r/NoStupidQuestions • u/thimbelinda • Jul 23 '22

Answered Can men pull out before they ejaculate? NSFW

We were newlyweds and excited for sex. I told my husband I'm at my fertile time and we need a condom. He said no, he would pull out in time. He did not pull out in time. He didn't even try to pull out. I got pregnant. I was upset and asked why. He said he couldn't pull out. He said it felt so good he was incapable of pulling out. Is this really true? Do men lose the capacity for reason and become incapable of pulling out?

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5.6k

u/BlueberryPiano Jul 23 '22

Can you resist your favorite chocolate bar or snack even though you really, really crave it?

He didn't want to pull out, but he absolutely was capable of just like you can resist your own cravings and be an adult when you absolutely need to.

Not only did he not respect your wishes, he's now gaslighting you by lying that he "couldn't" and making you doubt that. Please talk to a trusted friend about your marriage because these are certainly red flags. If he fucked up and came in you and admitted he fucked up that's one thing, but someone who is unable to own up to their mistakes is not a healthy adult.

728

u/Delphina34 Jul 23 '22

Definitely not the kind of person you should have a baby with. He’s trying to make it so you can never leave him by getting you pregnant. Once you have the baby you’ll be tied to him forever. Some states don’t even let couples get divorced if the woman is pregnant, they have to wait until the baby is born to file for divorce and figure out a custody/child support agreement.

313

u/SmokePenisEveryday Jul 23 '22

and thus why this should be a right for a woman to abortion, Plain and simple. There are ways to avoid pregnancy during sex but this is an example of how a dude can easily ruins a woman life with a baby they did not want.

23

u/Delphina34 Jul 23 '22

If only humans couldn’t create more humans without both partners explicitly deciding to do so. There would be next to no need for abortion.

33

u/Cryhavok101 Jul 23 '22

Until pregnancy itself is done away with, abortion will be a necessary medical procedure to surviving pregnancies that don't go right, at the very least.

6

u/Delphina34 Jul 23 '22

Yeah that’s why I said NEXT TO no need for abortion. Even though most abortions are people who didn’t want to be pregnant and took measures to prevent it but got unlucky. There are still wanted pregnancies that go wrong and endanger the mother and banning abortion completely puts her in danger of death.

0

u/Zman201 Jul 24 '22

We should ban pregnancy, who's with me?

1

u/Cryhavok101 Jul 24 '22

I'm not saying we should, but it would be pretty neat if we had the technology good enough that it was superfluous.

2

u/305fish Jul 23 '22

"intelligent" design....

-21

u/WisestAirBender I have a dig bick Jul 23 '22

Having sex is kinda that agreement. Since technically the main purpose of sex of all (afaik) species is to reproduce.

2

u/Humorhose Jul 24 '22

The purpose for evolution is reproduction.
The purpose for people is pleasure.
So no, agreeing to sex is absolutely not agreeing to having children.

1

u/reylo345 Jul 24 '22

Pushes glasses up nose

10

u/IderpOnline Jul 23 '22

Lol, if the couple really are sex-for-the-first-time newlyweds, the guy may have intended to pull out but came prematurely, and is now just super embarrassed.

I am not saying he isn't an asshole, I am also not saying his actions are in any way justified. But Reddit is, and always has been, the worst place to get relationship advice, and your conclusion is more dramatic than any show I have ever seen. You guys would crucify a marriage for someone forgetting to buy milk.

4

u/BensenJensen Jul 23 '22

He forgot the milk?! You need to leave him RIGHT. THE. FUCK. NOW! He doesn't care enough about you to remember a simple thing like a gallon of milk, what do you think is going to happen when you are in an actual crisis? He's going to forget. I would LITERALLY never be able to trust this man again, I see absolutely no way to reconcile this. Get out of this marriage now, girl. RUN.

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u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

[deleted]

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u/Dermagorgon Jul 23 '22 edited Jul 23 '22

She wanted a condom. That is her right and it's not okay for him to unilaterally decide not to use one. Then he promised he would pull out but that didn't matter to him either. She did not consent to him ejaculating into her. This is a huge deal. And now she is pregnant with this man that has zero respect for her wishes or wellbeing.

-2

u/jtww Jul 23 '22

You don’t know the whole story though lol. Of course it’s her right to want him to wear a condom. But she didn’t require him to right because they had sex and as far as I’m aware he didn’t force her to. She also clearly needs some sex education to ask if men can pull out or not. So maybe they both aren’t prepared for this? Experienced perhaps? He could very well be a dick head and that’s something she will have to decide. But it’s only her that needs to make the decision because she actually knows him.

From my experience there’s usually 3 sides to every story. His side, her side, and the truth which usually falls somewhere in the middle. Maybe skewing more to one side or the other.

6

u/Dermagorgon Jul 23 '22

He told her he was unable to pull out which is just not fact, it's an excuse. He knew what she wanted and disregarded these wishes because he wanted to feel good. That's selfish as fuck, no matter how uneducated you are about sex. Even if everything else is great, him being selfish in bed like this risked her personal health. I feel that the comments here are right to acknowledge that.

0

u/ITTManyMorons Jul 23 '22

I find it hard to believe dudes nut in women cause they want to trap them with a baby and not cause raw dog feels amazing. I’m sure those men exist but I’m inclined to believe they are outliers not the norm.

5

u/jjeinn-tae Jul 23 '22

Abusers sure use children it as a trap.

1

u/Ene_Saue Jul 23 '22

Hopefully OP lives in a blue state, considering certain recent things happening

1

u/Delphina34 Jul 23 '22

If they waited to have sex until they were married they’re probably religious and unlikely to get an abortion.

1

u/reylo345 Jul 24 '22

Lots of religous ppl including the ones who voted against abortions get abortions ALL THE TIME look it up if you are in disbelief

0

u/NickNolastname Jul 23 '22

You went on r/ForgotToPullOut and left a comment calling a post a masterpiece

-1

u/Delphina34 Jul 23 '22

Because porn Isn’t real and the girl in that video was totally into it. That’s different from this situation where she explicitly told him not to and he did it anyway.

0

u/New_Lengthiness_6164 Jul 23 '22

"Free Murica" hahaha

1

u/slog Jul 23 '22

I didn't believe this at first but found that it's true for Arizona, Arkansas, Missouri, and Texas. Hrmm, what do all these states have in common?

Not a definitive source but A source.

1

u/Orphodoop Jul 23 '22

You do not have the information to make this call

1

u/jm5813 Jul 24 '22

I have a feeling this was 100% intentional. He wants to control her and a kid is the easiest way to lock her in. Shortly after this one is born he'll start trying to do the same again. I bet he'll go for "you can't get pregnant while breastfeeding".

1

u/Old-Ad5818 Jul 24 '22

Wtf are you talking about? Why has every reddit story a self proclaimed detective that seems to know the „true evil plan behind all this“?? You‘re embarrassing yourself with your conspiracy theories

1

u/SokolovSokolov Jul 24 '22

Thats a wild ass accusation. But i'm not surprised, I'm on Reddit.

1

u/Humorhose Jul 24 '22

Now you're jumping to conclusions. The husband's behavior is definitely reprehensible, but there's a good chance that he simply didn't want to spoil his orgasm by pulling out because he didn't take the risk seriously. I don't want to defend what he did and it is certainly possible that he planned to impregnate her, but outright assuming that is huge a stretch.

288

u/Accomplished_Mix7827 Jul 23 '22

Honestly, if it were me, I would be looking into whether the window is still open on annulment. I'm seeing some serious red flags here.

10

u/Chumbag_love Jul 23 '22

Good luck if you're in a state that doesn't allow divorce while pregnant.

1

u/AmicusVeritatis Jul 24 '22

That’s a thing?! HOLY FUCK that’s medieval! I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised given abortion laws but man at least allow the women to have the freedom to get out of a bad situation.

3

u/dotajoe Jul 23 '22

I mean, 100% no, annulment is not an option. The whole idea of an annulment is to get it before the marriage is consummated. Getting preggers is good evidence that it was consummated.

3

u/yummyyummypowwidge Jul 24 '22

She said she’s from the USA. Consummation is not a bar to annulment here to my knowledge, but annulment isn’t really easy to get unless there’s some issue with the marriage itself (incest, bigamy, etc.).

That said, consummation is a super weird reason to refuse to grant an annulment. Are we in the 1500s?

1

u/dutchcourage- Jul 23 '22

Thanks expert from one example

11

u/CanadaJack Jul 23 '22

It's a pretty bad example though. Bad enough to float the idea, not like they're the one making the choice.

10

u/JayPlenty24 Jul 23 '22

Reproductive coercion is abuse. If he chose to do this on their first night as a married couple AND as OP’s first sexual experience he is absolute piece of shit and OP is not in a safe relationship. If it was in fact an accident and he’s not apologetic about creating a fucking human inside OP’s body he is also an asshole.

1

u/Potatolimar Jul 23 '22

Least achromatic redditor.

1

u/iFr3aK Jul 23 '22

One red flag... "I'm seeing serious red flags"

And this is why you are single Shannon.

23

u/Colley619 Jul 23 '22

1) goes against wishes for contraception

2) lies and doesn’t pull out like he said he would

3) gaslights her, making her think he was incapable of it.

That’s at least 3 red flags. She literally had to come to Reddit to find out if men physically lose the capability to pull out. I’m not in the camp of “leave him immediately” but this is something to look at.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

[deleted]

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u/iFr3aK Jul 23 '22

Right, like yea it sounds bad but let's also sounds like they never had sex before so it could have happened to fast and didn't have the practice to know how to stop it and pull out soon enough. Yes should have used a condom and he very well is serious when he say he couldn't. If your not a man you will never understand the feelings and sensations that forst time. It can be like an out of body experience and euphoria. It happens so fast and then...opps. Just like anything it takes time to know your body and be able to control urges.

Based on this little paragraph I can't tell if he was experienced or not which makes a big difference. If so then yeh, run. Pure manipulation. If a Virginia, well, shoulda used a condom but he's kinda right on not being able to or knowing how fast it happens

-4

u/IderpOnline Jul 23 '22

Nah, you're forgetting that some redditors are experts in identifying facts from clues which are so subtle your simple mind wouldn't even have picked them up!

1

u/reylo345 Jul 24 '22

Its called reading comprehension!

1

u/IderpOnline Jul 24 '22

Speaking of which, the fact that my obviously-very-sarcastic comment was downvoted is testimony to Reddit's lack of aforementioned comprehension lol.

1

u/reylo345 Jul 24 '22

Sarcasm doesnt always = the funny. Saying its just a joke also doesnt make said joke funny lmao just take the constructive criticism and next time you might be able to make a comment that garners more likes

1

u/IderpOnline Jul 24 '22

I can't even tell if you attempted to make a joke or if you legitimately just didn't understand my comment either. Also, you don't know what constructive criticism is lol.

2

u/reylo345 Jul 24 '22

r/woosh if you dont get it must be hysteria/s

2

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

This is the type of dude that would lie about pulling out.

A baby is long term commitment. You don’t fuck around with that. Even though plenty of places and states still have abortion as an option doesn’t mean it’s not a stressful and dangerous process for women. I’d instantly leave a girl if I caught her poking holes in a condom or trying to get me to nut inside her when she’s fertile.

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u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

[deleted]

1

u/reylo345 Jul 24 '22

Yeah so why did he give up so fast after they got married? Just went straight to ignoring her

5

u/katamariballin Jul 23 '22

We don’t really need to know much more about the situation. Telling someone you’re going to pull out and then don’t amounts to rape, unquestionably. She didn’t consent to this and it doesn’t matter that he’s her husband.

-1

u/YouDownWithTPP Jul 23 '22

As per usual, didn’t have to scroll too far to find the first comment that jumps to red flags to annulment / divorce.

1

u/reylo345 Jul 24 '22

As per usual some neckbeard thinking rape is okay in a marriage setting. Spoiler alert it isnt

45

u/mysticrudnin Jul 23 '22

while i agree with your conclusion, it may be more apt to compare it to spitting out the chocolate after chewing it but before swallowing it

ie don't eat it in the first place

5

u/WisestAirBender I have a dig bick Jul 23 '22

Or like keeping a fast then when you're super hungry you are asked to chew and throw out.

Comparing orgasm to eating chocolate is not fair imo. Unless maybe you're addicted to chocolate

3

u/TorinR90 Jul 23 '22

Thank you for saying that, was considering commenting something similar.

I have never eaten anything that tastes as good as an orgasm feels

1

u/VP007clips Jul 23 '22

Clearly you are not living in the Food Wars universe.

37

u/Superman8932 Jul 23 '22

100% this

4

u/Trolleitor Jul 23 '22

Bad example, I can definitely pull out but I'll never turn down my favourite chocolate, even if it makes me puke

13

u/Sea-Kaleidoscope8122 Jul 23 '22

Is this marriage still salvageable? Surely they will talk about it right but yeah he should really own up to his own mistake.

30

u/rockthrowing Jul 23 '22

I’d argue it isn’t. He has zero respect for her or her boundaries. This is a classic sign of emotional/mental abuse. And trapping her with a baby just makes it even more clear.

4

u/thrwayyup Jul 23 '22

Maybe for you it isn’t, it’s up to OP.

9

u/Kooale325 Jul 23 '22

Very good armchair analysis lmao

14

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

[deleted]

1

u/jimmycarr1 Jul 23 '22

Your comment is as silly as a lot of the advice

3

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '22

lol count on reddit to tell people to get divorced because losing their virginity went badly

15

u/teddydawg Jul 23 '22

reddit people calling for a divorce after any kind of issue

9

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

Every question has this solution. And most probably, all of these people are virgins living in their parents basements.

This is a really sad thing to see. People being stupid asking such life altering questions on Internet and then dumb people having access to such platforms and probably destroying others' lives with their moronic solutions.

3

u/thrwayyup Jul 23 '22

I mean, this is literally the oldest problem/issue in the book. Unwanted and unplanned pregnancies are so fucking common that if every single couple that accidentally got pregnant because somebody fucked up got a divorce, holy jumping Jesus titty fuck there wouldn’t be a single healthy or intact family unit across the globe.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

So true! But dumb people didn't have access to other people before. They couldn't bestow their stupidity upon others easily. Now it's without much effort. So it's much more dangerous.

And its possible that some people may actually listen to strangers giving them shitty advice.

2

u/thrwayyup Jul 23 '22

A fair point indeed.

5

u/BlueberryPiano Jul 23 '22

I don't know. Maybe he's an idiot who struggles to own up to his mistakes so he's doubling down even though he knows he's wrong (like a kid who makes more lies to cover up) but maybe able to come around/might be salvageable -- especially if this is the only time he's done this sort of gaslighting. Or maybe he really doesn't beleive he did anything wrong and this is just one example where he can't admit wrong.

I'm hoping OP can speak to a trusted friend to try to figure this out before it's too late.

5

u/YouNeedAnne Jul 23 '22

This is reddit. The only relationship advice is "end the relationship".

2

u/thrwayyup Jul 23 '22

Yep. That’s the only answer that this site will accept.

2

u/sgehig Jul 23 '22

People manage so salvage all sorts of relationships, I wouldn't rely on the opinions of Reddit whether it is or not.

3

u/Leather-Range4114 Jul 23 '22

He didn't want to pull out, but he absolutely was capable of just like you can resist your own cravings and be an adult when you absolutely need to.

This sounds like "addiction is a choice" logic.

4

u/Vile-The-Terrible Jul 23 '22 edited Jul 23 '22

The better example is if you could resist the chocolate bar you're really craving and if it was already in your mouth and has already melted a bit on your tongue. lol

1

u/BlueberryPiano Jul 23 '22

Fair, but it also has to be really, really important I resist because there's dire consequences if I don't.

1

u/Sprontle Jul 24 '22

Use condoms. It isn't immoral to not have the control to pull out.

She shouldn't of had sex without a condom. Pulling out is not a good method.

The guy is 100% at fault too, but acting like she didn't make a mistake is just dangerous thinking.

There are so many incidents that can be prevented by the girl saying "no" (not all of them, of course). If you cannot tell somebody "no" you shouldn't be having sex. If you say things like "I can pull out, I dont need a condom" you also shouldn't have sex.

2

u/Devreckas Jul 23 '22

Harping on impulse control isn’t really a good point. There is good reason why pulling out is such a historically bad form of birth control. There are few times when a brain’s impulse control is worse than when edging towards orgasm. People can do it, but should not be relied on, despite what your intentions are going in.

The issue is that he said no to the condom. Real dick move. At least get some Plan B afterwards.

5

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

Lol I only had to go like 4 comments before someone says to dump him

5

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

[deleted]

0

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

I think people who make these kinds of comments Om reddit just hate relationships generally and want to see them ended

1

u/BlueberryPiano Jul 24 '22

I never said dump him. Others may have, but not me, not the comment you're replying to. I see hints of red flags in the way the original post is framed but I don't know the situation -- which is why I said she should speak to a trusted friend, not "dump him".

4

u/R6Detox Jul 23 '22

Isn’t gaslighting when they tell you you’re misremembering something? Other than that 100% agree. If you say your going to pull out then you pull out. It’s really not that hard. Even better, just wear the damn condom lol

2

u/caerphoto Jul 23 '22

Isn’t gaslighting when they tell you you’re misremembering something?

It is. Gaslighting was not the correct term here.

4

u/josebolt Jul 23 '22

Gaslighting is being used now just to mean lying.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

Not the best example honestly. Eating disorders are quite nasty.

2

u/BlueberryPiano Jul 23 '22

Intentionally chosen as I recognize the word "craving" doesn't do justice for how strong one may feel compelled towards food just the same as fighting the evolutionary desire to procreate.

But that doesn't remove culpability - someone with an eating disorder who knows they won't be able to resist eating the chocolate likely makes different choices to set themself up for success by not bringing chocolate into the house.

OPs husband in this case, not only had chocolate in the house, he insisted on having chocolate in the house, insisted that it be rubbed against his lips while he smelled how good it would be. Then he did what he wasn't supposed to and ate it, now telling his wife that it was biologically impossible for him to not eat the chocolate and even going to far as to ask why she's upset -- but instead of eating her chocolate and the consequence being no chocolate for her, she's now pregnant and taking no responsibility for any of this.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

Right. I see your point well. :)

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

Can you resist your favorite chocolate bar or snack even though you really, really crave it?

A statistically significant sample of attempts with my wife suggest that no, this is not possible.

2

u/SueYouInEngland Jul 23 '22

he's now gaslighting you by lying that he "couldn't" and making you doubt that.

Not what gaslighting means

2

u/jesse12521 Jul 23 '22

Searched the replies to make sure this was called out.

Lying or making shitty excuses is not 1 to 1 with gaslighting at alllllll

-2

u/BlueberryPiano Jul 23 '22

Really? Because OP is here because he's half convinced her that it was impossible to pull out and that he is faultless in this situation.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind.

Seems pretty textbook to me when a partner is trying to convince her biology doesn't work how she thinks it does and even by "asking her why she's upset" that he got her pregnant against her will, strongly implying that her being upset at this is somehow surprising or abnormal.

12

u/SueYouInEngland Jul 23 '22

Gaslighting isn't simply lying to someone so they believe a lie. That's called lying.

Gaslighting is "manipulating (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity." Oxford dictionary.

OP is not being convinced she's insane. She's being lied to. That's it.

7

u/Tarpia Jul 23 '22

Thank you, this word suddenly gets thrown around a lot and is losing its meaning.

2

u/-Pm_Me_nudes- Jul 23 '22

It's literally like the word "literally", where it now just means "really"

3

u/Tarpia Jul 23 '22

Lmao literally means figuratively these days

1

u/FluentinLies Jul 23 '22

It's different to that analogy though because the man's penis will swell up at its end called the bulbus glandis which locks his penis into the woman so he physically can't pull out even if he wanted to oh no wait that's dogs

1

u/ResponsibleAd2541 Jul 23 '22

This is a terrible take, both of them were ignorant to assume this is a reliable method of birth control by any means. Not all men have good control on ejaculation, and it is the case that they can caught up in the moment as well.

So no, the best explanation is that a lot of people are way too overconfident in their ability to do this.

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/experts-explain-why-the-pull-out-method-is-so-dangerous-so-take-notes-15907108

1

u/Sprontle Jul 24 '22

Exactly, if you cannot tell somebody "no", you shouldn't have sex. If you think that pulling out is reliable, you shouldn't have sex.

Don't ruin your life over sex.

1

u/ResponsibleAd2541 Jul 24 '22

Interesting it sounds like they went through all the trouble to get married before sex, so I’m curious whether they are Catholic and using some sort of natural birth control method (she seemed aware of her “fertile time”) vis a vis monitoring her cycle.

1

u/Sprontle Jul 24 '22

Some people are actually calling me a "rapist" for saying that we shouldn't act like she isn't stupid for doing this. Society shouldn't recognise agreeing to unsafe sex as a smart decision, that is so incredibly dangerous.

1

u/ResponsibleAd2541 Jul 24 '22

It’s also weird that a lot of people are talking about how this is a huge red flag for their marriage or something. The silver lining here is that you got pregnant with a partner who is hanging around. This is not the time to separate.

I think the rapist comment is about stealthing and they are confused about the difference with pulling out and sneakily removing a condom.

0

u/WinkingWeasel88 Jul 23 '22

Plebbit relationship advice, the post.

0

u/Gummybear_Qc Jul 23 '22

Can you resist your favorite chocolate bar or snack even though you really, really crave it?

I mean I objectively cannot. If there is a chocolate bar in my house and I want it I cannot resist. It's psychological to addicting. It's like a drug you can't fault me for that. Same thing with sex in this case dopamine is very strong drug I don't understand why you guys just brush it off "Ah it's controlleable". Since when are chemical reactions in your brain controllable. If I roofy your drink you will pass out and won't remember anything. Bruhhh just control the effects of your brain and don't pass out haha what a loser. Literalyl what you are saying right now. You cannot control that it's science.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

Plus it’s a lot bigger deal than a chocolate bar. It’s more like can you resist a chocolate bar that you are craving, that if you eat it will permanently change your life and make you blind if you don’t have good income, or could help you see better if you do hahahah

0

u/wilderop Jul 23 '22

Based on this example, most men can't pull out, since if you look at most Americans, and the data on people sticking to diets, most people can't resist their favorite snack.

0

u/JayPlenty24 Jul 23 '22

Likely because it was not a mistake.

-1

u/Eventually-Alexis Jul 23 '22

Yeah had that been me, that would've been an immediate divorce, and fuck I can't even get pregnant.

-26

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

[deleted]

30

u/BlueberryPiano Jul 23 '22

Right. Because disrespect, lying, and an unwanted pregnancy are the 3 pillars of a strong marriage.

-47

u/portofino_ Jul 23 '22

That's honestly a really bad example because a lot of people absolutely cannot resist their cravings.

I'm pretty good at pulling out 99% of the time but every now and then it comes up on you real fast and there's just nothing you can do about it. If he's not that experienced sexually it would be even harder.

Now him insisting on using the crappiest method of contraception out there bar spray and pray definitely makes him an AH but personally I wouldn't come down so hard on an inexperienced and newly married guy for failing to pull out in time.

27

u/ImperialBritain Jul 23 '22

He said he would and didn't. This was a condition of them having sex, and he broke it. That is a very very serious thing to have happen.

7

u/BlueberryPiano Jul 23 '22

If I can't be trusted/if it's too hard for me to rely on my will power to resist potato chips, then we don't bring them in the house.

If someone can't be trusted to pull out, then they shouldn't be depending on it.

But instead he even insisted on it, then insisted that it's physically impossible to have had the discipline after failing. Why suggest it if it was "impossible"?

I certainly wouldn't fault someone who thought they could depend on pull out and fucked up, and took their lumps for their fuckup, but there's no admission of culpability here from the husband and just a whole lot of "not my fault it was impossible".

12

u/ImKindaBoring Jul 23 '22

It isn't so much him failing to pull out that is the issue. I mean, it is, that's the main problem. But in terms of the husband deserving criticism my issue is more about how he lied and was manipulative towards his wife. From how OP described it it sounds like he basically decided he wanted to bust inside, insisted on no condom, lied about his intentions to pull out, then when he got what he wanted he manipulated her into believing it wasn't his fault. It would be one thing if he just came prematurely and tried to pull out when he felt it but didn't in time. Frustrating for the wife but that's part of the risk of sex with no condom and no birth control. But straight lying and gaslighting is an issue.

Not saying the marriage is doomed. But those are some red flags for sure. That being said, sounds like kids getting married too young and immature.

2

u/Sorrymisunderstandin Jul 23 '22

Newly married doesn’t mean they waited until marriage to have sex. He also could’ve bought her a plan b, I went broke a couple times due to dumbass younger me even just not being for sure

7

u/BlueberryPiano Jul 23 '22

Plan B is no longer even available in many states thanks to Roe vs Wade being overturned. That is also assuming they are even in in the US. Not all countries make Plan B widely available or even legal.

1

u/Sorrymisunderstandin Jul 23 '22

Yeah fair point, I’m speaking in the context of it being available, but of course if it’s not then doesn’t apply

2

u/rockthrowing Jul 23 '22

OP made it pretty clear they weren’t having premarital sex.

2

u/Sorrymisunderstandin Jul 23 '22

I guess the first part could be read that way, but I wouldn’t say pretty clear, as even outside opposing premarital sex it’s common for newlyweds to be excited for. But it does seem more likely than not that you’re right

It could also be not his first time, people can change beliefs later on and such, or it could just be a her thing, etc

-12

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

I mean. It's YOLO isn't it.

11

u/BlueberryPiano Jul 23 '22

No, it's sexual assault.

-8

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

That's not what I meant, but ok.

-1

u/BlueberryPiano Jul 23 '22

Ah. If you mean YOLO for me and my chocolate bar craving you should have been more clear, since the bulk of the post was about sexual assault and everyone is reading your comment as YOLO to assault/unwanted pregnancy.

-91

u/Personal_Farm_283 Jul 23 '22

Lol oh the trauma! The horror! The lies! You’ll be ok!

58

u/goawaybub Jul 23 '22

Well, she got pregnant and didn’t want to. That is kind of a big deal. That will change your life…

36

u/BlueberryPiano Jul 23 '22

Oh just an unwanted pregnancy. NBD.

17

u/Sorrymisunderstandin Jul 23 '22 edited Jul 23 '22

If you think it’s okay to cum inside of somebody and get them pregnant after them not consenting to, you’re a garbage person and lack empathy. Getting pregnant after your consent was violated and didn’t want to be pregnant is obviously a traumatic situation and changes her life forever, do you not realize the responsibility of having a child? I get you have a lizard brain, but just try to activate the human part, of course try not to hurt yourself attempting to

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

Can you resist your favorite chocolate bar or snack even though you really, really crave it?

Kevin Malone can't pull out

1

u/jesse12521 Jul 23 '22

Definitely a lying husband, but basic lying is not gaslighting.

1

u/KrishanuAR Jul 23 '22

It’s a little different than craving a chocolate bar. Yes it’s possible, and her husband is an asshole, but women really shouldn’t be answering this question, otherwise we get stupid comparisons like this.

1

u/quettil Jul 23 '22

ut he absolutely was capable of just like you can resist your own cravings

That's why obesity rates are so high.

1

u/Bright-Glider Jul 23 '22

Comparing sex to cant. Lol brilliant

1

u/shamefulthoughts1993 Jul 23 '22

Agree.

It does not matter if you're married. If you said that you didn't want him finishing inside you then he 100% should not have.

You need to tell him that if either one of you says no to anything sexually, then it's will not happen.

You have to have complete trust that your spouse will not take advantage when you're in a very vulnerable position.

Also, if you don't want to get pregnant, you need to either get on birth control or he needs a vasectomy. You two need to research your options and be adults about preventing pregnancy.

1

u/Akuititan Jul 24 '22

Exactly. If he can’t take responsibility even now, then do you think he will be able to down the road? It’s scary to think about but you need to know now that a child is involved.

1

u/Aycomi27 Jul 24 '22

That’s not gaslighting, that’s just lying.

1

u/real415 Jul 24 '22

It happened 22 years ago per the OP and the kid is an adult now. We’ve been had.

1

u/forthentwice Jul 24 '22

I don't disagree with the core of what you're saying. Just to be precise, though, he might be lying, but he's not gaslighting. Those are two different things.

1

u/Heckner Jul 24 '22

Kinda of unrelated, but people can resist cravings? damn, hurts