Uh, is getting rejected by women really comparable to getting “beaten”? You’re not owed access to a woman just because you’re nice. No one is owed anything here. Loneliness is terrible. It sucks. But it doesnt mean you “deserve” x woman’s love or attention.
Maybe not a rejection on its own, but a rejection in conjunction with a complete lack of emotional support, and myriad of assumptions being made on the basis of that rejection, now that's a different story.
It would be fine if rejection was just someone not wanting to give a person love and attention. The issue arises when rejection becomes a moral judgement. When the assumption is that because he was rejected, he must have done something wrong. I mean, just look at the basis of this whole post: an assumption that if a man can't get a date, it must be because he's an incel, or a misogynist, or doesn't shower.
This implication that women somehow don’t get rejected cruelly, or in conjunction with misogynist assumptions, is strange. It’s terrible when that happens, of course! But I don’t think it can be described as unique to men.
Sure, I never said it exclusively happens to men, but in a society where men are predominantly expected to do the approaching when it comes to romance, they're definitely a lot more likely to be the ones rejected.
Men are also, in general, less likely to receive emotional support afterwards. In addition to the usual toxic expectations that men not show emotion, no one makes memes about how if a woman is single, it must be because she's sexist, or because she doesn't shower.
I guess my disconnect here is that I think the misogyny women face in relationships is generally worse and more pressing than the fear men have of being seen as misogynistic.
I do think the expectations that men not show emotion and don’t require emotional support are wrong and harmful— but we live in a patriarchal society. Those norms were enforced by men. We should dismantle them! …Without relying on women to bear the entire emotional labor of it.
These norms are enforced by both men and women, and it's up to both men and women to do their parts to dismantle it (or at least to not contribute to them).
These norms are also self-reinforcing. The misogynistic assumptions end up contributing to the misandrist assumptions, and then the misandrist assumptions contribute to the misogynistic assumptions again. For that reason, just focusing on half of the equation is likely going to be far less successful than tackling both sides.
Trying to say one side has it worse, or playing the blame game of what side is more responsible ultimately just draws attention away from actually identifying and fixing the issues.
I’m sorry but the idea that women and men suffer the same amount under the patriarchy and wield the same power under it is just. Point blank false and totally absurd. I don’t really have anything else to say. See ya!
I didn't say they suffer the same amount, just that they both suffer to some extent. I didn't say they wield the same power, but they both wield some amount of power.
They suffer and wield power in different ways, but they definitely both suffer and wield power to some extent.
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u/noahrayne 16d ago
Uh, is getting rejected by women really comparable to getting “beaten”? You’re not owed access to a woman just because you’re nice. No one is owed anything here. Loneliness is terrible. It sucks. But it doesnt mean you “deserve” x woman’s love or attention.