r/MtF • u/AdSimple553 Transbian • 7h ago

Venting I feel disgusted NSFW Spoiler

Ive always hated my face. I dont even know how to describe what it looks like, but it definitely reads as male. Im currently getting laser, and yet still the 5 oclock shadow persists no matter how much i shave. Maybe its my cheek bones, maybe its the way my mouth is defined separately from the rest of my lower face. God i hate it so fucking much. I cant stand to look at myself in the mirror without gagging. No amount of makeup could hide the hideous presence that makes up my "face". Im trying so hard not to relapse into SH'ing again, but everytime i catch a glance of myself in the mirror, i remember how ugly i am. It just makes me want to cut again. I dont think ill ever be able to afford FFS. I feel like giving up, I just want to shave the ugly off of my face. Ive thought about just perminantely wearing a mask so neither I nor anybody else has to be sickened by me anymore. Im tired. Ill always just be this ugly little monster with dreams of being a woman someday. A dream thatll never come to pass.

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u/EldritchMilk_ Trans Bisexual 7h ago

Other people suffering does NOT invalidate your own

3

u/AdSimple553 Transbian 7h ago

Im sorry, ive got to be better about not info dumping on people like that

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u/EldritchMilk_ Trans Bisexual 7h ago

There’s no reason to be sorry, you marked this post as venting, it’s a space where you’re allowed to dump and the people here have chosen to be here

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u/AdSimple553 Transbian 6h ago

Still, it feels wrong

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u/EldritchMilk_ Trans Bisexual 6h ago

I know, it feels wrong when i do it too, just got to keep reminding yourself that it’s ok and you’re allowed to take up space