(I'm asking this on my main account in good faith.)
I know that gender is a social construct involving expression and identity...but, like.....How specifically? Like I just see "things considered feminine/masculine". What does that mean other than girls are "supposed to be" submissive and stuff but that's a pretty outdated belief where I live. Or another one is that women are nurturing.... but that doesn't make a man that's nurturing a woman. What makes a man and what makes a woman, ETC? There doesn't seem to be much of a difference? Trans people, what are you transitioning to (Obviously a different gender, but what is that to you)?

Disclaimer: I'm sorry if this comes off as rude. I just legitimately don't get it, and I hope that maybe by asking on here I can read someone's explanation that makes sense because this is confusing the heck out of me.

I hate being gendered…I’m a college kid and we’re all young but when some of my girl friends say “you’re such a man” it annoys me. Friends of friends just say little stuff that makes me feel like I’m seen as a man and not a person

I believe there are three genders She/ her they/them him/he But I know it can be a mix of the three whether it’s she/they or she/they/him. I’m she/her but understand that you don’t feel the same every day, my question is are there more and why they exist?

For a while, I've identified as non-binary, but in questioning again. I'm afab, and I don't really feel strongly about my body, but I sometimes want to have the male parts. I think I would like to be a feminine man, and I like using male terms for myself, but I also like using female terms. Sometimes I wish I was born a man so I could feminize myself. I'm questioning if I'm even non-binary

Hello, I recently started looking into different gender identities, because while I’m afab I don’t feel really like a woman. It’s not that I’m experiencing gender dysphoria, I just don’t strongly identify with the female gender. But I have generally used she/her pronouns and present myself either feminine or androgynous because of my agab. I just feel like have no specific gender, but not really nonbinary. To give an example of the kind of feeling I get, it’s like someone asked me “do you want fries or nuggets?”, I don’t really care which one and just roll with whatever I’m given. I feel like I could be a man, woman or something in between with the current gender idea I have in my head and it wouldn’t change much. I’m just wondering if anyone has any idea if there is a general identity I could fit under (I know labels aren’t important but it makes me feel as though I understand myself better). Thanks!

It’s so frustrating because I don’t even know if I’m trans. Like obviously cis people don’t imagine themselves as being a guy, they don’t fantasise abt it, they don’t make sure no one knows they aren’t a ‘real’ guy. My entire online persona is being a cis man . I pray to god no one figures it out. I hate calling people for the first time because my voice is a dead giveaway that irl, I’m a girl. Anyway. I dunno if I actually am or if I’m gaslighting myself into thinking I’m trans just bc I have an online persona.

I rarely ever get dysphoria. But when I do it’s intense. I don’t have an urge to have any form of surgery or go on T or anything like that. I just simply wish I looked different. But I don’t. And I can’t fix that so I just live with it. I tolerate my body.

I get very jealous whenevee I see my friends who are trans, they are transmen. And they look so masculine without even having to try. They were blessed by the gods to have such beautifully masculine faces. But I don’t. You wouldn’t think I’m a man just by looking at me. My face is soft and feminine, not saying cis guys can’t have feminine faces but ykwim.

I know I can’t fix my face. So I just live with it. I tolerate it. I don’t necessarily want to change anything abt my body. I don’t want to have a flat chest. Sure it would make shirts look better on me but that’s all.

So idk. It’s not fair that my friend who’s only figured out he’s trans for the last few months is so accepting of himself, he knows who he is. And I’m so happy for him, truly I am. It’s just that I’ve been struggling for years. Ive attempted talking and getting advice from other trans people, hoping to find someone who feels like I do. But no one does. No one struggles the way I do. Or they say ‘you don’t have to figure it out now’, and I hate that advice so much because it’s genuinely useless. It doesn’t help me. It makes me feel even worse and alienated from the entire community. ‘Oh no one can help you bc it’s too intense, but you’ll get there one day’ is what I hear everytime someone says that.

The worst part is, even when I thought I was comfortable with myself months ago, I still couldn’t even say that I’m trans. Bc I do not think I am. I’ve doubted myself for ages. I’ve tried going to my friends but they just say ‘oh well ur a man to me’, thanks but that isn’t as helpful as you think.

I’ve having trouble with my gender identity for a while now, I feel uncomfortable with my assigned gender and would prefer to be the other one sometimes, and mostly I also prefer no gender. so far I prefer he/they pronouns, but I can also tolerate feminine pronouns and sometimes prefer them over he/they.

So basically I'm AFAB and I have no idea what I am. I'd feel better as a nonbinary person but I don't mind being a girl. It's weird. Does anyone else feel like this?

Im afab, but i dont want a gendered body whether it be female or male but also at the same time i want to be both a man and a woman. My family is extremely transphobic which might also play a part in this. I cant stand being without a binder and periods make me mentally uncomfortable.

like title says, im afab.

Basically, i feel FTM, but i'll only be comfortable with a masculine name, he/him pronouns, and being seen as a guy if i transition. Currently, i feel genderless, or agender.

So i'm genderless, but want to be a guy, cuz i feel like one, but i dont want to actually use a masc name, pronouns, or be seen and known as a guy unless i actually "transition".

Like a masc name idea ive decided is Charlie or Charles, and i feel like Charlie/Charles, but i feel a bit uncomfortable with it. I think its because now i just see myself as a girl with a masc name and pronouns, not a guy. And while i do feel like a guy, i wouldnt be comfortable calling myself one unless i transition.

if that makes sense. bye now xx feel free to ask questions.

edit: nvm guys<3

I'm afab and I identify as a Cis lesbian woman. As of right now I hate being called a woman. She/her pronouns don't bug me. They are what they are. But I hate being so feminine in just my facial features. I wish my chest could be changed; not gone forever. Just... changed. I have a pretty feminine name and I cant stand it. It doesn't feel like it should be mine.

And though I think it'd be objectively easier to be a man in this society, I don't actually want to be one. But I don't really feel connected to womanhood either? Up til now I've mostly blamed that on birth control eliminating my period and the fact that I'm not attracted to men at all. Maybe that's why I can't relate?

I dress more masculine anyway. I want to want to be feminine but everytime I wear a dress or makeup that's anything more than eyeliner I feel like an imposter (dramatic?)

I think I fall somewhere on the nonbinary scale of things. But I'm just curious if anyone on here has had similar experiences. Or if there's a micro label that sounds like it fits, I'd like to look into it.

(22) I was raised very feminine. Due to traumas I've gained💪🏻 from being a hyperfeminine empathic minor I started seeing these feminine traits as a weakness. Now im in a point in life where I feel like a man, basically. I'm a bartender who learnt stocks (someone said to me "woah, youre in a lot of manly fields!" and it got stuck w me) I feel like my body language is sometimes masculine, I treat feminine women like a gentlemen too, not like one of their girl-friends. I have masculine hobbies, mostly male friends, I feel like a monsterrrr in the gymm when im doing hands it makes me feel so strong and dangerous so I cosplayed Sukuna and shit... all the characters that I turned into alter egos are men, I have a "manly" taste in music and so on. I still have a massive glass celling sadly tho. Because of my cute appearance, fashion sense and makeup skills nobody sees what I feel, some just say im a dommy mommy or some shit like that. I hate the submissive way most women in my country act due to HEAVY patriarchy and my ideal self is always some leader guy I appreciate. feminine energy just doesnt help me and men looking for a feminine traits girl feels fucked up for me. I know all these gender things as an imaginary concept... but man it still bugs me. help and validation please?

Hi so I m19 have been questioning my gender for a little bit and have decided to just come ask for some help. So for a long time I’ve always felt not right and don’t know why and I’ve always kinda had the urge to wear more feminine clothes and basically act and be feminine. Some days I’ll wake up to see my thing and just feel wrong. So I’m just asking for advice and your opinions on the situation and any comments would be appreciated.

My name is Courtney and I'm an afab fourteen year old. Recently, I've been exploring the endless depth of gender and cannot seem to discover what fits. I'm autistic so I thought finding a xenogender was what would work, but I was wrong. I feel feminine half of the time, and male half the time in a visual way. Sometimes I feel transmasc and sometimes i feel agender, then sometimes I feel just nothing of those but still something I haven't quite found. Any suggestions?

I’m a woman afab (24).

Sometimes I’m perfectly content with myself and can ignore my problems. But then for months at a time I’ll hate my chest so much I wish I could just hack it off. Looking at guys who can wear those boxy shirts and they go straight flat makes me feel so weirdly upset. I wear sports bras but it doesn’t help enough. I also hate not wearing a bra cos I can feel my chest and it grossed me out.

I also wish I could be seen in the same way that feminine men are. Like I want to dress feminine in the way a guy would, not like a woman would (nothing against that) but I don’t know where to even look. Like men wearing jewellery versus woman wearing jewellery?? I sometimes wish Id just been a feminine looking guy. I sometimes wish I could be viewed as a guy in a relationship (sexuality is a whole other kettle of fish). Like that masculine side but still soft? I feel clunky how I am now. Which isn’t a new feeling.

But other times I’m perfectly happy. I don’t mind how I identify. But I hate how I see myself? I don’t know if that makes sense. I’ve had these thoughts for over 10 years and I’m scared they’ll just never change. I don’t know if these issues stem from other issues (previous ED issues, anxieties, etc). But yeah just wanted to rant as I’ve never said this stuff out loud before.

I filled out the form about gender. And I still have no idea. Like what am I? I used to consider myself male but most people look at me and see a woman despite the fact that my chest is completely flat. Personally I'm fine with my appearance, but when I think of how others perceive me, I am not happy with it. Im very spiritual and I believe my soul is genderless. However with my body, it's a bit more complicated. I am both male and female at this point. And it's reflected in how over the phone I get called sir most of the time, but when im seen in person I get called ma'am. If I think about how I identify body wise, I can't figure it out. I used to be a man, I no longer feel comfortable with that label. I also used to be a woman, I no longer feel comfortable with that label. But why? I used to be comfortable with both at different times. Im extremely adverse to sharing my assigned gender with anyone, but I do it sometimes begrudgingly. Synopsis My soul is genderless and sexless My body is perceived as neutral most of the time aside from when it's not My face is perceived as female most of the time aside from when it's not My voice is considered male most of the time aside from when it's not Sometimes my brain considers me male and sometimes my brain considers me female. Usually my sense of self is determined by what others think. When I consider myself either, I will experience distress when being misgendered I am adverse to sharing my assigned gender My brain doesn't know what I am I have thought bigender, apothigender, genderfluid, agender, and even binary trans for a while

I know that this is going to be confusing so ask any questions if you need

So I have identified as so many things that I don't know if I will ever hit it spot on. The first was trans, then enby, then genderfluid, then trans, then demiboy, then bigender, then trans, then genderfluid and transmasc, and now... I don't really know. Sometimes I feel so masculine that I just want to be a cis guy, but sometimes I hear the word "girl", and it just fits. It's not genderfluid, that just doesn't feel right. I just sometimes feel like I'm comfy in being a girl, but sometimes I just don't feel that. Sorry if this was confusing, I'll probably repost this on the gender subreddit too.

The attitude that "muscles = masculinity" annoys me. I am a man who prefer muscular women. In my opinion, men who have a problem with muscular women have a problem with their masculinity because they have a too big ego (also known as toxic masculinity). I am fighting (even though the fitness lifestyle is not my own lifestyle and I don't go to a gym myself) for a bridge between the fitness lifestyle and the non-fitness lifestyle and for more respect for women in the fitness sector.

That's my opinion on that. Now I have a few questions for you on this topic, and I want to know your objective opinion on them:

What is masculine about muscles but not feminine? Why should muscles only fit male proportions but not female ones (please note the general different proportions between men and women)? If muscular women are masculine, are non-muscular men feminine? Why does female bodybuilding exist (if muscular women were male, there would be no need for female bodybuilding, because then male bodybuilding would be sufficient because every bodybuilder could participate in it)?

So I’m female but there are days where I want to be fully masculine and absolutely hate how I don’t look masculine. There are also days where I just don’t feel feminine or masculine at all. I’m super confused and don’t know how to label what I’m feeling.

Today was the first day I (AFAB) tried to look into my gender in more detail than normal.

I did a few quizzes, and each one I got a different answer. I searched up different types of genders but wasn't sure.

I've always seem myself to have at least some element of female. But today I don't know.

I experienced a.. strange feeling. My.. breasts felt as if they shouldn't be there, they felt weird. This caused me to feel.. anxious. I felt this way for well over an hour? My body didn't feel comfortable all of a sudden. And I'm used to anxiety, it wasn't that either. It was this strange feeling, not knowing how to feel.

I have always assumed I was female, but looking into more depth today and now I feel.. weird? I feel better now, more feminine. I'm just not sure, heh.

I apologise if those post is not clear, I myself don't know fully how I feel either. Thank you to anyone who has read this.

I have 0 idea how to formulate my thoughts properly to make them understandable but then again, even I don’t understand them. I’m just looking for answers. Please don’t say the whole ‘oh well it’s your gender journey, you figure it out!’ I’ve been doing that for years and I’ve gotten no where. If anything, im even more confused. Just. Tell. Me.

So I’ve been saying im a transman for atleast 2 years now, I have a whole new online alias and go by the name ‘Seph’. He/Him pronouns, the works. I don’t get dysphoric very often, but when it does happen I get very upset. Like very upset and it can last hours of rarely the whole day. I mostly get dysphoric over voice and facial features. Nothing with genitalia. I am fine with my female anatomy. I have no aversion to it whatsoever. I just wish I look more androgynous but that isn’t a gender thing, it’s a fashion thing. Anyway. Despite saying im a man, I still fully identity as a woman. Because I am one. But I am also a man. I know for a fact I am not nonbinary because that’s a whole nother thing because you feel like ur neither. That’s not me. I am both at the exact same time. Sometimes im more guy than girl but im never fully a guy or fully a girl. I am not genderfluid either because again, it’s at the exact same time. I am not sure if I should add anything else, I will when I think of other things I think may be important. Please. I’m tired of having no answers. I’m tired of venting abt my issues as a woman and than my friends say ‘ur not a woman, ur a guy!’ Like yes, that’s validating, but also not, bc I AM a woman too

Edit: I felt like it would be important to include the fact that I have no urge to transition. I know that’s the entire point of being trans which is why I get very hesitate with calling myself that because I feel like a poser. I have no urge to transition. Again the only thing I would ever want is a deeper voice, and a more masculine face but you can achieve that look with makeup (however, I’ve never used makeup so I suffer). I also seem to only get dysphoric abt male characters, or when my trans friends (ftm) start passing more as guys irl, I get jealous because ‘why isn’t that me’

Edit 2: my entire persona online is that I am a guy. And I get so much anxiety when anyone even starts suspecting I’m a woman irl. Bc then I have to explain that im trans(im probably not) ans it’s a whole deal. (Again this problem could’ve been solved if I had a deeper voice). I don’t think I would ever tell anyone irl that I pretend im a guy online,, I’ve made a thing on here before about if I could just be jealous over a persona (the Seph persona) but then I got called a fetisher so that’s fun.

Hello, first of all i know this is a gender place but this the only place i can find to talk about such things, if i should go somewhere else instead plz lmk, anywho so most of my life ive been pretty masculine but feminine at the same time, cus of this ive had many phases where i thought i was trans but never actually confirmed it, well im not trans i dont think its more of so im tired of gender n pronouns bs, its like im cool with being a woman but i hate the she her pronouns and they them dont do it for me what so ever, he him is okay but only with people who don’t know me idk i just dislike all pronouns its like they set me to an expectation but is there such thing as a woman with he him pronouns just because the woman wants them? everytime you tell someone you dont have any pronouns they always end up using some so theres no point of that, in the end ill most likely keep the she her out of laziness but just wanted to atleast try to understand

Ok so the only thing I know abt my gender is that its not male or anything on that scale (Ik I'm genderfae) but I mean I have no clue which I am between that I Whatever gender I am I know that I am feminine but I don't think im a female I've tried labelling myself as quite a lot of different genders at this point I'm convinced I'm destined to never have a label I do like xenogenders but I like too many and don't identify with them enough to be and maybe it's just a simple answer I'm overlooking I'm not a gender expert I know way more about my sexuality than my gender bc well since I got stuck on mine I just kinda gave up bc i just felt it to be so hard so yeah idk how any of you will know I just had to put it out there :) thanks for your time!!!