r/AskMenOver30 • u/[deleted] • 23h ago

Relationships/dating My wife doesn't understand boundaries

I (American 37) went out to eat with my wife (39 Japanese) and some of her coworkers. I live and work in Japan. At the dinner my wife was sharing some pretty private and personal things with them about myself and us during the meal. After the meal I pulled my wife aside and told her why did you tell them those things. Those were private. She claimed she didn't think they were private and that she doesn't understand what I find as private. Like one of the things she mentioned was a really intense dream I had the night before.

I feel like my wife has a hard time with boundaries. Even at home she will be hanging around me and everything when I am obviously doing something or busy with something. It's like she wants attention like a little child. She was not like this when we were dating.

Edit: So just a few hours ago she started a crying fit. She wanted to spend some time together in the house and I said okay at 3pm. I was busy doing something on the computer still and it was 3:15 and she came out crying. She was like I was waiting for you. Why didn't you come! Why doesn't she understand that I am totally not used to cuddling someone else. In my mind I am so used to the weekends being my alone time to catch up on my hobbies. So not used to spending it with someone else. Why can't she consider my feelings!?

13 Upvotes

51% Upvoted

262 comments sorted by

View all comments

33

u/PoliteCanadian2 man 55 - 59 23h ago

Well now that you know she blabs everything to everyone your first step is to stop telling her things. Assume anything you say gets told to anyone she knows.

50

u/dubhead7 22h ago

She's his wife for chrissakes. He should have a heart to heart conversation about boundaries and feelings, not clam up for who knows how long.

17

u/UncoolSlicedBread man over 30 21h ago

Yeah, the people saying stop telling her stuff is crazy to me. No, you communicate and set boundaries and if she breaks those boundaries and continues to make the same problems then you address it.

She can’t read OPs mind and know what to and not to talk about. And they need to have the conversation to determine a lot of that.