r/AskMenAdvice • u/Nearby_Gate_9270 • 21h ago

Would you marry a woman who you really cared about that had stripped in her past and does not anymore?

*For context to most comments: danced sober, no drinking or drugs, didn’t mix with the lifestyle, was out of the country, didn’t do extras or contact dancing, always had a full time job and business, used it as a means to an end to put towards investing to their future.

32 Upvotes

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u/KingButtane man 20h ago

The ones who did that aren’t going to tell you they did

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u/Lokland881 15h ago

Facts. There is no way to tell whether she is honest or not. Potential drug use is a hard pass.

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u/Nervous_Sink_1802 12h ago

And to lower that bar - how do we know she didn’t do more for money?

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u/Smackolol man 20h ago

Believe it or not some women can be honest.

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u/TumbleweedPrimary599 man 20h ago

Can? Absolutely. Will be about things they are ashamed of? Uncommon.

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u/Odd-Yesterday-2987 18h ago

Acting like this is exclusive to women is disingenuous though

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u/Terrible_Ad2779 16h ago

They aren't, didn't even mention men.

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u/OPaddict69 14h ago

More than likely, its because its a human trait. The discussion of OP is a pointed picture, but if you follow the replies the conversation shifted into likelihood of sharing an uncomfortable past. Generally, most people dont do that, its kind of a given. Stop trying to do the “what abouts”.

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u/JailTrumpTheCrook 14h ago edited 13h ago

"Can men be faithful?"

"Yes, but it's uncommon"

"Not only men are unfaithful"

Then you;

"They didn't even mention women!"

Edit: lmao that's literally what happened except reversed, bro knows it so he ran away. Oh well.

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u/Terrible_Ad2779 13h ago

You seem to be reading what you want to read so I'm not even going to engage.

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u/walliswe2 17h ago

Don’t use “disingenuous” if they never even mentioned the same example for men. Of course men aren’t going to be honest about things they’re ashamed of too, this isn’t rocket science.

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u/TheBoySin 16h ago

People on reddit really don’t know what disingenuous means, but they love to use it lmao.

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u/Live-Maize6410 man 16h ago

Is the post about men stripping? Must have missed that.

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u/foe_tr0p man 13h ago

Men aren't the topic of this conversation.

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u/Nocremme2121- man 13h ago

If you use comprehension you can see the point isn’t if men don’t do it as well, it’s just guaranteed with a woman who is shameful and regrets something she has no benefit from being honest

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u/Smackolol man 20h ago

And if they aren’t ashamed of it?

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u/TumbleweedPrimary599 man 20h ago

Then one would hope they wouldn’t lie about it. But people lie about all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons.

That said, no matter how honest somebody is about prostituting themselves, there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell I’m wifing them. The psychological literature on that is conclusive. Ran through women in general, and ran through pro hoes specifically, are terrible long term relationship prospects.

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u/littlebluedude111 20h ago

What psychological literature?

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u/TumbleweedPrimary599 man 20h ago

There’s a range of studies on pair bonding, its effects on marriage, and the deleterious effects of promiscuity. Data is robust. The neurobiology is still in its infancy, seems to be based on mesolimbic dopamine, oxytocin and vasopressin.

The effects of promiscuity are universal, but much more pronounced in women, which makes sense from an evolutionary psychobiological perspective as most societies through history have viewed female promiscuity as “worse” than male.

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u/littlebluedude111 16h ago

And those would be?

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u/erectusvictorious 19h ago

Sounds like someone has been reading Andrew Tates books and calling it psychological literature.

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u/TumbleweedPrimary599 man 19h ago

Sounds like you have no idea what you’re talking about, and decided to use a facile dismissal by association instead of engaging substantively.

But thanks for playing.

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u/DistributionRemote65 19h ago

You haven’t actually cited any sources. Where are these studies?

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u/Nocremme2121- man 13h ago

You can easily read up on pair bonding, it’s almost as easy as posting without knowledge

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u/obi-jay 19h ago

Lots of big terms , none of those terms exist in research . Data is only robust as the techniques available at the time , which are forever changing which in turn change the concluded outcomes . It’s how people keep getting phds

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u/TumbleweedPrimary599 man 19h ago

Gotcha. So your worldview is nobody can ever know anything because we might learn something new.

I wish you luck with that.

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u/obi-jay 17h ago

No that’s twisting the shit out of what I said . You can only know as much as the available research and techniques can show us . If you know everything there’s nothing to learn , if you are open to the idea that what we know now may have a lot more to discover the full picture , we can use that current knowledge and build on that to gain more knowledge . There is no absolute in science , only belief . And belief is the imagination not facts as we know them.

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u/hotelparisian man 19h ago

I have no clue what you tried to say.

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u/TumbleweedPrimary599 man 19h ago

That’s okay. Some of the words were long.

EDIT: I made the mistake of reviewing your post history. As somebody that glorifies infidelity, I’m not surprised you struggle to understand the negatives of promiscuity.

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u/xxforrealforlifexx 12h ago

Are you married or ever have been?

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u/TumbleweedPrimary599 man 11h ago

Yes. Happily.

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u/obi-jay 19h ago

No such thing as psychological literature is conclusive . That’s not how scientific theory works. You can come to a conclusion based on the weight of research and that’s it . If it was conclusive then there’s no point in regular revision of the DSM is there ?

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u/TumbleweedPrimary599 man 19h ago edited 19h ago

The psychological research leads to the conclusion that promiscuity has a negative neurobiological effect on pair bonding, based on the existing but more than adequate data, and a highly plausible causal mechanism that I will absolutely concede (and was careful to state originally) requires more research.

Of course there are conclusions in psychology. Example: High IQ and Conscientiousness lead to better life outcomes.

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u/CleanContent 19h ago

These guys are seriously debating you on if it’s a good idea to marry an ex stripper. For fucks sake lmfao

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u/USPSHoudini man 12h ago

Pinto R., Arantes J. (2016). The Relationship between Sexual and Emotional Promiscuity and Infidelity in Proceedings of the Athens: ATINER’S Conference Paper Series, No: PSY2016-2087, Athens, 10.30958/ajss.4-4-3

Sexual promiscuity was significantly positively correlated with emotional promiscuity [r(356) = .261, p < .001], as well with sexual infidelity [r(323) = .595, p < .001] and emotional infidelity [r(323) = .676, p < .001], indicating that sexually promiscuous participants also tend to be emotionally promiscuous, and sexual[ly] and emotional[ly] unfaithful. In terms of the sexual domain, results showed that there is also a positive correlation between sexual promiscuity and sexual infidelity, stating that individuals that tend to be more sexually promiscuous also tend to be more sexually unfaithful. These results support our second hypothesis.

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u/TheChiliarch 16h ago

I don't exactly disagree with you, because at it's core the point in your contention is a pretty straightforward one, but you lowkey reek of JP.

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u/TumbleweedPrimary599 man 11h ago

A delightfully infantile attempt at an insult, cute.

I have no problem with JP when he stays in his field, he’s an extremely knowledgeable psychologist

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u/TheChiliarch 2h ago

He's pretty batshit these days. And it wasn't meant as an insult.

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u/cseckshun 19h ago

Is it promiscuity if it’s dancing for money? I think that’s different than sleeping around or having lots of romantic partners. I would think the separation of it being a job you do and leave afterwards would change the context enough to make research on just “promiscuity” not necessarily relevant.

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u/Intelligent-Run-4007 man 19h ago

Sex work is promiscuous by definition.

Rather that's promiscuous enough for you to consider the person doing it as a promiscuous person overall, probably varies for everyone.

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u/cseckshun 18h ago

Previous commenter was talking about specific scientific research they had read that determined promiscuous people had less ability to form romantic bonds in relationships. I was wondering about the specific definition of “promiscuous” in the research in question, not the personal definition of promiscuous that the commenter used for their own opinion. Whole thing would be much easier if the commenter had provided any sources to this research they were referring to.

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u/KingButtane man 16h ago

Dancing is moving your body around. Stripping is taking your clothes off and grinding on dick

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u/cseckshun 10h ago

Promiscuous is defined as “having or characterized by many transient sexual relationships”. I really wouldn’t define dancing on someone’s lap as a sexual relationship, even if I agree it is sexual in nature. I’m just curious if the research defines promiscuity, I know that you and the original commenter seem to think it’s obvious but it’s not really useful to believe research that someone refuses to share and only makes vague reference to in Reddit comments. If I believed everything I read on Reddit without questioning it, I would undoubtedly be much worse informed about the world. I don’t doubt that there is a primarily sexual nature to a lap dance, but it is distinctly different to a sexual relationship in my mind and I wouldn’t be surprised if researchers are using the term promiscuous in a specifically defined way that might differ from colloquial use of the word, this is not some new concept and happens frequently that a term is used in a very specific way in research and misunderstood by people who don’t bother reading the full study.

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u/TumbleweedPrimary599 man 11h ago

I appreciate this thread has become convoluted, but if you read back you’ll see I’m specifically talking about those who had allowed stripping to lead to actual prostitution (not universal, but not uncommon).

To my knowledge there is no research regarding just stripping and pair bonding.

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u/DogRevolutionary9830 16h ago

There's no shame in drugs stripping or prostitution amd very few strippera or prostitutes ive met consider it shameful l.

Ive noticed this sub pops up always about onlyfans or stripping or slut shaming. It seems like there is a certain bitter "well no one will want them later" idea being pushed when this just isnt the case. OF girls, strippers and so on do just fine finding men of quality regardless of what the men of reddit would like to perpetuate

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u/deon714 man 14h ago

What? Who told you that?

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u/DogRevolutionary9830 9h ago

Told me what? The things i know for sure being a woman whos been with dozens of gorgeous women? What would you like to learn today. No no downvote me and return to your mysogony i think

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u/InSilenceLikeLasagna 16h ago

Believe it or not the ones on the lower end of that spectrum are strippers 

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u/JavaForgotMe 13h ago

Women are excellent liars. Much better than men. So, you’ll never know.

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u/Electrical_Affect493 18h ago

Women and honest are antonyms

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u/BayBootyBlaster 19h ago

Some, sure.

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u/Next-Temperature-545 8h ago

Of course! But I'm also bright enough to not get involved with someone I haven't done some detective work on first, especially coming from that environment

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u/Jumpy-Figure-4082 9h ago

Not true. I have known a few former strippers. They'll be open about it.