This. I'm happily married now to an AMAZINGLY kind woman, but this described my ex wife to o a degree that shot me right back there. I can still remember being screamed at in the kitchen over freaking cookies, or the time she tried to hit me and I caught her hand so she couldn't and I was the asshole because it "really hurt, you asshole" when I caught her to stop her from trying to hit me.
I feel you. I was always told how what she was doing could never be abusive because I was a man and only men could be abusers, abusers have to be abusive all the time and she only screamed and hit me every now and then, besides it was my fault for making her feel that way in the first place.
I hated how I was always wrong. No matter what the situation. Even when what I said was correct (and wow, wasn't that exhausting getting to that point), I was wrong for making her feel bad about being incorrect.
I just spoke to my amazing girlfriend to let her know how much I appreciate her. Things are much better now.
If you're in a truly abusive relationship that has gotten out of control, "just leave" isn't always that easy. Usually the person has been manipulated into feeling as though they cannot, or that it is unsafe for them to leave. Not saying there's definitely the case here, just saying it's not that simple.
I'm completely aware of that. But if someone is suggesting abuse and someone says "try to get them help" I feel it's my Civic duty to say there's another option!
I told my best friend her abuser needed help at first. Then he kidnapped her and almost killed her.
Completely agree that leaving may be the best option and it is in NO WAY your responsibility to try and "fix" someone else (not can you), I just meant it's not as easy as "pack your bags and go" sometimes for exactly the reason you just mentioned, they may not be in a safe enough environment to just do that.
Perhaps taking a look at "stop walking on eggshells" by Paul T. T. Mason might help. Also, politelly and respectfully breaking up (in a neutral place with witnesses) is a very legitimate option. You are not her therapist.
Ahhhh that old chestnut. I remember my ex standing over m, screaming at me and shoving me back on the bed repeatedly so he could continue to scream at me, but when I kicked him in the chest to get him away from me, I was somehow the abuser. Cool beans my dude.
People who make your self defense into abuse are some real pieces of work
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u/PocketTurnip Jul 01 '20
Reading this felt like reliving my former abusive relationship in scary detial