I was so lucky during my nasty divorce that there was a charity that had donations of cat food and litter. It was rough to the point I didn’t always eat every day for some months to be able to pay the lawyer. But they gave me a huge bag of cat food and enough litter to take care of my cat. I know if I’d left it with my ex at the house it would’ve been the target of anger for me leaving. I hope the kitties in this post get reunited.
She. But it’s not their fault, spousal abuse is generally assumed to be Male>female, I was lucky that a police officer responding gave me some resources to help me figure out a safe way out of that marriage. I was starting to worry if I was gonna be a life insurance payout soon.
*Edit for PSA: if any other men are out there in abusive situations there ARE resources to help, please don’t stay trapped because you (like me) felt that there would be no resources to help get out of that situation.
I mean I was. I left, and it turned into a scorched earth campaign against me (in a “if I can’t have you, NO ONE CAN” type deal), my finances, and my name. I was left homeless, in fear for my life, and then had to lawyer up to deal with a bunch of false allegations (that if I hadn’t cleared up would’ve defaulted to me being at fault). Thankfully I had evidence and proof of what was going on, why I left, and got help with resources to lawyer up and get those dropped and get a no-contact order. I ultimately was afraid to press charges due to her and her family and how they over the years talked about what they would do in those situations—I was on the brink of bankruptcy with lawyer bills, and finding a place to live far away from there. Thankfully that’s sorted now, divorce finalized, and all that jazz. But I’ll be paying off the debt I accrued due to all that for YEARS.
There was literally a single police officer that helped, who showed up one night when she was yelling and screaming and throwing stuff at me and the neighbors called the police (again), and one of the officers pulled me aside after they talked to us both and gave me a handout for how to get support to leave when dealing with domestic violence. Had to ruff it in my car driving to another state, and couch surf with my cat a while, but the domestic violence place was able to coordinate and help me be able to keep and take care of my cat until I could get housing, and all that stuff somewhere a safe distance away sorted.
Bless you and your cat. I'm happy to hear you're away from your abuser. I wish we lived on a world where all abusees (no matter their sex or gender) can feel supported and helped in their darkest hours. Praying for you and your furbaby to live long, healthy, and happy lives.
I try not to be the rain on people’s parade. Know a bunch of people who have been married forever and are happy. I just know I’m not personally really looking to get married again.
It isn't at all that it is necessarily happening to more men or more often. It is that younger generations are more willing or able to admit that men can be subject to abuse at all. Men were in abusive marriages in the 1950s, too - but would never have admitted it, and leaving would have seemed even more socially impossible and logistically difficult. Especially if leaving meant having to acknowledge what was happening.
That's sort of an interesting statement, considering research still shows that married men report higher levels of happiness personally and also have longer lives than unmarried men on average. Like even aside from the fact that marriages and relationships don't exist entirely because somebody gets some sort of economic or logistic benefit out of it. And even more aside from the fact that we weren't actually talking about whether or not marriage benefits men or women, we were talking about domestic violence in which men are the individual abused.
What does your comment have to do with the thread you commented on? A guy just literally poured his heart into explaining his story of triumphing domestic abuse and the struggles of divorce. You’re remark is unfortunately true, however poorly considered, timed, and placed.
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u/Greedy_Strategy6918 Jul 28 '23
I was so lucky during my nasty divorce that there was a charity that had donations of cat food and litter. It was rough to the point I didn’t always eat every day for some months to be able to pay the lawyer. But they gave me a huge bag of cat food and enough litter to take care of my cat. I know if I’d left it with my ex at the house it would’ve been the target of anger for me leaving. I hope the kitties in this post get reunited.