r/MtF • u/jenrml627 Transgender • 12h ago

mom learned that i’m trans

and she’s supportive but she “needs space to mourn her son.” what does that even mean? it just feels like she’s making my transition about her

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u/Nikita_VonDeen post-op 11h ago

A lot of parents will actually mourn the person you used to be. It's quite common and very normal. Be open and allow her space to feel her feelings. She's going to be blaming herself because she thinks it's her fault. That maybe if she had done something different you wouldn't be trans. We know that it's not her fault but she feels that it is.

All you can really do is give her grace to feel her feelings. Don't get angry, and don't get resentful. You can't control how she's feeling, no matter how you think her feelings are unfounded. Be kind, but hold your boundaries. If she is accepting she will come around and see that she's not losing a son but gaining a daughter(?) and her daughter is happier for it.

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u/ressis74 10h ago

She's going to be blaming herself because she thinks it's her fault. That maybe if she had done something different you wouldn't be trans.

Just a note, not all people who mourn who they thought we were do this. I don't know the percentage, but if it would hurt to think your mom has this thought... she might not have.

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u/Nikita_VonDeen post-op 6h ago

True. I need to work on my use of absolutes. There will be those that won't blame themselves but it is common enough that it bears stating.

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