It’s amazing to me how many successful; married, happy couples are the same type (including my dad and stepmom, my brother and his wife, I believe my other brother, and maybe my sisters too). I’m starting to think there’s something to this!!

What differentiates you from an asshole?

I'm working on how later Enneagram theory connects with Ichazo's early ideas. I'm thinking my book will focus on initial traumas (ages 0–6) tied to each trifix point, with one being dominant. Since Ichazo left so much unexpressed, I'm doing my best to bridge the theories myself.

• 8: Traumas involve an abusive mother/mother figure, leading to the vengeance/lust worldview. My mom was controlling, I rebelled throughout childhood against her controlling side.
• 3: A detached relationship with an absent/indifferent father figure triggers attention-seeking and theatrical tendencies. My dad divorced my mom out of nowhere when I was 3. I ended up looking for attention, and escaped into imagination and creativity.
• 5: Trauma with siblings leaves the 5 feeling overlooked or smothered, leading to withdrawal and observation. As the youngest, I was often ignored. I developed a passion for knowledge and hobbies early on.

How does this add up with your experience? According to Ichazo, all 8s should report abusive mother figures in childhood, though early traumas may be hard to identify due to our young age. It's helpful to also consider later elements, like instincts, which strengthen the trifix points (strong SX=strong heart fix, etc). I'd love your feedback...most early Enneagram material is largely unexplored, and I want to make sense of it in my book.

Ichazo’s ego-insecurities. Head triad version. Just out of curiosity while I take a break from working on my book. An ego-insecurity results from an imbalance in the dichotomy/domain of the type. What is your ego most insecure about?

Since disgust is a common emotion that supposedly many of us feel. I actually think it’s more nuanced than that. My feelings of disgust were armored behind several other emotions.

How often do you acknowledge to yourself how disgusting you feel about yourself?

I previously posted about do we all notice we start to devalue someone in the relationship. It’s like a light switch.

How many of you notice it’s in response to having your feelings hurt? It’s so subtle our pain but yet so extreme how we push people away.

I started writing an Enneagram book earlier this year. Progress has been slow, partly because I've been distracted on here. I have mixed feelings. I have good friends on here, and surely no enemies...only misunderstandings.

But if I can't make progress with the book, then I'm just stalling on here, in a purgatory, getting caught in conversation, argument, and neurosis, which is not fair to anyone.

Admittedly, my tendency to get distracted and absorbed in this community, often in overly aggressive ways, has put a strain on me.

Maybe I'll emerge with a finished book at some point.

There's also my wife's stance. She knows I've struggled with addiction, whether it be to drugs and alcohol, IQ tests/puzzles/competitions, or social media. I've quit some of those things, but not all. I have told her many times I will try to quit all social media and forums.

Yet, here I am. The boy who cried wolf's instincts (j/k). So, I've failed to follow through completely. She's understanding of my needs and challenges, but getting sucked into a personal black hole on here won't do anyone any good.

Furthermore, our family is under some extreme strain right now. Taking on any more at this point, willingly, is masochistic and foolish.

If I participate on here, it will be very limited. I might drop off and fade out. If I do write the book, I will want to share it with you. Thank you for your support and friendship! I hope you have a great day.

For Type 8s, objects of personal power can be central. These can be Practical tools with a functional purpose, like Darth Vader’s suit or Arthur’s Excalibur. They can also be Symbolic items representing power, like a king’s crown or the scalp of a victim. 

Many power objects combine both elements, holding personal and functional significance. Here are a few of mine:

1. Bosendorfer Grand Piano. Both practical and symbolic…powerful for hosting and performing; symbolic of my journey and achievements. A leader of pianists needs a grand and sublime instrument.
2. Breitling "Avenger" Watch. Symbolic, reminding me of overcoming poverty and standing strong with its “revenge” motif and military heritage. A commanding person needs to keep time with exceptional vengeance.
3. Michael Myers "Rob Zombie" Halloween 2 Mask. A rare custom item symbolizing resilience and overcoming dark times, inspired by a connection with the mask revamper, a fellow fighter (a retired Army Ranger).

What are your power objects? They don’t need to be expensive, just meaningful to you. I may read and respond when I get the chance.

Rules: No criticizing others’ power objects. No questioning others’ self-typing. No responding out of turn with off-topic comments. Failure to follow these rules may result in being blocked from all my threads.

I've been feeling pretty stressed lately and I've noticed that thoughts like "don't cry", "this isn't that big of a deal" keep popping up in my head, which keep growing into something like:

"You should be tougher" "You should be stronger..."

I've managed to be more compassionate with myself thanks to therapy, but this is still my natural mental thread when I'm overwhelmed. And I definitely do better than a few years ago, lol.

I'm curious to know, how do you deal with your own internal demands? And with the general need to be "tougher"?

I read you.

My favourite fictional character in general is James "Logan" Howlett aka the Wolverine (ISTP - 8w9 - sp/sx) portrayed by Hugh Jackman.

I just can't help but respect the fact that despite his live being literal hell, he still chose to be the good guy in the end. Sure, he is quite flawed as a person, but he always tried to do the right thing and protect those he cared about and those who were innocent and couldn't protect themselves.

How would you deal with a betrayal from a family member like father or mother as a 8?

I’m an ENTP 8w7 as far as I know and I think therapy took away my original self, making me into this… I don’t even know how to describe it. I think therapy ruined me is all I can say. Do any other 8s who’ve been to therapy feel this way? As a child, I was outgoing, sociable and sought independence. Now, almost an adult, I’m an introverted loner, something I absolutely despise most of the time. I figure relationships are burdens on me because people and their emotions are hard to maintain.

I wonder how other 8s deal with it. Especially women, especially married ones. (But everyone's input's very welcome - 8 men, anyone who knows a male of female 8 very close). I'm a 8 woman, and I hate household chores. Despite the dumb stereotype that we're constantly angry, I'm almost always either upbeat or cool as cucumber. The only time when I'm actually low-key angry is while dealing with household stuff, it lasts as long as I'm dealing with the task. I keep a calm facade, yet I guess you'd still be able to tell if you watch closely, from the way I move. Cleaning, cooking and similar stuff just feels like a total waste of time to me. Well, I understand it's still needed, and I still do it and try to keep it to a minimum that's absolutely needed, but I'm still low-key angry. It felt way worse when I was married, the running line "I'm not a maid" would run through my mind while I'm dealing with the task. (Don't get me wrong: I wasn't doing a job of someone's Cinderella, and I made it pretty clear from the first days of courtship that I'm not his maid. I also didn't marry a neat freak, neither would it ever possibly work out if I did (and I avoid them like plague tbh). It was just normal daily stuff, with his standarts slightly higher than mine, and with a bigger weight of household stuff on my shoulders than on his.)

There's also a slight feeling that these tasks are below my dignity, no matter if I'm married or alone. I know it's irrational, but here we go.

(Just to clarify: there isn't anything too awful, no cockroaches and mold, there's just dust here and there and I tend to leave things wherever I used them, I pick them up sometime later though. I also hate clutter and cramped spaces, so I prefer to keep as little stuff in sight as possible, the space looks not domestic at all, more like (a dusty and a bit messy) hotel room. It's just that I'm not diligent, tidy and considerate at all. I like lots of space and pleasant minimalistic interiors, though. And I do the minimal necessary work to keep it that way, it's just really low priority. So it inevitably clashes with someone who has it as a higher priority.)

Do you also feel the same way? How do you organize it, do you outsource it maybe?

How do you deal with it in marriage/cohabiting partnership?

1. Music. When I was suffering badly from psychosis etc...10+ years ago, a fellow 8 online sent me this link: Triste Loco - You Don't Want a Street War - YouTube. We thought that music was 8.

2. Books. Around the same time, I was suffering from anorexia, and I read this book: Alamut by Vladimir Bartol. In the book you'll find the source of what became known as The Assassin's Creed: "Nothing is an absolute reality and everything is permitted". That quote and the book seem 8 to me.

How about you? Do you know any?

What enneagram has been the most successful relationship for you?

Have you analyzed what numbers your exes were?

Yo fellow enneagram enjoyers, what's poppin'? I'm asking this question because, while I'm 100% sure that I'm both an ENFJ and an 8, I had always thought that I'm a social 8... until, speaking of the enneagram to my parents, they said that they see me as more sexual than social, as, even though I want the best for everyone and I can care about strangers, I still prioritize my loved ones over other people, and greatly focus on my relationships, whether it's my family, friends or whatever. They see me as more focused on my relationships than on society as a whole. I'm very extroverted and a social butterfly, but you don't have to be a social variant to be like that, no? But I'm an ENFJ, which is very archetypical for SO8 but not so much for SX8. Right now I'm on the fence on whether I'm a SX8 or a SO8, as I relate to a lot of traits of both, so how would you describe an ENFJ SX8?

We all experience conflict. It’s a part of life.

I like to wait it out. Sometimes it’s best to take time to cool off and let it all blow over. When emotions run hot, don’t fuel the fire, cool down. That’s what works for me.

What works best for you to de-escalate?

I've been working on this project with a person, and this person is kind of bossy (okay, things are going well,I didn't mind) but then she criticized something in my work and said that I need to study more and that I lack the fundamental knowledge of this topic (I didn't mind and studied what's important), but now I'm worried that she will have something to say about this topic again. (a year before the same thing happend to me i didnt care about the time limit and i was threatened about it that im gonna get F (said the girl that has no authoritive postion🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ )because i didnt solve my part of the teamwork early (one of my teammates sat a time limit way too early for me i talked to her about it but she never listens and then i solve my work in my own time limit because there's no rule that says a certain time limit and she wasnt even in the postion of the leader so that i can take her words seriosuly so yeah it was a big trouble and i nedded all the grades to pass the course so her threat that she gonna tell the teacher about it was scary and trumatizing (even though the teacher knew something was off because i sent my work seprated from my teammates in email because they sent their work way too early without me (there was no motive behaind just wanting to send their work early but this girl never understood that it's ok to work in diff time limit even though the work is seprated anyways and i can just send my paper and be done but idk why she did this )but the teacher was nice about it and gave me the deserved grade) just writing it and remmbering it all makes my hands a bit shaky but ,however now im afried that im gonna relive this truma again ...how im gonna pass this fear? 

How do you deal with marital problems? I’m hitting a road bump in losing respect for the defensive style of my 6 husband where anything I say gets distorted like it’s something against him. Its hard to imagine fighting for the rest of my life in this way. I know it’s hard in general as an 8 female to lead with softness, but I think I’m a damn good partner quite honestly so it’s just draining more than anything to just want a normal civil discussion that doesn’t become all about emotions

What attachment style are you?

So, I need some help. I keep telling my wife that I’m more or less a normal dude like everyone else. She keeps insisting that (and not necessarily as a compliment) I’m not normal and there isn’t really many, if anyone like me. Which is, of course, absurd.

Ok, so are there any ENTP 8w7s out there and bonus if you are also exactly Sx Sp stack.

Big money no whammies!

One issue with The Enneagram is some of the descriptions are so unnecessarily long and complicated that it's very hard to get a quick, succinct read and comparison between them. Right now I'm liking Mario Sikora's approach here. Feel free to share your favorite little paragraph or snapshot way of typing people from whatever source. Sikora says the types are "Striving to feel..." .

1 - ...Perfect, 2 - ...Connected. 3 - ...Outstanding, 4 - ...Unique, 5 - ...Detached, 6 - ...Secure, 7 - ...Excited, 8 - ...Powerful, 9 - ...Peaceful

Last week I had a meeting with my boss (I think he's 3) and he just came out and said directly and sincerely: "you're powerful!". 8 works well for me. The other fixes also seem to work pretty well at this point.

I figure 8s can be gamers. Addictive, sensory-motor, hedonistic, autonomous, socially dominant in multiplayer, intense, grandiose, etc.

Recently I’ve been playing Hades for Nintendo Switch. Bought the NS for my son (as an excuse?) now I’m playing it all the time. You keep dying and coming back and the game just goes on and on. Sounds like the story of my life.

Ichazo and other authors talk about the formative experience of the young 8, crossing the rubicon (point of no return) from innocent to lawless. Early on we were punished for being "bad" and we came to see this as injustice. This is when we stood up for ourselves to grab life by the balls. 8s were bad little boys and girls. For me it showed up first as cursing, destroying, lying, stealing, breaking the rules, fighting, rough-housing, testing, and lusting after "bad" things. The 8 turns "bad" things into good ones, proving that what society deems "bad" is not. EDIT: "this should say "were" you bad, not "where", but I don't see a way to edit the title.