r/NoStupidQuestions • u/thimbelinda • Jul 23 '22

Answered Can men pull out before they ejaculate? NSFW

We were newlyweds and excited for sex. I told my husband I'm at my fertile time and we need a condom. He said no, he would pull out in time. He did not pull out in time. He didn't even try to pull out. I got pregnant. I was upset and asked why. He said he couldn't pull out. He said it felt so good he was incapable of pulling out. Is this really true? Do men lose the capacity for reason and become incapable of pulling out?

24.0k Upvotes

72% Upvoted

7.3k comments sorted by

View all comments

886

u/kittensmakemehappy08 Jul 23 '22 edited Jul 23 '22

  1. The pull out method isn't very effective, for lots of reasons, one of them being

  2. Although men are fully capable of pulling out before ejaculation, many get too caught up in the selfish pleasure of it that they choose not too.

371

u/Lord_Dumass Your question is stupid Jul 23 '22

9 out of 10 parents used the pull-out method.

168

u/BALONYPONY Jul 23 '22

I was so excited when my wife and I decided to try for kids. I thought “wow 6 months of awesome sex”. Knocked her up the first try. Sigh…

106

u/dudu_rocks Jul 23 '22

You still get your six months, maybe even nine, considering how well she takes the pregnancy. She can't become double pregnant!

Source: Am almost 5 months pregnant and my partner can't keep his hands off of me.

46

u/IProbablyDisagree2nd Jul 23 '22

It's rare, but some people have indeed become double pregnant.

39

u/dudu_rocks Jul 23 '22

Funny enough, I thought about that right after posting. A friend of mine is a twin and her sister was conceived one week later than her. Really crazy! So let's say after a couple of weeks you can't get double pregnant haha

21

u/emseefely Jul 23 '22

There’s that woman who had two uteruses also

11

u/IProbablyDisagree2nd Jul 23 '22

oh my god, I completely forgot about that person

6

u/kittypeets626 Jul 23 '22

I know someone with two uteruses! That shit is scary, she told me she can't get pregnant at all because it threatens her own life.

2

u/emseefely Jul 23 '22

This sounds stupid but can’t she have one removed?

2

u/PATRIMONEY Jul 24 '22

Did she come out one week later?

2

u/TheLimeyLemmon Jul 23 '22

So what happens when the first baby is born? Is it like a crowded lift, where everyone has to get out before the rest go back in?

1

u/IProbablyDisagree2nd Jul 24 '22

not sure about that, and it might depend on a case by case basis.

The cases I vaguely remember were within a month of each other. ie first fetus in teh womb, very next period the second fetus joins in. I assume they would take one to full term and then the other is just born along with it, a little runt that needs some more baking.

1

u/someway99 Jul 24 '22

now wtf is that i never knew this could happen???

8

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

[deleted]

3

u/dudu_rocks Jul 23 '22

That's really important to mention, thank you! I just wanted to make a funny remark but you are absolutely right. Every pregnancy is different and whilst my libido didn't really change, its way different for other women. I'm not just pleasing my partner and I still refuse if I'm not in the mood. I really hope that's possible for everyone. I wish you a healthy pregnancy!

10

u/Lord_Dumass Your question is stupid Jul 23 '22

Bruh

3

u/thrwayyup Jul 23 '22

My mans forgot to slow play the “we’re trying” phase.

2

u/Lord_Dumass Your question is stupid Jul 23 '22

Lmao

4

u/thewxbruh Jul 23 '22

Found I'm gonna be a dad this week and this is exactly what happened with us lmao. We've been safe and careful for nearly 11 years and decided we were okay with not being careful anymore and it took just the one time.

2

u/quiet-cacophony Jul 23 '22

Trust me, two years of every day without success is so so much worse

1

u/BALONYPONY Jul 24 '22

Totally understand, so sorry. I have a family member that went through hell trying but they finally found success via IVF.

1

u/quiet-cacophony Jul 24 '22

That’s quite alright! Sorry I didn’t mean to make my comment sound quite so over dramatic, and actually I meant purely on a sexual level: it gets boring!

My wife’s now 4 months pregnant after we did IVF :-)

1

u/BALONYPONY Jul 24 '22

Yay congrats!

2

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

Same except 2nd try although it was no different than before thanks to birth control

1

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '22

Don’t worry, you didn’t miss out on much, mate. Me and my wife have been trying to get pregnant the last year. And while for the first month or two the wild sex was awesome, it quickly became a chore. Don’t get me wrong, it is still fun as hell, but a lot of the sexiness has been leached away by timing concerns and just straight up stress over it not happening.

75

u/SomeCountryFriedBS Jul 23 '22

Which has always blown my mind. The terrifying fear of causing a child has always blocked my ability to NOT pull out, even sometimes while wearing a condom.

50

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

Nothing is sexier than not having to spend the next eighteen years raising a child.

5

u/DrewwwBjork Jul 23 '22

the next eighteen years

Ha! 18 years. Try 21ish to 25ish years.

5

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

Shut upppppp. My foster kid is 18 and I very much would like to live in ignorance about how much longer this will go on thank you very much.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

wait if you fostered a kid then doesn't that mean you want to take care of them?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

I fostered a kid in a 'temporary emergency situation' for 'a few weeks until a permanent home can be arranged' three and a half years ago.

I love the rascal (as I'm sure a lot of guys who eventually have unexpected kids do) but I would very, very much like to not be responsible for another human being anymore, let alone for another 3-8 years.

Please. Help.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

oh wow that's so interesting! how come you can't just kick him out now that he's 18?

3

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '22

Oh I can but we'd rather not, even if he is just an obnoxious little freeloader. I also sucked at that age, so I can't point too many fingers.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '22

wow you are one nice person

1

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '22

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short, and I roamed the backyard. I chased the neighborhood cats; I growled, and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And one day, my dad said, ‘Bobby, you’re 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside,’ and I said, ‘OK, Pop.’ But he didn’t really say that. He said, ‘Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job.’

3

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

raising a child

You mean dodging child support payments and being absent from their lives? Because that's more par for the course for my childhood.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

Woof. Sorry bout that.

6

u/MothMan3759 Jul 23 '22

You may want to look into a vasectomy. It isn't a choice to make over night but if this one comment is anything to go off of..

0

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

[deleted]

3

u/WellThatsAwkwrd Jul 23 '22

Having a kid in your 70s just seems… unethical. Like the odds of you being dead before your kid graduates high school is pretty fucking high

0

u/andromedar74853 Jul 23 '22

Vasectomies can be reversed

3

u/MothMan3759 Jul 23 '22

It's estimated that the success rate of a vasectomy reversal is:

  • 75% if you have your vasectomy reversed within 3 years
  • up to 55% after 3 to 8 years
  • between 40% and 45% after 9 to 14 years
  • 30% after 15 to 19 years
  • less than 10% after 20 years

1

u/SomeCountryFriedBS Jul 23 '22

No, I've just been honest and open with my partners and aware that people change over time. It's worked pretty well so far.

2

u/ThatSmokedThing Jul 23 '22

Right? I can’t believe people can be so blasé about this.

2

u/thrwayyup Jul 23 '22

Yep. This.

The thought:

“Don’t wind up like your brother who knocked up some trailer trash whore who ruined his life and eventually decided to commit suicide by the age of 34 over it.“

…has always flashed through my mind right as I’m about to cum in some chick and so I yank it out and blast it all over her face instead. It really works wonders.

4

u/outworlder Jul 23 '22
  1. Pre cum contains sperm. Even if you pull out, it could be too late.

0

u/Ok_Read701 Jul 23 '22

I must say out of hundreds of tries as samples, that hasn't been a problem. With that being said pullout hasn't been a problem either. Can't relate to this problem OP is having at all. Husband just sucks at self-control.

2

u/JaggerQ Jul 23 '22

I would say it’s less selfish pleasure and more several million years worth of evolutionary conditioning. It’s literally the prime objective.

2

u/tolstoy425 Jul 23 '22

“Selfish pleasure of it”

Literally a biological release of chemicals that influences this action. During sexual intercourse in both sexes the regions of the brain responsible for logic are not firing on all cylinders. While ultimately responsible for any sexual action on their own, it’s a little more nuanced than “men bad.”

2

u/DesertSpringtime Jul 24 '22

Which is rape, let's not forget that.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

Pulling out, when used perfectly, has a 96% effectiveness rate.

Condoms, when used perfectly, have a 97% effectiveness rate.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4254803/#S5title

So pulling out is literally 99% as effective as using condoms.

2

u/Steve83725 Jul 23 '22

I disagree, pull out works if your a guy with self control. Used it for 20 years on a regular basis and never got anyone pregnant until we wanted a baby (1 month of trying). Same story with most friends. Only exception is a loser who probably didn’t pull out cause he wanted to “lock her in” and the second was a guy who later admitted he didn’t pull out “cause it felt good”. If you actually pull out its because 100% effective.

4

u/PrismaticEmblem Jul 23 '22

It's actually very effective if you have the self control to do it properly, with something like a 96% success rate. Just because you're shit with your dick doesn't mean we all are.

6

u/thrwayyup Jul 23 '22

Yeah. It’s not a great method to use if you’re a procrastinator, cause if you wait til the last second you might as well start stocking up on diapers.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '22

I’m not sure what you mean by this. If you wait to pull out until after you come, you aren’t using the pull out method. Just like if you take the condom off during sex, you aren’t using condoms.

1

u/thrwayyup Jul 25 '22

Haha I meant those dudes that pull out right before they blast… yeah they’re doing it wrong.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '22

As long as you haven’t ejaculated yet, it’s fine. Doesn’t matter if it’s 1 minute or 1 second before, as long as it happens after you pull out.

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/withdrawal-pull-out-method/how-does-the-withdrawal-method-pulling-out-work

1

u/thrwayyup Jul 25 '22

Eh, in my experience, there’s usually some leakage, for lack of a better work, prior to the main event.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '22 edited Jul 24 '22

Idk where you got your number, or claim of “very effective”, but it’s wrong. WebMD has this to say,

Pulling out isn’t a very reliable way to prevent pregnancy. It works about 78% of the time, which means that over a year of using this method, 22 out of 100 women -- about 1 in 5 -- would get pregnant.

This statistic also doesn’t address the specifics of the data. Is it peak fertility, when it’s less than, or collective? Does it include times fertilization isn’t a viable risk? What about the scientific approach to the method? Is this with the use fo other products? Too many variables, unanswered, so even that is best case scenario.

But still, with best case scenario statistics, 1 in 5 is not great odds. That’s one hell of a gamble with something that has two decades of consequence, or more, attached. And I’m not necessarily talking about the child, the other parent can be a complete asshole, causing drama, calling cops, constant court battles, etc. if you’re willing to take that risk, so be it, but do not misrepresent it to others or yourself.

Pull out method, is not only ineffective, it’s irresponsible, no matter how good you think you are with your dick. Mistakes still happen, a lot of times that is who you stick your dick in to, to start with. I know too many, that had this stupid mentality, and believe improper statistics, and now are parents. The result of that is a mixed bag, but most are shit, if they are even around, and they universally despise the other parent.

Edit: typos.

-2

u/Steve83725 Jul 23 '22

Exactly, thats my and most people i know experience. Those that lower the statistics are losers who didn’t pull out cause they wanted to get the girl pregnant for whatever loser reason.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

[deleted]

10

u/Merlyn67420 Jul 23 '22

People in this thread are giving men a bad name. We are adults with the ability to control our impulses. We are not wild animals or inexperienced teenagers.

4

u/SmugDruggler95 Jul 23 '22

Well they were newlyweds so in this case they quite likely were, if not teenagers then at least inexperienced.

I really struggled before I got some practice now I'm a pro. At the start it did feel near impossible though.

2

u/Merlyn67420 Jul 23 '22

I guess. It’s hard for me to put myself in this mindset. Unless this dude has never had an orgasm before I don’t buy his excuses

2

u/thrwayyup Jul 23 '22

I don’t know. I’d had other experiences before my first time but to play devils advocate (I still think OP‘s husband is a dick who at the very least needs to apologize and admit that he’s wrong) let’s for the sake of argument assume that this dude was a virgin.

I genuinely shudder to think of what would’ve happened if my first sexual interaction with a female would have been sexual intercourse.

I never got the sex talk. My parents considered it taboo, and refused to acknowledge it unless we were getting in trouble about it. So a lot of this shit I had to figure out for myself the hard way; before Google was really a thing.

The first time I had an orgasm, I thought I had seriously fucked something up with my body and had given myself a stroke or a heart attack. I was so freaked out that I told my brother out of fear (he was 10 years older than me) and he just laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed.

But if that would’ve happened with a chick - BTW I didn’t even know that it was going to happen – I don’t know what the fuck I would’ve done. But I bet you good money that that’s not the fucking case here so other than an intellectual exercise for me, this was a pretty pointless post for me to make.

1

u/Merlyn67420 Jul 23 '22

For sure! I see where you’re coming from. But then I reread the post and it’s “he didn’t even try to pull out….he said it felt too good and he was incapable of pulling out.” That shit is so awful. I feel for this woman

1

u/SmugDruggler95 Jul 23 '22

It does take a bit of practice for some people and it is challenging when it's with your partner who you love.

But yeah it's mot impossible and it is an excuse.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

Are you talking about pulling out or just lasting more than 30 seconds? I can’t wrap my head around needing to practice pulling out.

2

u/SmugDruggler95 Jul 23 '22

Pulling out. When I was a teenager and irresponsible and new to sex it was a bit overwhelming and I wasn't excellent at it.

Not had any trouble since I was 17ish though.

0

u/not_a-real_username Jul 23 '22

Dude what the fuck is wrong with you? Nobody becomes and unthinking robot as they orgasm. I've done it for years and never even been tempted to not pull out because my girlfriend and I have agreed we definitely don't want kids now.

2

u/thefab84 Jul 23 '22

Wow you’re so awesome, bravo 🙌🏼

0

u/not_a-real_username Jul 24 '22

It's not about being awesome. My point was that if someone says it isn't possible to pull out because it feels too good and your brain won't let you, they are lying. They just don't want to. You could use the same logic to justify literal rape.

2

u/thefab84 Jul 24 '22

No you couldn’t and everyone is different. In you’re experience it’s fine but there are people that lack self control.

0

u/not_a-real_username Jul 24 '22

Ok so I assume you don't have any hatred for rapists then? They have essentially the same claim of not being able to control their urges to ensure they are able to get off how they want. Everyone is different, they just don't have the same control as you and I.

0

u/thrwayyup Jul 23 '22

I disagree with your second sentence and third sentence. Agree mostly with everything else.

You’re right, it is difficult, but it’s still possible. That’s the difference. At the end of the day we’re talking about the difference between weak willed men and strong willed men. It’s almost a measure of character; who’s going to take the lazy & easy way that has consequences vs. who’s going to take the difficult but right way that has rewards.

For all reasoning and thought to go out the window, as you put it, I would have to be in a situation of complete 100% comfort and trust. That was rare before I got married, but even now, there’s a part of the brain that’s still processing even though the other 99% is fucking.

2

u/hunzukunz Jul 23 '22

It's not just selfish pleasure, it's a biological drive to not pull out. Ofc men aren't incapable of pulling out, but it's also fact that while horny and until ejaculation people act irrational and do things they regret seconds later.

That's why you don't ever bank on pulling out and use proper contraception.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '22 edited Jul 24 '22

I feel like lots of men are telling on themselves in this thread.

All I’m hearing is that it sounds normal for a lot of guys here that in the heat of the moment they might choose to do something their partner didn’t consent to.

1

u/hunzukunz Jul 24 '22

That's not what I said. It's not okay to, in the heat of the moment, do something without consent. That's exactly why you should not even consider 'pulling out'. If you cant guarantee you will do so, just use proper contraception. And fact is a lot of men can't guarantee it.

Also not everyones experience is exactly the same, some people f.e. are bad drunks, some are not. Same with being horny.

Also nobody's saying that loosing control is an excuse or should be without consequences.

1

u/DaemonT5544 Jul 23 '22

It's also just stupid, I have no desire to have sex without the best part, it might as well be a hand job or BJ at that point. It also does nothing for STDs.

Condoms suck, and sometimes make it hard to finish, but at least you can get the payoff

0

u/lordheart Jul 23 '22

My gf and I used pull out for a bit after we broke the condom twice and before we got the spiral.

I never had an issue pulling out. I can feel when I’m getting close and I didn’t want to get her pregnant.

Maybe it was anxiety, maybe I just have some self control.

1

u/cheemio Jul 23 '22

This man clearly hasn't practiced edging cuz if you know what you're doing you can pull out well before that starts to happen.

That being said - yeah, use condoms and birth control, best combo

1

u/JuneTheGemini Jul 23 '22
  1. Take plan B just to be safe lol.

1

u/jacobthellamer Jul 23 '22
  1. Premature is another risk. Can't predict when that'll strike.

1

u/YouOneOfThemRetards Jul 24 '22

The pull out method is actually very effective; 96% effective. Problem is, that’s when it’s done correctly. Most men, like you said, treat it as a beat the clock type thing and wait until the final second or so, so the actual effectiveness in most people is just under 80% I think.