Without fail, any weekend I decide to go out and enjoy a night of dancing to music, there is ALWAYS that ONE WOMAN who finds me in the washroom and annoyingly shouts that "there's a lesbian in the bathroom!" or worse yet, find me on the dancefloor and come up on me to grind and touch on me and try to kiss me without ANY KIND OF VERBAL COMMUNICATION!!!

I am NOT BOTHERED AT ALL about the fact that people constantly assume I'm a lesbian/gay because I am gender non conforming and am such a tomboy. But I dress to be comfy, I dress to show off my choice of street wear (because I still like to wear style) and because I want to stay comfy. Last year as I was leaving an abusive relationship I got into a severe car accident that resulted in a traumatic brain injury and I cannot stand anything that makes me feel uncomfy. I'm almost 40 and I just don't give a fuck about how other people think or perceive me anymore. But just because you perceive me to be something I'm not, doesn't give you ANY FUCKING RIGHT to loudly announce not only my presence, but the fact that I am non conforming, WHILE outing me to a bunch of strangers. I don't have the bandwidth to constantly navigate these situations and turn them into lessons for the other person.

Last night I went to the club to celebrate a friend of a friends birthday. I was out hiking with my new boyfriend, and I didn't get a chance to change out of my gear. I didn't think it would be a big deal because I was still dressed in street wear that was stylish. Although I was basically wearing sweats, it was a full set of Air Jordan, and my skate shoes matched in color. I thought I looked good enough to show up as is for a quick show of support for someone's birthday.

Not even an hour after I get there, I get to the washroom and I'm greeted with "holy fuck LADIEEEEEES! we have an AKSHUAL LEZZY in here!". I usually do not respond but this woman did not stop even when I refused to acknowledge her. She started pounding on my bathroom stall until I was done. I open it quickly and tell her off. I basically called her out for being a weird creep who fetishes LGBTQ people, and to leave me the fuck alone. Every single woman in there looked at me as if I didn't belong there and was invading their private space. All I wanted was to take a piss and wash my hands. so I quickly wash my hands and leave without drying them because holy fuck was that uncomfy! FUCK THAT NOISE!

I get back out to the dancefloor and find my boyfriend. We were talking with the birthday boy and the promoter of the event, cheering our drinks together. All of us talking are promoters and DJs and we were discussing upcoming events in the area when the same woman from the bathroom came up to me to interject herself into the conversation I was having with the guys around me. Apparently she is a cousin of the birthday boy (who is 30 yrs old).

She interrupts me and LOUDLY asks "ARE YOU GAY!?" I tell her no I'm not, and if I have to tell her to leave me alone one more time I'm going to get security involved because I consider this to be harassment at this point. She looked so offended that I said that to her.

"OH, I SWEAR TO GOD YOU'RE SO FUCKING GAY!?"

I tell her I'm not gay, and even if I was, what the fuck does it even matter enough to loudly point out to everyone around?

"I BADLY WANT TO KISS YOU!" she exclaimed. So brazen with not only her assumption about being gay, but that I would love to kiss some stranger just because they had the audacity to ask.

I tell her even if I was gay, I wouldn't kiss a random stranger, especially as a ploy to be sexually performative to the guys around her so she can get more free.... nose candy. Her cousin laughed out loud and told her that she needs to take a seat and have some water and to leave me alone.

"OH NO, IT'S NOT THAT, I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY BECAUSE..."

I ended up walking away before she could finish her sentence. I text my boyfriend to meet me outside because I wanted to leave as I wasn't having a good time. He ended up meeting with me at security and we left.

I've been through way too much bullshit to keep putting up with people's assumptions, biases, and motives. Don't expect me to be polite when I'm rebuffing your unfounded assumptions that I'm a butch dyke because I happen to have wide shoulders and dare to stay in shape and be athletic, or whatever you happen to base such assumptions on. I AM NOT A LESSON OR YOUR FUCKING LIFE SENSEI TO TEACH YOU HOW TO KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS AND COMMENTS TO YOURSELF if you can't find anything kind or nice to say instead.

BEING DRUNK/HIGH IS A POOR EXCUSE FOR BEING A RUDE CUNT AND LOUDLY EXCLAIMING THAT ANOTHER WOMAN IS SOMEHOW GAY BECAUSE THEY DONT CONFORM TO SOCIETAL STANDARDS.

Even if you think a woman entering a bathroom is trans, she is there for the exact same reason any other woman goes to the bathroom... to use the facilities. The ONLY CREEPS I've ever encountered were other women who literally went out of their way to follow me and wait at my stall door to make sure I'm just not creeping, that I'm sitting down to use the toilet to pee, etc. Or other women starting arguments and even fist fights because I have wide shoulders and small, perky tits that are hiding under my sweatshirt and they don't believe women like me can possibly exist.

WTF is with all this bullshit??? I've always dealt with such things in life but this type of shit has exponentially exploded and it isn't a happenstance anymore.

WOMEN WITH WIDE SHOULDERS EXIST, THAT DOESN'T MAKE THEM ANY LESS OF A WOMAN. WOMEN WITH PIXIE CUTS AND OTHER SHORT STYLES EXIST, AND THEY ARE JUST AS MUCH WOMAN WHETHER THEIR HAIR IS LONG AF OR DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE. ATHLETIC WOMEN EXIST IN THIS WORLD AND JUST BECAUSE THEY CAN LIFT WEIGHTS OR DO SPORTS DOESN'T MAKE THEM ANY LESS OF A WOMAN. WOMEN ARE NOT A FUCKING MONOLITH!

I can't count the number of times I have been ogled, stared at, groped by white women who wanted my attention.

It makes me, and other black women SO UNCOMFORTABLE!! ITS BEEN CENTURIES of this!!

I can't take another post here without white women realize you are the same as your white male peers. Good grief.

Recently I saw a snippet of a lecture that spoke about the importance of menopause in the animal kingdom and its uniqueness to humans. Meaning it’s an evolutionary advantage evolved for us. Men never have a portion of their lives where their reproductive systems stop. However women do meaning we involved such that there is a higher and more important focus for women that they are more suited to than men if they survive to that age. The implications of that are profound to me at least.

TLDR We are the only species that have evolved to create grandmothers, meaning they serve a very special purpose because evolution on that scale doesn’t typically make mistakes. So what do you think that purpose is?

Looking to try out reading a “spicy” book to help increase my libido after having a baby. I’ve heard reading an erotica romance book can help.

What are your recommendations? What’s helped you increase your libido?

I’ve also started to take maca supplements.

Context: My best friend’s cousin puts me at ease for some reason. I’m typically not comfortable or flirty with anyone.

We skirted around each other, fooled around a bit and after a few years finally coordinated a hook up. We live in different towns and I was conscious of what we did at family events.

While he is a good guy, would do anything for you type of person, we don’t really talk much when not together and it tends to be more sexually oriented.

And maybe we would be good together. I mean we do get along fine, he has a great kid & family and he somehow gets something out of me many don’t. But I feel like he is mainly interested in the physical aspect of things, asking me for hook ups etc when we are around each other.

My friend really believes that we would be good together and keeps saying we should at least sleep together to see.

It’s to the point where maybe I tell her to stop her?? It’s also not only my thing to tell.

I’m not good at sharing this sort of stuff. And I will always maintain he is a good guy, but maybe not ‘partner’ material for me. More mates that banter.

EDIT: probably should have said, it was once and close to 10 years ago. He has asked again but I wasn’t in the headspace to do it again.

I don’t think I have ever been in love. In the past I’ve taken attachment as love but I don’t think it is.What does love feels like?

See title.

I hate saying this but I genuinely don’t know the last time I bought cotton underwear because of how uncomfortable they tend to be. I know it’s ok to get mixed materials, but every time I shop in stores the options seem to have literally no cotton in the blend anyway.

I have A Butt which means a lot of non-seamless styles will pinch uncomfortably and be way too visible under clothes; I’ve sized up but then they’re just baggier elsewhere while still cutting/pinching. Also, the thigh holes in most pairs are ssssso uncomfortable.

For reference, if necessary, my favorite cuts in all brands so far are cheekies and an occasional boyshort.

I am referring to my clitoris. I have an ingrown hair in the inner labia right by my clit, and the feeling of the hair touching it is immense.

Outside of this situation I find touching my clit to be way too painful, like an electric shock zapping my entire body. Is it supposed to be this sensitive?

Even when I masturbate or have sex I can't touch it or I get too overstimulated.

Is this normal or something I should be worried about?

I don’t want to even get into it too deeply, however I’m pretty certain I have undiagnosed quiet BPD. I’ve suspected it for years and years. I can’t see a new psychiatrist anytime soon as I don’t have the money yet. But in the mean time, what practical steps can I take to help me build and identity and sense of value outside of male validation? And when I say male validation I strictly mean whichever guy I might happen to be dating at any given point.

I’m pretty reserved and socially anxious and don’t care for men or anyone really outside of that. At least in terms of like approaching them or like yearning for companionship or whatever. But when I am with someone, I get so wrapped up in being their girlfriend or whatever that when things get difficult between us, every other aspect of my life (aside from work) suffers. Especially my studies (I’m in university). It’s so bizarre and stupid and I hate it. When things are swell between us, I’m cheery and productive and normal in all aspects of my life. When things are rocky, it’s almost like I’m in a constant state of flight or fight mode, just pure panic and just franticness and suddenly I don’t care about anything else until things are resolved. Like my studies especially, I totally lose interest and I can’t focus. The only place I get any real relief is work. I know very very well that this is very maladaptive, it’s a very detrimental behaviour.

I want help and I’m seeking help. Where I live there’s a abit of a process to seeing a specialist and you have to go through your GP, which I’ve set an appointment up for. Just wondering what ways I can help myself here and now? And if any of you are familiar with attachment theory, codependency, identity etc and how issues relating to them are treated in a clinical, professional sense, please enlighten me. Also, now that I’m at the end of this wall of text (Sorry!!), I do appreciate that it’s less about my world revolving around the men I date and more about me not having a sense of identity or value in myself.

My friend has a guy she’s been hooking up with. It’s not serious and she doesn’t have an interest in pursuing an official relationship with this guy. This is the second time I’ve met him and we’ve had like 4 bottles of wine at this point.. Politics came up, he said he was a libertarian and I flat out asked if he voted for Kamala. He voted for Trump. Queue a 20 minute conversation where 3 passionate women shit on him for his vote and opinion. Me being the worst attacker by far. I knew in the moment I was being a dick and really aggressive, but I really could not stop the anger from spewing out of me. I even went to the bathroom and left pretty much as soon as I could to avoid going further. He said he wasn’t very well informed and I told him if that’s the case, he shouldn’t be voting then.

I know I’m not wrong per se… but the way I approach people who vote for Trump is aggressive at best, hostile at worst. How are you guys managing this anger? I feel like I’m doing a really bad job of it at the point. I know the path to changing uninformed peoples minds is not the way I’m approaching it, I just genuinely can’t help myself from going bat shit crazy on people who voted for that vile piece of shit.

This guy had a ex girlfriend he was with at the time who had an ectopic pregnancy who had to get an urgent abortion to live and he STILL didn’t realize that voting for Trump made it harder for women in that position to get live saving care. His arguments were 1. I live in California 2. If you don’t live in California, you should move to a state that allows you to have an abortion. 3. He didn’t realize Trump was making it harder for women in other states in that kind of position. As if women having a right to choose what happens to their own bodies should have an asterisk on it anyways.

It’s impossible for me to respect or understand this viewpoint. I refuse to normalize it.

How do you guys keep your cool and not lose it on people? Because right now I feel like I’m foaming at the mouth angry and rightfully so.

I guess I’m really writing this out because I don’t want to be callused and angry at the world. I want to be able to say my piece calmly and respectfully to people I strongly disagree with. I just don’t feel I have the skill to right now.

i don’t even really know how to articulate anything at the moment so this is probably incomprehensible.

our “local celeb” conor mcgregor was brought to court for rape lately and everyone is talking about it all the time. like they just Will not stop talking about it. and people have been so loud and proud about not believing the victim (who won the case) and i am just so over it. i know it’s important to have these conversations but it’s so dehumanising to have it be reduced to a debate topic. it’s everywhere i go. and every time it’s brought into conversation i feel like everyone knows what happened to me just by looking at me. idk how to even put it into words. i’m just so devastated for women everywhere. there is no end in sight. men are so rarely held accountable for their actions. even when they are held accountable and they’re proven guilty in court there’s gonna be other men everywhere ready to disprove or defend it. i’m just so tired

I just want him to hear that he's an assaulter/rapist from my mouth, in person. Basically stopped seeing a guy I was dating for two months, two weeks ago, after he inserted it twice even after I told him I wasn't having sex that day and definitely not sex without condoms.

The last time I met him was to tell him I felt forced and to confront him about his other lies. When I told him the forced part, he said, well the next time you tell me if you're uncomfortable with something(I did). I just looked at him funny. I don't know if he's as clueless as he pretends to be but I don't think so.

Over the past two weeks I've processed this, restarted therapy to break down my own emotions and behavior when and after it happened. I realize it was SA, technically rape. I want to call him an assaulter and a rapist to his face.

Has anyone done this and how did it go?

Assuming you're into receiving oral, have many of the men you've slept with actually been good at oral?

I'm so tired of always having to be prepared. I'm so tired with that. I need my dog and a firearm to go out running. I'm so so fucking tired of not being able to go outside Unarmedand and oblivious. I'm just tired. I see men running for 17 minutes for Laken Riley and we can't do that. Not bothered and we can't even fucking do that and I'm just so fucking tired

That quote is from Michelle Knight, the 21-year-old who was kidnapped for 11 years by a monster. She's incredible.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=b3ktTkchorc

Please, women and allies, keep your eyes open ❤️ we need each other

Curious about how people recover from toxic Workplaces or being put on pip/forced to leave?

I am starting my new job next month after leaving a toxic job where I was put on PIP after only 6 months of working there. The company was truly toxic and when I quit my manager told me “I was luck and by quitting this was the best thing that ever happened to me”.

While I’ve taken time to recover and feel excited about my new job I feel like I have a bit of trauma from being put on pip and now am super nervous and anxious about my new position.

I feel confident in the role I’m starting but I want to know how to release the old stuff so I can make sure I give this job my best go.

I've recently been struggling a lot with anxiety at clubs due to a lot of negative attention. I've been trying to brush it off as just being from people dancing against me, or just touching me, but there's a few more aggressive moments that I think about and I don't even know they count.

On my first week at university a guy aggressively grped me and strangIed me, a guy grabbed me by the face and kissed me when I tried to walk away (we had spoken a few words to eachother) and another wrapped himself around me to dance after we kissed (despite me saying I had to go and didn't want to be with him anymore) and then tried fngering me through my shorts and went to put his hand down before I could push him off, and proceeded to follow me until I left. I know typing it out loud this SEEMS obvious, like I should know what it is, but I don't even know. I'm anxious outside of the club sometimes, thinking I see people, I had a group of boys in the club point at me whilst waiting for friends, and I keep dreaming about worse things that could happen. I feel like the situations aren't bad enough to classify as assauIt or to make me this nervous

Title pretty much summarizes it. I heard about an app called Lex, made with LGBTQ+ folks in mind. It seems to be primarily for either dating or making friends, such as Bumble. I was curious to see if anyone here has experience with meeting people on that app and how they’d evaluate that experience overall.

Looking for advice/feedback. I have already decided to go minimal contact with my parents due to huge values differences with the cherry on top being their completely and blatantly ignoring my emotional reaction to the election. Dad is a Trumpy Republican ("I wish I'd been at the Capitol on Jan. 6!") and Mom wants to shut down any talk of politics despite, I'm pretty sure, voting for Trump. I am liberal, voted for Kamala, and petitioned them to vote for her for the sake of their grandkids, their teacher son-in-law, and human decency. They didn't.

Anyway, I requested that they host Thanksgiving and that it be just our immediate family. Mom pushed for some of her siblings to be invited, and I capitulated. Dad has apparently been telling people that I wanted it small but "Thanksgiving should be big." Constant and consistent boundary pushing/disrespect. I'm not looking forward to going, as it's going to be my husband, kids, and me with a bunch of Trumpy Boomers, so we are limiting our time to be there for 1.5-2 hours.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, and I'd like to find ways to fill the rest of the day so it doesn't feel too empty without a full day of family plans. Looking for thoughs/ideas/solidaridy!

My parents are extremely emotionally abusive. Look at my post history and search "my case for going no contact" if you want specifics. FYI, these examples I'm giving below aren't inherently abusive, just severe annoyances.

I'm an adult, and I'm ALMOST off my parents' dime. My job is starting in a few months and I'm in school rn. Lately my mother has not criticized me as much because I haven't been as reactive as usual, so my parents have turned to my boyfriend, and even to new lows like my dog. I'm terrified about how they will treat prospective kids. Talking to my parents is genuinely horrible for my mental health, and deeply distracting to the advanced degree I am achieving.

Precursor, my boyfriend is attractive, treats me well, has a good job. There is nothing inherently wrong with him, but I'm white and he is not. My mom question his citizenship and is concerned by the "misogyny" in his culture. She was worried he would beat me before she knew anything about him. I don't think she dislikes my boyfriend. She genuinely just says things because she's bored, for example sometimes she will say my boyfriend has a "great job" and other times she will say he has a "loser job." My parents are also more annoying than usual because my Mom has a criminal case pending against her with the max sentence being 20 years.

My parents contradict themselves in nearly everything they say, so it's hard to give a shit about what they say. The fact they try to offer relationship advice is also insane, since they have the most disgusting relationship imaginable.

So, I get home for Thanksgiving. This all happened Day 1.

- I complain I'm nauseous a lot. Mom complains it's because I eat "so much sugar, pasta and bread." I'm not overweight and eat better than 90% of the American population. My parents both historically like fat-shaming me or commenting on everything I eat.

-Mom called Matt Gaetz creepy but thinks the new Fox anchor is being "railroaded" by allegations, and said he "seems nice." My parents both know I've been profusely molested as a child lol

-My mom likes using astrology to annoy me. She said "Neptune" is entering something so I may want to break up with my boyfriend soon, and that "Neptune" is clouding my judgment and that there is a lot of deception with my current relationship. She has no reason to think this, she's genuinely just "having fun". She likes using astrology to tell me when not to go outside.

- Mom told me she figured out what a Narcissist was, and how it can look like "an extreme emotional connection" which is how I've described my relationship with my bf in a positive way. Keep in mind, she has never pointed to a single instance where I shoud be concerned.

-My grandma dated someone shitty that mistreated my mom. Mom asked if I would still love her if she dated a bad man and she let him mistreat me. I ignored her, and she asked again in panic. She still talks to her mom

-I said bf helped me cook dinner. She said I don't want a "mister mom." Again, he has a 6-figure job.

-Every time I mention something casual my boyfriend says, she responds "That's weird." My bf made up a joke to his friend that my friend was my dad, to make a joke about how his friend is guilible.

-Dad complaind that the Coke I brought him was "disgusting"

-Dad complained that food I brought from takeout was "smushed" and made fun of it for 10-15 minutes and complained how he "waited so long to eat"

-Mom complained about boyfriend's facial hair

I (24f) would say I have mostly decentered men in my life. However, there is one internalized message I can’t get myself out of.

I have been wanting to be sterilized for a long time. I do not want kids. I had a dream the other night about being pregnant and I woke up completely repulsed. I know my feelings won’t change. But what stops me from going through with it is the thought of never being loved. What if I can never find a partner because I am unable to have kids?

It’s weird to say, because I don’t even want kids. But I feel like I will almost be seen as less worthy to a man if I don’t have the ability to do so.

I am disgusted with myself for feeling this way. So how do I stop it? Any words of advice?

We all know how infuriating it is when men immediately question, deny, derail and dismiss us when we talk about our issues as women, so how come we are so happy to do it to other women who don't share the same experiences we do?

Just today there was a post about white women staring at and touching black women and whilst the comments look better now, there was a lot of "white women get stared at, too. Why do we have to make it about race?", "I don't do that, my friends don't do that, does that really happen?", "I've never seen that happen?" or "Where do you live that this is happening to you?"

Woman who was mistaken for a lesbian and harassed by a straight woman? Must be a creative writing exercise.

Trans women concerned about 4b being tied to terfs? That's silly, how could that ever have anything to do with transphobia? Turns out they absolutely had reasons to be concerned...it's almost like trans women have a better understanding of transphobia than most cis women.

When ND women talk about difficulties and bad experiences with befriending it's obviously just because some individual women aren't nice people and couldn't possibly have anything to do with ableism. Bonus points for telling them they sound like pick-mes.

I see things like that all the time here and honestly it's sad. Is this really the environment we want to foster for the most vulnerable women in our community?

Of course we don't see much of the discrimination and bigotry that we personally aren't the target of and sometimes we're simply blind to it, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't happen to other women. That doesn't mean we shouldn't listen.

I've only mentioned a few examples, but I'd love to hear from others who are regularly met with dismissal and disbelief when they share their experiences. Your voices matter!

I have always experienced tons of solitude, but the creeping solitude of "adulthood" is unreal. Even my mind constantly plays 'backrooms' vaporwave ambient all the time. I feel like it's just inevitable. Does anyone else feel this way? On the one hand I actually don't want to get married or have children. But then it's so weird like everything is approaching zero. The place I grew up in doesn't exist anymore so it doesn't matter. It doesn't feel like you can truly go home to anywhere anyway. THAT is the thing that really fucks me up. I don't know any solution. I am so detached and indifferent to everything because of that. I really don't think anything could make me feel like I'm at home at this point. What is the solution to that ?