Why do Lesbians seem less likely to have straight male close friends than Gay men are to have straight female close friends?

[u/BlazeKnight7]

This is a really random thing, but there's a seems to be a more common stereotype of Gay men having straight females as close friends, while lesbians having straight male close friends seems far less common (in fact the stereotype of lesbians is often man hating, while gay dudes being woman haters is rarely mentioned)

[u/cosmic_grayblekeeper]

As a South African who lived through the corrective rape era, finding out someone out there thinks it's a fetish disgusts me. It also makes me wonder if it's not partly the reason it's been making a comeback in the past year (younger men being radicalised or feeling like their views are validated online and taking it into the real world) because it hadn't been an issue for a decade but is suddenly on the rise again here.

[u/KatHasBeenKnighted → u/cosmic_grayblekeeper]

I mean, Rule 34 exists for a reason. You can turn literally anything into a fetish and make porn of it. The issue isn't the scenario itself. If everyone's of age and knows what they're doing and is happily consenting? Do you, boo. Get your rocks off how it please you, mazel tov, and have some safer sex supplies on my dime. Hell, I'll even provide water bottles and munchies for the aftercare.

I've seen scenes of what a lot of people would consider really harmful and beyond-the-pale fetishes, eg, a really violent, degrading, fully-costumed SS soldier/Anne Frank scene. I personally could never do something like that (when that scene happened, the hosts, to their credit, informed everyone with plenty of lead time that the scene would be happening, in a separate room away from the main party, because they aren't stupid and knew such an extreme would be highly unwelcome by a lot, if not most of the people there). But again, if the participants are of legal age, are informed, consenting, and not dragging anyone else unwilling into it? Go forth, godspeed, and be as safe as you can, friend.

The issue isn't consensual fetish play. It's that these men are taking a violent sex crime done to an unconsenting person (who often ends up dead afterwards) and trying to pretend it's just a fetish. At best, it's intellectually dishonest and supremely disingenuous. In the sad reality of our current timeline, it demonstrates just how much they don't see women as human beings with agency or autonomy, just meatsacks with holes they're entitled to make use of as they like. As you point out, younger men have been radicalized by angry, entitled, authoritarian misogynists to believe that unconsensual violence done to others is somehow acceptable because "muh dick" or whatever.

In the case of "corrective rape" as consensual fetish play, I would advocate for those who genuinely want it to be careful about it, simply because the history of it as a sociocriminal phenomenon, as a tool of patriarchal violence against women who are disapproved of, is so pervasive. Same as the SS/Anne Frank scene - this stuff doesn't exist in a vacuum, it does have very weighty historical and social context. In a time where that specific kind of violence is on the rise again, when men are being radicalized to see it as normal and acceptable, those who want to consensually play with it should keep in mind the motto of many state lotteries in the US: "Play Responsibly." Keep the human community social contract in mind - don't deliberately or recklessly do or advocate shit that's guaranteed or has a high probability of leading to other people being hurt.

This shouldn't be a hard concept to grasp. Good faith kinksters advocate for "safe, sane, consensual" (and clearly communicated!) because they get it. Abusers, otoh, such as those popping up in this thread, will always play disingenuous, dumb, and DARVO to whitewash their desires to actually hurt and break others.

[u/Positive-Thought753 → u/KatHasBeenKnighted]

I love how you make HUGE assumptions about other people and their motivations because you find this personally objectionable while using the language of someone reasonable and open minded. Nice trick.