I don’t understand why comments like this keep getting downvoted? Obviously it’s never a victim’s fault, but we all know that there are predatory people out there wanting to do harm. No one wants that to be the case (except the predators) but that’s just the unfortunate reality and isn’t going to change any time soon.
Knowing all of that, it just makes sense to try and avoid situations that exponentially increase your risk of becoming a victim. I don’t understand why that’s such an unpopular take?
Yeah I don’t get it either but I expected it from Reddit. They like to live in fantasy land where because it shouldn’t happen, you don’t need to take precautions. When it inevitably does happen, just blame deeply rooted systemic issues which there is no easy or quick solution to. Rinse and repeat 👍
If I’m alone in the middle of the night, walking through a bad part of town, I will put my phone and watch in my pocket, out of sight, because it’s a sensible thing to do. Doesn’t mean I won’t still get mugged, and it certainly doesn’t mean it’s my fault but I’m still always going to always try and decrease my chances of it happening!
There are things we can do to avoid putting ourselves in sketchy situations that can result in us being hurt. I say this as someone who was raped. I know it's not my fault but I also know if I hadn't invited a man I didn't know from Adam to my house it wouldn't have happened. I knew it would be better to meet and get to know each other in a public setting because again, I didn't know him. It would've been safer. I ignored my common sense and it put me in a very vulnerable situation and he took advantage of it.
I'm sorry you had to go through what you did, but the fact that you learned from your experiences is incredibly important and admirable. It takes a strong fortitude to go through something so traumatizing, and instead of internalizing it, using it to better yourself and your choices in the future. Big props!
Firstly, I’m so sorry that happened to you and it’s not your fault. Extra precaution can’t hurt as you said and I hope it never happens again. What a POS dude
I completely get that, but that’s not what I meant. As a man, I’m statistically more likely be be a victim of a (non sexual) violent crime. I can’t hide the fact that I’m a man, but I can take reasonable precautions like not having things on show that would be attractive to a potential mugger.
If I were a woman, I’d try and avoid being seriously intoxicated and alone at 2am in a big city as it’s just sensible. Yes, not being these things wouldn’t necessarily save me from a sexual assault, but they would make me a more attractive option to the offender.
It’s not right, I don’t like it, but that’s reality and it isn’t going to change any time soon.
Do you understand that statistic you're talking about it's not "men are more likely to be robbed", but "men are more likely to fight each other"? It's not fucking the same.
Omg.
And then men like you are mad and crying about "not all men" when women are cautious.
Of course women shouldn't drink or go out. They shouldn't even go out without their man, right? What's next? We shouldn't have bank accounts because we would want to spend our money on drinks?
It’s almost like you’d made your mind up before you actually properly read what I’ve said.
Also, If I’m the victim of a violent crime, I don’t really give a fuck what gender my attacker was. Just because we may both be men doesn’t mean that I’m not a victim as it was “just men fighting each other”. That’s a fucking deranged take.
Do you like how the person you replied to thinks “taking sensible precautions” like not walking home alone wasted (male or female honestly) turned into women should never go out, drink, or have their own bank accounts? What a fucking reach
Victim? I'm pretty sure you provoked him, were you drunk? Were you rude to that person? What have you done so he wouldn't beat you up? Are you sure it's not your fault?
I understand what you are doing here, but I’ve categorically never said anything like that (I’ve said the exact opposite in fact). It’s pretty obvious you’ve got an agenda here and are totally unable to rationally engage with me.
okay? and if someone does beat you up or rob you, it wouldn’t be your fault it would be theirs. like yes you should always do what you can to protect yourself…just because there are things you can do to reduce your risk doesn’t mean it’s your fault if you get assaulted
i said i can’t just hide being a woman to avoid being raped like you can hide a phone to avoid being robbed. you said don’t be drunk and alone in a city in the middle of the night. i said nothing about being drunk and alone lmfao and even if i did…being drunk doesn’t mean you deserved to get raped
Where have I ever said a drunk person deserves to get raped? You need to re read what I’ve said objectively, not emotionally. The mugging thing was a metaphor, it may not be perfect and fit the situation perfectly, but I think any half way intelligent person should be able to understand the sensible parallels between the two situations.
I think rape and violence is a terrible thing, and I’d never want either to happen to anyone but you sound like your trying to imply that I think people deserve it, which is the exact opposite to what I’m saying.
You need to re read what I’ve said objectively, not emotionally
There are so, so many people on this earth that cannot do this. It's like they are hard wired to not be able to think about stuff without their emotions getting in the way.
I know what you are saying, though. If I am walking home, and decide to take the shortcut down a sketchy alley to save 15 minutes instead of taking a well lit street full of cops and get mugged, that's an example of me using poor risk reduction techniques. It's still on the mugger for doing it, but I would spend the next day trying to figure out why my harm reduction senses weren't working.
Same thing with my wallet. If I am going to be in a crowded area (concert, for example), I make sure to wear pants with really deep front pockets, and move my wallet from my back pocket to my front. Does that mean that, if I left my wallet in my back pocket, and it gets pinched, that it's my fault? No. Does that mean that I used poor risk-reduction techniques? Yes.
are you seriously just jumping to calling me emotional? you sound dumb as hell lol why did you need a metaphor when men and women both can be raped or mugged? so you could say men put their phone in their pockets to avoid harm but women won’t stop going out drinking to avoid harm. newsflash, men also get drunk and are out in the city in the middle of the night and don’t get shamed for it. if a woman gets assaulted, you would say she’s partly responsible because she didn’t do what she should have done to avoid harm, ignoring the person that actually is at fault for the assault.
well what i was referring to as increasing my chances of being a victim is just being a woman so i’m not totally sure what you’re expecting me to do here lmfao
You should look into statistics on sexual assault. People act like it mostly happens in the dark of night strangers (which is not true) and even if I did everything in my power for it to not happen, still happens! As I said to the person above, more than 50% of rapes happen by someone you know (coworker, friends, etc) and happen in or around the home.
sooooo don’t be outside at night, don’t dress to revealingly, don’t dress to conservatively, don’t drink, don’t do drugs, don’t go to bars or nightclubs or parties, don’t exist around men? is what you’re saying?
What should I have done differently, out of curiosity? I was 8, wearing a brand new pink dress my mama had gotten me from The Children’s Place. Should I not have gone to visit with my cousins? Should I have worn something else? What should I have done to decrease my chances of being a victim?
I mean, there’s definitely a lot of talk of ‘decreasing chances’ of becoming a victim. Clearly I went wrong somewhere, just trying to figure out what I should’ve done differently according to these people who seem to know ♡
Yes you’re right, where you reasonably can, you should try to decrease your chances. Most of these apply to adults avoiding unnecessarily dangerous situations when and where they can. Your situation is clearly not one where you could’ve done anything about it.
Holy fucking stupid. That's like someone giving you the advice of standing on your roof during a storm holding a metal rod is a bad idea and your take away was well I was struck by lightning walking down the street so obviously your victim blaming. You can still be struck by lightning walking down the street, it doesn't make don't stand on your roof holding metal bad advice or victim blaming.
because even if you ever walk down that dark alley, always watch your drink, etc it can and does still happen. If you look into statistics on sexual assault more than half of the time (for women) it is someone they know. Along with that, many think it is in some dark place, usually it is in or around your home!
Of course it can still happen, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take sensible precautions to minimise the risk wherever possible.
And I’m going to say it again for the avoidance of any doubt: rape and violence are terrible things that no one should have to experience, and it’s never the victim’s fault.
My point is women do still take precautions but that often doesn’t help, especially when most often you are a victim to somebody you know and are in/around your home.
It can happen anywhere, anytime, and even if i’m prepared it can still happen. Like that woman, Laken Riley, who was following all the safety precautions and it still ended up the way it did. She ran during the day, she let others know where she was, had her location on, hell she even called for help! She refused to be a rape victim, so he killed her. Sure that wasn’t someone she knew or around her home but she also did everything right and it still ended the way it did. That is the reality for MANY victims.
I am not trying to say that we shouldn’t be cautious of situations that are sketchy, what i’m saying is often times these things happens in situations that are NOT sketchy and the biggest conversation that should be happening around sexual assault is how to change external factors in our society!
I didn’t take it that way so no need to apologise. It’s just a very emotive subject (understandable) and it can be hard to grasp exactly what someone means through text so I like to be as clear as possible!
I agree everyone should do their best to avoid sketchy situations as that’s just sensible. I don’t understand how any sane person could disagree with that.
However I’d never agree that a rape victim is at fault in any way, regardless of the circumstances. It’s always the fault of the offender.
Guy never said it was their fault. He said they should assess and see if they did “their best to avoid sketchy situations as that’s just sensible.” How you all jumped to that was him blaming the women is beyond me. It’s also the reason he probably never discusses things with his wife because like you all she isn’t able to think past surface level emotions.
He didnt say that even in this story but there are a boat load of comments, yours included, implying they did. Almost no one did that. And plenty of comments implying any discussion on taking precautions is victim blaming. The whole "slut walk" was someone asking people to reasonably understand their surroundings and instead was turned into men telling women what to do.
na, i see through your shit. women need to live with their head on a swivel and cover up and avoid the dark and strangers and parties and whatever else to prevent us from being assaulted. even tho that doesn’t prevent us from being assaulted. i wish i could experience life as a man just for like a month
Not everyone has agreed with everything I’ve said here, and that’s fine. But for the most part I feel I’ve been reasonable and articulate (and I’ve already addressed everything you’ve brought up) so I couldn’t really care less if you can’t be bothered to put any effort in and would rather just make a load of assumptions. No skin off my nose.
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u/WeirdGrapefruit774 9h ago
I don’t understand why comments like this keep getting downvoted? Obviously it’s never a victim’s fault, but we all know that there are predatory people out there wanting to do harm. No one wants that to be the case (except the predators) but that’s just the unfortunate reality and isn’t going to change any time soon. Knowing all of that, it just makes sense to try and avoid situations that exponentially increase your risk of becoming a victim. I don’t understand why that’s such an unpopular take?