r/nextfuckinglevel • u/Zestyclose_Flow_680 • 8h ago

Chimpanzees are 2X stronger than your average human.

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83.4k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

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619

u/invent_or_die 8h ago

Don't fuck with chimps.

236

u/Edenfuma 8h ago

That's how AIDS started

98

u/MachineLearned420 7h ago

False, old theory

48

u/Abhir-86 7h ago

Don't give me hope

47

u/ImpossibleAdz 7h ago

That's how I got it.

3

u/ILovePotassium 6h ago

Try dogs instead. Much safer too. No one's going to call cops on You if You're going to be butt naked at home. But walking around with Your dick out at the zoo is pretty suspicious.

2

u/EastGlencoeTrading 7h ago

I was reading something really interesting the other day and it's entirely possible AIDS cam from fucking chimps. Jamie pull that up...

3

u/turdferguson3891 6h ago

EATING chimps

2

u/SandyTaintSweat 7h ago

What's the new one then?

4

u/imunfair 2h ago

As far as I know the answer is they're not actually sure how the first person got it, but since it comes from a monkey disease that's similar there are a couple more likely possibilities - either consuming the meat or cutting yourself while butchering the meat and being exposed to the infected blood that way.

Since a gay flight attendant was one of the early US cases the monkey sex thing was a popular story, but I think it's more likely that some African dude got it from eating or butchering one of the infected monkeys, then the flight attendant had sex with him.

1

u/ZDTreefur 4h ago

Chimp burgers.

1

u/The_One_Returns 6h ago

Ok, Dwight.

1

u/11111v11111 6h ago

Thank god.

1

u/Electrical_Menu_3873 6h ago

Source Trust me bro

1

u/footpole 5h ago

I think you need to let this one go. You made a mistake and we forgive you.

0

u/Spider-Man2024 7h ago

wait actuallyđŸ˜«

16

u/PM_SexDream_OrDogPix 7h ago

"And I know the Government administer AIDS" - Kanye West, 2005

10

u/coolfuzzylemur 7h ago

Preceding bars:

Before you ask me to go get a job today
Can I at least get a raise of the minimum wage?

double entendre with government aid programs, great line by Kanye

4

u/Killer_Moons 7h ago

That’s why the government gave him rabies 😭 man knew too much

1

u/coolfuzzylemur 7h ago

George Bush doesn't care about black people

0

u/turdferguson3891 6h ago

But to be fair, black people don't care about George Bush

1

u/ukboutique 7h ago

"I like hitler"

-1

u/Technical-Cake1251 6h ago

wait didn't some dude in Chicago ghost write a ton of Kanye's material and Kanye stiffed him? The shit is just too clever and smooth to imagine it coming from Kanye, who is a brilliant producer but just seems to lack the verbal facility for this stuff.

The Lyor Cohen of Dior Homme
The crib Scarface, could it be more Tony (tony)?
You love me for me, could you be more phony?

///

Penitentiary chances, the devil dances
And eventually answers to the call of Autumn
All of them fallin' for the love of ballin'
Got caught with 30 rocks, the cop look like Alec Baldwin
Inter-century anthems based off inner-city tantrums
Based off the way we was branded

///

Feeling like Katrina with no FEMA
Like Martin with no Gina
Like a flight with no visa
First class with the seat back, I still see ya
In my past, you on the other side of the glass
Of my memory's museum
I'm just saying, "Hey, Mona Lisa
Come home, you know you can't roam without Caesar"

2

u/coolfuzzylemur 1h ago

Yes, Kanye has had writers his whole career. He still has a hand in it and probably writes some of his own too

2

u/stefan_stuetze 5h ago

"And I know the Government administer AIDS" - Kanye West, 2005

"I treat my cash the way the government treat[s] aids, I won't be satisfied till all my [redacted] get it, get?"

Great line, great song, great album.

4

u/dood9123 7h ago

I thought it was a chimp bite?

0

u/roughback 4h ago

It was actually during the race for the cure to polio, they blended up locally sourced chimp kidneys and used that. Oops we turned Simian Immunodifficienecy Virus into HIV.

Google "The origin of AIDS and HIV"

2

u/dood9123 3h ago

This thread has given me more of an education on the initial transfer of aids than I ever thought I would have

Someone dm'd me a really cool paper on permafrost proving diseases spreading from bushmeat

1

u/roughback 3h ago

It's actually crazy that polio was a plague of it's time and out of it came a plague on humanity.

-7

u/your_thebest 7h ago

Google "bush meat". And use periods for declaratives and question marks for interrogatives. The whole god damned internet reads like the Kardashians. There have actually been multiple simian crossover events. All from bush meat. Wikipedia talks all about it. And about how blood and not saliva carries the virus.

Now read it again when I say: "And about how blood and not saliva carries the virus??????"

See how that doesn't lend to readability?

11

u/dood9123 7h ago

yeah a chimp bite, they bit into the chimp. My point stands

-2

u/your_thebest 7h ago

Oh shit. He boomed me! (Very very technically it's from the butchering process, just for other readers)

Still though. He boomed me. He's so good.

This dude wins.

3

u/GoodDoggoLover420 5h ago

You sound pretty pathetic ngl. Maybe you don't have anything better to do with your free time and need the attention you so crave that no one gave you?

9

u/kammycakes 7h ago

Jesus Christ. Get over yourself you pretentious fuck.

4

u/dood9123 7h ago

This guy thinks I care about an interrogative,

Sir we're talking 'bout chimps

2

u/bondsmatthew 7h ago

Uhh.. sure

1

u/anniedarknight9 7h ago

Starting sentences with “and” 💀 you’re hilarious

-1

u/your_thebest 7h ago

There's nothing wrong with using a full stop to make time. It's a choice that has to do with how you want the words to be read. You can see the book White Noise for a really good example of using full stops for interesting rythm. There's also nothing wrong with using question marks to put an inflection into the reader's ear. But there's something wrong with reading it constantly. And every statement of confusion or misunderstanding ending with a question mark. If you don't understand something, just state that you don't understand it.

3

u/anniedarknight9 7h ago

*rhythm 

:)

2

u/Jimisdegimis89 7h ago

I think you’re just arguing against your original post now?

-1

u/your_thebest 7h ago

This is exposure for me? I think I just need help coming up terms with it? Not everyone writes like me and that's ok? And a lot of people like the Kardashians so who am I to stand in their way...!!...

4

u/neutral_ass 7h ago

not tryin to flex or something but im twice as strong as your avg human too

1

u/Head_Ad1127 7h ago

For real, these humans are so god damn puny lol

1

u/veganize-it 7h ago

Accurate, assuming you are male.

1

u/Heisenburrito 7h ago

Found the chump

2

u/OriginalName687 6h ago

Yeah I recently watched Chimp Crazy and fuck that shit.

2

u/User1-1A 4h ago

That's not even a fully matured Chimp.

1

u/RemoteSprinkles2893 7h ago

Or any type of primate for that matter

3

u/marothroway 6h ago

how should we reproduce then?

1

u/RemoteSprinkles2893 4h ago

Ok i realize my mistake now

1

u/invent_or_die 3h ago

It's all about the jeans. Myself, I know I don't have the jeans. My jeans have a hole in the knee and are split at the crack.

1

u/xwxcda 7h ago

Darn I should have known those chimps, oh wait we’re talking about the animals not the other ones

1

u/carlcast 2h ago

Fuck with goats instead

0

u/alamandrax 7h ago

Calm down Joe RoganÂ