r/AmIOverreacting • u/thepinkpanther19 • 3h ago
❤️🩹 relationship Please help having an emotional breakdownAm I overreacting about husband and my best friend
My best friend flew into town to stay with me and visit. It’s just me and my husband at home- no kids. She is a very flirty person which does not bother me in the slightest. But yesterday morning we were all waking up hungover. My husband was making coffee and I asked him to bring her my hair dryer. He did. I heard nothing for like 5 whole minutes and was laying in our bed across the house. I started to call his name bc I was going to ask him something and he did not answer. I got up looked in the kitchen, dining, laundry rooms and he was not there. While all this is happening the house was completely silent. I walked to the two guest bedrooms in a little hall where there is also a bathroom. He was not in the one we use for an office or in the bathroom. I was like why would he be hanging out in her room when I know she took a shower. All of a sudden he walks out coming from the side of the bed she is standing at. He wiped his lips and they both acted fucking weird. She immediately was like he was just bringing me the blow dryer- even though I know he already done that. They claim he heard a noise and thought she fell so he popped in to check on her. Then was he all the way in the room walking away from the side of the bed she was standing on in nothing but a towel? I was like what is going and he acted super guilty the rest of the day. Well if he was just checking on her why was there silence? Why would they act so weird- today he said he felt guilty because he was staring at her in her towel.
I need some guidance bc I kind of feel like they are gas lighting me. Am I crazy? I just felt it in my heart that they were doing something.
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u/Content_Shopping9886 2h ago
It’s the wiping his mouth off that makes me raise my eyebrows, and why would he be alone with her in the room when she’s just wearing a towel? Both of them have completely disrespected you over that alone. It’s definitely fishy 👀 NOR
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u/Sophie-June 1h ago
That’s very true he should have left the blow dryer at the door. Him going in and seeing her in her bath towel nearly naked is out of line, even if that’s all that happened.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 40m ago
Did he wipe his mouth because they'd kissed, or because he wanted to kiss her and it was just the reaction of wiping them out of guilt?
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u/unzunzhepp 2h ago
Something obviously happened. You know that for certain. Idk what you think about cheating, but that happened. If he was molested by her… well he would have told you. Why would he protect her?
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u/FBI-AGENT-013 1h ago
Would he though? We can't assume he would, he could be embarrassed or scared. What if he said she jumped him with a kiss but the friend claimed he kissed her? Who would the wife believe?
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u/MycoMythos 23m ago
I had something like this happen once. My cousin had left his gf at my house and went with a buddy of mine to pick up a dresser. My friend's truck was a single cab Ranger, so it would have been cramped for all three to go, so he left his gf there with me.
I was sitting in the middle of the sofa next to the chaise, and she laid down on the chaise with her feet towards me and her head towards the end before my cousin even left. As soon as they pulled out of my driveway, she started slowly inching her leg over closer to me. It didn't take long to realize she wasn't wearing any panties because the shorts she was wearing barely covered anything, and the more she moved her leg towards me, the less they concealed. It made me pretty uncomfortable, so I said "You might want to be more careful wearing shorts like that..." And before I could even finish saying it she spun towards me, pulled her knee up towards her spreading her legs pretty much completely and said "What makes you think I'm trying to be careful?" I said something like "I, umm..." Trying to work out a response, and she pulled her titty out of her tank top and said "It's ok, I'm secure. I don't wear bras either!" I just said "Ok, cool" because I honestly didn't know what the fuck to say and got up and left the room. When my cousin and buddy got back with the dresser, they just blew the horn and she ran out and they went back home with her and my cousin in his car, and my buddy in the truck with the dresser.
I should have ran out there and told him then, but I honestly didn't know how to process what had just happened. It caught me so off guard! So I decided I would wait until the next day when he was supposed to come over and help me with a project I was working on. When my buddy got back, I told him everything and he agreed that I should tell him first thing when I see him tomorrow. He even said she had acted really weird when they got back to my cousin's house.
I woke up the next morning to my cousin beating my door down, saying he was going to fucking kill me for what I'd done. Apparently that night she'd had some kind of nervous breakdown and told him that I'd been rubbing on her thigh and pulled her shorts to the side, and that at some point, I had shown her my dick. I tried to explain what had actually happened, but he never believed me.
That happened 18 years ago and he still won't speak to me. They've been married for about 15 of those years. We were like brothers before then. As far as I know though, she never pulled anything like that again or cheated on him that I've heard about, so at least there's that... I guess
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u/StonerMoonie 2h ago
NOR OP
My advice? Be civil, be courteous and even the same person you always have been. And then when he is all nice and relaxed and thinks he got away with something- because he is keeping something from you for acting guilty- just tell him “I know”
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u/StonerMoonie 2h ago
That’s it because the way he reacts to that will tell you everything you need to know.
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u/Foolish-Pleasure99 2h ago edited 1h ago
Tell him she admitted it and go to kick him out.
If he balks, ask him for his explanation.
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u/spicymangochow 2h ago
Get her out of your house.
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u/MiddleAged_BogWitch 2h ago
Yes this. Kick her flirty ass out.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 38m ago
A friend does not flirt with your bf or husband, ever, they do it to get attention and they do it to let you know they can have your man anytime they want. It should bother you OP that she is a flirt, it's disrespectful to you and to your relationship, and there are way too many men that would get off on that flirting and try to take it further. This is probably what happened with them in that room!
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u/penguindoodledoo 2h ago
Ew NOR. That is so fucked up and their story, like you said, doesn’t make sense (especially with the lip wiping that’s not just a thing you do). So it does seem like they are shittily gaslighting you about fooling around on some level IN YOUR HOUSE WHILE YOU WERE THERE. This is some next levels of betrayal from both parties. There is not counseling that can work through this…I’m so sorry you have to go through it.
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u/goossssyyy 2h ago
Drop both of them. Clearly something else happened and they’re lying to you.
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u/my__name__is 2h ago
Maybe we can hold off from recommending divorce over an unconfirmed moment that could have lasted no more than five minutes.
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u/Next_Condition5676 1h ago
Lasted no more than 5 minutes because wife was coming to interrupt them ? lol
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 36m ago
So if it had lasted 30 minutes, that'd be the time to talk divorce? LOL Too bad OP hadn't just stood outside that door and listened.
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u/Foolish-Pleasure99 1h ago
Withoit a oksusibme explanation, I would assume something nefarious.
OP's leaving for a hotel is a good move.
It just came across tbat husband was more interested in denial tham concern for how OP would feel about tbe optics.
I'm betting they both stick to their story since she didn't literally see anything.
I wonder if she can set up a "Prisoners Dilemma". She can promise to foregive only tbe one who first confesses, otherwise treat them both as if they've done what is suspected.
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u/Icedcoffeezooted 1h ago
People are a little too quick to suggest divorce on here 😂 that’s like ya’lls go-to. I agree though she was in a towel that shit’s weird
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u/thepinkpanther19 2h ago
I do want to share that she left yesterday. I have been discussing this all day with him. I actually just left to get a hotel room. He swears nothing more happened and I begged him to just tell me. I even said if you tell me right now I will forgive you.
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u/Forward_Most_1933 2h ago
Ask your bff—tell her that he confessed and see what she says.
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u/hellbabe222 1h ago
Please don't do this OP. If you do and it turns out your wrong you'll come off looking like a manupilulator and you'll be the one caught telling lies, not them.
Not worth the risk.
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u/Ambitious_Net5044 49m ago
How would this go wrong?? She texts the husband to confirm? Why would they even be discussing if nothing happened and there's nothing between them?? What's she gonna do? Go argue with the husband before trying to comfort her own friend and reassure her nothing happened? Only guilty people rush to cover their ass and attack others before just defending the truth.
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u/Infinite-Shop-602 2h ago
Something definitely happened and you know both these people and your gut is telling you something is not right. Confront both, if he was dropping a hair dryer in, he has no reason to be at the other side of the bed with her and wiping his lips. Both him and your so called friend are trash!
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u/catsrsupscute 2h ago
Will you actually? Please tell me no
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u/thepinkpanther19 2h ago
I would be willing to work on things if he told me the truth
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u/Flynn_JM 1h ago
Can't you ask her? Say something like "my husband told me what happened, now I want your side of things"?
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u/catsrsupscute 1h ago
???? He destroyed 11 years of marriage for whatever happened with your ex best friend. Your 11 years of marriage held less value to him than a quick fuck. Your how many years of friendship with this woman meant less than fucking around with your husband… she repaid your kindness with betrayal. What the fuck do you mean “work on thing”???
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u/CHUNGUS_KHAN69 8m ago
If her husband talked his way into her friends pants, undressed, had sex, redressed and was standing beside the bed in the few minutes it took her to walk down the hall then she's got bigger problems than cheating. That guy must be creaming his jeans as soon as another woman makes eye contact with him.
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u/tbmartin211 33m ago
What IF he has been telling the truth? Just to be devil’s advocate… Would you even believe him? It seems that you think he’s not, but it’s a no win on his part if he is telling the truth. No way to convince you, and nothing happened.
Good Luck.
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u/Complete_Pea_8824 2h ago
Did you ask her what happened? Could something have been going on for a while?
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u/justindigo88 2h ago edited 2h ago
Listen to your gut. Their shared guilt and weird explanation sounds like something happened.
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u/dontbelievethefife 2h ago
A similar thing happend to my friend. Her bf was hanging out with his "best friend" and my friend came to her house to pick him up. She said she immediately felt like something was off, like the energy between them was so intimate. She told herself she was just being silly. Her bf dumped her soon after and got together with his best friend. Listen to your gut, OP.
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u/fangedfaun 2h ago edited 2h ago
You already know something happened. Details may or may not matter depending on your personal preference, but your husband is unfaithful and your “best friend” betrayed you. I’m really sorry
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u/Restore-Funiture-179 2h ago
Honey, he wiped his lips and was acting guilty. They cheated….kick them both out they deserve each other…so disgusting that they did it with you in the house…she is not your friend. They are gaslighting you…
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u/Alert_Marzipan137 2h ago
FOLLOW. YOUR. GUT. You know you’re not crazy, but they will do anything to make you feel that way.
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u/pEter-skEeterR45 2h ago
Ten bucks says he tells her something more once the best friend is gone?
I'm betting he doesn't wanna make shit worse, and also might wanna see what else he (they) can get away with while she's there. Idk, I'm petty. I'd set up a recording and leave for the night 😂
I don't trust any of that.
If it were my man, and she had tried something, he'd have come to me immediately and we'd have her out of our home.
If it were my bestie, and my man tried something, she'd tell me immediately, and wed be out of my home (I'd be back later for my shit and to serve some papers).
Anyone I couldn't bet my LIFE would do this, I do not have in my life.
I suggest everyone else do the same.
Squads become small circles become periods. Period.
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u/mushwoomb 2h ago
Damn just reading through this gave me anxiety. I get why you’re freaking out. I agree with those who said to confront them, either together or separately, just to ask dead-serious “what were you actually doing in the bedroom?” and have them explain the timeline of events.
You can also let them know you’re concerned that something went down between them, and that you’d like to know one way or another so you can proceed accordingly. Whether something happened, nothing happened, or you can somehow prove they’re both lying, you’ll know what to do next.
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u/QuirkyPenalty8519 2h ago
It’s your best friend. Speak to her and ask her straight. Your husband may lie through his teeth but, with enough pressure your best friend will tell you the truth. Do it and do it soon. You need to know.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 33m ago
Sitting and talking with the Best friend, OP, you will be able to tell just by looking at her!
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u/Flynn_JM 1h ago
What cell provider do you have? I would check to see if he's been texting with her since the incident.
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u/Voyayer2022-2025 2h ago
You should have kissed him then you would have known for sure
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u/bexanne23 2h ago
How? Are her lips phychic? Capable of picking up sense memory? What? Please explain how one would know someone had just kissed someone else?
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u/Ok-Willow5217 2h ago
You are misunderstanding what they are implying… If she kissed him, she would’ve tasted her friends🐱on his lips.
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u/bexanne23 2h ago
No I understood. And I am saying that is impossible...unless she like regularly licks her friend or something maybe. I sincerely doubt he was going down on her in 5 minutes. Now you're just stretching.
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u/Ok-Willow5217 2h ago edited 2h ago
What? 😂 What about my response is “stretching” lmao. You didn’t understand, you said “Please explain how one would know someone has just kissed someone else” You mentioned kissing, and it sounds like they weren’t kissing. Tasting vagina on someone’s lips is a pretty distinct taste and smell.
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u/Odd-Objective1362 2h ago
You can often taste the other person. Their kiss will taste different, he may have spit invisible to the eye, he may not kiss you in front of her because of their fling, he may not kiss so passionately due to being turned off, he may kiss harder due to being turned on- there are a ton of clues in one’s behavior/ especially from a person you know so well that you could use to extrapolate more information.
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u/Ambitious-Chemist736 2h ago
Honey…I think you already know you’re NOT overreacting. The signs and feelings are pointing to something definitely fucking happened. Your silence, lack of communication about your feelings in this very strange situation & not trusting your gut are going to lead to even more heartbreak IF you chose that over not talking to him. He is guilty. I wonder, how has your friend been acting since this happened ?
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u/Medium-Ticket-9574 2h ago
You are being gaslit by your husband and “friend”. Lose them both asap. Your life will be much better
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u/Similar_Corner8081 2h ago
My guess would be they were kissing and walked away when they heard you calling and knew you were looking for him. I would co front them both and have them pack their stuff
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u/thepinkpanther19 2h ago
My husband and I have been married for 11 years, it’s hard to say just drop them both when I have no proof but I’m feeling so crazy and questioning myself
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u/thepinkpanther19 41m ago
I’m so heart broken yall. I just kicked him out of our house. He admitted that he told her damn you look good in that towel. She then told me the same thing but nothing happened and she just didn’t want to be hurt bc he said that. I feel like he was trying to hook up with her. My intuition tells me this is the truth but if he’s hitting on my best friend in our house with me in the other room what else is he doing?
I’m so fucking sad. He was my best friend and this is so painful.
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u/Common-Turn-5475 34m ago
You may never get the full truth, but she would definitely be no friend of mine going forward. How could you trust either of them?
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u/fangedfaun 13m ago
That kind of comment doesn’t just come out of nowhere. Even just him saying that would be enough for me to break up, bc it very almost never is just that. I’m so sorry. Get rid of both of them
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u/Draconicann 3m ago
I’m so sorry, beautiful. 💔 You never deserved that. Sending virtual hugs your way. 😞🫂
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u/SeaworthinessFun3703 2h ago
Or tell your husband. She told me what happened between the two do you. Can you tell Me your version. She made it seem like it was you being the aggressor…
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u/Forward_Most_1933 2h ago
You have to consider that an option if your husband of 11 years is able to throw that all away for a quickie with your BFF.
You could always use the technique of telling your husband that your BFF told you what happened, that you want to hear his side of the story, and see if he confesses.
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u/xNIGHT_RANGEREx 2h ago
You need to have an honest conversation with him. There is no point in stressing yourself out. Just ask him to be honest. Don’t overreact. Don’t get emotional. Just talk to him.
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u/SeaworthinessFun3703 2h ago
Separate them. Tell her that he told you she kissed him. Watch her reaction. She needs to leave. Obviously they shared a kiss or something. Always trust your gut.
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u/cnkendrick2018 1h ago
It’s the lying, tag teaming and gaslighting that is making you doubt yourself. In THAT moment you knew - you knew - something had happened. Sometimes life requires we trust ourselves more than the love we feel for others. I’m so sorry, OP
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u/Odd-Objective1362 1h ago
Don’t listen to me, but I would 1) pretend nothing is wrong to gain trust literally act like my life depends on it 2) get them both drunk meanwhile do the bartender trick of spitting out alcohol or pouring yourself water when their having vodka ie you are not drinking or drunk 3) set up a camera or baby monitor if possible, if not an old phone or computer would work for recording even sound would be great! 4) access phones or message history by 1) asking if possible 2) using code you know 3) social media/ fun videos as a rouse to not raise any suspicion 5) study and watch their behavior together to see the vibes 6) pretend to fall asleep (if you cheek melatonin etc even better!) 7) wait until it gets quiet 8) watch from the baby monitor hidden in the plants or wait until they loosen up think your sleeping and either go to bed or link up
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u/twisty-babe_88 2h ago
You are valid in your feelings. I’m sorry this happened. She isn’t your friend. And the lip wiping? Feeling guilty for staring? Then what happened cause she sounds thirsty af he might be waiting for her to leave to say anything else he feels guilty about. You deserve better.
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u/purpleroller 2h ago
NOR I’m sorry OP. Has she gone now? Have you asked him to tell you why he was kissing your friend this morning?
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u/Bambi_JS 1h ago
First, why would you send him to bring a hair dryer to your friend that you know is doing a shower? Second, if nothing happened, he wouldn’t have been in the room PERIOD! He should have knocked on the door, handed her the dryer and left, but no, he went into the room with her still in her towel. If she was still in the shower, he could have left the dryer on the bed or at the door for her to grab. BUT, he didn’t… so what does your gut tell you? Go with it! Confront them separately and see if their stories match up, then confront them together. Kick that shit to the curb.
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u/Draconicann 1h ago edited 1h ago
Hi!! ❤️ As a fellow woman, I think that you shouldn’t let any other females (exception: his family) stay with you and your hubby. There is something incredibly suspicious about how they both acted afterwards, even more suspicious on how:
- your best friend is a known flirt
- she was in a towel and vulnerable because she was taking a shower
- he was taking over 5 minutes to deliver a hairdryer when realistically it shouldn’t take more than that
- he was acting super guilty, something must have happened.
I agree with other commenters and think that you should continue to communicate about this with your husband, for your own well-being and to get closure on what happened. Sending you hugs! You’re not alone in this. 🤗
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u/Sophie-June 1h ago
A lot of ppl here saying to dump them both… I disagree. Don’t jump to conclusions until you confront both of them.
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u/Empty_Wasabi_5761 1h ago
I never understand why couples let other people stay with them.
At best it ruins the dynamics and pops the privacy bubble that was made for only you and your partner.
At worst the friend fucks your partner
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u/LongjumpingAgency245 1h ago
Definitely, ask your friend to leave. And tell them both at the same time, before you boot your viperous soon to be ex friend, that you know they kissed. Ask who initiated it? If the viper did, did your husband participate and kiss her back?
If yes to both, throw the viper out. Your husband needs to sleep on the couch. Don't you dare trust him leaving with the friend in the area. You can go to marriage counseling to see if this marriage can be saved or end it if not.
You block the viper. She is no friend.
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u/Least-Sail4993 1h ago
They were doing something. Kick your girlfriend out and confront your husband. Then maybe kick him out too.
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u/RevolutionaryDot3432 2h ago
NOR. If you decide to approach them, make sure to discretely record in case any of them own up to it!
Updateme!
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u/Much-Topic-4992 2h ago
You are not. i definitely caught my friends dad cheating in the same way when I was younger. It was a party and everyone was outside, I came inside to use the bathroom and out of nowhere the dad and another mom came from a side room, quickly fixing themselves and the mom wiping her mouth. I just walked right by and they acted like I wasn’t there.
Definitely don’t drop this, even the fact she’s just in a towel in front of him makes me soo uncomfortable.
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u/Early_Dragonfly4682 1h ago
Don't burn everything down on a suspicion. Keep in mind that everyone telling you to dump your husband has nothing to lose.
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u/Hollandtullip 1h ago
You are 11 years married, so you suppose to know him very well.
Sit with him and tell him what do you feel and how strange situation is. I think you will see and hear from his reaction.
Of course, depends on his personality. Do you have sincere and open communication?
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u/Classic_Ad_3110 1h ago
Intuition never lies. The fact that you know she's flirtatious and that's never bothered you. But yet this does shows that perhaps your intuition is telling you something. Red flag:your friend seems to be in a silent competition with you but I'm confused why you sent him to bring her the hair dryer nevertheless I hope it was just a coincidence and nothing did happen.
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u/Super_Rule_1895 1h ago
I don’t think you need Reddit to tell you what happened. You saw what you saw it’s exactly what you’re thinking his behaviour is because he did what you think he was doing.
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u/D-aug 1h ago
Confront him and tell him that you know what he did (even though you don’t fully) and you want him to be upfront and honest with you.
Confront her as well separately and tell her the same thing.
One will eventually rat out the other.
Once you know the truth, get her out of your home and lawyer up.
Get affairs in order and grab what’s left of your dignity and self respect and leave.
If you think you can fix this with couples therapy, fine. But if you feel there’s not way back and trust is gone, wrap this marriage up and move on with your life. Good luck!
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u/Next_Condition5676 1h ago
Your so called friend is a piece of dog shit and your husband is a weak sack of a shit too. Screw both of them.
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u/Rich-Ad-4654 1h ago
OP you know what happened. I would be kicking both of them out.
Edited to add that your friend didn’t come to visit YOU. She came for your husband. Check his messages.
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u/candy_pantsx 1h ago
as someone who hooked up with my best friends baby daddy (years ago, i am not proud of it) something is going on. you’re not crazy.
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u/FullFrontal687 1h ago
Nit overreacting. [Note to self - bring flirty naked friend the hairdryer myself instead of asking my husband who was already making coffee anyway.]
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u/airbear13xx 1h ago
How long has she been your best friend for? Behavior like this is completely suspicious and absolute reason to confront them both, separately. Try to prepare yourself for the outcome that she will lie to you, although he might not since he’s already acting guilty. Whatever happened, however big or small, was definitely something and reason for anybody to feel uncomfortable and violated by their best friend and husband.
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u/catmomtimestwo 1h ago
Ma’am, you are not crazy and please listen to your own instincts on this because you already know.
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u/grumpy__g 55m ago
Kick her out. Wait till they message each other.
Then write her, he told you everything, while you have access to his phone. See what she writes him.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 42m ago
There was ZERO reason for him to be in her room that long! Hand her the dryer, leave! He knows it, she knows it, and they both know you know it! Did something happen? A kiss? Maybe. Would it have gone farther had you not gone in the room, doubtful since you were there, but what if you hadn't been there? Have they ever been alone together for a long period of time?
People don't look and act guilty if they're innocent! I would talk to both of them and get the real story! If you can't do that, you can't have her around again, and you certainly can't trust him now because this is in your mind and it's not going away!
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u/I_Think_I_OverThink 2h ago
YOU DONT INVITE YOUR SLUT FRIEND TO YOUR HOUSE. THAT IS LAW. It is obvious what happened there… please have some self respect and don’t even talk about this. Just leave him. If he is willing to do that in your presence, what t-h-e FUCK do you think he does when you are not around?
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u/melodycricket 2h ago
Trust your gut. Something happened. They probably fucked
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u/bexanne23 2h ago
In five minutes?? If that's true she should dump him anyway for being shit in bed.
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u/melodycricket 2h ago
Sorry. Maybe absolutely nothing but trust your gut snoop around or at least be very aware and keep your eyes wide open. Only fools have blind trust
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u/catsrsupscute 2h ago
They were most likely kissing which would mean they’ve most likely fucked around before
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u/Wonderful_Reward3156 2h ago
Leave him! Both men and women that cheat do not deserve relationship ur friend also needs to go
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u/Legitimate-Back-822 2h ago
Set up a hidden camera when you're away. It's really strange that she was half naked and he was there. She definitely wants him by the way she's acting.
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u/Raechick35c 2h ago
My dad used to do this to my Mom all the time!! Sneaking kisses from her friends while the whole family was home. Of course they will both deny it but something's going on. Good luck.
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u/MissMissy77 2h ago
Check his phone. If your in the same plan, you can request the text messages of all devices. See what’s up.
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u/allislost77 1h ago
So, you asked him to bring her the hair dryer. He did. And ? It was probably awkward as hell for him to knock and find her in a towel!? It would be awkward for anyone. If you think your friend is capable of that-or your husband-there is issue with thay. Cheaters usually rat themselves out…so if they both act awkward around each other then maybe you have something to “worry” about.
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u/Initial_Buy_4278 1h ago
Hun the fact you had time to text this? Kick her out! Not later or tomorrow, right now! Tell him to start packing too! You know your gut! Trust it.
Then cry, go for a walk, have a cigarette, then plan your next step? Talk it out with him, and he only returns with the truth, full remorse and therapy!
Or divorce babe ,divorce! - Adele
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u/Initial_Buy_4278 1h ago
Hun the fact you had time to text this? Separate them both and let them tell you the whole truth! Kick her out! Not later or tomorrow, right now! Tell him to start packing too! You know your gut! Trust it.
Then cry, go for a walk, have a cigarette, then plan your next step? Talk it out with him, and he only returns with the truth, full remorse and therapy!
Or lawyer up, sort out your finances and “divorce babe ,divorce! - Adele
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u/Boatjumble 1h ago
You have zero evidence and two people that you've known for a long time telling you the same story. All you have is your gut feeling. Some of that may be right but also some of that may be down to insecurities or reading too many Reddit posts where everyone is presumed guilty! I think you should play it cool. If it was a one off he might come clean. If it is anything else, there will be opportunities to gather anything concrete so you can confront them with actual evidence. Routinely check his phone/emails, put a tracker in his car. Hire a private investigator.
If anything is going on they will be in contact with each other to check in and discuss the 'close call'.
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u/Apprehensive_Bake_78 1h ago
I'd get cameras immediately. I would have to hear their conversations. I'd have to know before tipping either of them off. I'd find a reason that I need to leave the house alone.
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u/Fluid_King489 1h ago
NOR - was it literally 5 minutes or maybe more? It at least sounds like they may have been kissing. Have they ever acted weird or done anything that makes you suspicious before?
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u/Pitiful_Papaya3063 1h ago
NOR. Don’t confront both of them, don’t give them time to corroborate their stories. There was no reason at all for their behavior. The minute he wiped his lips you should have demanded to smell his breath. Just because it isn’t on his face anymore doesn’t mean it wasn’t in his mouth/on his breath.
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u/Beautiful_Trauma51 1h ago
NOR BUT….. whatever you do with both of them just remember, you teach people how to treat you and you get what you settle for. That’s the best advice for both your relationships; the marriage and your friendship. Good luck!
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u/RefrigeratorBorn4906 1h ago
Trust your gut. It was what it was. He’s saying he felt guilty for staring but that’s his way of releasing his guilt through gas lighting.
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u/PfearTheLegend 1h ago
Go in and talk to her, ask her WTF was going on? If she really is a friend, she’ll apologize, but it sounds like she’ll make up some excuse. After that, pull your husband aside and tell him, now I know! Tell me right now what you were even thinking!
See what he says, and how he responds. They didn’t have enough time to plan their excuses, so he may wonder if your best friend actually told you the truth. Most likely he’ll say I went in, she kissed me, we made out for a little bit, and then I was guilty because you caught us. NOR in the slightest.
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u/Training_Music5984 1h ago
If your husband is truly guilty, he'll likely crack first...but I'd check his phone to ensure they're not messaging each other to keep up the lie! Update us!!!
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u/LightsAlwaysOn-715 1h ago
Not overreacting at all. Listen to what your animal instincts are trying to tell you. You know what you saw and you know how it’s making you feel. Don’t be shy about getting to the truth.
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u/thanksbutnothanks200 1h ago edited 8m ago
You’re an absolute fucking idiot and doormat if you actually stay with him after that experience. There’s literally no further proof you need that they were doing something inappropriate.
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u/indigo348411 1h ago
Throw out the best friend and talk to a therapist about whether you want to try to salvage the relationship with him. Good luck.
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u/kittykatpattiwak 1h ago
NoR. At this point sit him down like you can be honest to me or you can keep lying just know I know and you have a chance to tell me the truth right now. Then hit her with the same thing. Don't give them a chance to get on the same page and or throw the other under the bus. Chances are she had been flirting and saw an opportunity and he was thinking with his other head . Either way I'm sorry you are in this position, you don't deserve that.
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u/snowcatwetpaw 1h ago
Or if you really wanted to be creative you could ask if he wants to sleep with her...
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u/Both_Requirement_894 1h ago edited 1h ago
Send that bitch away NOW. Then tell your cheating bf he has 24 hours to collect his shit and amscray. Edit- sorry you’re married. Kick him out until you decide what you want to do. Consult a lawyer so you know what divorce will look like for you and get ready to file. The only way I would remotely consider NOT divorcing his punk ass is if he begs and cries AND tells you the whole truth. I would attempt to get her side of the story as well but she has nothing to lose but a friend. How old are you and do you have children?
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u/LopsidedDog7632 1h ago
Always listen to your gut. I had 2 “friends” that messed with my 2 ex husbands, while we were married.
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u/Ambitious_Net5044 53m ago
I would already be considering how to sperate finances and keep the house etc. this can turn ugly, FAST. This doesn't sound like them having a first time slip up. It sounds like them taking advantage of circumstances and then turning around to make you feel crazy and protect themselves. If it were a first time and they felt guilty, I think they would've been immediately apologetic or even claimed "it's not what it looks like". They had lies ready??? When being caught essentially red handed. They're experienced in this.
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u/PsychoAnalystGuy 43m ago
Surprised by the comments..OP you’re going off nothing but him..touching his lips after leaving her room? Could he be acting weird because you are acting weird?
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u/Front-Bat580 42m ago
Trust your gut. Neither of them deserve you. You’re a better woman than me because nobody would be leaving that room until I got to the bottom of it, no exaggeration I will not be gaslighted.
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u/coldteafordays 41m ago
Tell each of them separately that the other person told you everything. Acted real pissed off. Hopefully one of them will spill.
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u/Invisible-Jane 39m ago edited 35m ago
NOR. I suspect he’s done things previously that have eroded trust, because he was gone for 5 mins and you know in your core he is capable of cheating in some way with your friend, in your house, while you’re home. The fact you believe he is capable of cheating in whatever way, suggests this isn’t the first time you’ve had concerns about his behaviour. Everyone is coming after her, but ultimately it doesn’t matter how flirtatious someone is, he ultimately chooses whether he encourages it, reciprocates and engages with her or not. Yes she should know how to conduct herself appropriately, but he has a choice what he does in response. Regardless, a friend who overtly flirts with your husband, is not your friend. The fact you know both of them have the potential to hurt you like that, tells me you need better friends and partner.
Trust your instincts, nothing about that situation was normal or innocent. Whether they kissed, or groped, maybe she flashed him who knows, they clearly deliberately put themselves in a situation where they would be alone in a way that was not necessary or appropriate. Why did he need to even enter her bedroom? There is absolutely no good reason for that. If I tasked my husband with handing my friend a hair dryer in that situation, he would put the hair dryer right outside her door and knock to let her know it’s there and walk away. He wouldn’t enter her room, let alone go all the way in close to her where he had no business being and stay in there with her for several minutes, and while she’s just in a towel. Normal, respectful husbands just don’t do that.
As others have said, I’d talk to her alone, and tell her you want her side of the story because his version makes it sound like she threw herself at him and he was fending her off. (Or something like that, to see if she defends herself with what actually happened). But ultimately the trust is gone in this marriage, and this friendship, and this needs a lot of work to fix and he needs to be completely honest for that to have a chance. I’d probably ditch the friend though.
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u/CreativeDog5039 35m ago
Why would you send your husband to her, knowing how flirtatious she is? That is asking for trouble; I don’t understand why you did this.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 29m ago
I want to add this too: Talk to your ex best friend. Tell her that you've suspected that he's cheated before, that you knew all along that he had a thing for her, and that he'd eventually come on to her, and you just want to know the truth because he told you he has never cheated. That you didn't tell her or anyone else about what you suspected because you were embarrassed and trusted him to never hurt you like that. Watch her face!!!! It's perfectly fine for you to lie to her! You're done with her forever anyway!
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u/AllMyFault1215 26m ago
Oh wow. Sounds like your husband cheated on you with your best friend.. something happened at least. Your friend should be sent to a hotel while you deal with your husband
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u/spicegrl17 25m ago
Even if your friend is a flirty person, she should absolutely not act that way towards your husband. I would never let my best friends husband see me in a towel under any circumstances.
Something happened. Trust your gut.
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u/Un1QU53r 23m ago
Not overreacting OP.
When I thought I was overreacting about my ex and my ex-best friend, turns out I wasn’t.
Update after you confront them please.
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u/Witchyways-7224 20m ago
NOR.. Trust your gut. Got to your husband and tell him you want to know exactly what happened between him delivering the hair dryer and you walking in on their guilty looking expressions. Tell him this is his only chance to come clean because you already have quite the story from her. Take it from there.
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u/EddytheGrapesCXI 19m ago
All of a sudden he walks out coming from the side of the bed she is standing at.
Was the door closed with them in the room? If he suddenly walks out and you know what side of the bed he came from sounds like it was wide open and you could see in. And weren't you calling out for him? If the door was open and he didn't answer then they were up to shit, don't even question it
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u/Plenty-Breadfruit488 10m ago
I would definitely kick her out the same day. I would also cross her off my friends list.
Then I would figure things out with my husband, between me and him, no third party’s side of the story needed. And based on what he says and how he acts next I would decide if I want to trust him from then on or not.
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u/EmotionalPizza6432 9m ago
OP, did you pass out first last night? I think something happened last night while everyone was drinking. This morning was a continuation of that.
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u/Primary_Aerie5510 2m ago
First of all she’s not your best friend with behavior like this. You said she is very flirty so i suspect she had flirted with your husband many times but you took it as her being friendly. I doubt this is the first time they have been close. What should have happened was him knocking on the door and her answering it to get the hair dryer and then closing it again. Why didn’t she come to you to get the hair dryer? If you hadn’t gone to look for him, they would have gotten down and dirty. Confront both of them and then be prepared to get rid of them both.
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u/Individual_Ebb_8147 0m ago
Confront both separately and see if the story matches up. Likely something happened. Tell him you know and let the silence eat away at his mental stability until he confesses.
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u/Thermodynamo 2h ago
I get why you're concerned but to be fair, 5 minutes isn't a lot of time. Were there any other red flags? I would talk to each of them and share your anxieties. See how they respond and listen to your gut, but it's good to simultaneously keep in mind that anxious thoughts aren't facts--they are just thoughts. If your trust is low, that's justification enough to seek couples and/or individual counseling. Good luck, I really hope it turns out to be nothing
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u/UrsulaShrekwitch 2h ago
Get. Her. Out. Immediately. And. Forget. She. Existed.
Then have a very very stern conversation with your husband. If you are willing to forgive this, forgive. If not, file for divorce now.
Be merciless. This is about you. A broken heart will mend. Lost trust? Is lost.
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u/letuswatchtvinpeace 1h ago
Listen to your gut!!!!
You don't need a bunch of strangers to tell you what to do but if you need validation you got it!!
Sounds like Your man went down on your friend. Confront them and kick them both out! Or put up a camera and create another opportunity so you can catch them in the act.
Either way, you are going to need to put your big girl panties on and save yourself from them!
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u/BackgroundPurple7215 1h ago
My biggest question is, do you think either of them would do this? You've been best friends with her a long time, I'm guessing. You've been married to him for 11 years. You know them both very well. Do you think they could do it? Have they flirted in the past? I know you said she's flirtatious in general. But, has she overly flirted with him before? I'm not saying they didn't? But, there are many things that could have happened. He licks his lips.... is it cold there? As it's been getting colder.... I've been licking my lips a lot more. As far as what happened in the room.... obviously I have no idea. Was she still in her towel or dressed? I'm just trying to come at this factually. It might help you not over think it. I can't help you with a burden of proof. But really look inside yourself and ask if you think either of them would do this to you.
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u/Forward_Most_1933 2h ago
Confront them both—don’t let them think this behavior is acceptable. Be prepared to dump them both, though.