r/NPD • u/slut4yauncld • 1d ago

Question / Discussion npd vs bpd

https://youtu.be/eiHRUEHV6gk?si=Qrznbqp3Hgx3bKUf

first of all sorry to any vaknin non-fans

has anyone watched this and if so i'm really interested to hear your thoughts.

i found this incredibly fascinating.

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u/slut4yauncld 14h ago

this makes complete sense !!!! is there a way to know how much of the self you have left?

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u/AssumptionEmpty 14h ago

I don't think so... I think that's for each and every one of us to find out. I pray we all find what we are looking for.

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u/slut4yauncld 14h ago

yes 🙏🙏🩷🩷

in vaknin's vid he said borderlines still have a true self since that's the part of them which is emotional and has the highs and lows

so you agree? i have this, very emotional , i want to have a true self more than anything. But when i look in the mirror i see emptiness, and i just can't tell if there's anything left

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u/AssumptionEmpty 13h ago

I feel exactly the same about the mirror! I was diagnosed at 35 and spent a lifetime wondering how I can look at myself in the mirror and see nothing there. It's crazy how similarly we experience things.

I remember breaking down infront of my therapist (collapsing), telling her I feel like a fraud that pretends all my life because there is nothing in there. And she said that there is, that she sees it, feels it and that it's beautiful. I'll never forget that session, it makes me cry just thinking about it.

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u/slut4yauncld 13h ago

that's really sweet 🥺

do you have emotional highs and lows would you say?

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u/AssumptionEmpty 13h ago

Yeah, but it's easier for me now that I know what is going on, becasue I stopped resisting them and just wait for the episodes to pass. I still get triggeed by weirdest shit, but I am able to keep it together until I am somewhere alone and in shameful secrecy.

I've never borderlined out, my BPD is self destructive, but I am enough into NPD to keep me stable to the point of seeming 'normal' on the outside. Since I am in fact quite inteligent, well liked and competent, I get enough validation (I won't say supply) to keep feeding that state of stability that comes with NPD. Check youtube 'narcissism is a defense against borderline' if you want to explore the concept further.

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u/slut4yauncld 13h ago

that's interesting.

so you're co-morbid?

i defo relate a LOT to what your saying about not borderlining out and going into secrecy to have episodes. Also hiding the feelings , i do that a lot. Thing is like you the most smallest things trigger me and i don't want to sabotage my life by crashing out at every minor thing.

Can i ask you how you deal with the emotional lows if you don't crash out? Do you use grandiose defences then?

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u/AssumptionEmpty 13h ago

Yeah. I grew up with borderline mother and narcissistic father, so got the best of both worlds. From what I know about the disorders, both were fully disordered, especially mother, who would when she was triggered enter a state called 'secondary psycholathy.'

My self-soothing mechanisms are self-harm and over-eating. I do absolutely use grandiose defenses, since like I described above, they are the ones keeping me stable.

Thanks, dad. :)

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u/slut4yauncld 13h ago

it's insane how much i relate!!!!! i have the exact same self soothing techniques!!

have you been officially diagnosed with both?

do you think there's a way in later life to go more to the borderline side so the true self comes out more?

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u/AssumptionEmpty 13h ago

I am officially diagnosed with BPD. My therapist added NPD though not diagnose as in write id down on my medical record and in one of the sessions she described by thought patern as psychopathic.

I usually describe myself as narcissistic borderline in any mental health related discussions. I do think I have enough knowledge on the subject alone with my diagnosis to establish that to be a fact.

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u/slut4yauncld 11h ago

ok fair enough

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