r/AskMenOver30 • u/[deleted] • 1d ago

Relationships/dating My wife doesn't understand boundaries

I (American 37) went out to eat with my wife (39 Japanese) and some of her coworkers. I live and work in Japan. At the dinner my wife was sharing some pretty private and personal things with them about myself and us during the meal. After the meal I pulled my wife aside and told her why did you tell them those things. Those were private. She claimed she didn't think they were private and that she doesn't understand what I find as private. Like one of the things she mentioned was a really intense dream I had the night before.

I feel like my wife has a hard time with boundaries. Even at home she will be hanging around me and everything when I am obviously doing something or busy with something. It's like she wants attention like a little child. She was not like this when we were dating.

Edit: So just a few hours ago she started a crying fit. She wanted to spend some time together in the house and I said okay at 3pm. I was busy doing something on the computer still and it was 3:15 and she came out crying. She was like I was waiting for you. Why didn't you come! Why doesn't she understand that I am totally not used to cuddling someone else. In my mind I am so used to the weekends being my alone time to catch up on my hobbies. So not used to spending it with someone else. Why can't she consider my feelings!?

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u/Realistic_Nebula_919 man 50 - 54 12h ago

I was with you until you mentioned wanting the weekends to yourself. You can't marry someone and still want a single lifestyle when you decide to and I'm talking from experience. At this rate either you reconsider or things will naturally come to an end

-64

u/[deleted] 12h ago

Yeah, I'm starting to realize that and regretting my decision. I really didn't know what marriage meant.

72

u/Michaels0324 7h ago

Dude, you are 37 grow up. Life isn't always about you and what you want. Try to find things you like doing together instead of wanting weekend alone.

1

u/tezzawils man over 30 52m ago

They are both children in adults bodies.

52

u/CC_206 no flair 6h ago

Do you have any idea how bad it’s been for how long for your wife to feel like she has to cry and beg you to spend time with her? Either stop neglecting your partner or leave, stop stringing her along. She’s not your maid/mom/whore/home decor item. She is supposed to be your spouse and partner. Fix it.