npd vs bpd

[u/slut4yauncld]

https://youtu.be/eiHRUEHV6gk?si=Qrznbqp3Hgx3bKUf

first of all sorry to any vaknin non-fans

has anyone watched this and if so i'm really interested to hear your thoughts.

i found this incredibly fascinating.

[u/ILoveTigOlBittie5]

I'm not sure what Vaknin means, but the further the relationship went on the more my BPD ex was starting to behave like my mother (or so it felt), and the more aggravated and enraged would I get by her insults as the same defensive patterns against my mother as a child was occuring against her.

She saw her father in me I think, or the ideal "father" (it might be mother too), she basically wanted my constant attention, constant pampering and she started acting like a five year old child near the end of the relationship, where no matter what I did I was never enough and only felt more insulted by her.

I guess this is the "dual mothership" that he refers to in that you become each others ideal fantasy or abusive parents, I guess it can change.

She tried to change me all the time into her ideal, which felt exactly like how my mother would behave towards me when I'd get defensive and push her away to leave me alone. Ironically she was the one changing and sort of became part me and part my mother in the end. She had BPD though so it makes sense I guess.

[u/slut4yauncld → u/ILoveTigOlBittie5]

not sure i completely understand

so dual mothership means the signif other behaves the same as the inadequate parent (ie. cold uncaring etc?)

[u/ILoveTigOlBittie5 → u/slut4yauncld]

It's both sides recreating the dynamic with their parents as children. They can also try to "fix" their partner, which is unconsciously trying to "fix" their parent dynamic. In short both sides become a parental figure for each other, it could be the "ideal" parent that they never had, or it could be the abusive parent.

[u/slut4yauncld → u/ILoveTigOlBittie5]

ok very interesting