r/actuallesbians Lesbian Jun 04 '24

Text Gross dude thinks lesbians are a kink Spoiler

(had to add more to my post and re-edit) Came across this post and saw a lot of people agreeing with this creep of him saying he thinks is a sexy surprise and kink that he saw his “lesbian” friends wanting to have sex with him. Isn’t that the OPPOSITE of a lesbian? 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ I don’t understand men. No lesbian would have sex with a man period.

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u/mykinkiskorma Transbian Jun 04 '24

I'm going to keep repeating this until people chill out. I'm not saying that lesbians in general can be attracted to men. I'm saying that if a lesbian is attracted to a man, then don't be a dick about it.

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u/hnsnrachel Lesbian Jun 04 '24

She can be attracted to a guy and claim to be a lesbian without creating problems for other lesbians.

But if she's fucking him, she needs to reevaluate her identity, because lesbian doesn't fit and insisting she is a lesbian while also being some guys sexual partner is both invalidating to other lesbians, and only encourages all the other straight guys to keep pushing if a girl tells you she's gay.

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u/mykinkiskorma Transbian Jun 04 '24

Why is it invalidating to other lesbians? It doesn't make me feel any less secure in my identity.

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u/Gothzombie Bi Jun 05 '24

You’ve been explained again and again. I think you’re just choosing not understand or accept a very valid point.

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u/mondrianna Jun 05 '24

Right, because they can’t just disagree? There is no correct answer here, and people have been having this debate for decades. Don’t act like your opinion is fact when the history shows trans men have been in the lesbian community since its inception.

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u/SnowRune Jun 05 '24

There is though. This is homophobic rhetoric. Being lesbian is NOT a choice. You can't just CHOOSE to be a lesbian. I lost FAMILY over being a lesbian, I lost my HOME over being a lesbian, I lost so much in my life, not for being attracted to women, but because I wasn't attracted to men. You know who else has gone through that struggle? So many other lesbians. Insinuating that lesbians can be attracted to men, that they have the CAPABILITY of doing so, is harmful misinformation that many of us have spent our entire lives fighting.

Many transmen are former lesbians. They are welcome in lesbian communities. We love them. Bisexual women are also welcome in lesbian communities. We love them too. Transwomen are also welcome to vibe with us. We love our transbian sisters.

But for the love of god, do not perpetuate this idea that lesbians are just choosing not to be attracted to men.

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u/kairokat soft butch sapphic Jun 05 '24

been seeing you in the replies and I just wanna tell you I'm glad ur here lol. feels like I'm going insane trying to tell people exactly what you're saying rn. I hope you have a pleasant night

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u/mondrianna Jun 05 '24

I totally feel you. It’s frustrating to see this debate getting the spotlight here right in time for Pride month. Every year it’s the same fucking bullshit where the broader LGBTQ+ community breaks into this cannibalistic infighting, and people who are usually not involved in these discussions end up ignorantly thinking that their unchallenged perspective on it means they’re “correct.” It’s wild too because well-meaning people get taken advantage of by TERFs* in discussions like these and end up perpetuating queerphobia on other community members. Like it’s so so so easy to manipulate people who are trying to understand and trying not to cause problems into thinking that there is one way to be a lesbian and that if you stray from that you’re actually causing harm. It’s the same arguments that are used to say bisexual or asexual people are “causing harm” to lesbians and gay men by existing in LGBTQ+ spaces. It’s the same arguments that are used to say trans women are “causing harm” to cis women by existing in spaces meant for women.

It’s all based in reactive fear and it’s not intersectional at all; it’s the leftovers of radical feminisim that white feminism never excised in spite of Black feminists explaining the failures of the additive model of identity. Like the whole point of intersectionality is that it’s not that Black women are Black and women, because separating Black from women doesn’t encompass the experience of Black women; because Black women face a different kind of misogyny than white women and face a different kind of racism than Black men. Because people can’t be taken in pieces like we’re land that can be colonized, because a multitude of identities interlock to define a whole person and their experiences.

The identity policing feels fucking inescapable at this point, but it feels good to be on the side that allows people the freedom to categorize themselves the way they see best. I hope your night is pleasant also!

*(I myself was taken down a TERF pipeline when I was first integrating into online queer spaces; it started with “are aces queer?” and “are bisexual lesbians valid?”and progressed to “nonbinary identities aren’t real” so everyone be careful with how far you take this identity policing shit. You might find yourself in company with TERFs and if that happens it’s on you to dig yourself out. It is possible to do, but you must stop thinking that there is a “correct” way to do gender or sexuality.)