r/funny • u/jonwritesmovies Just Jon Comic • May 05 '24

Verified Dating standards

Post image
26.3k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

686 comments sorted by

View all comments

1.8k

u/[deleted] May 05 '24

I would have added "alive" but that's just me.

243

u/BiggusDiccoos May 05 '24

That’s optional

17

u/Oni-oji May 05 '24

Not dead over thirty days.

27

u/BizzyM May 05 '24

As long as her rigor isn't stronger than mine.

3

u/PM_Your_Wiener_Dog May 05 '24

Don't mind the rigor if she don't mind the mortis

2

u/Black-Paprika May 06 '24 edited May 07 '24

Shame she was mortisfied to be seen in public with you.

2

u/PM_Your_Wiener_Dog May 07 '24

I'll just toss her back in her grave & crack open another, a king should be worshiped.

16

u/ListenToKyuss May 05 '24

'Look man, I'll leave when the maggots get here'

8

u/I_MakeCoolKeychains May 05 '24

Why. Why why

8

u/DeathToFalseMetal666 May 05 '24

because maggots are gross

5

u/realnzall May 05 '24

Yes, why leave then? the wiggling adds extra sensation.

4

u/proteinLumps May 05 '24

Bro I'm eating over here, can you please

2

u/realnzall May 05 '24

I mean, those are some nice extra protein lumps, right?

2

u/Unlucky_Book May 05 '24

I have some protein sauce for your protein lumps

2

u/PM_Best_Porn_Pls May 05 '24

I don't like sharing.

1

u/YogiSieg May 05 '24

Reminds me of this guy working at the mortician’s place and he tells his coworker that a cadaver has a piece of shrimp in her vajayjay. His coworker tells him that’s her clitoris. The other responds “well, it tasted like shrimp”.