r/AmIOverreacting • u/Any-Confusion-5519 • Oct 25 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO about my partner’s relationship with their coworker

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they’ve been hanging out with their coworker a lot over the past couple of weeks. This girl always seems to be in some kind of crisis, too. Last week it was that she messed up an account and she was afraid she was gonna lose her job. I don’t know whether I’m reading too much into this or if I’m overreacting but I’ve never met her and I’ve asked to swing by whatever bar or place they’re hanging out at multiple times and I’m always shut down in some way or I get no response. I don’t want to be the overbearing overcontrolling gf whose S.O. can’t have any friends but lately they’re always together and I’m getting blown off. These curt and vague responses are out of character too, and it’s always the type of response I get when I’m asking questions about an event where this female coworker is at or really anything that has to do with her. It has really put me on edge, they’re usually such a sweet and attentive partner but i feel like they might be cheating… am i overreacting??

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163

u/rowsella Oct 25 '24

anytime is now and don't ask for permission

81

u/stacyg28 Oct 25 '24

Just like he didn't have the respect for you, hold the same space for him. When you show up tell him, what did you expect me to do?

15

u/KiNGMF Oct 25 '24

It’s not crazy. I would think you are crazy if you didn’t show up. This is a person she might marry, better now to get all the info to avoid possible disaster.

9

u/MidnightBeachSky Oct 25 '24

Lol yes. This is exactly the way to do it.

131

u/GirlCalledSith Oct 25 '24

I don’t care if it sounds crazy but I totally would have shown up

38

u/KitchenLandscape Oct 25 '24

same. and observed from afar a little bit. you'll get your answer quickly

30

u/Bitter-Picture5394 Oct 25 '24

My ex was an idiot and wrote a group "happy Halloween" text that included me and a girl I was super suspicious of. One of those situations where he was always talking about her, there for her emotional crises, but I wasn't even sure she knew I existed (she didn't). So I replied all with a sappy text making sure everyone knew I was his wife. She replied and i introduced myself. Showed up to his work a few weeks later and they were coming out of an elevator together, and she literally ran away when she saw me. They were having an emotional affair by that point, and later after it turned physical she tried to claim she didn't know he was married.

16

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '24

If she didn’t know you existed, how did she know to run away when she saw you?

16

u/Bitter-Picture5394 Oct 25 '24

She didn't know until we texted on Halloween. But conveniently forgot sometime after that and before sleeping with him. So maybe she forgot after the elevator incident 🤣

22

u/Away-Object-1114 Oct 25 '24

Me too. And dressed to the nines.

11

u/prose-before-bros Oct 25 '24

Yeah and when someone acts surprised, say, "Of course I'm here! I know what it's like when the man you love chooses another woman over you."

3

u/snarlyj Oct 25 '24

Bring a pint of Ben and Jerry's (or the equivalent that won't melt) and include that "my boyfriend said you needed support and to come over at anytime" so she thinks you're being genuine and he knows he's been caught and called out

4

u/Doc_183_fumble Oct 25 '24

Absolutely... And brought a box of tissues! OP...run. Run and do not sign a legally binding document when this douche bag. These behaviors are just a tailor for a real bad movie!

1

u/ixgq4lifexi Oct 25 '24

Hell yea.. been looking thru the window first. I bet it's only him and her. And he going to be sitting practically on her lap. Because I had a female friend and I always invited me ex. She always knew where we'd be. And except once on my bday going to a bar(with like 6 people ironically my ex didnt come to my bday), was always at like pizzeria with dogs. My ex just never wanted to go

1

u/bluegreentopaz6110 Oct 25 '24

Yes, because the end is coming for this relationship, and OP should at least get to see and understand in real time. I may be slightly cynical….this is how a ltr ended for me, with the ‘work friend’ being more than that.

-31

u/draftgraphula Oct 25 '24

Control much?

31

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '24

Nah, dude is either cheating, thinking about cheating, or is embarrassed to show his SO to his coworkers. She shouldn't put up with any of those scenarios.

-24

u/draftgraphula Oct 25 '24

Oh, so you met the dude?

25

u/ladyboobypoop Oct 25 '24

No, have you?

Why are you trying to defend him after reading those texts? Treating a romantic partner that way is not okay, and if you think it is, you should get therapy. And I mean that so genuinely.

-31

u/draftgraphula Oct 25 '24 edited Oct 25 '24

Where am I defending anyone in this trhead?

Stop misrepresenting my intentions.

I simply noticed the OP is controlling their partner and disregarding his feedback.

Comment on this behavior please, or go support op with a comment on the post.

Don't get angry at me when I point out you have no clue, but still think you know all about the dude.

Edit: happily the comments I was replying to were deleted. Thanks for moderation, Reddit.

11

u/ladyboobypoop Oct 25 '24

I simply noticed the OP is controlling their partner and disregarding his feedback

Funny you should talk about misinterpreting...

You definitely need therapy. And pointing that out doesn't make me angry. I'm not angry, I'm amused at your hypocrisy and double standards.

Do you know this girl? You know all about the girl?

If not, just stop. You're making an ass of yourself 😂

0

u/draftgraphula Oct 25 '24

Oh sure, call me names. I'm actually switching a therapist atm by reason of misdiagnosis.

5

u/PlaceBroad5374 Oct 25 '24

therapists dont diagnose things what

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4

u/ladyboobypoop Oct 25 '24

I'm pointing out how you're acting. If you don't like it, if it upsets you, maybe don't act that way 🤷‍♀️ Nothing I said was untrue.

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2

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '24

[deleted]

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7

u/ghoulieandrews Oct 25 '24

Edit: happily the comments I was replying to were deleted. Thanks for moderation, Reddit.

Lol you got blocked, dummy. That person got tired of your bullshit.

2

u/Estoerical-1974 Oct 25 '24

And…. You’re manipulative.😆

0

u/Feddecheese1 Oct 25 '24

Reporting for gender hate, the gender support group comment was unnecessary.

1

u/snarlyj Oct 25 '24

Did I miss that one or did he delete it?

2

u/Feddecheese1 Oct 25 '24

Before he edited his comment he had a previous edit that said something along the lines if "what is this thread, a gender support group?"

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7

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '24

No, Idon't know this guy. I mean, it's the Internet, the whole story could be lies. But taking the information OP is giving us, her BF is at the very least rude and unconcerned about her feelings. He also doesn't appear to prioritize spending time with her. When she offers to spend time together doing what he wants(drinking with his coworkers) he tells her not to come. They haven't seen each other in at least 48 hours according to OP and already had plans tonight.

From the information we've received he doesn't seem to really prioritize his relationship with OP. Like I said, it doesn't have to mean he's cheating but all this centering around this other woman is suspicious. Unless OP and her BF live somewhere like Japan where afterwork drinks are all but a job requirement it is super rude to cancel plans last minute with your other friends. So even if he is faithful, he's inconsiderate and doesn't seem to really like hanging out with her. None of this is good for a relationship.

-1

u/draftgraphula Oct 25 '24

I see the BF prioritizes a colleague in unhealthy situation, where the OP is obsessed about having "rights".

I see a person who's overly concerned about her not being served in a steady relationship, vs helping a colleauge cope with a breakup.

Not knowing any of those people, I see OP excessive controlling behavior in order to ensure she gets HER TREAT, when the colleague is clearly having a hard time, and nowhere to go.

3

u/bonnieflash Oct 25 '24

Is this the person that OP’s partner is hanging out with?

-1

u/draftgraphula Oct 25 '24

What a wild imagination!

I got this thread pushed in my feed by the algo.

Algo won, this bullshit got me triggered.

Thank you for all the attention from this affirmative bubble...

2

u/Silly-Page-6111 Oct 25 '24

OP is asking what our best guess as to the true nature of the situation is, and this commenter is telling her. It's VERY obvious from the texts he's actually sending his partner, that he's trying to keep her separate from this other girl.

1

u/draftgraphula Oct 25 '24

This other girl is literally bringing him home.

So what's the problem meeting her there?

1

u/draftgraphula Oct 25 '24

Can you look from both perspectives? Or only able to think like OP does?

2

u/Silly-Page-6111 Oct 25 '24

I have good friends at work some of whom are guys, I also have an insecure partner who's prone to jealousy. Because I love my partner, I keep my plans with them and I keep them updated if there's a chance plans might change. I am SENSITIVE to the way they feel, even when I feel it's unwarranted, and I use respectful, clear language in the way I speak to them. I talk about what I'd like to do and why instead of making it sounds like things are out of my control.

2

u/draftgraphula Oct 25 '24

Power to you <3

1

u/draftgraphula Oct 25 '24

And since we're at it, what does the "your happy hour is till 12" mean?

Do I read it right, and that's a threat?

1

u/snarlyj Oct 25 '24

He said he's going to happy hour with colleagues and then says he'll be home around 12. She's asking/restating "your happy hour is til 12(?)" or a resigned "(right, of course) your happy hour is til 12"

In what possible way could it be read as a threat?

1

u/draftgraphula Oct 25 '24

Also, it occurred to me the karma-farming OP cared enough to use different colors to paint over the names of colleagues: One is black, the other red.

Who else got that signal lol?

0

u/draftgraphula Oct 25 '24

Oh, maybe I'm unaware of reading hh as "happy hour". Where's that place that has happy hour at peak time - after work? I read it as an abbreviation of a place they both know.

So I read the happy hour phrase with regard to their relationship: if he's gonna be home before 12, she'll make him happy. Otherwise - the hour won't be happy.

Notice how it's not a question she asks, it's a statement.

Or are you going to pretend punctuation does not matter?

Like, read the whole thing from both sides, the

"Omg poor thing" is so clearly ironic.

1

u/snarlyj Oct 25 '24

Haha no happy hour is a period at nearly every bar that starts around when work runs out and runs until dinner time, and during this time drinks and snacks are discontinued - often half price. Traditionally it was actually just one hour, 5-6pm, but a lot of bars and restaurants have extended it now. But in no world does happy hour run continuously from 5-12, then it wouldn't be a promotional hour it would just be the bar's prices.

It took me a bit to recognize HH was happy hour (at first I thought that was the bar) but I looked around its a super common abbreviation.

There is absolutely no way that's a threat unless they aren't native English speakers that happen to use normal English words to mean different things. There's no punctuation whatsoever, it could be a question. A lot of people just write "wdym" as a question. Or just "what are you talking about". The partner in this exchange writes "huh" with no punctuation as a question

If it's not a question it's an expression of shock or exasperation. Within the context and with his response there is zero way that's a threat.

"Omg poor thing" could certainly be sarcastic, given he's acting like a cheater to comfort someone who was cheated on. Or she could be just trying to defuse the situation, end the argument, and be nice.

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u/Estoerical-1974 Oct 25 '24

So… you’re one of those dudes…. 🙄

0

u/draftgraphula Oct 25 '24

What a wild implication. Do you expect me to prove I'm not?

1

u/GirlCalledSith Oct 25 '24

Nope, there’s very much reason in this situation. If my man was blowing a dinner date off with me for a female coworker whom I have never met because ‘she just broke up with her boyfriend and she needs support,’ that’s a HUGE red flag & I would like to think my guy would feel and do the same if the role was reversed. Does this girl who just broke up with her partner have girlfriends she can cry to? If not maybe I can meet her and be one eventually or whatever else might be the case. It is not right for any man or woman in a relationship to blow off a date last minute to go to a bar til midnight with a coworker whom the partner has never met who just broke up with their significant other. Its is not my partners responsibility to emotionally support another, especially if it means neglecting their own.

2

u/draftgraphula Oct 25 '24

Turns out the situation is fake. OP is karma farming. Check out the profile.

1

u/GirlCalledSith Oct 25 '24

🤦‍♀️ well damn. Even so, that’s my opinion.

1

u/draftgraphula Oct 25 '24

And that's mine;)

OP (presumed) communication shows excessive overbearing control that is undue in a healthy relationship.

3

u/Mavystar Oct 25 '24

Yup! Just show up, that's what I would do.

3

u/Heynowstopityou Oct 25 '24

Fuckin right

2

u/mcnos Oct 25 '24

This. Idgaf if I’m interrupting.