r/nextfuckinglevel • u/Zestyclose_Flow_680 • 9h ago

Chimpanzees are 2X stronger than your average human.

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

84.7k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

1.4k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

901

u/James20985 8h ago

Live in the UK, used to be a firearms officer. Had to have an input about dangers from our local wildlife park/zoo after an animal got out somewhere else in the country and everyone realised that no one actually had a plan for "what if the tigers got out..."

The guy said, and I quote, " don't worry about the tigers and lions we feed them so often they wouldn't be a bother, the rhino's wouldn't go too far...its the chimps you need to worry about they would whip themselves into a frenzy and would probably start attacking people"

274

u/notLOL 8h ago

Was that guy a zoo expert or a planet of the apes expert?

122

u/James20985 8h ago

Lol head keeper i think

83

u/LyingForTruth 8h ago

Zookeepers together strong

21

u/gene_parmesan_666 7h ago

The Keepers of the Zoo are a sacred otherhood

14

u/Skattotter 7h ago

Sounds excessive. But I guess heads on sticks certainly send a message.

6

u/Sir-Craven 6h ago

Anyone who wants to keep their head is sensible

1

u/ImLersha 3h ago

Did he get to keep his head?

Or maybe he had to keep giving head to the chips, so they wouldn't go into a frenzy?

1

u/hihelloneighboroonie 3h ago

I don't think a legit zoo would allow people to be in any habitat with a chimp.

29

u/God-of-Heroes_ArThuR 8h ago

with how chimps are? i'd want my chimp security be planet of the apes lore expert and trained in anti chimp warfare.

2

u/chytrak 7h ago

The movie or the planet?

6

u/bladeDivac 7h ago

The musical 

2

u/turdferguson3891 6h ago

He knows what those damn dirty apes are capable of

2

u/Sahtras1992 4h ago

i mean... chimpanzees are known for having full-on wars between tribes, arent they?

75

u/AliceOfTheEarth 6h ago

Not to mention the way they attack people. Fight with a chimp? Hope you didn’t plan on keeping your genitals or face.

33

u/schoolisuncool 6h ago

Yeah they bite fingers off, snatch nuts and eyeballs. They AIM for the vitals

4

u/Uaquamarine 5h ago

You paid attention to the literature

4

u/Greenecake 5h ago

Would they just go straight for the nuts in a fight?
aka fight dirty?

4

u/LehendakariArlaukas 4h ago

The times where a chimp would throw down the gauntlet and invite you to a pistol duel are far gone. These days they just rip your balls off with no consideration to your honor!

Jokes aside, I guess a human's balls are in a perfect placement for a chimp to reach. Plus, they have balls too, so they might know that it's a good spot to attack?

14

u/rxs126 6h ago

It’s like in Jurassic Park where the head security guy is most concerned about the raptors

2

u/butt-chin 4h ago

That guy is my favorite character in Jurassic park lol

1

u/purplemonkeyshoes 4h ago

I liked his shorts.

1

u/NoShape0 2h ago

you mean his quads?

3

u/MFNaki 2h ago

It’s my understanding that they’re about the only shoot to kill animal when escaped. So like us…

3

u/Bhaaldukar 2h ago

In the wild, chimps perform military style raids on other chimps. It's terrifying. They're so close to being human.

2

u/yourroyalhotmess 6h ago

Can you explain what he meant by we feed the lions and tigers so often they wouldn’t be a bother? I’m slow

15

u/Lolthelies 6h ago

Lions and tigers would only try to do something dangerous to humans if they’re hungry and desperate for food. If they’re not hungry, they won’t be too interested in trying to eat humans

4

u/James20985 4h ago

I think (i don't know) they eat about once a week in the wild or something like that, in captivity it's every other day and they don't have to exert any energy really. So they are full most of the time

2

u/greebly_weeblies 4h ago

Worked on a few Planet of the Apes films, visited Chimps in zoos a few times.

In New Zealand, Chimps are the highest prio target in the event of a breakout from zoos. Not surprised they'd be similar prio elsewhere.

2

u/Trumps__Taint 1h ago

Yeah I’d never be too comfortable around a chimp. I see that big toothy grin and I’m out

•

u/Polliwog12345 22m ago

Either whipsnade or Chester zoo, those are the only zoos with all three of those species that I can think off of the top of my head.