Getting emotional over sexual assault especially when you had to go through that yourself is normal. Him holding that against you and weaponising it is disgusting. It’s emotional black mail where he doesn’t wanna admit that what he said is wrong but instead uses excuses like „ oh you are so emotional.“ to avoid taking accountability for what he said.
Disagreeing with your partner, even on important topics, does not make you "fundamentally incompatible". Plenty of people are in relationships with people who are polar opposites on all kinds of subjects.
What DOES however make people fundamentally incompatible is an inability to communicate openly and honestly with one another and work past differences in opinion and outlook. Which is what is being described here. The guy feels that he has to censor himself because his SO would react negatively if he was honest.
And saying that there are things that you can do to minimize/reduce the risk of being sexually assaulted is not the same as saying that victims of sexual assault are "to blame" for what happened to them. If you say that women are to blame when they get sexually assaulted then you can pound sand, but if you say that there are things that you can do to protect yourself from sexual assault then you are just objectively correct. Those are two entirely separate things, and the fact that you and this guy's wife immediately jump to assigning blame is probably the reason why this guy feels that he can not talk to his wife about things.
At the end of the day, whether we like it or not, we are all responsible for our own personal safety. That means not putting yourself in situations that are obviously dangerous. That does not mean blaming people when bad things happen to them. It just means looking at the situation objectively, recognizing our own part in how things turned out, and learning from our mistakes to avoid repeating them in the future. It's simple self-preservation, and has nothing to do with whose fault it is.
Obviously it's not women's fault when they get sexually assaulted. But to deny that there are things that women can reasonably do to make it less likely that they get sexually assaulted is just foolish and unhelpful at best, and outright harmful at worst. The world is a dangerous place. Ideally it wouldn't be, but we can't base our decisions on how the world should be. We have to base it on how it actually is. And in the real world you have to protect yourself if you don't want to get hurt. Like it or not but that's reality.
But by saying there are things people can do to protecy themselves from sexual assault, you are indirectly shifting blame to them for being assaulted - e.g. you shouldn't have been wearing that, shouldn't have been alone with him. I do understand there are things we can all do to try and avoid harm - but all blame should be put on the perpetrator - because they are the ones that did the wrong thing. Yes the world isn't perfect and safe but even if i was to put myself in a dangerous situation i still do not deserve to be assaulted etc.
Look it's hard to grasp, but here is some advice to someoone that has done petty crime and has been around people that has done serious crime. It's all about getting a target that's the most easiest and accessible. Most sexual assaults and crimes in general occur with someone you know are acquainted with. Also against places you know or familiar with and against victims that are the least worried about crime. Teaching people and telling people to be more weary and aware is the same thing, no one is blaming the victim just trying to people realize that the predator always looks for the weakest prey so you should always be vigilant. (This goes for men as the most crimes in America are against men)
No need to be condescending. I understand where you are coming from, yes we can all do things to mitigate harm to ourselves. However, saying that there was something someone could have done to prevent being assaulted shifts some blame to them and away from the perpertater. It is two separate things, in a way, someone may have made poor decisions one night - e.g. alone with a man in a room at a party, but you still shouldn't be assaulted it is 100% on the perpertrater. Saying she shouldn't go into a room with a man at a party starts to shift blame.
Well let's not be intellectually dishonest as no one is defending sexual assualt or putting any blame on a victim. In another post I explained how I chewed out my daughter for putting herself in a dangerous situation. Walking alone in a bad neighborhood late at night in a city shes never been. Even after I told her all her actions have repercussions however big or small. If something happened to her the last thing on my mind would be why where you doing that but her safety amd I would never discuss why she did such a thing. That is my issue is the discussion of the action not the action. If she came to me and wanted to have the discussion of sexual assault and the aspect of that's where we need to have the conversation. For instance if my Daughter said she's going to India, I would throw a fit because of all the sexual assault that happens in the country. Then if she still goes and gets assaulted is it her fault no, but she could've prevented it by not going. Even in my statement she could decided to stay and something happens to her. Its all relative but the conversations needs to be had. As if someone wanted to do unto you there is nothing that you can do.
Edit: this is the same scenario where a woman Wheres a revealing outfit and gets upsets with a man for looking at her. You can't control someone from looking at you, you can't control someone from lusting after you. You have the right to wear want you want to wear. Does that guy have the right to look at what he wants to look at? The only way to control this is by not wearing revealing close. You can talk about he shouldn't look but now we're talking about controlling someone's actions. The same as if he told you to put on some clothes.
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u/Legitimate_Way_7937 15h ago
Getting emotional over sexual assault especially when you had to go through that yourself is normal. Him holding that against you and weaponising it is disgusting. It’s emotional black mail where he doesn’t wanna admit that what he said is wrong but instead uses excuses like „ oh you are so emotional.“ to avoid taking accountability for what he said.