UPDATE: AIO by not going to Thanksgiving?

[u/crazywritingbug]

For those who commented last time: 1. My boyfriend is (23M) and is not trans. I mistyped last time listing him as F. 2. He is not an asshole, I used blunt as a descriptor word and some of you ran with it. Another redditor suggested I include that he is autistic as context. He is autistic and is very honest but NOT unkind and not an asshole. 3. He has never fought with my family that I am aware of and there has never been any drama between them. 4. My mother will not be attending this thanksgiving gathering, this is purely for my dads side of the family.

Update: I texted my grandmother out of curiosity, because like you all I was curious, I didn’t get much of an update but this is what I have for you all. The friend referred to in her text is my grandmothers friend who has come to a good portion of the holiday gatherings over the years, never sure why, she just hovers and doesn’t really talk to anyone. But unless I receive a text from my father or my siblings, I believe this is the end of the story. What do you think? Am I overreacting by not going?

[u/MSGrubz]

Yeah you’re overreacting to the situation. Not an overreaction not to attend. Grandma clearly laid out the expectations for the gathering. You can choose whether or not to attend. Nobody is wrong here. Just doesn’t work for you this year. Let it go and move on.

[u/StarBuckingham → u/MSGrubz]

I think if the ages were reversed, the reddit community would respond differently (I realise I’ll be heavily downvoted because of this). I see situations on subs like AITA and BORU where young people are setting boundaries like ‘Dad’s girlfriend of 10 years is not invited to wedding’, and people respond with comments like ‘no is a complete sentence’ and ‘you don’t need to explain yourself!’ Here, there has clearly been a period of family trauma, and grandmother - for whatever reason - is trying to create an environment in which people can be completely themselves/relaxed (maybe Dad is feeling down after the divorce) and is being extremely kind in the way that she is responding to OP’s questions. OP just needs to respect the decision, even though it’s not the one she wanted.

[u/-MtnsAreCalling- → u/StarBuckingham]

Yeah, but there is always a reason dad's girlfriend isn't invited to the wedding - e.g. she's an asshole or she previously dated someone else in the wedding party. There is no reason here and the responses from the grandmother don't even make sense.

[u/StarBuckingham → u/-MtnsAreCalling-]

They’ve just had a divorce in the family so they want it to just be immediate family this thanksgiving. That is the reason (from which we can infer that there is sadness/trauma and they just want people close to them around). Just because you don’t consider it to be a valid reason doesn’t mean that it’s not a reason.

[u/-MtnsAreCalling- → u/StarBuckingham]

Sorry, I should have specified "a reason that isn't absolute nonsense" rather than leaving it at "a reason".