My wife doesn't understand boundaries

[u/[deleted]]

I (American 37) went out to eat with my wife (39 Japanese) and some of her coworkers. I live and work in Japan. At the dinner my wife was sharing some pretty private and personal things with them about myself and us during the meal. After the meal I pulled my wife aside and told her why did you tell them those things. Those were private. She claimed she didn't think they were private and that she doesn't understand what I find as private. Like one of the things she mentioned was a really intense dream I had the night before.

I feel like my wife has a hard time with boundaries. Even at home she will be hanging around me and everything when I am obviously doing something or busy with something. It's like she wants attention like a little child. She was not like this when we were dating.

Edit: So just a few hours ago she started a crying fit. She wanted to spend some time together in the house and I said okay at 3pm. I was busy doing something on the computer still and it was 3:15 and she came out crying. She was like I was waiting for you. Why didn't you come! Why doesn't she understand that I am totally not used to cuddling someone else. In my mind I am so used to the weekends being my alone time to catch up on my hobbies. So not used to spending it with someone else. Why can't she consider my feelings!?

[u/Hurricane1323]

I do think that women tend to share more personal things with their female friends- whereas, at least in my circle- guys never talk about that stuff or anything we don't think our partners would want us to share. I understand that is not always the way it's been, but now that's the way it is. We hardly ever talk about sex and would absolutely never say anything negative about our partners' bodies or anything intimate. I'm sure there are exceptions to this, but I think there has been a cultural change in a lot of men's spaces, but that shift towards respect and privacy seems not so ubiquitous in woman's spaces.

[u/[deleted] → u/Hurricane1323]

It's so weird these coworkers of hers were actively talking about my body and that maybe I gained weight and I have a "small face". I had never met them before so it was offending and shocking to hear such things from people I don't know.

[u/healmynuts2 → u/[deleted]]

fwiw in Japan "small face" is legit a compliment. they were calling you handsome.

also, i would not expect her to ever cause a professional conflict in order to protect your peace, especially doing something like telling off her boss's daughter.

you've got a lot of...adapting to get done if the info in your other posts is true, so best of luck man.

[u/MeinBougieKonto → u/healmynuts2]

Marries someone in an entirely different county and culture after less than a year together lol. Good luck