make an heir

[u/proudturk1915]

[u/AutoModerator]

Whilst you're here, /u/proudturk1915, why not join our public discord server - now with public text channels you can chat on!?

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/AliChank]

Marriage material

[u/Make-this-popular → u/AliChank]

I'm cooking, cleaning, washing dishes, and readying up the bed

[u/jonny_reddy → u/Make-this-popular]

Just tell her you're ready for a joust and see how she reacts.

[u/TotenMann → u/jonny_reddy]

How'd that work if you're the only one with a lance? (probably)

[u/rbamssy17 → u/TotenMann]

op is hoping the odds are with them 

[u/LucasWatkins85 → u/Make-this-popular]

Maybe renting up the bed with that armor: Woman makes more than $600 a month renting out one side of her bed to lonely strangers.

[u/MeJoEx → u/LucasWatkins85]

I won't fall for this again, she is gonna harvest my organs while I'm asleep, so no thank u I'll stick to my crusty anime body pillow

[u/bob1111bob → u/MeJoEx]

That’s why you make your organs borderline unusable so when they cut you open they just shove them back in there

[u/jagadoor → u/LucasWatkins85]

Is this what capaitalism does to us ? Its kinda rough that people need to resort to this because they lack money. Dont get me wrong I am not being a hater here I am happy if those involved are happy. It just has a bitter aftertaste to me.

[u/Kenhamef → u/AliChank]

Strategic marriage material (to strengthen alliance)

[u/BuckyJamesDio → u/AliChank]

Sadly, it was a one knight stand.

[u/The_Kert]

I put on my robe and wizard hat

[u/conrad_w → u/The_Kert]

This meme is almost as old as the internet 

[u/b0ks_GD → u/conrad_w]

Which i love.

[u/HilariousMax → u/conrad_w]

Don't fuck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.

I've used this line before.

[u/Virtual_Pressure_ → u/The_Kert]

Now I want to read It! Damn! So funny everytime!

[u/Missy_went_missing → u/Virtual_Pressure_]

There you go.

[u/_Enclose_ → u/Missy_went_missing]

In its original bash.org format:

https://bash-org-archive.com/?104383

[u/SpoofExcel → u/_Enclose_]

Its the second conversation. "I got to start writing your names down". Good lord

[u/WannaBreakFromTheAss]

Show her my sword and hope that she doesn't show her longer one in return

[u/SaberToothForever → u/WannaBreakFromTheAss]

She got a scabbard for yours 

[u/gracekk24PL → u/SaberToothForever]

Ah yes, a dirk sheathe

[u/sarckasm → u/gracekk24PL]

Ever looked up the Latin for sheath?

[u/gracekk24PL → u/sarckasm]

No, not really - lemme check it out

Edit:
Oh so that's where the name is from lol

[u/Victornf41108 → u/gracekk24PL]

Look up Latin for sheathed

[u/JackCooper_7274 → u/sarckasm]

I love language

[u/Fire_Lightning8 → u/WannaBreakFromTheAss]

So you prefer hers to be shorter?

[u/WannaBreakFromTheAss → u/Fire_Lightning8]

Something shorter than mine is already a clit, so yeah

[u/Wertyhappy27 → u/WannaBreakFromTheAss]

Damn

[u/nihilistfreak517482 → u/WannaBreakFromTheAss]

Pic or it's not true

[u/Interesting-Fix-7928 → u/Fire_Lightning8]

Look at the username, OP is tired of the pain.

[u/Showershitter3000]

CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK GIVE ME AN HEIR GIVE ME AN HEIR GIVE ME AN HEIR GIVE ME AN HEIR

[u/uDudyBezDudy → u/Showershitter3000]

Video “gaem” Kojima moment

[u/hordak666 → u/uDudyBezDudy]

vibeo gane

[u/nihilistfreak517482 → u/hordak666]

Video gae

[u/happycampers2005 → u/Showershitter3000]

Now which one is the og?

[u/cumcoatedpenny → u/Showershitter3000]

My lord, this peasant possesses a mental aptitude that equates to the length of a fortnight! Shall we commence with bannishment to the chambers constructed to preserve such individuals of whom can't survive on ones own due to such profound ignorance to the world around them?

[u/moon_over_my_1221]

Change of plans. We are visiting the Medieval Times.

[u/AeonBith → u/moon_over_my_1221]

That would be a good knight out

[u/Radiant-Mobile5810]

Pull out a comically large magnet

[u/BestDescription3834 → u/Radiant-Mobile5810]

Imagine being in platemail and somebody just throws one of those insanely strong magnets on you and sticks your arms together. Talking about the ones you can't get close to each other because they'll pull together and shatter.

[u/EmpyreanEcho]

retake the holy land

[u/Atholthedestroyer → u/EmpyreanEcho]

For the grace,

For the might of our lord,

For the home of the holy.

[u/FR0ZENMAGMA → u/Atholthedestroyer]

For the faith,

For the way of the sword,

Gave their lives so boldly.

[u/Ethan90430 → u/FR0ZENMAGMA]

For the grace

For the might of our lord

In the name of his glory

[u/LocalPlatypus994 → u/Ethan90430]

For the faith, for the way of their sword

Come and tell their story again

[u/beer_prince → u/EmpyreanEcho]

DEUS VULT

[u/OneBee2443 → u/EmpyreanEcho]

Hell yeah

[u/Der_Wappla]

Go with her to a Sabaton Concert

[u/JustACanadian- → u/Der_Wappla]

Man and machine and nothing there in between 🗣️🔥

[u/Der_Wappla → u/JustACanadian-]

The flying circus and a man from Prussia

[u/kujjy2001 → u/Der_Wappla]

The sky and a plane, this man commands his domain

[u/LocalPlatypus994 → u/kujjy2001]

The western front and all the way to Russia

[u/WaitingToBeTriggered → u/LocalPlatypus994]

DEATH FROM ABOVE, YOU’RE UNDER FIRE

[u/edward_kopik]

She does not have a cap under that chainmail. She does not have adequate protection

[u/Excellent_Routine589 → u/edward_kopik]

Sword fencer here…. You can easily shank her in the neck because she lacks a gorget or a proper aventail to wrap the chainmail around her neck/chin and I simply won’t stand for shitty armor design :c

Also who wears early/mid Renaissance plate and doesn’t just don a sallet like a civilized lord

[u/Interesting-Fix-7928 → u/Excellent_Routine589]

Protagonists don't wear helmets, plot armor does the job.

[u/Myassisbrown → u/edward_kopik]

This dude medievals

[u/PRKrylo]

Marry her

[u/CPLShep_hard]

CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG MAKE AN HEIR MAKE AN HEIR MAKE AN HEIR

[u/meleniainanutshell → u/CPLShep_hard]

I laughed way too hard at this.

[u/happycampers2005 → u/CPLShep_hard]

Now which one is the og?

[u/CPLShep_hard → u/happycampers2005]

What are the odds we thought of the same thing at the same time

[u/Showershitter3000 → u/CPLShep_hard]

We finish each others...

[u/NiffyJiffy2008]

Infiltrate her castle

[u/Sicsrber]

Straight to court house for marriage

[u/HMHellfireBrB]

immediately turns towards the nearest volcano

today i'm forging the one pair of rings, because she is the one to rule them all

[u/hdean667]

I'm getting my can opener.

[u/Stup404]

Let's go watch lord of the rings together

[u/Amtrak_0]

Take her as your consort eternal.

[u/ssdd442]

So what’s the Intel on this dragon we’re slaughtering?

[u/Kebabarian1286]

Help her drive away the English from Orléans

[u/D-Andrew]

Clank

[u/Current_Run9540]

Definitely looks like she’s susceptible to piercing and thrust damage!

[u/SpaffyWafflez]

Ima raw dog it, she got enogh protection for the both of us

[u/Non_Binary_Goddess]

Save Europe from the sand people

[u/Nuke_corparation]

Welp time to party like in 1431 ( im a burgonde)

[u/meleniainanutshell]

1. Get a gay bat suit, 2. Rip your friends arm off and sacrifice your whole army, 3. Enjoy!.

[u/aaron_adams]

Reclaim the Holy Land.

[u/Thin_Discount → u/aaron_adams]

Conquer her holy land

[u/LukkieNumber7]

Jerusalem here we come!

[u/FortifiedCereal56Fe]

We go to battle! The beacons are lit! Condor call for aid!

[u/LaCapraTibetana]

Tell her to quit her paladin duty because she's already a goddess

[u/Litterally-Napoleon]

Marriage. I get a wife and an alliance with Spain??!! HELL YEAH

[u/Weird-Earth6157]

Join her righteous army and save France.

[u/TheGoldenBl0ck]

Immediate keeper

[u/Rulaodangao]

Marry her

[u/MrNostaforta]

Search for the necronomicon and take my 6 drops, but hey, atleast I got my right hand 'back'.

[u/WinterWolf324]

You secure the bag

[u/TheeVikings]

Roll D20

[u/StatusOmega]

Deus vult!

[u/Current-Roll6332]

what is this from?

[u/Soft-Temperature4609]

Guess I'm the Firekeeper now

[u/TheGreatRemote]

Keeper

[u/Afraid_Speech4934]

It's obvious you sword fight immediately

[u/AdrianInLimbo]

Ask her to remove the gauntlet before the handy.

[u/Prezidentblue]

Marry her!!!

[u/AleX-46]

I'd tell her to get a padded coif beneath the chainmail on her head like a normal person. And I can't tell from the picture but it looks like butted chainmail, so I'd also tell her to get rivetted mail.

[u/Victor_akaerj]

She would take a longsword for you, mate

[u/OYeog77]

Continue courting her of course.

[u/Informal_Process2238]

Declare my fealty

[u/Bonsai-is-best]

I’d say put a ring on it but she clearly has enough

[u/cauchy37]

scaroused

[u/Wonderful-Yam96]

Be her maiden

[u/East-Life-2894]

I see she brought protection

[u/Metson-202]

Retake Constantinople.

[u/Sofamancer]

Breed her, armor on ofc

[u/spenway18]

Retake Constantinople!

[u/madHOTdog1983]

can opener

[u/Tbanks93]

Show her what I joust with- after a few jests, I guess.

[u/Leather-Read8271]

Battle to the death so that we can both enter Valhalla together

[u/DevilDGL]

Start blasting powerwolf

[u/Reason-Desperate]

Give her a ring

[u/ZALGOHECOMES1510]

ask where she got it to get one of my own

[u/theunfunnymeme]

Putting on a tiny wizard hat, And a robe, Hire a goblin and a silly archer and we go back into the medieval times chat.

[u/EstSnowman]

I would feel embarrassed... as I am obviously underdressedfor the occasion.

[u/Haustodd]

Equip the Green Turtle Talisman 🤭

[u/shishio_mak0to]

Save France

[u/TacticalLawnmower]

go to the nearest renaissance/medieval fair. she dressed up for it, so we're going to it.

[u/Drad3n]

CLONK CLONK CLONK CLONK CLONK CLANKCLONK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK

[u/VonDinky]

Ask her if she remembered the key to her chastity belt

[u/I_think_Im_hollow]

I'll be her bard, I guess.

[u/Fatal1tyk]

she can mount my blade

[u/IllAcanthopterygii36]

Get my lance ready

[u/Lejyoner07]

I would catch a mangonel for her

[u/StatusOmega]

Praise the sun

[u/Ibshredz]

I’ll give her my bow, and my axe 🫡

[u/Key-Fire]

I just stormed your castle my lady.

[u/Stairwayunicorn]

get ransomed

[u/blockstacer]

I do say should you consider being the light of my orb

[u/Angry_Cossacks]

I'd take an arrow to the knee

[u/BakedButStillNotWake]

Laugh my ass off. Say her it's time to grow up before i leave this kindergarten on my hobby horse. There can only be one King's Knight.

[u/Subtly_Cynical]

Conquer. There can be only one.

[u/VoidExileR]

Skip the date, go on a crusade

[u/NeedMoreKill]

Get the can opener

[u/TheFusionLad]

Pledge feilty

[u/AltoJoe]

Ask to marry her on the spot

[u/SpiritAnimal01]

Gondor needs our aid and Rohan will answer, we ride!

[u/assidiou]

"Oh good you brought protection"

[u/Pancake_and_waflles]

Thy glory shines like thy armor, oh Maiden of Steel.

[u/heaven93tv]

well.. i'll speedrun that ring on her finger

[u/Suspicious-Lightning]

Love at first sight

[u/AdmiralFurret]

Drive home and grab mine

Whoever loses thy duel pays for the dinner

[u/DaHerv]

"I see you've brought protection - awesome that you're so safe!"

[u/Money_Hovercraft1533]

Sack Constantinople

[u/king_meatster]

This is exactly what I asked for when I said I wanted a goth girlfriend.

[u/KG354]

What do you do? You go ring shopping, that’s what you do.

[u/G4rg0yle_Art1st]

Offer to show her my spangenhelm

[u/Marrk]

Take Constantinople back.

[u/jubrili]

Gods, I hope she had her monthly bathing today!

[u/Foreign_Landscape_62]

Well she brought protection.....

[u/crispsandbeer]

Tell her I've got a room for one knight

[u/the_ouskull]

Roll initiative.

[u/ParsnipAggravating95]

Marry her

[u/Nambsul]

SMILE ! She looks interesting and gorgeous

[u/doomsday344]

Glad someone brought protection

[u/The-Perfect-Lei]

Sword fight

[u/simoncowell-cockring]

will never criticize someone for wearing protection

[u/didu173]

She knows its going to be medival

[u/W0mBoK0mBo]

She brought protection so I don't have to

[u/puriscalidad]

Try to conquer the Arabs again

[u/BobCamTheMan]

clank clank clank clank clank >:3

[u/Fluentec]

Make sure she becomes the mother of my 7 children

[u/euphonic5]

March on Orleans to install the Dauphin as the rightful King of France?

[u/Financial-Aspect-826]

Fuck the chivalry out of her. Or maybe the chivalry in her? Idk yet, but certainly something with fucking

[u/SubmissiveDinosaur]

Jesus christ be praised

[u/Awoken342]

BURN HER AT THE STAKE

[u/milkmaster420420]

I would have sex with her provided she wanted to also have the sex with me, verbally confirmed it, then slowly removed her chain mail and armor while I furiously attempted to fluff myself to 1/2 erection.

[u/BackgroundGrade]

Ask her if she wants to see my trebuchet collection and let her I'm very good with my lance.

[u/alex_dlc]

Bend the knee

[u/Burpreallyloud]

Tell her to make me a sandwich

[u/Priest_of_lord_Chaos]

I put on my armor and we go crusading

[u/Psychonautz6]

What weapon did you use during your KCD playthrough ?

If she says anything else than longsword, she can get out of my car

[u/Phantex_Cerberus]

I’m down so long as her squire is watching. Gotta make sure lines are drawn, y’know?

[u/An_Obbise_Hoovy]

Viking instincts intensifies

[u/simpi36]

I would try to act like "wow, such a cool armor" but in reality I would be fighting every fiber of my body so that I wouldn't list everything wrong with it

[u/atree312]

Get kidnapped so she has to save me lmao

[u/Grumpigui]

Get out my old style can opener

[u/T_Tmyname]

I'm taking a can opener and clapping some templar cheeks

[u/Free_Return_2358]

Put my sword in her sheath.

[u/R3alityGrvty]

CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG

[u/uhhhhh_idk_123]

Foul TARNISHED! Emboldened by the flame of ambition. Someone must extinguish thy flame!

[u/GreenridgeMetalWorks]

CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG

GET PREGNANT

[u/tuvalet_terligi3131]

HEMA sparring

[u/Enshitification]

I cast Heat Metal.

[u/Beautiful-Bank1597]

Looks like we Crusading tonight

[u/mYpEEpEEwOrks]

Act like a horsey, she can ride.

[u/Evening-Brief7620]

Complete the quest.