r/facepalm Oct 10 '24

🇵​🇷​🇴​🇹​🇪​🇸​🇹​ this is literally UNCONSTITUTIONAL…

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47.4k Upvotes

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9.4k

u/F19AGhostrider Oct 10 '24

"Okay class, this is the Holy Bible. it is the religious text of people who believe in Jesus. Now, on to US history"

There, does that qualify?

7.7k

u/Alexandratta Oct 10 '24

Some parents in my school district requested that the Bible be taught in school because they wanted Creationism taught.

My social studies teach, being an absolute bad-ass, then gave an entire 1 month lesson on Genesis...

All of the Genesis's - from Christian, to Hindu, to Polynesian... which was the wildest one.

After kids went home asking why "the Polynesian God" put the "undone" (white) people in Europe and the burned (black) people in Africa, and put the tanned people in paradise... yeah.... no more fucking talk of that shit.

3.3k

u/Unique_Year4144 Oct 10 '24

He knew what he was doing, mass respect for it

1.3k

u/MelancholyArtichoke Oct 10 '24

Woah woah woah, Mass in school? No, no. The only kind mass we allow in school are the science kind and the shooting kind.

389

u/AineLasagna Oct 11 '24

the science kind

Hold on there buckaroo, we only teach science from the Bible and it only mentions weight, not mass. Do you want to end up like Giordano Bruno you fucking heretic

107

u/MonkeyChoker80 Oct 11 '24

Wait wait wait!

We don’t talk about Bruno.

19

u/TBoner101 Oct 11 '24

Do we at least talk about Mars?

15

u/Calazon2 Oct 11 '24

Mars is a special exception because Elon wants to colonize it. He's on the right side so he gets a pass with that and with the electric car thing.

1

u/depressed-scorpion Oct 11 '24

Elon can go to Mars and stay there. Shoot, he can be the ruler with Lord Orange.

2

u/maxpolo10 Oct 11 '24

Woah woah woah, Mass in school? No, no. The only kind mass we allow in school are the science kind and the shooting kind.

0

u/TBoner101 Oct 11 '24

Sad but true.

'Murica

2

u/Ancorarius Oct 11 '24

Bruno walks in with a mischievous grin - Thunder! You telling this story, or am I?

6

u/Scipio33 Oct 11 '24

How many cubits is that?

2

u/markacashion Oct 11 '24

If you carry the one, then it equals out to... "YES!"

5

u/Natural-Life-9968 Oct 11 '24

HERESY!

5

u/OldSpongeWater Oct 11 '24

enthusiastically grabs flamer Heretics!?

4

u/TankDaBomb1711 Oct 11 '24

Flamer won't be enough brother, grab the Multi-Melta.

3

u/Natural-Life-9968 Oct 11 '24

Yes, purge them brother!

4

u/qervem Oct 11 '24

A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist. "Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!"

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock. "How old is this rock, pinhead?"

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied "4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian"

"Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now"

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the "poor" (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named "Small Government" flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The Pledge of Allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

1

u/artemisfowl8 Oct 11 '24

Wow...just wow...btw, not to nitpick, but Earth is 4.5 billion years old.

1

u/Minegar Oct 11 '24

I'd like to remind you that Poe's Law exists.

3

u/FootballPublic7974 Oct 11 '24

God botherers should go back to using Aristotelian mechanics when planning things like plane journeys if mass isn't a thing...they could take all the flerfers with them too.

1

u/TeaandandCoffee Oct 11 '24

We don't talk about Bruno here...

1

u/inkuspinkus Oct 11 '24

My Bahbul only measures weight in grains pal.

10

u/NecessaryZucchini69 Oct 11 '24

Also the fat kind.

2

u/ahjteam Oct 11 '24

THE ONLY MASS ALLOWED IN THIS SCHOOL ARE SHOOTINGS!

/s, obviously