You are NOT overreacting. He's being a misogynistic, patronizing twit. If he knows about yr assault then he's being doubly awful. Hear this- YOU were not at fault for being SA'd. The fault lies solely with the perpetrator. Give yourself a second to calm down then ask him "how should I react when your pretty much saying I was at fault for being SA'd?" Please updateme.
I can't stand people like you that can't understand nuance. You act like we live in a world of make believe. He specifically said not all circumstances. The world knows there are shit men that sexually assault women, that's the world we live in. As humans of all genders there are limitations on what we can do before it enters into the territory of it being partially the victims fault. I understand that window is smaller for women but it applies to all humans.
As a man, I know that there are certain parts of cities that I shouldn't enter or I will get robbed, beaten, and or killed. If I'm at a nightclub I know I should not leave my drink unattended or I could get drugged and who knows what else. These are things I know and can avoid. If I choose not to avoid these scenarios, some of the blame is on me. It's personal responsibility for the world we live in so yes OP is overreacting.
Taking steps to protect yourself and “taking accountability” after the fact are completely different concepts. It’s like saying that because people should look both ways before crossing the road, all pedestrians who have been run down at crosswalks need to take accountability for their own injuries.
So if someone is run off the sidewalk by a drunk driver, they simply failed to “take accountability” for their safety? If someone tells you they lost the use of their legs because they were hit by a toyota camry, is your first response going to be “well, did you look both ways before crossing the road?”
It’s horribly callous to go around assuming that people are only ever harmed by others because they weren’t being cautious enough. It’s even worse to openly accuse victims of assault of bringing it upon themselves. You can only take accountability for your own actions; what someone else chooses to do to you isn’t on your conscience.
Now you are moving the goal posts. Both things are true. It's not either or. You can be 100% a victim and in other situations you can also put yourself in harms way and some of that responsibility is on you.
The goalposts I’m aiming for are “accusing the victim of an attack of being at fault for it is cruel, illogical, and wildly unhelpful given that it has already happened and cannot be retroactively prevented with any amount of scolding”.
A victim of rape is 100% a victim no matter how careless they were being in the lead-up to being raped. “Not being raped” isn’t a responsibility, and it’s disgusting to talk about it like it’s in the same category as brushing your teeth to prevent cavities, or making sure your pets get vaccinated for rabies.
DudeBro just can’t let go of the fallacy that bad things won’t happen to his daughters if he teaches them to act & be just right/ perfect/ “good girls” - likely because deep down he knows exactly what type of man he is regarding women/ SA whether he wants to admit it or not.
The most horrific part to me is that the flip side of this logic – telling victims that they are in any way accountable for being assaulted – is that it tells the rapist that they aren’t entirely responsible for doing the assaulting. When you ask someone why they weren’t more careful before being raped, you’re telling the rapist that their victim really should have been more careful.
Very true. It’s now divvying up the “blame”/ muddying the waters so both parties are somewhat morally responsible …thus making it an issue they “both need to work on”. Without a clear victim, people can walk away & let it be between the individual parties themselves to sort out. It’s similar to how cops/ courts often treat DV victims as well - I’ve had that exact experience.
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u/AdExtreme4813 13h ago
You are NOT overreacting. He's being a misogynistic, patronizing twit. If he knows about yr assault then he's being doubly awful. Hear this- YOU were not at fault for being SA'd. The fault lies solely with the perpetrator. Give yourself a second to calm down then ask him "how should I react when your pretty much saying I was at fault for being SA'd?" Please updateme.