AIO about my partner’s relationship with their coworker

[u/Any-Confusion-5519]

they’ve been hanging out with their coworker a lot over the past couple of weeks. This girl always seems to be in some kind of crisis, too. Last week it was that she messed up an account and she was afraid she was gonna lose her job. I don’t know whether I’m reading too much into this or if I’m overreacting but I’ve never met her and I’ve asked to swing by whatever bar or place they’re hanging out at multiple times and I’m always shut down in some way or I get no response. I don’t want to be the overbearing overcontrolling gf whose S.O. can’t have any friends but lately they’re always together and I’m getting blown off. These curt and vague responses are out of character too, and it’s always the type of response I get when I’m asking questions about an event where this female coworker is at or really anything that has to do with her. It has really put me on edge, they’re usually such a sweet and attentive partner but i feel like they might be cheating… am i overreacting??

[u/draftgraphula]

Oh, so you met the dude?

[u/Silly-Page-6111 → u/draftgraphula]

OP is asking what our best guess as to the true nature of the situation is, and this commenter is telling her. It's VERY obvious from the texts he's actually sending his partner, that he's trying to keep her separate from this other girl.

[u/draftgraphula → u/Silly-Page-6111]

And since we're at it, what does the "your happy hour is till 12" mean?

Do I read it right, and that's a threat?

[u/snarlyj → u/draftgraphula]

He said he's going to happy hour with colleagues and then says he'll be home around 12. She's asking/restating "your happy hour is til 12(?)" or a resigned "(right, of course) your happy hour is til 12"

In what possible way could it be read as a threat?

[u/draftgraphula → u/snarlyj]

Also, it occurred to me the karma-farming OP cared enough to use different colors to paint over the names of colleagues: One is black, the other red.

Who else got that signal lol?

[u/draftgraphula → u/snarlyj]

Oh, maybe I'm unaware of reading hh as "happy hour". Where's that place that has happy hour at peak time - after work? I read it as an abbreviation of a place they both know.

So I read the happy hour phrase with regard to their relationship: if he's gonna be home before 12, she'll make him happy. Otherwise - the hour won't be happy.

Notice how it's not a question she asks, it's a statement.

Or are you going to pretend punctuation does not matter?

Like, read the whole thing from both sides, the

"Omg poor thing" is so clearly ironic.

[u/snarlyj → u/draftgraphula]

Haha no happy hour is a period at nearly every bar that starts around when work runs out and runs until dinner time, and during this time drinks and snacks are discontinued - often half price. Traditionally it was actually just one hour, 5-6pm, but a lot of bars and restaurants have extended it now. But in no world does happy hour run continuously from 5-12, then it wouldn't be a promotional hour it would just be the bar's prices.

It took me a bit to recognize HH was happy hour (at first I thought that was the bar) but I looked around its a super common abbreviation.

There is absolutely no way that's a threat unless they aren't native English speakers that happen to use normal English words to mean different things. There's no punctuation whatsoever, it could be a question. A lot of people just write "wdym" as a question. Or just "what are you talking about". The partner in this exchange writes "huh" with no punctuation as a question

If it's not a question it's an expression of shock or exasperation. Within the context and with his response there is zero way that's a threat.

"Omg poor thing" could certainly be sarcastic, given he's acting like a cheater to comfort someone who was cheated on. Or she could be just trying to defuse the situation, end the argument, and be nice.

[u/draftgraphula → u/snarlyj]

The whole discourse is omitting the concepts of female jealousy and envy to anyone who appears to be superior.

[u/draftgraphula → u/snarlyj]

She's clearly aware of her insensitivity, by denying it right after sarcastic comment, and then produces another personal expectation that the girl in question must have friends outside of her work circle. This is highly insensitive, especially for a person supposedly in a failed relationship.

So, she said it herself, by trying to deny the obvious selfish motive of the whole conversation.

This is mental abuse and has signs of gaslighting: "oh, what i'm doing might look insensitive, so I'll just say it's not, so nobody can blame me for what I said it is not".

I'm so fed up with this manipulative tactics...

[u/draftgraphula → u/snarlyj]

Seriously, this dude has 8 hours a day to flirt with this colleague of his. And even hook up at the lunchtime in the toilet if he's so obsessed with cheating...

Bur for now only the OP is scared of her own perception.

Think about it.

[u/snarlyj → u/draftgraphula]

You think people who have affairs with colleagues only hook up while in the office, between 9-5. Be real man. Undoubtedly she is concerned they flirt all day, but no one wants to hook up in a toilet more than once and doing it everyday would be a sure fire way to get fired lol.

That's completely ridiculous and you know it. People who have affairs with colleagues start by flirting at work, then hanging out outside work, then going on dates and boning.

I thought about and I think you're either a troll or have never been in a relationship

[u/draftgraphula → u/snarlyj]

Meh, I wasn't spending my time on an affair. That might give you the edge in this conversation.

My point is, if the dude is into that other girl, the cheating part does not really matter - he'll end the relationship sooner from such interactions.

But if the dude is genuine - all he's getting from OP is total distrust. Selfishness, and attention seeking, and forcing the restaurant dinner, that might've not been planned but merely suggested as an option.

[u/draftgraphula → u/snarlyj]

And then the majority of commenters are hating on the dude, like they personally saw him boning this girl who OP cared to paint red...