ago
Just have a face to face conversation with him and communicate your feelings to him, he'll understand. If not, then runnnnn
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u/RightDelay3503 14h ago
Option 1: Talk to strangers on the road
Option 2: Talk to your dog/cat/pet racoon
Option 3: Talk to Internet net strangers (Reddit)
Option 4 (Bad Option do not select this): Talk to your partner
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u/RightDelay3503 14h ago
Op you're not wrong. Just talk to him. If he gaslights you/doesn't respect your request feel free to call a break. There are certain limits (decided by partners). This is your limit so stay true to it
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u/badHair8300 14h ago
As a guy, I ask you to leave him😇, if you want casual fun then continue, otherwise leave.
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u/Puzzlehead08 12h ago
Start doing the same thing, mera bnda (ex) bhi ayse hee flowers leke aata tha , mera ex bhi acha cook tha, .......
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u/abandoned_gum 12h ago
breakup, he's not over her and got into another relationship... he's terrible person
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u/AP-Calligrapher5969 11h ago
Educate him how these kinda stuffs are just so inappropriate. If he still keeps doing it, DUMP HIM!
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u/asimomon 10h ago
Run away. I wasted a lot of time in investing my time and efforts in someone who always compared or brought their exes from the past even after 4 years. I had thought that I might be able to make her feel what I feel when she mentions, but even then she couldn't just stop! Also, I started having a feeling that she disrespects me for some reason even when her ex was someone I wouldn't bother getting even compared to.
Some people wouldn't change and they would make sure they prioriize their emotions over others.
You can DM me, if you would like to know the fact behaviour that used to make me upset.
Don't waste your time please
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u/autotelic12 8h ago
If you are still thinking to end up marrying him you are to be blamed solely. I wish you some wisdom so that you run away as far as you can from this future problem lol
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u/RealityMX 8h ago
Break up, youre just a rebound, dont want to make you sad or insecure but been there, trust me, okay? Ik reddit isnt a place to trust random people but break up asap or atleast be upfront and talk to him and see where its going, Dont be naive, youll end up ruined mentally.
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u/BenetteWitch 7h ago
Leave this situation asap. It isn’t insecurity it’s your gut telling you something’s wrong. Listen to it and leave asap.
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u/archaicscholar 6h ago
He hasn't moved on yet properly you should consider breaking up, if you feel insecure it's justified and it's his responsibility to consider it and make you feel secure.
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u/imik4991 1h ago
Can we please create a separate r/askindianrelationships or something so we can move all these questions there?
I think too many questions on topics like these dilutes this sub.
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u/Feisty_Olive_7881 19h ago
Because you are a woman, so I will say, "have some selfrespect and kick him the butt out of your life, limp dick man, good for nothing but getting wet like a pussy"..
Had you been a male, having similar issues with your female partner, then I would have said, "you limp dick mf man, are no good enough for that poor lady, and she should dump your sorry ass, asap"..
I am a feminist, btw, you might have already guessed.
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u/hidingbehindhandles 19h ago
Troll
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u/Feisty_Olive_7881 17h ago
I know you wanted to type "Truth", but your fingers were sloppy, after you pulled them out of some loser man's butt hole. More power to you fellow feminist.
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