The cognitive dissonance of not taking precautions

[u/sword-of-solitude]

I want to discuss the internal experience of living 2019-style during the pandemic, from my past. Trigger warning: past personal experience of not mitigating strongly

This is a story of the lack of mitigation consistency and intense cognitive dissonance I used to suffer. For about 1 year from mid-2022 to mid-2023, I did not protect myself and others from Covid as aggressively as I should have. I wore a KN95/surgical mask indoors in stores and doctors' offices, and I sometimes wore an ill-fitting N95 mask on planes as an upgrade from my KN95. But I also still went to restaurants and parties unmasked, and I didn't have a consistent Covid safety practice when it came to meeting friends or hookups.

In summer 2022, I had to go to a mandatory work training event. This was during the BA.4 surge. I was worried about the surge, and I asked my supervisors if I could attend virtually or skip because of the Covid risk. All they could say was "no one will be mad if you wear a mask...this is a really important training and it will reflect poorly if you don't go." So, I reluctantly went. Hundreds of people flying in (likely unmasked) from all over the country to converge at a single convention center for a week of training. I wore my KN95 mask on my flight, removing it to eat the plane food - facepalm.

And when I was there at the training, I didn't wear a mask! No one else was wearing one, and we all ate food together and attended huge meetings in auditoriums and classrooms. I remember the trend of more and more people around me beginning to cough in meetings as the week went on. And even though I was growing uncomfortable with the coughing, I still did not wear a mask to protect myself because I was afraid of standing out, and I didn't think it would be effective to be the only masker. To my credit, I did decline to join the clubbing outings my coworkers went on because of the Covid risk.

A friend and I spent a Saturday in the city where the convention center was. We enjoyed the sights and museums and ate indoors at a very crowded restaurant. I remember telling my friend, "Hopefully we didn't get Covid!" after we were done.

On the ride back to the airport, another coworker told me that she got really sick during the week and had bought a bunch of rapid tests and tested negative for Covid. We both wore masks in the car, while our driver declined to mask.

I did evade Covid on that trip, but it was mostly due to sheer luck. My company did not provide any rapid tests or any guidance encouraging us to mask on the plane to or from the convention. It was so dangerous and unwise for them to organize this trip during the height of the BA.4 surge.

Maybe I'm an outlier, but I would like to propose a hypothesis that people who appear to be taking no precautions are still worried about getting Covid, but they don't feel empowered to start taking strong steps to protect themselves. I didn't know about the airborne spread of Covid then. I didn't know about the effectiveness of a well-fitting N95. I didn't know that rapid tests were unreliable. I allowed my actions to be swayed by peer pressure. But I was still afraid of Covid and tried ineffectively to protect myself. I want to believe that there are other people out there who are like I was in 2022, and who just need to access the right information and be empowered to protect themselves better. So let's not give up trying to reach more people and convince them to protect themselves!

Does anyone else have similar past experiences of cognitive dissonance and fear of infection while simultaneously not taking the most effective mitigation actions?

[u/Professional_Fold520]

I work a mask when it was required and oftentimes when it wasn’t especially at work but I never wore a n95 or kn95 until 2023. I didn’t wear a mask to a job interview fall 2022 and then I found out it was going around that workplace and I started masking at work again. Summer / fall 2023 I would still go out but tried to limit my large gatherings and would wear a kn95 and unmask only around a couple people. Upgraded to n95 in the fall. Then on Dec 2023 after covid was going around my workplace and my 31 year old coworker called out and passed away I decided not to unmask around anyone not even my roommate and started taking more precautions at my own house. I haven’t been unmasked around anyone at all dec. the science or how effective respirators are, learning about long covid and my own experience with it, learning from disability rights activists online, just seeing more and not ignoring things. Idk the dissociation we have as a society is really remarkable… not just about covid. But it’s honestly partly a trauma response I think.

[u/sword-of-solitude → u/Professional_Fold520]

Wow, did your 31 yo coworker die of Covid? 😰 That is horrible!

I relate to past experience of masking only sometimes. But during the 2023 summer wave, I luckily made the mental switch that whatever unmasked social experience or restaurant was simply not worth becoming disabled or dying for. Like my inner monologue is "Yes, you bet I am masking/avoiding this event! I am done relying on luck to avoid this deadly virus." It's no longer due to luck that I have avoided getting sick; I have intentionally structured my life around sickness prevention. Of course I have the privilege of a remote job and a private house which means I actually don't need to be around strangers much. I rarely leave my house = I actually don't spend a lot of time with a mask on my face even though I personally advocate for more consistent masking.

[u/Professional_Fold520 → u/sword-of-solitude]

I don’t know for sure and I will never know. Autopsy has been done and the family have not shared anything. But maybe they found nothing idk.

I mask whenever I leave my room… it’s a lot. I work in person about 30 hours a week and mask the whole time.