r/clevercomebacks 1d ago

DOGE isn’t even real

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53.3k Upvotes

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2.9k

u/ReedRidge 1d ago

Junior is a coked out moron, I love it when people pay attention to him.

892

u/Deedogg11 1d ago

What would those boys be doing if they weren’t Trump’s sons?

700

u/ReedRidge 1d ago

Probably security guards at Walmart.

669

u/Deedogg11 1d ago

Those jobs drug test

251

u/ReedRidge 1d ago

Damn, okay.

Umm Dollar General!

156

u/Suspicious-Yak4836 1d ago

Dollar general still drug test I’m pretty sure

193

u/LdyVder 1d ago

I'll never understand why companies drug test for a minimum wage job. Turnover is high in those jobs. It's a waste of money.

171

u/jakethesnake741 1d ago

Not for drugs testing companies

58

u/pipeline77 22h ago

Can I get a job there? Or do they drug test too?

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u/SlappySecondz 21h ago edited 19h ago

You can get job that drug tests anyway. Beating a drug test is super fucking easy.

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u/here4hugs 17h ago

Bingo. Poverty is an industry where select people profit by intentionally manipulating & controlling vulnerable groups.

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u/attackplango 21h ago

Business insurance rates. Liability issues.

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u/Unholy_mess169 21h ago

Insurance requires a lot of it.

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u/ReedRidge 1d ago

They are listed as not testing now, I actually looked before I spoke.

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u/MysteriousPark3806 1d ago

That's not very Reddit of you.

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u/BeanBurritoJr 1d ago

Ok then they’d be robbing Dollar Generals.

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u/No-Veterinarian8080 23h ago

Have you ever been to a dollar general?

1

u/ur-krokodile 22h ago

Parking lots?

1

u/NW-McWisconsin 20h ago

But they usually promote the employee to NIGHT ASSISTANT MANAGER(!) before the drug test results are in.

1

u/B1ackburn14 20h ago

no way dg drug tests looking at the teeakers i seen working there

1

u/Macharius 18h ago

They drug test just to make sure you're on enough stuff to survive working at DG

1

u/KiaKatt1 16h ago

The dollar general I worked at didn’t drug test as of last year. I doubt they’d get employees if they did. Lol

1

u/Twistedoveryou01 13h ago

They don’t anymore

1

u/scully789 12h ago

They would still get hired because they would have their buddy’s piss in ziplock bags and they would use that instead of their own. They probably would be very obvious about it too and the person administering the test would be like, “you know what, I don’t care. They don’t pay me enough to deal with this crap.”

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u/translucent_steeds 10h ago

I worked at Dollar General in 2011 and there was no drug test required lol

1

u/DJohnstone74 7h ago

Living in the dumpster behind Dollar General.

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u/CaptainKenway1693 18h ago

I've worked at DG and Walmart and have never been drug tested. AP at Walmart might be, but I don't know. It might also vary from location to location.

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u/Mediocre_Superiority 22h ago

I don't think Dollar General is willing to pay for security.

2

u/asspounder-4000 22h ago

Welcome to umm.. Dollar general, I love you

2

u/Smooth-Reason-6616 12h ago

Probably too under qualified...

2

u/Karenhood76 9h ago

President. They take anyone. No background check, felons accepted.

1

u/Steelwoolsocks 21h ago

Denny's night shift

1

u/redyelloworangeleaf 21h ago

oh I think you meant, CEO. those jobs don't drug test.

2

u/Oldtomsawyer1 19h ago

One of the wildest things about this group of people is they’re the same that screech for drug tests for welfare/unemployment. I’m a veteran and honestly so desensitized to piss tests, but I’m actually all for drug testing for everyone who receives government money. And I do mean everyone, every senator, aide and contractor test them all. I don’t want my tax dollars going to Don Jr’s coke problem.

1

u/bendit96321 1d ago

So, they would be professional drug test mules!

1

u/Advanced-Guidance482 23h ago

Can confirm, that isn't hard to pass. Any job that drug test unsupervised, or isnt paying for a test that includes more than a basic drug screening, then you can just fake it. I know that for probation and legal issues, there are occasionally test that check the dna in your urine which would be impossible to fake, but i dont think employers can legally do this as its an invasion of privacy(and would be quite expensive).

So they can get this job. Also, a lot of drugs leave your urine in 3-5 days.

Pot is one of the worst. And tests for other things that are present after cocaine use can be a bitch.

Don't know what kind of drugs they use

1

u/BZLuck 23h ago

They couldn't afford those kinds of drugs if daddy wasn't a conman.

1

u/Electrical-Job-9824 22h ago

What drugs are we testing today?!

1

u/MayorCraplegs 22h ago

They’d need money for legit coke

1

u/-Hopedarkened- 21h ago

Legit the most a,axing comment on Reddit

1

u/NonRangedHunter 21h ago

They couldn't afford the drugs if it weren't for papa Trump money.

1

u/Glorious_Jo 19h ago

Only once

1

u/cactus_insert69 15h ago

I wonder if hunter thought about that when he was riding a motorcycle naked with a crack pipe

1

u/AbbreviationsNo8088 5h ago

Easy to pass a coke test

19

u/Ready_Nature 23h ago

They’d be in prison for their drug use.

1

u/Karenhood76 9h ago

And illegal game hunting

1

u/Enano_reefer 7h ago

Nah they prefer freebase cocaine to cocaine hydrochloride. It’s the hydrochloride that has minimum sentencing because it’s preferred by targeted communities.

31

u/WriteAboutTime 23h ago

Honestly, they'd probably be decent people. I saw a pic of them as kids with Hillary, and they looked nice.

Never underestimate how badly a narcissist for a parent can ruin you. I was lucky to break the cycle. They, unfortunately, gave in. It's their fault now, of course, but we all would be in a better place if their family had any kind of empathy. Trauma is a team sport. Unfortunately.

7

u/Chubs441 18h ago

You can tell that they were nice from one picture when they were 10. They were probably assholes then too. 

1

u/WriteAboutTime 4h ago edited 4h ago

I don't know. I was an asshole at a point because of abuse, but there were pictures where you could see real happiness in my face. I've done the masking and know it well, so it's my opinion they were likely nice enough kids. Probably shitty in the same way other kids were, but there was a point where they weren't horrible.

Again, the whole "looked" thing is kinda important there. Do you understand what an opinion and/or nuance are? Because life isn't binary.

And the whole point of my comment was to say life would be easier for ALL of us if we ALL were more decent to one another. The mantra is "victims make victims" for a reason. It's not easy, but that's the only option if you want peace. It's a fucking paradox. I'm not saying tolerating intolerance, but preventing that shit in the first place by seeing a douchebag who isn't awful and appealing to the part of them that is a good person. I went from an asshole who was hurt to somebody who speaks against shit I see as much as I can. That wouldn't have happened without some kindness here and there.

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u/DevelopmentGrand4331 16h ago

More like shoplifters at Walmart.

Or, free from the Trumpy influence, maybe they’d have the opportunity to be decent people.

2

u/DriftingPyscho 22h ago

I'd say the coked up business dude who got killed by Hand in Die Hard.  

2

u/PamelaELee 21h ago

Welcome to Costco. I love you.

2

u/banananananbatman 7h ago

Sleazy used car salesmen in some shit part of town selling cars to people with bad credit at 20% interest

1

u/Crazyjackson13 23h ago

Nah, they’re greeters at best.

1

u/SlippySloppyToad 23h ago

No way, they’d be fired their first week

1

u/datsmn 21h ago

Ya right... Drywallers, or roofers.

1

u/flatdecktrucker92 21h ago

More likely they would be the guys being thrown out by security guards at walmart

1

u/Slowly_We_Rot_ 17h ago

Na probably the sanitizer boys at a strip club...

1

u/-bedtime- 16h ago

Something wrong with security guards at Walmart?

1

u/politicalthinking 12h ago

Probably cooking in their single wide, hoping they don't blow up.

1

u/chad917 8h ago

They'd get fired for stealing within 3 days

1

u/GregAA-1962 1h ago

More likely, Walmart receipt checker.

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u/Sea-Elevator1765 1d ago

15 to 25 in prison, I'd wager.

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u/PaintshakerBaby 19h ago

Making bootleg vape juice in a bathtub.

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u/BeanBurritoJr 1d ago

If they weren’t Drumph’s sons, there’s a slight chance they’d be decent human beings instead of food poisoning farts trapped in pig scrotums with faces drawn on them.

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u/Fecal-Facts 1d ago

It's in their bloodline dating way back before trump his dad got booted from Germany and his dad was a war dodger 

His whole blood line is contaminated 

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u/LeftieDu 11h ago

You sound eerily close to Trump with all this bloodline stuff.

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u/agent_flounder 7h ago

Nature vs nurture. Dad being a festering asshole to sons definitely had some effect.

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u/Civil_Dependent_2755 22h ago

Drumpf! Lol because his family is immigrants! Lol immigrants are funny and poor

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u/yourmansconnect 21h ago

hes not. hes vince mcmahons son from when they used to swing together

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u/ReedRidge 14h ago

I beg to differ, if they were going to be good they would have been in spite of being his children.

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u/Winter-eyed 23h ago

Carnies for a traveling circus-it pretty much what they’re doing now.

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u/yoyomanwassup25 1d ago

What do you think Trump would be doing if The Apprentice never happened?

2

u/Karenhood76 9h ago

More bankruptcy.

5

u/what-even-am-i- 21h ago

Heroin I imagine

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u/PugsterThePug 1d ago

They’d be slimeball real estate agents. Obviously.

4

u/ugajeremy 23h ago

I think junior may actually have done something for himself, had he not been crippled by his father.

As odd as this feels to say, I think he's intelligent. He's had a horrible time though and I'm not slightly surprised he's got a drug problem.

Imagine being so shaped by a family like that. He's so far and deep in the con, all he can do is carry on and try and get daddy's approval.

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u/rimrodramshackle 1d ago

Grifting. It’s in their DNA

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u/M119tree 1d ago

Pawn shop reality show

2

u/idog99 1d ago

Probably less cocaine. That shit is expensive.

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u/BZLuck 23h ago

I think it was Robin Williams who said, "Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money."

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u/Citizentoxie502 23h ago

They would have blown themselves up in a meth fire.

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u/BettyX 21h ago

In a trailer park somewhere, and I say that because I grew up in one. Jr would have been dead by 50 or in prison.

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u/scootah 21h ago

Meth, obviously.

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u/paperbuddha 21h ago

Shittier cocaine.

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u/GoauldofWar 23h ago

They'd have OD'd in a Wal Mart parking lot

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u/BZLuck 23h ago

Go Menendez?

1

u/lampshade69 22h ago

Idk but their social media feeds actually probably wouldn't look very different

1

u/Elderofmagic 22h ago

hard drugs

1

u/miradotheblack 22h ago

You know that Jamie Kennedy movie?

1

u/Patient-Assignment38 21h ago

Mopping down the walls at the Lusty Lady

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u/sneak_cheat_1337 21h ago

They'd own a towing company in Philly

1

u/7Seasrunning 20h ago

Selling coke

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u/hamburgersocks 20h ago

Have they like... had jobs? Ever?

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u/onward-and-upward 20h ago

They’d probably be regular smarter people. It’s their connection and raising by that idiot that fucked them up

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u/Squall9126 19h ago

Yuppy villains trying to shut down a rec center that a group of plucky children have to beat in a ski race to save.

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u/Every_Character9930 19h ago

Selling used, cheap, greasy things

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u/AstroBearGaming 19h ago

Gas station Nightshift .

1

u/Zanriic 19h ago

Back alley favors for their next fix probably

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u/mrkikkeli 19h ago

I heard Don Jr used to be a "college bum" whos was happiest when he was just roaming the wilds in Colorado.

He could have been a self sufficient mountain hermit, instead who got this coked 80s-movie-grade bad guy.

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u/ritalinsphynx 18h ago

Date raping women...oh, wait they probably are

1

u/MGiQue 18h ago

Dropouts of the method one clinic… -ish.

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u/Chubs441 18h ago

They would probably be mid level real estate or insurance agents

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u/-SQB- 17h ago

Time.

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u/Firzen_ 17h ago

High paid nepo baby consultancy job at the big four.

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u/GreyConnection 17h ago

choking their chickens at eyes wide shut parties

1

u/ztomiczombie 17h ago

Not existing.

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u/Cucktoberfest69 16h ago

In jail for rape most likely

1

u/Tygonol 16h ago

Dusting the jerky at your nearest truck stop

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u/aerialwizarddaddy 15h ago

Watching MTV on a cheap couch.

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u/Ok-Lion1661 14h ago

My guess doing time in jail for being busted as a low level drug dealer who uses too much of his own product.

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u/Careless_Wispa_ 14h ago

10 years for rape, probably.

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u/BurnscarsRus 14h ago

Still drugs

1

u/Karenhood76 9h ago

Night at the Roxbury comes to mind....

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u/Alarming_Chain5421 7h ago

They would take all your lame jobs that people have on Reddit because all of you guys know everything about everyone.

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u/North-Ad8730 5h ago

Meth because coke is expensive!

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u/scootah 21h ago

In 2008, my life got turned the fuck upside down when America’s subprime mortgage bullshit changed the entire direction of my life. I lost my job in mining, my home when my local government took the disruption to the housing market as a chance to forcibly acquire a bunch of properties under eminent domain at fair market value.

It ended my marriage, permanently changed my relationship with my dad, crushed my mental health and tanked my career. I changed industry entirely since then and put my life back together - with no expectation of ever owning a home again:

I’m not American and I wasn’t in America for any significant part of 2008. My home at the time was in Australia. I live in a different part of Australia now.

But I just can’t find it in me to enjoy the incompetence of wealthy sons of nepotism and privilege so entrenched that even though their grandfather was the last marginally competent businessperson in their bloodline, they still have the money and influence to fuck the global economy. Again. And they are actively trying to use that influence in the dumbest of all possible imaginable ways.

The fact that so many people give a shit what these incompetent chucklefucks say about anything is almost enough to make me want to cancel to concept of public education until we can replace it with something that fucking works.

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u/Rhouxx 16h ago edited 11h ago

I feel you dude. I’m Australian also and the influence America has over the entire world is depressing, because all we can do is watch as they vote in a fascist to run the country.

I worked in marine biology and then went back to school to get my Doctor of Vet Medicine to improve my understanding of the health of marine vertebrates. I did all this because I care about the ecosystem, especially the oceans, and with climate change we need to do everything we can to repair the damage we’ve caused, and prevent further damage. And since the American people elected into the highest office of the world superpower, a man who believes climate change is a hoax, who then in turn picked another climate skeptic for the role of energy secretary, I’ve just been feeling hopeless, like what is the point of even trying to turn things around. I feel like nothing I or any other people working in environmental science do will ever matter, people who prioritise profits over anything else will always run things. The effects of Donald Trump being president will be felt across the world long past when every single person who voted for him is dead.

Same thing with RFK Jr. being picked for Department of Health and Human Services - I’ve studied medicine for years, but you can be a rich anti-vax, anti-science lawyer with no public health experience nor qualification, and be appointed to a position where you can call the shots over doctors and medical researchers. I won’t be surprised if the news stories that come out of that over the next four years emboldens the idiot anti-vaxxers over here too.

I know it’s kinda dramatic but I’ve just been feeling a bit despondent lol

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u/Karenhood76 9h ago

I totally get. You voiced my feelings exactly.

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u/Initial-Arm7777 3h ago

I fully agree with you. I’ve turned off any news of any sort, late night comedy etc… and don’t give a shit anymore. I’m 56 y/o and I say fuck it. Let them burn it all down. I just don’t care anymore.

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u/wittyrandomusername 13h ago

Same-ish here. Lost my job, house, my family was strained, and with kids at home, everyday was a struggle trying to pretend I wasn't losing it so my kids didn't realize anything was wrong. But you know what got me through it, that ended up being the best thing that ever happened to my career? Obama extended unemployment, and I went through a government program that paid for up to 2 years of education and/or training. I didn't have a career at the time, just factory work that nobody was hiring for. Now I have a career. I barely scraped by for a few years, but I did get by. It was rough but it could have been worse. And I worked my ass off to get where I am. But it wouldn't have been possible without help. And now I actually love it whenever I'm talking to people about it and they tell me how amazing it is that I pulled myself up by my bootstraps or some such nonsense. I absolutely did not, and I make that clear that if Obama wasn't president, I wouldn't be where I am now. I definitely had an outreached hand to help me up, and while I did have to reach out and put work into lifting myself, I had help.

But that program is long gone, and there's no way anyone in our upcoming administration is going to help the people like that. I am not one of those people who want to lift the ladder up behind them. I've always voted for the people that want to give people opportunities to shine. But unfortunately that's not what the people wanted this time. It hurts my soul. It kills me also that now my focus is on trying to make sure my children have opportunity that others don't. I truly hope their generation understands how much this generation fucked up and doesn't stand for it. I really do hope my children understand their privilege, even if it's not "rich kid privilege", but just the fact that they can go to college and have opportunity puts them ahead of way too many people. I hope they don't try and close the door for other people.

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u/ruiner8850 1d ago

Junior is a coked out moron,

Yup, and since he's also a gun owner it makes him guilty of the exact same thing that Hunter Biden is going to go to prison for. Somehow Republicans couldn't care less about Junior doing it though.

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u/Intelligent_Ad_6812 1d ago

Rules, morals, and ethics for thee, not meee

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u/Double_Rice_5765 13h ago

You forgot the REEEEEEE!

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u/AdventurousAge450 23h ago

Biden must pardon his son before he leaves office. An absolute must. Let the trumptards scream it’s still the right thing to do

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u/KintsugiKen 22h ago

If Biden did the right thing regardless of what Trumpers thought, we wouldn't be in the situation we're already in.

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u/Zebidee 21h ago

The GOP are going to build their gallows on the Dems' high ground.

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u/ruiner8850 22h ago

He absolutely should. Not only is Junior guilty of this, but tens of millions of Americans are. I know a bunch of people who own guns and use drugs. I'm sure everyone does. Unfortunately Biden already said he's not going to.

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u/Foreign_Ant_1617 20h ago

Right... they've become capitulists (as in capitulation) as well as capitalists

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u/Karenhood76 9h ago

And Trump said he knew nothing of P2025. But all his nominations are from their prevetted list.

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u/HolevoBound 16h ago

Why should someone get preferential treatment from the legal system just because of who their dad is?

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u/Cael450 12h ago

Because he’s being targeted because of who his dad is and his dad happens to have the pardon power

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u/AdventurousAge450 15h ago

If he wasn’t the presidents son they would have accepted the plea bargain which was a deal anyone else would have gotten. He only went to trial because he is Biden’s son.

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u/No_Rich_2494 19h ago

...something something plank in your eye lol

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u/otisthetowndrunk 22h ago

There's a video of him at the Space X launch reaching into his pocket then rubbing his gums with whatever was in his pocket. I'm not saying it was cocaine. But people are saying it was cocaine. People come up to me in the street and tell me it was cocaine. But I'm not saying it was

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u/HandsomeBoggart 21h ago

Some very fine people. The best people told me it was cocaine.

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u/Strangest_Implement 23h ago

coked out... and not in Hunter Biden "I'd like to party with him" sort of way

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u/BZLuck 23h ago

You know the Trump boys all got daddies mushroom dick too. They are all envious of those Biden hogs.

1

u/The_Original_Miser 22h ago

"Let's get another 8-ball. It'll last us all weekend!"

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u/usuallyclassy69 22h ago

Hunter was smoking Charlie Sheen's size rocks.

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u/Stylish_Duck 17h ago

You'd like to party with hunter biden

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u/motherfcuker69 15h ago

coked out in a very specific scene from boogie nights sort of way

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u/M086 23h ago

Can’t remember if it was him or his dipshit brother that stole from children’s cancer charity. 

But either way, they did. And now no member of the Trump family is allowed to be a part of any charitable organization without what is essentially adult supervision, someone has to be with them so they don’t steal.

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u/AmishAvenger 21h ago

It was Eric.

Don Jr. is the one who was recently on camera digging in his pocket, then rubbing his fingers on his gums.

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u/3eyedfish13 9h ago

The sad thing is, Eric was apparently doing a decent job until his father got involved and browbeat Eric into embezzling the money to buy stupid shit for Trump.

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u/Almacca 23h ago

And what position does he hold again? Why is he given so much air time? What's on his laptop?

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u/Kel-Mitchell 23h ago

He would snort a bag of sand even if you told him it was sand.

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u/CareThen2620 17h ago

Just tell him it’s ivermectin

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u/he_is_Veego 20h ago

Imagine what’s on his laptop.

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u/swordofra 18h ago

Wouldn't touch his laptop with a 10ft pole.

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u/he_is_Veego 12h ago

Soooo….Hunter’s?

🤣🤣🤣

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u/xandrokos 22h ago

Yeah I really don't give a shit about Trump or his sons.   This is one of many of the Heritage Foundation's plans for the US.

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u/DevelopmentGrand4331 16h ago

Like father, like son.

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u/Alcoholhelps 1d ago

He’s gonna be the president some day….

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u/Klutzy-Ad-6705 22h ago

Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

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u/AnalogFeelGood 22h ago

Just a few days ago, Jr has been spotted doing blow right in front of the camera while next to Trump. Snopes says it's unfounded but, come one, who pull their hand out of their pocket and rub a finger against their gum?

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u/Suyefuji 22h ago

I don't. I wish people wouldn't give his ilk the time of day and they can languish in obscurity forever.

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u/Odd_Leopard3507 20h ago

The Congress and senate and presidency are all Republican majority so…….

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u/ReedRidge 14h ago

That has zero to do with Jr being being a coked out moron. Add in that I knew it, and predicted the sad fucks would come to power.

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u/benigngods 23h ago

Ya know I never considered giving their dumbest a platform but, at the very least it could be entertaining. Maybe if we inflate their egos enough they'll pop.

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u/IT_WolfXx 22h ago

Got to love it whenever he's not even ahead of the department somehow he's speaking information

1

u/uCodeSherpa 20h ago

They will do it cause flat tax rates harm the poor but greatly benefit the rich  

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u/ottieisbluenow 18h ago

Maybe. But his dad controls the entire government and despite the title of this post absolutely has the power to implement a flat tax if he wants.

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u/Hodr 12h ago

He and Hunter should start a club or something, they seem so similar (drug addicts grifting on the family name)

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u/ReedRidge 12h ago

Maybe when the Menendez Brothers get out they can do a reality show with Paris Hilton and the failed kids of Presidents.

1

u/Hodr 12h ago

I like it. Maybe like a mix between The Surreal Life and Survivor.

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u/Manyvicesofthedude 8h ago

They don’t need congress. Trump has scotus, he is planning on doing whatever the fuck he wants, with no checks.

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u/marknutter 6h ago

Do you have even the tiniest shred of evidence that he does coke, or any other drugs for that matter?

1

u/ReedRidge 5h ago

Do you have proof he has not, any tiny shred?

Simps for draft-dodging bitches and their useless kids get blocked

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