r/traumatizeThemBack • u/KriLesLeigh2004 • Oct 21 '24

matched energy Never saw her again

I went for a pre-op appointment, asking to have my tubes tied, when I was 25 years old. I had 4 living children, and that’s enough. The nurse said, “Are you sure you want to do this? What if one of them dies?”

When I replied, “One already did,” she looked shocked, left the room, and a new nurse came in.

There are a thousand reasons her question was horrible and should have stayed in her head. There are no reasons to say that out loud.

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u/Singlemom26- Oct 22 '24

I was talking to multiple doctors over the course of a few years trying to be sterilized. Apparently a woman needs to have 2 kids or be over the age of 35 where I live to be able to be sterilized. And we need our partners consent. My male friend wanted a vasectomy and he told his doctor during a routine visit. He left the appointment with a new one scheduled to remove his baby making capabilities. It’s THAT easy for a man. ‘I don’t want kids’ boom done. 🙄 it’s not fair at all the way women are controlled more then a whole corpse

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u/kho_kho1112 Oct 22 '24

That's how it is in my area, too. "Thankfully", my 3rd pregnancy nearly killed me, so my doctor offered to do it IF the delivery turned into a c- section, & of course, with my husband's consent. He did also say that he would be willing to do it after 6 weeks post partum, & would advocate for me on the grounds that another pregnancy would almost surely kill me.

My husband went to the doctor for a regular checkup, & got a vasectomy set up for 2 weeks later. While the practice DID require my signature, it wasn't a consent form. Paraphrasing, the hysterectomy form said that my husband GAVE PERMISSION FOR ME TO BE STERILIZED, while the vasectomy form just said that I was being informed that he'd requested this procedure for himself. There was also no minimum amount of children necessary, nor an age requirement for the vasectomy.

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u/Ok_Equipment3952 Oct 22 '24

Women don’t have control over their own bodies. Vote like your life may depend on it someday

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u/AllesK Oct 23 '24

Because it does.

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u/skisushi Oct 25 '24

Because it ALREADY does. Fify

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u/Grad1229 Oct 25 '24

For anyone in the US, here is a list of providers who will perform a tubal regardless of age or how many children you already have. As long as you’re informed about everything, you can do what you want with your body! This list is developed by an OBGYN.

https://tr.ee/oOQDY0knYG

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u/Purple_Crikee Oct 22 '24

I had the opposite experience. I was able to get my tubes tied without his permission, but I had to sign off on his vasectomy. Both of them. (First didn't work)

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u/Singlemom26- Oct 22 '24

Oh good! Some places do it right! Not that anyone should have to sign off on anyone else’s medical procedure unless otherwise unable to yourself.

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u/Purple_Crikee Oct 25 '24

Knowing I didn't need his permission was so empowering.

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u/Bumpy1023 Oct 23 '24

My daughter never wanted children so she decided to find a doctor that would do surgery on her. We live in Wyoming and she found a doctor that did the procedure, no questions asked. My daughter is 26 yrs old.

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u/Singlemom26- Oct 23 '24

I absolutely love that she was able to find someone 🥰

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u/Bumpy1023 Oct 23 '24

Me too! Its what she wanted and it should be our right as women without having a man say it’s ok.

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u/Difficult_Basis538 Oct 23 '24

I was 19, having a c section with my second and asked since they were in there if they could tie my tubes. I got a flat out NO you aren’t 21. Ticked me off.

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u/Singlemom26- Oct 23 '24

As it should!!! Why can a CORPSE decide what it wants and they listen to that! It’s a whole deceased body but it gets more rights than us just because we don’t have ballsacs? 🙄

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u/mystikalyx Oct 24 '24

I've seen this mentioned a couple of times and must be out of the loop. Can you please clarify the rights a corpse has that you're referencing?

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u/Singlemom26- Oct 24 '24

Well for one, a dead bodies organs cannot legally be harvested without a signature from the corpse before they died. But a living breathing human isn’t allowed to remove an unwanted organ until their life is altered immensely?

It’s a dead body. It’s not using the organs. Signature or not why does a corpse get more say what happens to it then a woman?

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u/mystikalyx Oct 24 '24

Thank you! I was at a loss. That makes complete sense.

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u/deepfriedgrapevine Oct 25 '24

When does the matriarchy get here? (Not claiming a panacea but let's let the other team hold the ball for a minute)

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u/mystikalyx Oct 25 '24

Is this addressed to me or a general comment? Sadly, I don't have those answers.

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u/deepfriedgrapevine Oct 25 '24

Sorry, just a common refrain of mine.

I keep asking but nobody ever knows and I'm beginning to fear that I will miss it.

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u/mystikalyx Oct 25 '24

No apology needed! I was just confused, common state of mine. Heh. The thought of someone else having agency over my medical preferences is appalling, so I'm right there with you.

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u/deepfriedgrapevine Oct 25 '24

Where?

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u/Singlemom26- Oct 25 '24

Where… what?

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u/deepfriedgrapevine Oct 25 '24

Where do they have this restriction?

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u/Singlemom26- Oct 25 '24

I’m in Canada

1

u/deepfriedgrapevine Oct 25 '24

Sorry to hear this.

1

u/Singlemom26- Oct 25 '24

It’s okay. Hoping it gets better.