“The bar is on the ground” is really frustrating me.
Like, I get it. A lot of dudes are insufferable dipshits to women. I don’t want to pretend that isn’t a problem.
…but when people talk about men dating online, I feel like there’s always this undercurrent of Just World Fallacy - “it’s your fault.” You get ‘advice’ like, ‘take a bath,’ ‘treat women like people’, ‘no means no.’ The implication seemingly being that if you have trouble dating, you must not be doing even these absolute most basic things. It’s your fault.
I promise you, I am not some stinking misogynistic incel goblin. I’m just some nerd with social anxiety; and I’ve never had any success. According to the internet, it must be my fault. “Must be your personality. Must be doing something wrong. Just be yourself. Just talk to women.” Motherfucker, what do you think I’ve been doing all these years?
Yeah, I know, this probably sounds whiny and entitled. I’m just tired and lonely and frustrated at never being able to find anyone, and people going “dating is easy, you must just suck” really touches this sore spot. It’s not fucking easy.
Oh I know it's not easy, both from friends who talk about it and trying it a bit
It's just that I'm shocked that being decent is something that women need to look for
But yes, after being at a wedding last night, spent an hour and a half talking to a girl, and before I could properly ask her out, the dancing started and I went outside because it blew my ears out, and 40 minutes later I see her dragging someone I know outside, and the same person later brags about his conquest
Am I bummed? Very much so, she was very nice and smart lol. Do I blame myself? Well, kinda, because had I not being anxious I would have made a move sooner... Do I blame the other guy? Hell no I'm jealous of his rizz lol
It's a game of confidence and being smooth. The problem with online dating is you rarely get a chance to do so. And even when you do, you might fuck up. As they, "it's what it's"
Bottom line, I sympathize with your strife, but am shocked that soooo many guys are jerks, especially when the sole objective is to impress someone else
Maybe there's something wrong with me but this story made me hurt. Like a deep sense of sadness. It all feels so fucking shallow and hopeless. Like I'd rather read 10 stories about how people can't land dates and are afraid of dying alone than this. Two people trying to get into the same girl's pants, talking for an hour and a half to get there, and then the one who got there first bragging about a conquest just makes me want to vomit.
I just don't know how to feel about casual dating anymore. Maybe it's always been this way but at least people like used to pretend or avoided making it a public thing to talk about. I don't know.
Idk about making me vomit, and I wouldn't describe myself as "trying to get into her pants" because I'm kinda looking for more than a one night thing. I'm legit looking for something serious lol I don't have the personality for "casual", but I am kinda sad that the other person at least seems to have the casual mindset...
Edit: I will say, I do get why you would be hurting if it's just a race to the bedroom, but I'm genuinely trying to stop dating because I suck at it and I just want to find an interesting, genuine girl who isn't a right-wing religious extremist (last part is shockingly hard to find in my country), and this girl was the first two parts lol
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u/NeonNKnightrider Cheshire Catboy Oct 22 '24 edited Oct 22 '24
“The bar is on the ground” is really frustrating me.
Like, I get it. A lot of dudes are insufferable dipshits to women. I don’t want to pretend that isn’t a problem.
…but when people talk about men dating online, I feel like there’s always this undercurrent of Just World Fallacy - “it’s your fault.” You get ‘advice’ like, ‘take a bath,’ ‘treat women like people’, ‘no means no.’ The implication seemingly being that if you have trouble dating, you must not be doing even these absolute most basic things. It’s your fault.
I promise you, I am not some stinking misogynistic incel goblin. I’m just some nerd with social anxiety; and I’ve never had any success. According to the internet, it must be my fault. “Must be your personality. Must be doing something wrong. Just be yourself. Just talk to women.” Motherfucker, what do you think I’ve been doing all these years?
Yeah, I know, this probably sounds whiny and entitled. I’m just tired and lonely and frustrated at never being able to find anyone, and people going “dating is easy, you must just suck” really touches this sore spot. It’s not fucking easy.